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vluvski
Guest
I must ask, how do you hold a small child while playing violin???
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Michelle_in_KC
Guest
I’m glad! My husband does alot of it “all.” I haven’t done laundry in 4 years…it’s awesome! My husband also takes the girls on outings to the LIbrary, museums…he keeps track of what exhibits are going on in town to take them to.I ran into a “stay at home dad” in the grocery line last week, that was very refreshing, his wife is a doctor and he is a teacher, they have two little girls and both husband and wife wanted one of the parents to stay home with the children, it financially made more sense for dad to stay home right now, mom makes more and put in very long years to get to this point, she loves these kids just as much but she can provide much more for her family in the work place and this guy was great, just awesome, I have rarely run into a dad that stays home and he said, he does it all, housework, laundry, cooking, etc. and he takes the girls to the library and various other fun things and he LOVES it, his wife is happy because she knows that her kids are at home with a daddy that adores them and a husband who supports her too, I was just so wowed
Again, I agree it’s not the way for everyone. But, for those of us women fortunate enough to marry men with such nurturing personalities, it is wonderful.
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jman507
Guest
Why do you want to spend all your time on people who have no cares about being loyal to you above spending time with people who think the world of you? I say, man or woman, do what you have to do and get home. The children I’m sure would prefer your love to your money.
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captaincatholic
Guest
At the time, he was about 18 months, perhaps a shade younger. I sat him on my left hip and cradled him with my left arm as I somehow contorted myself so as to still be able to work with my left-hand fingers. After the first initial experiment, though, I switched sides, so that the baby was supported by my bow arm (my right arm) and he really enjoyed swinging back and forth as I would draw the bow across the strings.
Safety notice I practiced this sitting on the couch first, so that there was no chance of injury. Please do not try this at home with out adult supervision and parental consent!
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Michelle_in_KC
Guest
Amen!
I gave up working overtime 5 years ago when I realized that companies don’t really care how much you give…they will continue to take, take, take from the people who perform the most. When my 5 o’clock bell rings, I’m on the way home!
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Karin
Guest
Getting out work early or only working a 40 hour work week works in some jobs but not all…my husband is a Chef and a 40 hour work week is a joke…he would be out of a job if he said “I am only working 40 hours a week”
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lifeisbeautiful
Guest
Oh yum, does he ever bring food home with him from work?
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Karin
Guest
Not really…day old fish
really is not my thing (he works evenings so if he brought something home I would not get to it till the next day) but he does do all of our cooking here at home 
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lifeisbeautiful
Guest
Lol, well that is a bonus in his parenting, gourmet dishes at home!Not really…day old fish
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Karin
Guest
Oh yes…I have domesticated him very well
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Feanaro_s_Wife
Guest
~Jenn~:
My question to you… don’t you think he wishes it was you or dad kissing his boo-boos? Don’t you think he wishes it was you or dad watching when he was proud of doing something for the first time? Don’t you think he wishes it were you or dad who comforted him when he was upset?
I just don’t buy the whole “he thrives in that kind of social environment”. He can have plenty of social interaction with one of his parents. He does not need daycare to enjoy that type of interaction.
I have no doubt that you are a good mom. I have no doubt that your child is happy and well cared for. But I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to be the one with him during this time in his life…they are only young once. I worry that in 10 or 20 years this may be a decision that you regret.
If you found out tomorrow that you were going to die the next day, wouldn’t you want those 5 hours a day back with your son?
Malia
OK, so your child is only spending 5 hours per day in day care. Assuming that is 5 days/week, that is 20 hours away from his parents. Admittedly, that means he is with you more than he is in daycare.
My question to you… don’t you think he wishes it was you or dad kissing his boo-boos? Don’t you think he wishes it was you or dad watching when he was proud of doing something for the first time? Don’t you think he wishes it were you or dad who comforted him when he was upset?
I just don’t buy the whole “he thrives in that kind of social environment”. He can have plenty of social interaction with one of his parents. He does not need daycare to enjoy that type of interaction.
I have no doubt that you are a good mom. I have no doubt that your child is happy and well cared for. But I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to be the one with him during this time in his life…they are only young once. I worry that in 10 or 20 years this may be a decision that you regret.
If you found out tomorrow that you were going to die the next day, wouldn’t you want those 5 hours a day back with your son?
Malia
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mumto5
Guest
Feanaro's Wife:
I’ve also found the parents that laud the social environment of daycare tend to lack the will or initiative to make the effort themselves. Probabaly one reason Jenn finds it so easy to be at home - that’s all she has to do! There are so many other ways to ‘socialise’ a child. I remember when we got a Christmas card with a letter from someone we know saying how great daycare had been for their three year old we fell about laughing. Apparently, thanks to daycare, this child had learned to say thank you and please. Then again, we are talking about two people who can’t keep two children in one place in a store.
We also have Jenn’s opinion that being at home isn’t a job because it’s something to enjoy. OK, so why isn’t it possible to enjoy your chosen career? I could have been working at the university at this stage but there is no way I would have had five children and when I think of what I would have missed out on, no way.
