Student at Catholic elementary school has his parent's are two gay fathers

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I Found out that at my daughter’s Catholic school there is a classmate whose parents are two gay fathers. What are your thoughts on this situation?
 
Our children had a classmate who was the child of a lesbian, born while she was living with a partner. I would treat the situation as if his father and step-father lived in the same house–give them the place of parents, but not talk about them as partners in any sense but as housemates–and try to mind my own business about the rest of it. Most of the planet is not under my spiritual direction.
 
Be sure to use correct terminology. The child does not have “two fathers” and it would be wise not to refer to them as such. They are also not “married.” You need to make sure your child is not confused. If you feel your family is up to it, you may be the source of showing this poor child what a true family is and the beauty of a man-woman marriage that is open to life as God blesses you.
 
Dacinom said:
I think it is a sad situation for the classmate involved, because if it is a good Catholic school, the child will hear consistently that their parents are living a disordered lifestyle. That can be confusing for a child to get completely different messages. Why the two men would do this to this child deliberately is sad to me. For my life, why would I choose to pay and send my children to a Muslim school, or to a Jewish school? Why would I want my child to hear conflicting messages that are diametrically opposed to how we are living our home life?

You must decide how to address this with your child, but you must dig deeper to also find out how the school and the teachers are handling this. Pray for this precious child as well!
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There is a precedent for this. If they will tolerate you, you send your child to a Protestant, Jewish or Muslim school because it is the best school. Parents did this back when it was taught that anyone who did not belong to the denomination running the school were clearly going straight to Hell.

The main thing for a Catholic school, when teaching moral law, is mercy and the absolute sovereignty of God to judge those who objectively transgress moral law. A child will not be confused by, “Thank you, Lord, that we are not like other men.” They’ll get that one loud and clear. Moral law ought to be taught as an objective good that is worthy of being desired, rather than a stick ready to whack the unwary. This is why the Pope talks over and over about being neither too lax nor too strict.
 
This is a great opportunity to underscore the Church’s teaching on the Sacrament of Marriage and how it is defined.

The key is making it age appropriate. Hopefully, your child’s school has the back bone to stand up for Church teaching, instead of trying to appease people.

Appeasement is a special form of cowardice.
 
Dacinom said:
I think it is a sad situation for the classmate involved, because if it is a good Catholic school…
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On the other hand, it may not be a good, or shall I say courageous, Catholic school, in which case, it is still sad for the classmate (who probably won’t hear the truth anywhere else), but also for the other students. It may well be that the school is teaching the faith properly, but that can not be assumed - even those administrators who agree with the Church (also, can’t be assumed) must have a terrible fear of bad publicity or lawsuits, and passively accepting may end up looking like full approval. It would be worth heightening your awareness of what is being directly and indirectly taught about morality at the school, and taking measures to make sure your child is not confused.
 
EasterJoy said:
Our children had a classmate who was the child of a lesbian, born while she was living with a partner. I would treat the situation as if his father and step-father lived in the same house–give them the place of parents, but not talk about them as partners in any sense but as housemates–and try to mind my own business about the rest of it. Most of the planet is not under my spiritual direction.
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Very good point.
 
EasterJoy said:
Our children had a classmate who was the child of a lesbian, born while she was living with a partner. I would treat the situation as if his father and step-father lived in the same house–give them the place of parents, but not talk about them as partners in any sense but as housemates–and try to mind my own business about the rest of it. Most of the planet is not under my spiritual direction.
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AMEN. A caring person would pray for the child. I might even argue that a child in this living arrangement might really need to be in a good Catholic school.
We’ve always had parents who were gay in the schools. I remember many who had a dad and a friendly “uncle”. We’ve also had many gay students in Catholic schools.
There, they learned that God, nor the church, despises them or wishes them harm.
Quite the contrary.
 
I also.feel really sad for the classmate:( I went to.a Catholic.school.as the child of a.never married lapsed Catholic mother and it was very hard on me. On the positive side attending to a Catholic.school allowed me.the opportunity to learn about the church and.had a great influence in me becoming a full practicing Catholic.later in life.

I would suggest to treat the child as any other child while at the same time holding the true. Don’t referred to the couple.as married because they are not and clarify this to your child. Clarify to.your child that this classmate has one.mother and.one.father but unfortunately the classmate doesn’t have contact with his mother and is being raised by these two men. I personally.used to dislike questions.about family situation and.probably this.classmate too so.Tell your.child.to not.ask about family situation and just pray for this child that the influence if the school.causes him to accept Catholic teaching.
 
