I only quoted a part of what Barres says and there’s more to his story than a simple dislike of the trappings expected of women. No need to trivialize the issue.
I also notice that you tend to contrast a person’s outwardly visible anatomy which you describe as concrete and physical and real with what is in their head which is a “fantasy” or something psychological which has to do with their “feelings” and is false. But what is in a person’s head, their brain, is just as physical, concrete and real as the rest of their body. You haven’t really addressed the possibility that a person’s concrete, physical brain might have concrete, physical characteristics in the way that it’s wired that make it identify as one gender whereas the rest of their body has concrete, physical characteristics associated with the other sex.
Strongly identifying with a group of people does not make you a part of that group. It just doesn’t, and no, it doesn’t matter how strongly you feel that it does.
Someone who has brain wiring that makes them really feel like they’re not the sex that they are have a real problem. They may even have an organic problem or a problem with how the structure of their brain has reacted to the social cues they’re expected to accept.
Feeling that you are some thing does not make you that thing. The feeling is real. We can exert some influence over our inner life, but we cannot manufacture feelings at will and sometimes we have feeligs that we can’t change.
The power of our emotions and perceptions do not make objective reality irrelevant. It doesn’t make putting on a pretense that fits the feeling into an act of acting out the truth. We are complex, we humans are, but no: physical reality is not irrelevant compared to our perceptions, even our perceptions about ourselves.
One area where this profoundly impacts other people is in the area of sports. Feeling like you are a female does not make you a female. You can’t compete fairly against women who didn’t go through adolescence as a male just because you imagine that you can. It may make you feel good, but it isn’t fair and defeats the entire purpose of allowing women to compete with other women instead of requiring them to compete against men as well.
It isn’t bigoted for women to know that plastic surgery doesn’t make a man who wants to be a woman into one of them.
It is the truth. It is the person who puts on a persona and takes hormones and has plastic surgery in order to “pass” who is defying reality, not women who don’t believe that a physician can make a man into a woman. It is understandable that someone might desperately want to do that, it is understandable that it could pain someone that he can’t do that,
but it cannot be done. It does not work.