Stop being gay?

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Blessed_is_He

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I want to be closer to God. I am a lesbian who is in a committed relationship for 8 years now. We have a baby boy too. I don’t need the whole debate of is being gay a sin. I just need advice. Should I just stop being gay to get closer to Him? I mean I can properly stop the prshical side of it but the emotional aspect of not loving her as my spouse I don’t know. Then if we just stay friends how do I explain what type of relationship to our son? Should I just turn my back on the gay community? Than again what if God isn’t even asking me to sacrifice this and I am just causing myself anguish? Thanks
 
You don’t have to stop loving. Love is a blessing - in fact a fruit of the Spirit, why would you want to reject that gift? Realistically you can’t stop being gay. It’s a cross you have to carry, unfortunately. I can’t give you any advice because I’m also a lesbian and wishing I wasn’t, and also too young. Stop lust, but please don’t deny yourself or others love.
 
A loving relationship is the only thing you would need to tell your son. Make Jesus your “spouse”. Serve him, not Satan. Cloistered nuns live a very loving life. They, too, care deeply for each other.
 
If you’ve always been a lesbian than it’s very unlikely you can “stop being gay”. Heterosexual or homosexual people are known to gradually become somewhat bisexual over time, but I’ve never heard of them having a complete flip of preference and simply stopped being attracted to a certain gender.

You would need to either have a husband (if that is something you can even see yourself doing; I don’t know how strongly oriented your homosexual feelings are) or live a generous single life. This is something you’ll want to talk to the parish and/or Catholic counselor about, because if you already have a child involved that sounds like a very difficult situation.

I will pray for your discernment and that God give you strength.
 
Controversial, particularly in the context you’ve placed it.
This is one of those questions where, to my mind, Catholic doctrine can weed the goats from the sheep. I mean, Catholic doctrine teaches that the homosexual lifestyle is disordered. This seems fairly black and white.
Even to be gray (gray, not playing with words here) on the matter lumps you with the other side, the side of the goats, that is.
If you ask me, I’d say thrive, be yourself… which is also a growing self, take the challenge to raise your son well, but not because of the challenge, but because you want your son to be the best that he can be.
This is controversial, because I trust that you mean well, that you are God-fearing, and here you are asking for direction to live up to your Catholic faith. I don’t want to be the one to tell you that you should stop being gay.
Yes, I’m a gray kind of guy on this matter… likely joining the goats.
 
There are a few people on the forum who struggle with alot of the same issues and they are probably best suited to assist you, but I’m wondering why you are asking. I mean, are you concerned that your lifestyle is keeping your from having a relationship with God, or are you just asking hypothetically, if you wanted to change your life, how would you work out these specific issues?

As for one of your questions, you could explain your relationship in much the same manner alot of women explain their relationships with former boyfriends they’ve had children with. Something along the lines of, “We care about each other and we both love you very much, but we aren’t meant to be together.” Then, depending on how you aquired your son, you can explain in more detail when he gets older.

Eventually it is going to be obvious to him that he did not come to you by any natural means, so you are going to have to explain about his father or his adoption anyway. I don’t know how that conversation is going to be any more comfortable than explaining a choice to live a life according to God’s will.
 
Blessed One,

What does your gut tell you? You talk about whether God wants you to sacrifice this. God wants you to sacrifice anything that would keep you from running to his arms, because he loves you, and you were made for unity with him. Does your relationship cement your relationship with him, or keep you from him? Does being around your partner make you want to be a better woman, to strive more passionately for holiness?

In having a baby, you are playing with fire. I don’t have any real suggestions there, although I endorse what Allegra said, in that respect.

With regard to the gay community, do you feel like abandoning it is somehow wrong, or are you just afraid of the vitriol you might incur by leaving?

I agree with other posters that you should continue to love your partner, no matter what. What does that mean, in this case, though? I’m not entirely sure. At the very least, it means looking out for the good of your partner – helping her come as close to God as possible, in the long run. I had a deep, though dysfunctional, relationship in high school, and I found that – in the end – the most loving thing I could do for her was cut off ties entirely. I’m not saying your relationship is similar, but you certainly need to be willing to give up whatever it takes to show Christian love to yourself and your partner.