At times it has crossed my mind that I have made a huge professional sacrifice to be home with my children but after I almost died having my last baby, I realised that if I died tomorrow I would have made the decisions that really mattered to me the right way.
I think it’s great that we have the choice and I do raise my daughters and sons to know that they have various choices from saying home with children to working part-time, to working full-time, working from home, whatever works for them. I’d hate them to feel that they had to go one way or other because of the decisions I’d made for myself. I just know in my case that even ten hours a week would impact on the opportunities I’ve been able to give to my children by being there. Even a good daycare is still a daycare and there is nothing a daycare can give my child that they can’t be given by me either at home or in the community.
I agree totally with you! I had my daughter down for the university creche when I was pregnant with her and when she was born, just couldn’t bear to leave her for any length of time.
I’ve also found the parents that laud the social environment of daycare tend to lack the will or initiative to make the effort themselves. Probabaly one reason Jenn finds it so easy to be at home - that’s all she has to do! There are so many other ways to ‘socialise’ a child. I remember when we got a Christmas card with a letter from someone we know saying how great daycare had been for their three year old we fell about laughing. Apparently, thanks to daycare, this child had learned to say thank you and please. Then again, we are talking about two people who can’t keep two children in one place in a store.
We also have Jenn’s opinion that being at home isn’t a job because it’s something to enjoy. OK, so why isn’t it possible to enjoy your chosen career? I could have been working at the university at this stage but there is no way I would have had five children and when I think of what I would have missed out on, no way.
At times it has crossed my mind that I have made a huge professional sacrifice to be home with my children but after I almost died having my last baby, I realised that if I died tomorrow I would have made the decisions that really mattered to me the right way.
I think it’s great that we have the choice and I do raise my daughters and sons to know that they have various choices from saying home with children to working part-time, to working full-time, working from home, whatever works for them. I’d hate them to feel that they had to go one way or other because of the decisions I’d made for myself. I just know in my case that even ten hours a week would impact on the opportunities I’ve been able to give to my children by being there. Even a good daycare is still a daycare and there is nothing a daycare can give my child that they can’t be given by me either at home or in the community.
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jman507
Guest
Thats why I say, do what you have to do. If you have to, you have to. If you don’t have to, then don’t. You know how many hours you NEED to work, I don’t. If you have to make a choice between unneeded hours at work and unneeded hours with the family, I’m sure the time would be much better spent with the family. I think the question comes down to are you working to work, or working to support your family?
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_Jenn
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Feanaro's Wife:
As for the social aspect, it’s something that is certainly an individual thing - our next child may not do as well in that sort of environment, who knows? But, this one does. And if he’s happy, we’re happy. He loves being around other children - always has - so for him, it’s great.
Do I want back those 5 hours I’m not with him? Yes and no. Same as how my dh feels about the 8 hours a day he’s not with him. We’d love to have him with us both 24/7, but we also know what is and isn’t realistic. We don’t dwell on the “what ifs”, or what has been “missed” in our house. We live for what is now, and what the future can hold.
We kiss plenty of boo boos, see so many firsts (not to mention, being a sah doesn’t guarantee seeing anything the first time they do it)…so no, I don’t feel upset about “missing” those things.
As for the social aspect, it’s something that is certainly an individual thing - our next child may not do as well in that sort of environment, who knows? But, this one does. And if he’s happy, we’re happy. He loves being around other children - always has - so for him, it’s great.
Do I want back those 5 hours I’m not with him? Yes and no. Same as how my dh feels about the 8 hours a day he’s not with him. We’d love to have him with us both 24/7, but we also know what is and isn’t realistic. We don’t dwell on the “what ifs”, or what has been “missed” in our house. We live for what is now, and what the future can hold.
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carol_marie
Guest
I too laugh when parents say that their child is oh so social at daycare. I worked in a very upscale daycare during college and I can tell you that the social interaction is mostly “I’m stealing this toy from you because I am bigger and if you don’t give it up… I’m going to knock you down.” How fun!
I also worked in my church’s nursery caring for 1 & 2 year olds while their parents were at Sunday school & church and the novelty of the cool toys wore off so quickly and they ALL wanted their Mommies. And this was only for 2 hours on a Sunday… I can’t imagine what it must be like for 20 plus hours a week. I can tell you… they might seem happy when you pick them up but that’s only because they KNOW they are going home! And don’t expect the daycare providers to tell you that little Johnny is sad all day… so long as he isn’t screaming & crying non-stop - they are happy to have your weekly tuition.
Now I’m not bagging on daycare providers. Many do it because they truly love children and they try their best. The the fact is… very young children and babies (and a 1 year old is still a baby) WANT to be with the two people they love more than anything… their PARENTS.
If you MUST work to help support your family I feel sorry for you. If you work because you WANT to… I feel sorry for your kids.
I also worked in my church’s nursery caring for 1 & 2 year olds while their parents were at Sunday school & church and the novelty of the cool toys wore off so quickly and they ALL wanted their Mommies. And this was only for 2 hours on a Sunday… I can’t imagine what it must be like for 20 plus hours a week. I can tell you… they might seem happy when you pick them up but that’s only because they KNOW they are going home! And don’t expect the daycare providers to tell you that little Johnny is sad all day… so long as he isn’t screaming & crying non-stop - they are happy to have your weekly tuition.
