So many personal opinions on whether to expose the affair… as afa as children go let’s see what a relationship pro and researching professor at Brown says… very logical and provides many options.
psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-infidelity/201305/should-the-children-know-youve-had-affair
Here is a tease from the article for those who won’t take the time to read it before speaking up…
“It is true that children can be hurt by finding out this inconvenient truth about one of their parents. And, ideally, we ought to avoid unnecessarily hurting our children at all costs. But the unfaithful spouse is mistaken to believe the pain inflicted by the affair happens at the moment the child is told. No, the harm done to the child occurs at the moment that that partner elected to go outside the marriage for an emotional or physical relationship. When an affair happens, it cheats the spouse and the family of the love and commitment of a partner and parent. Telling the child may put an ugly name on why a parent has pulled away from the family, but it is, ultimately, naming a truth. And if there is one thing that affairs teach us, it is how devastating lies can be.”
Same issues that this article covers happen with friends and family. All but the most liberal marriage counselors say to disclose the affair… someone mentioned “the fog” popular term. When you look at it as the only person speaking is the person not having the affair it seems harsh. One can’t forget that the spouse having the affair is justifying it to herself and to friends by telling the very same people all the harm and emotional abuse the the other spouse is causing. Guilt is one hell of a motivator for self justification. If the affair is not disclosed then when the marriage ends and the spouse who has been silent, protecting the other’simage is the one who is "blamed. The one committing adultery can’t go back and restate the reasons about why they are on the couch. The cheating spouse has to explain it to the kids, parents, friends etc somehow.
One has said things about the posters responsibility, well, usually the marriage is not good and the adulterer sees themselves as justified in cheating.Great marriages do not produce affairs. Like Catholics who divorce because “God doesn’t want me to be in an unhappy marriage” the cheater is making their happiness more important than their vows or faith
(for those who deny divorce is a sin, grave matter? check canon law for how to separate and the acceptable reasons. Reconciling after any danger is removed is always expected. Before you comment about what God wants, check out Hosea and Gomer
usccb.org/bible/hosea/1/
God spoke to you, conflicting with what the Bible says, just for you. He wants you happy?? He wants you obedient and trusting. When you give up on marriage (not the abusive ones) you are telling God you don’t think He can fix your marriage. "CCC 1608 Nevertheless, the order of creation persists, though seriously disturbed. To heal the wounds of sin, man and woman need the help of the grace that God in his infinite mercy never refuses them.99 Without his help man and woman cannot achieve the union of their lives for which God created them “in the beginning.” 1609 In his mercy God has not forsaken sinful man. …After the fall, marriage helps to overcome self-absorption, egoism, pursuit of one’s own pleasure, and to open oneself to the other, to mutual aid and to self-giving. 1614 …The matrimonial union of man and woman is indissoluble: God himself has determined it "what therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder.“107”
Irreconcilable diff = selfish = divorce is a sin. 3 different Catholic Apologists, who have written many books on the subject confirmed this, before I spoke. Ask them if it is a sin to break a sacramental marriage for reasons not outlined in the CCC and CL and to ignore what the Church teaches about separation with the bonds remaining. Separating can be OK if approved by Clergy… marital relations ? Can. L 1135 Each spouse has an equal duty and right to those things which belong to the partnership of conjugal life. §2. In all cases, when the cause for the separation ceases, conjugal living must be restored unless ecclesiastical authority has established otherwise. .)
Oh, forgiveness, If happy about a divorce and refusing to reconcile? Consult the CCC concerning repentance… If your divorce was not in concert with Church Teaching and spouse wants to reconcile, you refuse, are you repenting? Keeping the good of the sin , staying single? Repentance involves restitution, as is seen in Zacchaeus (Lk. 19: 8-10). Money that is stolen will not be retained but returned, when repentance is present. The adulterer will return the wife of another man or will cease his adultery with a women to whom he has no scriptural right (Matt. 19: 9). There will be no “if I have sinned” or “I sinned but…,” when repentance is truly experienced. Repentance pervades every fiber of our being and soul and can truly transform us into a mindset that receives and loves the word of God and will obey it at all costs (I Jn. 5: 3, 2: 3 ff.).
