Staying free from feminist lies

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unitive_mystic

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I was discussing whether someone should have kids or not with a friend of mine and she seems highly against having children. She says “I’m personally not gonna have any children i may or may not change my mind but it is a really big responsibility and most women get ptsd after having their babies their hair starts falling out and their health becomes less of a priority.”

The way she explains it seems like childbirth is something people should avoid. And I also don’t get, “most women get ptsd after having their babies” I met people from all over that have huge families and still continue to birth children without any fear and they are fine.
 
Did she mean PTSD or PPD (post-partum depression)? I did endure PPD, hair loss, and neglected personal health. It’s not an argument against having children; it was still very much worth it! But respectfully, it sounds like your friend is experiencing more a fear of childbirth and motherhood than “feminist lies.”
 
I say feminist lies because I heard feminist say the same type of stuff
 
Well, to be fair, these feminists are right. It can be very hard to have a baby.

Using factors like PPD to fear-monger women out of having children is wrong. But if they’re looking at these difficulties that women face and trying to come up with solutions, that’s great!

Many European countries send a midwife to the woman’s home to check on her after she has a baby. This can be life-saving especially for single mothers. Paid maternity leave is essential. And then there’s this beautiful article on what some cultures are doing right to prevent post-partum depression.

You might consider cutting your friend some slack and let her discuss her fears with you more in-depth.
 
During a pregnancy a woman doesn’t loose a lot of hair but after the baby is born she does. Her body goes “back to normal” after about a year when the child has stopped nursing and she has lost the weight gained during pregnancy. Hips will be wider as the pelvis has widened to be able to give birth to the child.

It is natural that a woman might be a lot more tired during a pregnancy and after giving birth. The child might have colic and screams through the night because of tummy pain or sleeps through the day and is wide awake during the night. Women sleep differently than men and wake up more easily from high pitch sounds like screaming. That is biology as caring for the infant and young children is programmed into a mother´s genes.

It sounds like this friend of yours is not ready to be a parent yet and also not ready to enter into a relationship.
 
The feminists don’t lie. What they do is exaggerate things and picture a very narcissistic type of woman as just normal. PPD is not necessarily going to happen but it happens. Gaining weight during pregnancy it also depends on the person.

What your friend is scared of is nothing new - having children is a sacrifice and a life struggle. But every woman I know who has them does not regret it. This is something some of feminists leave out (not all but many), the fact the unseen happiness of that sacrifice.
 
Perhaps she has seen someone close to her struggle after having a baby and doesn’t want that for herself.

It’s certainly not a lie to acknowledge that some women do suffer from post natal depression and post traumatic stress after giving birth. Just because you disagree with feminism doesn’t mean everything feminists say is automatically wrong.
 
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It’s quite normal for women to be scared of childbirth, after all it’s still an activity that can lead to death. It’s also quite painful, you lose control of your body as the baby grows, the list goes on.
Have some compassion for your friend.
 
I find it odd that sometimes on this forum people speak of "the feminists " like they are part of some unified organisation with a set doctrine.

There are many waves of feminism some much more conservative/liberal in their ideals than others. Most just want an equal society that allows for equal pay, voting rights, support with domestic violence etc. However it is the extreme and fundamental feminists that give the vast majority a bad name. Pretty similar for extreme viewed religious people.

Do some feminists lie? Sure.
Do some Catholics? Absolutely.

Let’s not make it a feminist thing.
 
ewohdrol said:
I find it odd that sometimes on this forum people speak of "the feminists " like they are part of some unified organisation with a set doctrine.

There are many waves of feminism some much more conservative/liberal in their ideals than others. Most just want an equal society that allows for equal pay, voting rights, support with domestic violence etc. However it is the extreme and fundamental feminists that give the vast majority a bad name. Pretty similar for extreme viewed religious people.

Do some feminists lie? Sure.
Do some Catholics? Absolutely.

Let’s not make it a feminist thing.
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Really. One woman says something odd, and suddenly it’s "feminist lies. ". :roll_eyes:j
 
This is true, but it’s also what it makes it hard to answer when people ask “are you a feminist?” because I don’t know what I’m agreeing to. Do I agree that women are of equal dignity and worth and shouldn’t be discriminated against because of their sex? Sure, absolutely. Do I believe women have the right to abort their children? Absolutely not.

I realize that’s a bit of a tangent, just thinking out loud.
 
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unitive_mystic said:
I was discussing whether someone should have kids or not with a friend of mine and she seems highly against having children. She says “I’m personally not gonna have any children i may or may not change my mind but it is a really big responsibility and most women get ptsd after having their babies their hair starts falling out and their health becomes less of a priority.”
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I don’t think that most women get PTSD (though it is possible if you’ve had a traumatic birth experience- I think your friend meant postpartum depression) but having kids is hard. It is true that your hair falls out and your body changes, and it is hard to make your own health a priority when you have kids to take care of. So this isn’t really wrong- a lot of people are scared of childbirth and being a mother, and not everyone is called to do it. But if you are, many of us do get over the bad stuff and want more. I had a bad labor and delivery with my son (it was not a c-section but went so badly that I needed surgery afterward), and he ended up having some developmental delays and sensory processing disorder. However, here I am pregnant with our second.

It’s not that people “continue to birth children without any fear and they are fine”; it’s still scary no matter how many times you do it and not everything is always fine. But that is true of a lot of things- the pain and fear and overall experience is worth it. I don’t know that your friend is spreading some kind of “feminist lie” rather than saying how she feels. I do think that some people these days (men and women) avoid children because they are used to focusing on themselves and don’t want to have to give that up or be uncomfortable in any way. I wouldn’t consider that “feminist” though- it’s just self centered.
 
I’m wondering if it’s fair to say that women opening up about their experiences and misgivings constitutes anything like feminist lies. My personal inclination is to think that people should be open about what they feel and discuss the things that are on their minds. Beyond the realm of childbirth, I also wonder if it’s fair to use a brand like feminism to characterize human beings who have struggled of late to receive equal pay, or to be counted as a full human being by the laws of their own land whereas not so long ago they couldn’t vote or serve on a Grand Jury or to be relegated to menial tasks in the workplace like getting coffee for men in the not so distant past. In addition to all of that, many have been raised in religious traditions that have treated them
as though they were nothing more than a reproductive organ. These things and many more are fresh in the memory of many women. And while it’s true that there are those who have been rather militant about the whole affair, I am left to wonder how far they would have gotten if they weren’t.

Just some observations.

All the best!
 
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blackforest said:
Paid maternity leave is essential.
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Yep. That would make having children much easier on so many people! In some places new mothers get paid leave for months to be with their new little ones and I think that is great. Many of the people who need this kind of protection are the least likely to have jobs that offer it.
 
Salmonslayer said:
Feminism has pushed for women to abhor having a family and to focus on themselves, be selfish, and be promiscuous. It’s part of the decline of the family. That’s why you see so many mid 20s women that are “dog moms” instead of married mothers. It’s a symptom of the decline of Christianity.
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You know, they aren’t being promiscuous all by themselves. They have willing male partners.
 
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