Now I’m not bagging on daycare providers. Many do it because they truly love children and they try their best. The the fact is… very young children and babies (and a 1 year old is still a baby) WANT to be with the two people they love more than anything… their PARENTS.
If you MUST work to help support your family I feel sorry for you. If you work because you WANT to… I feel sorry for your kids.
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Karin
Guest
It is not a question of have to or not have to…what it comes down to is that companies that pay a decent wage (one to live on and save for retirement) and provide benefits are not family friendly…well for that matter the food service industrey as a whole is not family friendly
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Anthony_s_Mom
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~Jenn~:
But so what. Of all the posts that I have just read, you have made me so angry that I’ve rewritten this sentence 6 times and still can’t express it. You have the same amount of parenting experience that I have and you have made similar choices that I have and yet I can’t believe that you would insult all of the devoted, sacrificial, and hard WORKING women out there who have dedicated their lives to raising their children and who have found it difficult to do by your assertion that it “isn’t the hardest job”. It’s not insulting to me because, unlike you, I recognize that I haven’t even begun to parent yet - this is the easy part, but I’ll tell you, my blood is boiling, absolutely boiling, to think that you would call into question the millions of women who find this hard to do.
So, it’s easy for you…whoopdeedoo! Were you that girl in school who went around saying that the test that half the class just failed was a piece of cake and you didn’t even study for it? Because that is what you sounded like in your last two posts on this thread. And this, coming from a women who has ONE toddler. How insulting.
Except that you are not home 100% of the time.
But so what. Of all the posts that I have just read, you have made me so angry that I’ve rewritten this sentence 6 times and still can’t express it. You have the same amount of parenting experience that I have and you have made similar choices that I have and yet I can’t believe that you would insult all of the devoted, sacrificial, and hard WORKING women out there who have dedicated their lives to raising their children and who have found it difficult to do by your assertion that it “isn’t the hardest job”. It’s not insulting to me because, unlike you, I recognize that I haven’t even begun to parent yet - this is the easy part, but I’ll tell you, my blood is boiling, absolutely boiling, to think that you would call into question the millions of women who find this hard to do.
So, it’s easy for you…whoopdeedoo! Were you that girl in school who went around saying that the test that half the class just failed was a piece of cake and you didn’t even study for it? Because that is what you sounded like in your last two posts on this thread. And this, coming from a women who has ONE toddler. How insulting.
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carol_marie
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Anthony's Mom:
Can I tell you how MUCH I love you!!!
:clapping:
Carol Marie ~
(SAHM of soon to be 5 for the past 14 years… and I am the first to admit, somedays it’s VERY VERY hard… but hey… that’s just wimpy old me!
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Anthony’s Mom,
Can I tell you how MUCH I love you!!!
:clapping:
Carol Marie ~
(SAHM of soon to be 5 for the past 14 years… and I am the first to admit, somedays it’s VERY VERY hard… but hey… that’s just wimpy old me!
)
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Shari
Guest
ok my turn to chime in here, I am a homeschooling mother of 5. Well only 2 are schooling, the rest are too young. I have never agreed with daycare for my family. We have friends who use a family daycare and both parents work full time, I sometimes do feel as though they put their jobs before their family and they are very much material having to do this or that to their house. I have 2 friends who run daycares and they are good at what they do. That being said I feel bad for the kids. My mom was single until I was 9 and so she had to work and she went to school to be a nurse too. When she had my sister she became a stay at home mom and things were much better. Mother and wife are your vocations if that is what God calls you to and gives you children then that is what your all should be put into. That being said, not everyone has that luxury of being able to stay home and for that they shouldn’t be faulted. I think if at all possible that one parent, preferrably the mother, should stay home with the kids. They are only in your home for a short time compared to all the time you will be able to have a career. We found that when we figured out what I spent in gas and food for work as well as clothing and then what daycare would cost, it didn’t pay for me to work anyway! And I have a degree. I have found it’s that way with a lot of families when they really sit down and look at it. I am fortunate to get paid for doing some work at home. If a second income is truly needed there are creative ways for the stay at home parent to find work at home without having to leave the kids. I am very strong supporter of the traditional family life and sometimes I long to be in the 40’s when life was like that. Anyway my childrens souls are too important to be tainted by my not being there. I am not knocking daycares because like I said I have friends who do that and it is their career and they do great work. We use a babysitter from time to time also just for a couple hours here and there. Well that is just my opinion.
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Feanaro_s_Wife
Guest
carol marie:
Can we make this into a bumper sticker? T-shirt? Billboard???
This sums up my entire feelings on the issue perfectly! Way to go Carol marie!
Malia
:clapping: :clapping: :clapping: Bravo!!!If you MUST work to help support your family I feel sorry for YOU.
If you work because you WANT to… I feel sorry for your KIDS.
Can we make this into a bumper sticker? T-shirt? Billboard???
This sums up my entire feelings on the issue perfectly! Way to go Carol marie!
Malia
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