EasterJoy said:
There is a precedent for this. If they will tolerate you, you send your child to a Protestant, Jewish or Muslim school because it is the best school. Parents did this back when it was taught that anyone who did not belong to the denomination running the school were clearly going straight to Hell.

The main thing for a Catholic school, when teaching moral law, is mercy and the absolute sovereignty of God to judge those who objectively transgress moral law. A child will not be confused by, “Thank you, Lord, that we are not like other men.” They’ll get that one loud and clear. Moral law ought to be taught as an objective good that is worthy of being desired, rather than a stick ready to whack the unwary. This is why the Pope talks over and over about being neither too lax nor too strict.
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👍
 
pianistclare said:
AMEN. A caring person would pray for the child. I might even argue that a child in this living arrangement might really need to be in a good Catholic school.
We’ve always had parents who were gay in the schools. I remember many who had a dad and a friendly “uncle”. We’ve also had many gay students in Catholic schools.
There, they learned that God, nor the church, despises them or wishes them harm.
Quite the contrary.
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just saying i have seen many “Catholics” say “death to all [you know the slur here]”

So i dont blame the gay kids for thinking people hating them
 
adv said:
I Found out that at my daughter’s Catholic school there is a classmate whose parents are two gay fathers. What are your thoughts on this situation?
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Treat the child as you would treat ANY child. Saying anything to him about his family is not fair nor kind. Remember that this child has no control over what his parents do.

While these men are not married in the eyes of the Church, according to secular law they are in a legal civil marriage. There are lots of parents out there who aren’t Catholic and were married by a JP or in another faith, but still send their children to Catholic schools for the superior education – would you confront their children about this?

Acting with kindness NOW may win another soul to the Church when this child is old enough to make that choice.

It is not our place to judge others, but to live in such a way that others will desire to follow our example.
 
  1. Pray first and foremost for the child, the two men in question, the children at the school who may be confused if too much information is shared, and your child that she may embrace the wisdom of her parents and the Church and not the “if two people care for one another, what does it matter” attitude of much of the culture. Also, pray for the school as we are seeing this more and more these days, and it invites a need to a strong, yet loving hand in doing what is best for all involved, and in many cases, has involved lawsuits and litigation. The school has to balance the needs and safety of all its students, while trying to provide the best it can for a child who is in no way at fault in these situations.
  2. I’d stress God’s aspect of marriage and parenting in an affirming, positive way versus the negatives of other relationships. Again, all dependent on age, but reaffirm the concept of Adam and Eve, man and woman united as one, God’s plan for a mother and a father, and the like.
  3. Don’t let aberrations in other families be seen as “well, that’s just how they do it.” Lots of families do not present under the most ideal circumstances. My father left my mother, and despite the amazing job she did in raising us staunchly in the faith, even she will admit the situation was not as it was intended to be. Men were not intended to leave their wives. Wives were not intended to leave their husbands. People raising a child are not intended to share the same gender. Certainly, we may fall short of the ideal, but that does not mean that isn’t what God desires (and frankly mandates) for all of us. Doing this can be tricky with young ones because while divorce and homosexual parents are both not the ideal for marriage, they are NOT the same in terms of gravity or disorder, and you don’t want to equate them as such. Even the Church recognizes divorce as regretably acceptable in some cases; it has never been nor will ever be that case for same-sex parentage. But again, this is likely above a young one’s head at this time.
  4. I’ve found that having a rock-solid core family of your own with solid values, an implicit trust in what Mommy and Daddy tell us, and a faith-filled environment is the best way to combat the lure of society’s aberrations. My mother provided that for us, and though I sinned as all people eventually do, I always KNEW I was sinning, and knew what I was doing was wrong. I may be a flawed person thanks to original sin and my own weaknesses, but I was NEVER blissfully ignorant of what was right and what was wrong. Thanks Mom 🙂
Ph0enix said:
Treat them like you would anyone else. its that simple
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Sure, treat them as humans who need our prayers and kindess. That is different than treating their situation vis-a-vis your child whose education and formation God has entrusted to you (remember - those are His children, of whom He has granted us stewardship until they return to Him - that’s a weighty responsibility!) as you would any other. The situation is of the utmost seriousness, and while this may or may not be a point of emphasis depending on the child’s age, when questions are asked as they get older, it need not and should be treated as just any other situation. It’s not. Not to be hyperbolic, but I wouldn’t qualify that situation as just any other relationship any more than I would if a father was abusive to his wife or children, if a wife was publically having an affair, or if a child’s life was being threatened. It is that serious, when it comes to your own child’s understanding of right and wrong, as far as God is concerned.

