Strength for going back to work

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MarthaSo

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Hi everyone, this will be my last post for a long while. I am getting ready to go back to work and I ask that you please pray that God give me His strength and mostly that they take good care of baby Matthew in daycare and grow to love him. They won’t love him at all at first.I didn’t post on the prayers section because, my last request, is to also get some final words of encouragement.

Two nights ago I thought about how much I’ll miss Matthew and I started hyperventilating. (that’s why i’m posting here)That never happened to me before. What kind of poor faith I must have to fall into that kind of despair. I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital.When I think of walking in to work, I can’t tell you the thoughts that cross my mind but I can hardly imagine walking in to that dark spiritual place away from the heavenly love of my baby. My heart feels numb but my husband says it’ll get easier to be without him in my arms as the days go by.
I just hope he doesn’t miss me too much at almost 5 months. That’s what hurts the most.
But this is life and I know this is not real suffering as most people experience it, I should be thankful for our jobs and all other blessings.
Thank you ❤️
 
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MarthaSo said:
They won’t love him at all at first.
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From my time working in childcare, I can tell you that I and my co-workers loved all of the children in our care from the first moment we met them. We loved the families.

Childcare is a career that does not come with glamour, power, or high pay. Those who are there do it because they love the kids.

Praying for you!
 
Thank you :heart:I am the same way. I just get nervous that others may not be.
 
One of my friends just celebrated her birthday. She works in childcare. I was amazed at the warmth shown her on her birthday, flowers, chocolates and little presents. There is a real feeling of family and loving and caring in that environment. The children sang her happy birthday and everyone had a special birthday day. 🙂
 
Hail Mary, full of grace; the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women; blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesús. Holy Mary, Mother of God; pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen
 
I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to go back to work.
After having your child as a part of you for nine months and the time since you gave birth to him. That separation will no doubt be difficult.
Unfortunately, in this country, it seems that in most families, both the Mom and the Dad must work to make ends meet.
Prayers for you that the transition back to work and in having your babe go to daycare will be smooth and without too much anxiety. 🙏🙏🙏
 
Thank you so much. He starts his first 2 half days this week, then next week he will have 3 full days, then on September 4, I start my first day back at work.
Today, I said to myself (because at least some people enjoy their jobs) that if I am very sad and miserable at work because of the unfairness and mean people and missing Matthew, that will mean that my baby is enjoying himself all the more. That brought me consolidation. Because I felt the Lord heard it.
 
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I picked him up around noon today. His bib was wet with drool, they should have changed it. May have been spur up too since they said he spit up. he was there from 8:45-12. I mentioned it to the Director.
He didn’t cry much, he didn’t eat too well. He napped for 30 minutes. When I arrived to pick him up he was playing on the floor, when they saw me they picked him up to give him to me right away and he started crying. When he saw me kept crying and just didn’t seem himself. The care providers seem nice but leaving him with a wet drool bib is bothering me, especially since I provided extra.
Also, he didn’t immediately stop crying (he’s 4.5 months) when he saw me.
It just felt sad all around. When we got home he was very tired because he didn’t nap well there. My husband is less affected and agrees with the Director that it takes some time for them to adjust. Probably longer because he’ll be going 3 days part time.He goes again tomorrow for half day and then full days next week.
May I have your opinions? Thank you
 
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Isn’t guilt awful! I really don’t want to pile on more than you are already going through but it may get worse before it gets better…but it will get better!

Both of you are having to force a process that you wish you could do on your own schedule. Learning to widen his experiences. For the first time, he has been separated from you…of course he didn’t like it. For the first time, you have been separated from him…of course you didn’t like it either. He took a while to settle back into his normal experiences and he was tired to boot!

As he learns how to deal with separation anxiety, he may very well become more restless, have eating and sleeping patterns change…it’s different with every child BUT one day he will be excited to see his other caregivers and then YOU will feel guilty all over again worrying that he loves them as much as you!

Accepting that it’s an adjustment that you both have to make and accepting that it will get better even if it gets worse first, is just something that will happen whether you are worrying about it or not. Realize that your worry can be sensed by him and do your best to relax, breathe and accept. Been there, done that. It’s HARD. He’s expanding his horizons and it’s part of his growing up, too.

Try to find and accept some peace through all of this…you’ll get there! Sending lots of love your way…❤️❤️❤️
 
Thank you so much! I needed someone to help ease my heart and you were so encouraging. Do you think I am making a big deal about the bib? It was so very wet they could have changed it.
He seems happy again after a 2 hour nap. He never naps that ling he must’ve been so tired. Maybe that’s another bad sign. I don’t even know how to read signals anymore vs guilt /sadness.
 
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MarthaSo said:
Do you think I am making a big deal about the bib? It was so very wet they could have changed it.
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What your doing is looking for reasons to feel guilty. It’s how us moms are wired! You will probably have times where the diaper wasn’t changed quick enough, they let him cry too long, they didn’t clean his face, etc. if you look too hard you will always find something that that you would have done better. What I had to realize was…were these one off occurrences or was it happening regularly. Consistent problems are a problem. Anyone…including you…can have moments where you don’t fulfill every need immediately. A wet bib isn’t desirable but it’s not neglect either…which is what you’re really worrying about.

Try not to obsess over things as hard as that is to do! Also realize that there is no way they are going to give the level of care that you do but ask, “are they giving a reasonable level of care”. Consistent wet diapers when you pick him up is a problem flag. A wet bib once isnt. They may have been just about to change it!