God loves you, and he’s not going to leave you alone. This is a good thing. 👍
 
Blessed_is_He said:
I want to be closer to God. I am a lesbian who is in a committed relationship for 8 years now. We have a baby boy too. I don’t need the whole debate of is being gay a sin. I just need advice. Should I just stop being gay to get closer to Him? I mean I can properly stop the prshical side of it but the emotional aspect of not loving her as my spouse I don’t know. Then if we just stay friends how do I explain what type of relationship to our son? Should I just turn my back on the gay community? Than again what if God isn’t even asking me to sacrifice this and I am just causing myself anguish? Thanks
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I applaud you for seeking God in this difficult situation. I believe God is prompting this and trying to work in you. Our Lord, Jesus, gave up many earthly pleasures/relationships to follow him. Many of the converts from Protestants on this forum can attest to family snd friends be left behind to follow Christ in the Catholic Faith.

I believe if you seek Christ, embrace a chaste life within the doctrines of the church, the details will work out in time. It does not all have to be figured out today but I think you know what God wants for your life.

Matthew 19:29

And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life.

God Bless
 
No, you do not have to stop being same-sex attracted (SSA). Yes, you should give up homosexual sex.

Whether or not you turn your back on the gay community is up to you. When I quit drinking, I had to give up two of my three closest friends, because they could not accept it. I had to give up some of the groups I hung with, because if I kept hanging out with them, the temptation to drink would always be there. But I made new friends among sober alcoholics. I expect becoming a chaste Lesbian would be similar…😉 And we have the Courage apostolate, which is a Catholic group for people with SSA who want to be chaste.

As far as your Significant Other goes, see above. 🙂 If she loves you enough to support you in this, then she is your best friend. If not, then you have some heartbreak ahead. 😦

Please PM me if you want a friendly shoulder to cry on, and for support.

Praying for you, and her, and your child,
 
The simple answer is you need to live a chaste life.

You can be attracted to members of the same-sex.

You can be in love with members of the same-sex.

You simply need (as everyone else does) to live a chaste life by The Church’s definition of chastity.
 
Its just that the Catholic church makes me feel guilty. Me and my partner were fine about joining to Mass down the street until last Sunday when one of the prayer intentions was “for the sanctify of traditional marriage.” Right there I felt unwelcome. It hurts gay people when such things are said from the pulpit. Like we don’t feel.I feel perfectly happy until I am reminded in the churches eyes that I can not be in communion with God because of how He made me. Next Sunday we will try joining to the American Catholic church were we will feel welcomed.
 
Why not start by living a celebate life. Nurture your child with hugs and kisses. Start with meditational prayer and ask God to enlighten you. Remember, God whispers. Don’t let the shouts of the flesh get in the way.

blessings,
 
Blessed_is_He said:
Its just that the Catholic church makes me feel guilty. Me and my partner were fine about joining to Mass down the street until last Sunday when one of the prayer intentions was “for the sanctify of traditional marriage.” Right there I felt unwelcome. It hurts gay people when such things are said from the pulpit. Like we don’t feel.I feel perfectly happy until I am reminded in the churches eyes that I can not be in communion with God because of how He made me. Next Sunday we will try joining to the American Catholic church were we will feel welcomed.
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It is hard being a Christian. We are called to sacrifice and to put God first. It hurts me a lot when I hear my sins called upon. But we are not to leave the Truth because it is uncomfortable and hard - we are called to change in order to be what God wants us. This so called American ‘Catholic’ church is not the real deal. I hope you realise that at one point.
 
Blessed_is_He said:
Its just that the Catholic church makes me feel guilty.
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When we acknowledge the truth, living with the status quo becomes much harder.
Blessed_is_He said:
Me and my partner were fine about joining to Mass down the street until last Sunday when one of the prayer intentions was “for the sanctify of traditional marriage.” Right there I felt unwelcome.
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You shouldn’t feel that way, those words that Christ uttered “come to me” are directed to ALL souls without exception.

For love of souls, Jesus Christ remains a prisoner in the Holy Eucharist, so that in our sorrow and grief we are being consoled by the most tender of Hearts, by the best of
Fathers, by the most loyal friend.

But that Love, which is consumed for the good of mankind, is not going to be returned. Jesus lives amongst us sinners to be our salvation and our life, our doctor and medicine; yet we, in return, in spite of our sick nature, distance ourselves from him.

