Strength for going back to work

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It sounded obsessive to me. I’m not a mother though, and I know moms tend to freak out the first few times she let someone (even dad!) watch over her kid. So with that context, it seems pretty normal! Just don’t neglect what you’re feeling, if this persists
 
Terrible experience. I was supposed to pick him up at 12 but i showed up at 11 (the time he was supposed to eat) and the Director told me she was just going to call because he’s not eating.

When I saw him he was rubbing his eyes SO TIRED and hungry! I immediately picked him up , sat him with me and he drank the whole bottle. He even had a little scratch on his face from rubbing it! The women speak Chinese so they didn’t understand my questions right away but eventually were able to communicate. They told me they put him in the crib at nap time and shook the crib a little. I explained he can’t put himself to sleep yet.
They said I can bring in the bouncy ball on Monday if it helps.
I’m glad I was there because I got a busy signal when I called!
After all this my husband STILL thinks we need to let him adjust. But, although they seem like nice ladies, one kept asking me how often he’s gonna be there as if he’s a bother.
I go back to work in a week, all other daycares are booked months in advance.
I’m at a loss, I can’t afford nor want a nanny.
Any ideas appreciated.
Seeing my baby exhausted, hungry, scratches from rubbing his eyes…what an awful experience. They sent me a photo of him playing earlier and he looked happy but when i got there he was in a little chair with one of the ladies trying to feed him rubbing his eyes excessively.
 
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@MarthaSo
I am sorry your heart is hurting so much about having to go back to work. Being away from your baby is hard.

My daughter is a bit older than your Matthew (she is 13 months), but it still tears me up inside when I am away from her for any length of time. So, I have an incredible amount of empathy for you. No advice for you from me, just compassion.

I will say some prayers for you and your little boy.

Also, Matthew is a wonderful name! If we had had a little boy, I totally would have chosen it.
 
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MarthaSo said:
one kept asking me how often he’s gonna be there as if he’s a bother
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Maybe it is just so they can schedule their workers.
MarthaSo said:
After all this my husband STILL thinks we need to let him adjust.
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He will adjust. This is hard, I know! Your guy needs to get to feel comfortable with these folks.
 
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Thanks, so from everything I’ve written regarding his not eating, them not napping him, his scratch, the language barrier, the busy signal…none of these are red flags?
I don’t care if they don’t like me as long as they treat him well, I get the feeling they were annoyed at me staying longer trying to ask more questions.
It’s only them two for that age group, no other caregivers I don’t know why she asked when we’re bringing him. maybe sheer curiosity. The Director is very nice, speaks English and one if the Chinese women raised her kids. I live a few blocks away, my job is a bit further.
 
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Thank you so very much!!! I feel scared to send him back and frankly after what happened I was shocked that my husband didn’t immediately feel horror like I did. My baby had a scratch, was starving, exhausted with red eyes, I think they should have continued to try to nap him instead of telling me 10am was nap time and since it was 11am, oh well too bad Matthew keep rubbing your eyes we’re busy. He’s 4 months old, that’s not nice they could have kept trying.
 
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MarthaSo said:
I’ve written regarding his not eating, them not napping him, his scratch, the language barrier, the busy signal…none of these are red flags?
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It is an adjustment time, I’d not expect a perfect nap and feeding if I were keeping him for the first time or if your best friend was keeping him. When my son was little, I’d give a week with a new schedule for him to adjust.

No one can control busy signals.

Language barrier is something that you need to decide. I know people who pay extra for non English speaking daycare, but, it may be a deal killer for you.

You might be more comfortable with a daycare that offers webcams so you can peek in anytime?

Have you asked your parish if they know any individuals who do childcare in home? Or maybe there is a resource bulletin board at the school?
 
After several hours later and talking to Matthews pediatrician I’ve come to realize that not only is this normal (to be monitored ofcourse) but I may have been a bit too nervous in front of the Director and caregivers. I hope the 2 nice Chinese ladies don’t take it out on Matthew, you never know peoples hearts. I didn’t offend them but my face showed concern over the lack of communication, lack of naps. I still think if you see a baby is tired, try to nap him. And this is precisely what the enemy will remind me of. This “faux pas” of theirs.
In any case, my husband will be doing the drop offs while I wait in the car so they don’t have to see my face again just to cool things. He’ll also hang out a bit and only leave him half day 3 days a week.
Again, I have never seen Matthew so excessively rubbing his eyes …they did nothing. That’s what’ll replay in my head…

thanks so much to everybody here, i really really appreciate the great advice.
 
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Dear sister,
I know this is hard for you. Matthew will adjust; babies that young are so adaptable.
I had to work in childcare as a nurse for a special needs child while my youngest was little. It was so hard to leave her to take care of someone else’s child! but I got to go home to her every night. I thought about those mothers who have to leave their children to travel to another country and send money home; they must let the grandmothers raise their children. That would be so much harder.