You coming to understand that you ARE obsessing is the first step to relaxing and working through this. Of course, always keep your eyes open but make sure you do obsess over the right things. See how the next time goes…then the next. You will soon either relax or find another service…as daunting as that sounds. Good luck! I remember it all VERY well!
 
Truly you are a Godsend. Thank you so much. Can you believe when I was signing the form I couldn’t remember what year we were in and starting writing 2020! I had to cross it out in front of everyone. My husband told me the next time I have questions or need to point something out to them I need to do so in a way that is trusting, for him to say that I can’t even imagine how I must’ve sounded!
Thank you so much again and may God send an angel your way when you need encouragement.
 
“Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.”
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:7‬ ‭KJV‬‬

“Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.”
‭‭Joshua‬ ‭1:9‬ ‭KJV‬‬

“Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭27:14‬ ‭KJV‬‬

I will pray for you sister! Put faith in the Lord and your husband. Btw my wife gave birth to our daughter (first child) 7 weeks ago. 😊
 
Congratulations! God bless your precious daughter!! Thank you for reminding me to be strong in the Lord. It’s sad, this pit in my stomach that’s not allowing me to eat or feel good.
Anyway, thank you again and enjoy this blessed time with your baby!!!God bless!!
 
There’s lots of good advice upthread.
Just want to say…Hugs to you and your dear wee Matthew.❤️
 
Thanks so much, nice to see you again! I don’t know why I’m so nervous and have this feeling in my stomach. They seem like good providers and every time I tried to calm down I think of how they left his bib on wet.
Moments ago I saw myself back at work and him in daycare, us separated and then the memories of our summer together made me feel awful.
I annoy myself with this feeling so I don’t blame anyone for finding me annoying!
Thank you again
 
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My own opinion is that the whole Catholic pressure for mothers to not work helped create this huge amount of unnecessary guilt amongst amazing working moms.

This is not to trivialise your feelings, but just to point out why we need to be careful when it comes to framing certain issues. I don’t know if you heard, but a prominent Catholic couple has gotten some flack for putting down mothers who work recently, and even Abby Johnson was dragged into it because she’s a working mother. It led to a whole dumpster fire on Twitter, where Abby was called replaceable in her pro life work. Matt Fradd, who’s pretty traditional himself, has written a piece analysing old Church teaching in defense of working mothers. I don’t know if it would help you if you read that?

Anyways, kids are more resilient than we think. Focus on the quality of time, instead of worrying about the quantity. While I studied developmental psychology, I’m not an expert so I won’t pretend to be one. But there’s enough research to show that being away in itself isn’t the factor that negatively affects children. In fact, it’s how mothers balance their responsibilities. Also, at 5 months, your son does not have the capacity to think that you ‘don’t love him’. In fact, a little separation anxiety is good because it shows healthy attachment.
MarthaSo said:
Two nights ago I thought about how much I’ll miss Matthew and I started hyperventilating
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This sounds like a panic attack. If this persists, I strongly advise you to seek help from someone trained in this! Your pain seems to be evolving and you don’t want this to be pathological.
MarthaSo said:
that if I am very sad and miserable at work because of the unfairness and mean people and missing Matthew, that will mean that my baby is enjoying himself all the more.
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I don’t know if I misunderstood this sentence, but you don’t have to suffer in order for your child to be happy. God doesn’t work that way. You can enjoy and be passionate about your job, and still have a happy kid, and you’ll still be a good mother. I don’t know much about your job or whether you like it, but if you walk into the office with such a mindset, these feelings will not get better. Because you’re unintentionally telling your mind to stay sad, as if you’re subconsciously letting yourself stay sad because feeling otherwise makes you even more guilty. That’s not healthy!

I don’t really want to pry though, I don’t know details. This is just what I would tell a close friend of mine.
 
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Thank you Lea , everything you said was spot on. You’re right about that last part, I rethought that because if I ever have a good day at work I don’t want to think he’s having a bad day. Anyhow, today is his second day and he gets out at noon, I figure it would take me two hours to get on the phone and clear up an issue with the irs so i might as well do that. They sent me a photo of him smiling but of course I find something to pick on and I noticed he was wearing his pacifier and it was touching the floor mat so I mentioned he only uses it for naps and doesn’t need it during the day. I thanked her kindly for the photo of course as it did my heart so good but I told her I’ll leave it up to his caregiver if she thinks he needs his pacifier just during this transition during play I’m ok with that but I really wanted to say “why is his paci touching the floor mat!”
oh Lord, I don’t know if this qualifies as obsessing but after so many prayers I can’t offend God by worrying so profusely.
 
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MarthaSo said:
They seem like good providers and every time I tried to calm down I think of how they left his bib on wet.
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I would say this to my sister or best friend. Let’s together think of how a child can be harmed by a wet bib. If the child is outside in very cold weather, the bib could freeze. If a child were left in a very wet bib where it was wet all the way to his/her neck there could be chafing or a rash.

Aside from that, a bib is meant to keep the drool and spit up and food off of baby’s clothes. The bib was doing it’s job, soaking up what comes out of the baby. When babies that age play, they often concentrate hard on the play and drool.

Even if you hire a private nanny in your home, she is going to look away occasionally. Baby drools, bib is wet and will stay that way until she changes the bib. I would really not focus on a moist bib.

Your baby was playing! That is a big deal! A happy deal!
 
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