Starting to question all the rules

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But I don’t see anything wrong with what you did, cj76, provided that there was a real risk to your wife’s life if she conceived.
Getting a vasectomy in order to prevent conception does violate moral law, according to Church teaching: “The regulation of births represents one of the aspects of responsible fatherhood and motherhood. Legitimate intentions on the part of the spouses do not justify recourse to morally unacceptable means (for example, direct sterilization or contraception).” (CCC: 2399)

There are situations in which it would be acceptable to undergo a procedure that would render one sterile as a secondary effect – for example, if a woman has her uterus removed to prevent a cancer from spreading. But obtaining the procedure to prevent the possibility of conception during intercourse is not morally acceptable.
 
Getting a vasectomy in order to prevent conception does violate moral law, according to Church teaching.
I didn’t disagree. Neither does the OP. I am simply expressing that I don’t understand the Church’s teaching on this matter.
 
I would like to again caution posters that we ought not tell the OP to go to confession unless he is truly sorry for his action. One cannot repent for something that one believes to have been the right thing to do.
 
Please help me with the feeling like I’m doomed anyway and might as well give up because according to Church law, I’ll be spending eternity in Hell.
The question is whether or not you are repentant and open to God’s mercy. It sounds like you may have difficulty seeing what you did as wrong, however – maybe you can talk with a priest or someone who knows the faith well to better understand what it is you are being called to repent of.
 
During the Texas hurricane (Harvey), Pope Francis called attention to national disasters going on around the world at the same time. I think it was in part his way of saying, “don’t just look at the problems going on around you at an arms reach.” I stopped reading the local newspaper where I used to live when I learned that it was run by a Corporate conglomerate (local newspaper bought out and the history went with the sale apparently). The news I was clearly getting was to satisfy their interests rather than mine. Before my divorce, that was something my ex-wife and I disagreed on. I cared about famines in Africa while she cared about the fire in the city next door. A while back I already learned why those fires happen. Cronyism in hiring firefighters, more cronyism on building code enforcement, and you get fires year-round. They ran an article to confirm my suspicion by putting a GPS tracker in the “highly decorated guy” who moved up to code enforcement and the results were like something you would see in Detroit. But, the problem persisted even if he finally got caught. In the military, preventative maintenance is a MUST and saves lives, those fires just mess with my head because I am tired of civilians in uniform ruining and even losing lives annually by not paying attention to “code.” Being a left-wing printing press, they were unlikely to put much more emphasis where it belonged (big government supporters).

The point is, there are people who evolve from local news and some who don’t. As a Catholic, we are called to understand Saints that come from far and wide. Why not meditate on the hot conditions the Desert fathers were living with in Egypt for an hour instead of pushing your mind into the extremities of a fire? Take a break my friend, the world is far more than what programming is in front of you and if you study “why” it is either A. Going to make you mad or B. Allow you to see new horizons. Life is much better when you can view the world and think about troubleshooting it. If you get to the point where your assessments are really solid and accurate, teach them and you will quickly notice who is like you, and not. Example? So many NGO’s for Africa and places where people can’t even drink water. For $50 in materials a desalianizer called the “Eliodomestico” can provide a gallon a day from the ocean. So I went from local fire public safety critic to NGO lack of water critic. Some people care, some don’t. But it’s helping me grow as a person and I can now read parts of the bible where someone thirsty was provided with a drink with almost absolute clarity. It’s virtually “monk vision” and spiritually, I’m evolving like crazy. So, if you want to change your horizons feel free to take my advice and set yourself free. Message me if you want to chat too and God bless.
 
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I would encourage you to go to Confession and speak with the priest about these things. We have all fallen short of the glory of God in the way we act, but forgiveness is always available.
 
If he is contrite enough about it to confess it, that is sufficient. We all have to start somewhere, and if he waits until he feels “truly sorry”, he may never go. How will he have the chance to understand why this hurts God if he doesn’t come to know God? How will he know when he is “truly” sorry?

This is why we have confession, for the muddled among us. I am not too sure why being aggravated with people would hurt God, but I accept it, confess it, and try to not do it any more. Then at some later date, it becomes clear to me.
 
CJ, it sounds like you want to get closer to Jesus, Who died on the Cross for you. You are drawn by that love!

In your shoes, I made an appointment to see a priest for a long confession. It was clear that I was kind of clueless, and he helped me out. Confess the vasectomy, confess receiving the Eucharist afterwards, and anything else you can think of.

Do not deliberately hold back any sins, and know that any sins which have slipped your mind will be forgiven.

You can mention them in later confessions like this: when you finish saying your sins, say, "“For these and all the sins of my past life, including (recently remembered sin), I am most heartily sorry.”

Almost any priest will be so happy you are doing this, if you ask a priest who is not happy, just remember that some priests have bad days like the rest of us. Keep persevering, and pray for your wife. Don’t push her, just pray for her.
 
Frequency of sex needs to be left up to the individual couple. Some people in a particular stage of their life or at a particular time in their life might be getting busy twice a day and some others who have health problems or other challenges might be having it twice a year. it’s their business what works for them and what they need, especially when a physical health issue is involved.
 