I’d encourage you to establish friendships with your baby’s caretakers. of course you will keep a close eye on how he’s doing, but I’m sure he will be fine. And it will go better if the ladies don’t feel like you are upset with them for everything they don’t do just as you would.
Praying for your peace and enjoyment for Matthew at daycare.
 
Thank you so much. Gosh that must have been difficult.leaving your baby to care for another. Your heart must have been so sorrowful! Thank you for sharing, I have been looking so forward lately to 20 years ahead, if God grants me the joy of only waking up to care for many grandchildren. that would be heaven.
Yes, I’m afraid the ladies may not like me, I just hope they don’t take it out on Matthew. My husband was planning on watching him all next week in the camera they have at the front office (Matthew wouldn’t know he’s there) but now I don’t know.
I have been reading letters from St Thérèse’s mother. St Zelie would have to leave her babies with wet nurses and 3 of them died! There were no cameras those days, one of the babies died because she wasn’t fed… I remembered this when the Director said she was going to call me because Matthew wasn’t eating, when I walked in, the lady had the bottle to him, she was trying.
I imagine St Zelie would have loved such care for hers. They would bring her babies to her once a week vs me seeing Matthew every night.
He is only going part time which may make the adjustment harder. Again, I am reminded (the enemy?) if how much he was rubbing his eyes and they not trying to nap him. Poor baby was clearly exhausted and he doesn’t know how to sleep my himself. He needed help. If I need to be told to back off, even in this instance, I appreciate being told to do so for my own good, and Matthews.
 
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Remember, the day care ladies are in a learning curve—learning Matthew’s own particular signals and body language, which won’t necessarily match another baby’s signals and body language.

He was hungry, but not starving. And they did report to you his not eating well.

It takes time to adjust to a new place and routine, and temporary upsets in feeding and sleep patterns are a normal response to this. The same thing happens to grown-ups in a new environment.

But the vast majority of people do adjust in a few days to a week.

A possible way to communicate with the day care is “I’ve found that at home, if he’s rubbing his eyes for more than like 5 minutes, he does well to go down for a nap.”
That way you’re sharing information, and that wording puts you all on the same team.
 
Thank you. The director told me they understood perfect English and when they didn’t understand me, that’s what threw me off too. I’m upset with her lie for many reasons, one being the look of concern that stayed on my face in front of the Chinese women, when I realized they didn’t understand my questions which probably made them uncomfortable.
 
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You have my full sympathy.

I was lucky enough to have 5 years leave with my babies. Although I had to go back full time when my youngest was 2. My guilt was incredibly strong and tbh it took me years to be comfortable with my decision (or the fact I had little choices)

FWIW my son ended up having a nanny as I wasn’t comfortable with childcare. Looking back I was paranoid about everything, like you, bibs, sleeps and food. The nanny was an excellent alternative and my son could stay in his own environment which was nice. And of course much easier for me each morning. Unfortunately this was a huge financial burden for us, but I was lucky enough to be able to budget for it.

My youngest is now 5 and loving school. I am lucky enough that my working hours are shorter than most so we have lots of afternoon time together. He is much more resiliant and care free than my other kids. Not sure if it is a product of my working or his personality. But the important thing he is absolutely emotionally fine.

I truly wish you peace. It is the hardest cross I have ever had to carry.

Keep watching the child care…of course anything can be a red flag. But most likely not. I would also put his name down elsewhere so if it doesn’t pan out you have future options.
 
Thanks everyone, should I address to the Director the fact that she lied to me about them knowing perfect english? which caused confusion. I want to be able to ask questions but they dont understand me. Usually the Director is the one to answer my question. Somehow they understand her even though she doesn’t speak Chinese.
 
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MarthaSo said:
Somehow they understand her even though she doesn’t speak Chinese.
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Which leads me to think she was giving her honest impression when she said that they have perfect English.

I also suspect that it may not have been your words. You were emotional so may have been speaking fast or otherwise hard to make out. Also some accents may be easier for them to understand than others even if you were speaking normally. It may also have been a tactic to avoid dealing with you.
 
Discretion is the better part of valor. Don’t fixate on that.

It’s probably harder on you than Matthew to be in daycare.

Obsessing over every detail will make your head spin.

I pray for peace for you,
Deacon Christoper
 
Thanks, I remember asking “Did he nap today?” I thought that was simple enough. To think they would avoid “dealing with” the mother is pretty mean. To avoid, as you say, answering the simple question a mother is asking, well it’s upsetting. I wasn’t angry at all, I may have looked concerned but sheesh to avoid answering doesn’t sit well. Anyway, I have no backup at this point, I have to leave it in God’s hands now.
 
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Thank you so much. Yes, he goes in her arms just fine every morning. they allowed me to bring a bouncy ball to help nap him (from his colic days). I sense God will give me calm eventually and I will look back at these times hopefully in humor. My teen daughter shared with me that one of her friends, for a year, was in daycare and they taught Mandarin, he remembers absolutely nothing. Ofcourse. I feel God sending me these little consolations.
Thanks to everyone for your kindness during this tougher than I expected time.
 
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