Strength for going back to work

[TheLittleLady]

Thanks everyone, should I address to the Director the fact that she lied to me about them knowing perfect english?

That is a very strong accusation.

I work with many, many people for whom English is a second language. Some of them have advanced degrees, some have basic education.

None of us speak “perfect English”, so, maybe define what level of English makes you comfortable.

For the vast majority of E2L speakers, conversational English = “speaks English”. Things like nuance, colloquialisms, I know people who have lived in the US for 30 years who still do not really grasp nuances and have to ask.

The phrase “perfect” even varies in literal translation.

If you want your child cared for only by native English speakers, then, keep looking for new care.

On the other hand, many parents feel that exposure to different languages at an early age is a great benefit.

Sit down and write out a list of what you want. Write a job description.

 

[MarthaSo]

I don’t really care if they don’t speak English as long as they care for him. My parents never spoke English that’s why that aspect of it never bothered me. But when she said they understood perfect English I believed her. I was comforted because I wanted to be able to ask his direct caregivers questions like “did he nap?”. Not a strong accusation, but a fact. I wonder why she would lie, I would have preferred the truth. It bothers because it makes me feel she’s deceptive as a Director. As long as they care for the baby well that’s what matters just like my mom cares for me without English but that’s a separate thing than what i was asking regarding her being dishonest, I asked her “would they understand if I asked them how his day went etc”? She said “oh yes! They understand perfectly!” but they didn’t. I’m not worried about the Chinese ladies at this point I’m upset with the director because if she lied here she may lie about other things.
That was the issue I was pointing out.

 

[TheLittleLady]

I wonder why she would lie,

I would assume that you and she have different opinions of what “perfect English” looks like. In my day to day world, I often have to rephrase and use more precise language for non-English native speakers.

“Did he nap”? maybe it was the phrasing? “Did he go to sleep today?” might be a more precise question. Heck, it could be as simple as the person you asked was not on shift during nap time. Maybe the look was not a misunderstanding the question, but, not remembering exactly what time the nap happened.

There are a million logical possibilities, but, it sounds as if you are not going to be happy with this daycare. As a consumer, you can take your business to another provider. I’d again highly suggest you find a carer who provides a secure webcam link so you can watch what happens.

In the mean time while you find a new soultion, maybe sit down with the Director outside of busy pick up time, explain that you would like to receive a daily report of his naps, diaper changes, food, etc. They may or may not be able to accommodate this request. It takes time away from the children to fill out reports. Decide if this sort of reporting is a “deal killer”.

 

[halogirl]

Agree. It sounds like Martha is having a tough time being apart from Matthew and so she is getting hung up on something tangible like the wet bib. Martha I am praying for you - I always remember for some reason that you are Matthews mom and I love hearing you talk about him it will be ok xx

 

[Anicette]

My own opinion is that the whole Catholic pressure for mothers to not work helped create this huge amount of unnecessary guilt amongst amazing working moms.

What you are saying is unfair.
Guilt for women you take a work after having a child is shared by many women, not only Catholics, or even religious one. Leaving a child can be heart deep tear.
Sorry, but I am a mother myself and part of support group for mothers, so I know what I am talking of.

Many women are happy to go to work, some are not, some cannot at all.

And sorry to said that, but being at home to raise our children is also an amazing thing that is valuable vocation for a christian married woman.

 

[Minks]

@MarthaSo

In rereading this thread, Martha, it sounds to me that you’re never going to be satisfied with this particular daycare situation.

Talk to your priest. Ask him for names of women who might like the extra income of caring for Matthew at your home or theirs. There are likely women limited to retirement income who would love to do that, as well as welcome the money.

I had such ladies come into my home until my son was three, and could talk well enough that I knew I’d get a fairly accurate picture of what had occurred each day.

My experience was that grandmotherly types of women find joy in little ones and little ones find joy in them. I learned to prefer calm and gentle personalities, as opposed to energetic and vivacious, for what it’s worth.

 

[Lea101]

I did not say that non religious women don’t feel guilty, I’m saying that religious circles create a huge amount of unnecessary guilt. That women must only work out of grave necessity because children will suffer and that working moms are somehow selfish, which makes working mothers feel guilty even if they fall under that category. That’s on top of the normal guilt moms tend to feel already.

And sorry to said that, but being at home to raise our children is also an amazing thing that is valuable vocation for a christian married woman

I don’t know what makes you think that I’m saying otherwise.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Talk to your priest. Ask him for names of women who might like the extra income of caring for Matthew at your home or theirs.

Unless they are in a very small town, very small parish, pastor will likely not know. And there is the issue of priests needing to worry about liability should problems arise.

The parish office may be a better resource. The university may have a resource for people looking to hire nannies, etc.

 

[MarthaSo]

thank you for your prayers and thanks everyone!!

 

[MamaJewel]

Thinking of you, MarthaSO and your wee one and family.

 

[TheLittleLady]

As I came back to work today, I am thinking of you.