Do not distance yourself from Jesus Christ. He waits for you night and day at the Tabernacle.

He will not reproach you for your crimes; he will not throw your sins in your face. What he will do is to wash you with the Blood of his wounds. Do not be afraid; go to Christ. You do not know how much he loves you.
Blessed_is_He said:
It hurts gay people when such things are said from the pulpit. Like we don’t feel. I feel perfectly happy until I am reminded in the churches eyes that I can not be in communion with God because of how He made me.
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He doesn’t make us give into temptation. In fact, it’s the contrary, he helps us fight against our temptations. We are all tempted, some more so than others in all different area’s, we all have our crosses to bear.
Blessed_is_He said:
Next Sunday we will try joining to the American Catholic church were we will feel welcomed.
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I would recommend sitting in front of the tabernacle in humility and just letting Christ console you.

All you need to do is humbly submit to Christ and say “your will be done.”

“I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year, ‘Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.’ And he replied, 'Go into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way!”

Submitted to Christ’s will, step by step the rest will work itself out.

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh
 
Jon_S said:
I applaud you for seeking God in this difficult situation. I believe God is prompting this and trying to work in you. Our Lord, Jesus, gave up many earthly pleasures/relationships to follow him. Many of the converts from Protestants on this forum can attest to family snd friends be left behind to follow Christ in the Catholic Faith.

I believe if you seek Christ, embrace a chaste life within the doctrines of the church, the details will work out in time. It does not all have to be figured out today but I think you know what God wants for your life.

Matthew 19:29

And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life.

God Bless
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Blessed_is_He said:
Its just that the Catholic church makes me feel guilty. Me and my partner were fine about joining to Mass down the street until last Sunday when one of the prayer intentions was “for the sanctify of traditional marriage.” Right there I felt unwelcome. It hurts gay people when such things are said from the pulpit. Like we don’t feel.I feel perfectly happy until I am reminded in the churches eyes that I can not be in communion with God because of how He made me. Next Sunday we will try joining to the American Catholic church were we will feel welcomed.
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The one thing I am not going to say is “I know how you feel.” I am not “gay,” but like everybody else who has walked the Earth, I am a sinner. I am a sinner who has experienced God’s grace in my life. When that happens, we also experience the Holy Spirit’s conviction of our sinfulness.
Homosexual attraction itself is not a sin. Only the act is.The Church teaches that we are to treat persons with SSA with respect, compassion, and sensitivity (CCC 2358). Hopefully this thread will continue as it has begun. Scripture calls sins against the flesh sins against the self. It does not matter if they are homosexual acts or if they are heterosexual acts between unmarried persons and adulterous acts.
The traditional monogamous marriage is the only one that gives equal dignity to both man and woman. Remember Matrimony is one of the seven Sacraments of the Catholic Church. With Matrimony, the priest bears witness to the union of man and woman; and only the conjugal act between man and woman brings forth children.
Through chastity as single persons, we develop mastery of our bodies. In this mastery, there is an inner freedom (CCC 2359). There is a peace that nobody can take from us.
As others have stated, continue to seek the Lord in prayer. Ask Him to come more fully into your life and to lead you where He would have you go.

So yes, you can be in communion with the Church. We all face temptation. We need not act on those temptations. Jesus said, “I am the vine, you are the branches. Apart from me you can do nothing. With God, nothing is impossible.” It is through God’s grace and power that we overcome sin in our lives.
 
First, Blessed, I want to commend you for not getting sidetracked into talking about politics, or getting defensive. That would be totally understandable, in your situation. So 👍.
Blessed_is_He said:
Its just that the Catholic church makes me feel guilty.
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Me too. A bit about myself: ever since I was 11 or so, I knew I was attracted to men. I felt horribly guilty for it, and terribly ashamed of myself. Since that time, there are a bunch of things I have done, pursuing that attraction, that the Catholic church forbids. Not only does the Church forbid these things, but I also feel that they’re wrong – although I see the good in them. Whenever we pursue sin, we are pursuing something that seems good to us, but we are pursuing it in the wrong way.

So yeah, I feel really ashamed. And exposing myself and my sin to the light of the Church makes me feel worse. But I’ve realized something over time, which I’d like to share with you.