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To the OP: You need to discuss these issues with a priest. The advice or discussion you get on this forum is unlikely to be helpful, although it’s good that you cared enough about your moral state to start the thread.
 
If he is contrite enough about it to confess it, that is sufficient. We all have to start somewhere, and if he waits until he feels “truly sorry”, he may never go. How will he have the chance to understand why this hurts God if he doesn’t come to know God? How will he know when he is “truly” sorry?
I didn’t mean to make a point about being “truly sorry”, in some emotional way. What I meant was that the OP may – and I say, may – be disposed to have another vasectomy if he were back in the same situation. If he is so disposed, because he’s convinced that it was the right thing to do, then to seek forgiveness would be presumptuous. My point is about moral convictions. If his moral convictions are contrary to the Church’s teaching, then there are a few routes we could go: (1) that he could mysteriously gain merit for following his conscience, (2) that he could at least not be committing a mortal sin when he does something he does not believe to be wrong, or (3) that the Holy Spirit will fill him with genuine remorse and change his conscience, if he prays.

None of those three involve presumptuously asking for forgiveness for a sin that you do not believe is sinful, and that you would readily commit again.
 
FORGET YOUR opinion of yourself and TRY to learn GOD’s Will

I have never been able to find in HIS Bible where HE [GOD] ask for OUR opinion.

You would be wise to pray about that.

Hell and Heaven are real and we get to choose WHICH we will spend eternity in.

DID I miss you not going to Sacramental Confession?

May God guide your path
 
Just repent of your sins, and go to confession. God will forgive you if you come to Him with a contrite heart.
 
OK, I see that you are saying that he has to have a purpose of amendment, and that makes sense. I’m sorry I didn’t understand what you meant at first, and thanks for clarifying that people need to have that desire to change when in Confession!
 
We know it’s healthy because there is no better predictor of divorce than the quality of your sex life with your spouse.
People need to engage brain about why the divorce and infidelity rates are so high in western countries.
At first I thought you were being ironic, but I see that you are sticking to your story.

It may be true, what you say about the correlation between frequency of sex and stability of marriage, but if so, it seems a rather one-dimensional view of marriage, and it reflects poorly on current American culture.

I am reminded of an excerpt from a book by Pascal Bruckner, Perpetual Euphoria: On the Duty to Be Happy, a somewhat humorous critique of French society and culture which applies also quite well to the US:
Eros has the peculiarity of making love calculable and subjecting it to the power of mathematics; in the seclusion of the bedroom… lovers take the exam of happiness and ask themselves: Are we up to snuff? It is from their sexuality, that new oracle, that they are asking tangible proofs of their passion… Erotic pleasure… allows them to convert into memorable quantities the fleeting emotions passing through them. Thus they use the magic of numbers to evaluate the harmony of their relationships and check to be sure that the yield in pleasure is adequate.
I always thought the best predictor of a long and happy marriage was the frequency with which one says those three little words, just three little words that mean so much…

“You’re right, dear.”
 
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How would that be ironic - do you suppose happy couples rarely have sex?

it’s not ‘my story’, it’s a statistical fact that people with unhealthy attitudes towards the body find inconvenient.If you want the full explanation there’s actually a second variable and together they form a ratio. So take the average number of times the couple has sex per month and then the average number of times they argue and look at the ratio. If you are making love 5+ times more than you argue then there’s a very small chance you will break up even as far as 5 years into the future. If you have a negative ratio then…

Most things in life work like this, I can tell you the cost of an aeroplane (75% accurate) based on just 4 variables, pareto distribution basically.
 
You upgraded to a two-dimensional model, which I, as one familiar with numerical modeling and statistics, find more agreeable. I think my last comment touches on the added dimension.

Unhealthy attitudes to the body, yes, that is a problem. I think a couple with healthy attitudes doesn’t need a number as high as 3 times a week, and there is the matter of quality vs. quantity. I don’t dispute your statistics, provided that we interpret them statistically.
 
As i read your post, it seems that you prefer the norms and trends of society over and above the Commands of Jesus Christ - either directly or through His Church; of fitting into the culture and of fitting God into your schedule rahter than vice versa.

The “rules” are the fence around the sheepfold - not to keep you in, but to keep evil out.

I could easily be wrong, but I see love of self and secular life more than love of God.

To be Christian, we must deny ourselves, take up our crosses daily and only then, follow Christ. I am not seeing that in your post.

It is called a crisis of faith and something (or someone) is leading you, enticing you, away from Jesus Christ.
 
Well yes correlation isn’t causation. It doesn’t mean you can fix a marriage that’s on the rocks by holding your nose and going through the motions. But as the Church teaches, it is a bonding experience and if you aren’t doing it then you are potentially leaving the door open to problems depending on the individuals concerned.
 
As i read your post, it seems that you prefer the norms and trends of society over and above the Commands of Jesus Christ
Where did Jesus say “go have as many children as possible?”
 
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