Again, it really though depends on the age, and frankly, giving too much emphasis at too young an age isn’t healthy either. It’s kind of like telling a child “whatever you do, don’t open that box!” Guess what they are going to do when you aren’t around? The gravity of a situation means nothing when a child is too young. That’s why they touch stoves, fall out of trees, and generally lack an adult’s sense of prudence.
 
MomaMary8 said:
Be sure to use correct terminology. The child does not have “two fathers” and it would be wise not to refer to them as such. They are also not “married.” You need to make sure your child is not confused. If you feel your family is up to it, you may be the source of showing this poor child what a true family is and the beauty of a man-woman marriage that is open to life as God blesses you.
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Quite correct!
 
Treat them like you would treat anyone else. I don’t understand what the issue is. The school is educating the child and his parents are paying the school for this child’s education.

Is there something in the school’s policies that says that the parents of any child enrolled in their school must be a man and a woman, having a sacramental marriage? If that is the case, I would think that the school would lose an awful lot of money.
 
Magdalen2013 said:
…While these men are not married in the eyes of the Church, according to secular law they are in a legal civil marriage. There are lots of parents out there who aren’t Catholic and were married by a JP or in another faith, but still send their children to Catholic schools for the superior education – would you confront their children about this?..
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The truth is that no one can assume that parents who do not have the same last name are (or ever have been) legally married, even if they send their children to a parish school, because so many people choose Catholic schools purely for academic reasons or to avoid giving their children contact with the children of families that don’t put a high priority on education. Even people with children in religious schools no longer automatically think that anyone around them has any place expecting them to be married to their live-in sexual partner, even after children arrive. They assume it is entirely up to their personal inclination.

I remember a conversation that shocked me at the time. It was in a restaurant, and took place between a college professor and two married classmates. It went something like this:

Person 1: I don’t see any reason people should even get married at all. What is the point?
Person 2: I don’t think people should get married unless they’re going to have children.
Person 3: What does that have to do with anything? Who do you know that stays together from the time their child is born all the way until they leave the house?
Me (to myself): Who? Everybody I know!

This was back in the 1980s! Where I had grown up, divorce was very rare. (It is still relatively rare.) These people, however, had very little first-hand experience of couples married after 1970 who stayed together for as long as 20 years. Although not all, most of the couples they knew born during the Baby Boom had either divorced or never married in the first place. From their point of view, the arrival of children had little or nothing to do with whether or not the marriage lasted, and the idea that you could plan on a marriage lasting was incredibly naïve. None of these people were religious, and most had cynical attitudes towards the value of religion. If they had children in an area where the parochial school was the only decent school available, however, they would have sent their child to the parochial school and “endured” the price of having their child exposed to religious people as an unavoidable cost of that education.
 
adv said:
I Found out that at my daughter’s Catholic school there is a classmate whose parents are two gay fathers. What are your thoughts on this situation?
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Our Archdicoese would never allow this to happen. I would not feel comfy supporting that school.
 
Dacinom said:
I think it is a sad situation for the classmate involved, because if it is a good Catholic school, the child will hear consistently that their parents are living a disordered lifestyle. That can be confusing for a child to get completely different messages. Why the two men would do this to this child deliberately is sad to me. For my life, why would I choose to pay and send my children to a Muslim school, or to a Jewish school? Why would I want my child to hear conflicting messages that are diametrically opposed to how we are living our home life?

You must decide how to address this with your child, but you must dig deeper to also find out how the school and the teachers are handling this. Pray for this precious child as well!
Click to expand...
I fear this poor child is being used for an agenda.
 
EasterJoy said:
There is a precedent for this. If they will tolerate you, you send your child to a Protestant, Jewish or Muslim school because it is the best school. Parents did this back when it was taught that anyone who did not belong to the denomination running the school were clearly going straight to Hell.

The main thing for a Catholic school, when teaching moral law, is mercy and the absolute sovereignty of God to judge those who objectively transgress moral law. A child will not be confused by, “Thank you, Lord, that we are not like other men.” They’ll get that one loud and clear. Moral law ought to be taught as an objective good that is worthy of being desired, rather than a stick ready to whack the unwary. This is why the Pope talks over and over about being neither too lax nor too strict.
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I respectfully disagree. +Chaput taught in the Diocese of Denver and now in Philly that this undermines the family. It is also promoting scandal.
 
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