There’s nothing shameful about your desire for women. Insofar as it is sexual, it is a temptation to sin. But that’s not shameful! Everyone has temptations. The actual sin is shameful, but Christ has taken the shame upon himself. When you turn away from that sin, you don’t need to be ashamed anymore – never. If anyone in the Church ever makes you feel ashamed, after you have repented, you should rebuke them, not return to feeling guilty.

Right now is the time for repentance. I think you need someone to help you on this process, so I’d HIGHLY encourage you to seek such a person. If you seek someplace like the American Catholic Church, you’ll find that these people don’t believe that there is any shame, even in sin. That is a lie. The shame is carried away by Jesus, but it is real until He takes it. That’s why you’re feeling guilty: because you’re carrying a burden that belongs to Jesus.
I feel perfectly happy until I am reminded in the churches eyes that I can not be in communion with God because of how He made me.
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The Church can be in communion with ALL kinds of sinners. The Church is in communion with ordinary sinners like liars and gossips and fornicators, and also in communion with extreme sinners like thieves and murderers and rapists. But they are not in communion unless they repent, and recognize that the temptation to do these things – even if it is not shameful – should not be indulged in.

God allowed you to be subject to certain temptations. Trust me, God does not condemn you for them!

But he wants you to choose him instead of giving into temptation.
 
Prodigal_Son said:
First, Blessed, I want to commend you for not getting sidetracked into talking about politics, or getting defensive. That would be totally understandable, in your situation. So 👍.
…
The Church can be in communion with ALL kinds of sinners. The Church is in communion with ordinary sinners like liars and gossips and fornicators, and also in communion with extreme sinners like thieves and murderers and rapists. But they are not in communion unless they repent, and recognize that the temptation to do these things – even if it is not shameful – should not be indulged in.

God allowed you to be subject to certain temptations. Trust me, God does not condemn you for them!

But he wants you to choose him instead of giving into temptation.
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The entire quote is well phrased. We are all called to repentance. If we were capable of our own salvation, then the crucifixion of Jesus Christ would not have been necessary.
But Christ came into the world for sinners like you and me. He came to transform us into the people He would have us be. For that purpose He has given us the Sacraments.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines repentance as (CCC 1431)
a radical reorientation of our whole life, a return, a conversion to God with all our heart, an end to sin, a turning away from evil, with repugnance toward the evil actions we have committed. At the same time it entails the desire and resolution to change one’s life, with hope in God’s mercy and trust in the help of his grace. This conversion of heart is accompanied by a salutary pain and sadness which the Fathers called animi cruciatus (affliction of spirit) and compunctio cordis (repentance of heart).

As we walk with Christ, we do need to make difficult decisions. That is part of the conversion process. And it is a lifelong process. In the process, we also experience God’s love and peace. It is a peace that the world cannot take away.
 
So if I am chaste I would still be gay and those words would still hurt. I am suppose to be like well that’s not me anymore. The act of sex is to have children so is that WHY homosexuality is impossibly wrong? What if the woman can’t bear children then that couple should abstain? The only reason that the American Catholic church exists is for the ones that are turned away by Rome. We would love to be Roman Catholic. But how can I explain when my son asks why do we goto a church that doesn’t want US ? Sorry , auto correct. I am just trying to find out where I fit in…liberal I feel I am too conservative for and traditional I am too liberal for. The church says basics we are not allowed to have families, dating, sex. What so we just as well crawl under a rock and die.
 
Actually I do not see the problem with gays and the church.

Sex between man and man, woman and woman. Is not accepted.

But for heterosexuals sex before mariage is not accepted.

So how is sex between man and man or woman and woman worst? Then a heterosexual man and woman doing it before mariage?

My answer or conclusion that both is a sin and thus bad but that there is not one that is worst. I just think many catholics are butthurt about it. My pastor says to accept gays.
 
Exactly.I compare our relationship to straight. I waited to know that she was the one…she is the only sexual partner ever. We had a ceremony and are 100% faithful and we do not believe in divorce. So the act between me and my partner is a sin cuz we can’t naturally have children. That’s all it is.So what you are a reformed gay? Reading these posts I have been through many emotions and my conclusion is as people who feel ashamed of being gay…it’s who you are. As long as you lead a good life who cares. I am done!
 
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