Submission as a wife

[Julianna]

You have an amazing lack of respect or the church. And how is te way Paul put on his pants is irrelevant? He probably didn’t even have pants.

Like I said to ou in another thread, it’s not the pants that matters, it’s the charism of the Holy Spirit.

Kendy

Ok, let me try again…sandals, how about “sandals”…I think they wore sandals back in Pauls day. In YOUR opinion I have a lack of respect for the church. I have a different opinion. Paul was a man, was a man, was a man, was a human being, fearful, sad, happy, joyous, intelligent, a great writer, but alas, he is mortal. He had the gift of the written word. Divinely inspired, Holy Spirit, yes…also remember, Paul was Saul…and you know what they say,

“There is nothing worse than a reformed rake”.

My husband and I respect each other. Perhaps this is “submission”. But as one poster put, submission and obey are sometimes dirty words…to me, they are when it comes to “submitting” to a spouse.

It is difficult to write something to people who can’t make a move without reading lists, consulting a zillion canon laws, when basically…it boils down to common sense.

I was married in the church, and I did ask if the word “OBEY” was going to be said, and my priest said, NO, we don’t do that anymore. I was elated.

 

[mariam1976]

Dear Mariam,

I recently went through something similar – leaving my husband of over 20 years because of the financial ruin he propagated throughout our marriage.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger talks about the three A’s, any of which is an impediment to a functional marriage – and those are adultery, addiction, and abuse. While financial irresponsibility is not physical abuse, it is a form of abuse if one spouse continually misuses the financial resources of a marriage. Having separate accounts did not work for my husband and me, nor did me controlling the money, nor did me “submitting” and allowing him to control the money. At the time I left, my husband had over $50,000 in credit card debts (that I knew about), and that was after we had refinanced our house several times over the years to pay off similar amounts.

You did nothing wrong, Mariam. Your willingness to submit is admirable, but both spouses in a marriage need to follow Paul’s directive for it to work according to God’s plan. You did your part, or at least tried. Women are not called to turn a blind eye to their husbands’ sins. That’s not submission – that’s foolishness. Maybe someday your husband will change, but it’s not in your power to change him. Times have changed since Paul spoke to men and women so many years ago – women now have options and being a woman today includes the obligation of protecting ourselves and our children.

Peace and joy!
Tricia Frances

but u spend 20 years of your life before u decided to give up… which is fair whereas i only spent a year before i gave up… i think that is what will haunt me for the rest of my life…

 

[pumpkinbeast]

I’m not married, so I don’t really have an life experience to offer, but I do have a few thoughts…

In any relationship between two people, someone will have control or final say, whether it’s split between the two in various areas, or total by one. This control can be either agreed upon, unconcious, or forced. If the man is not allowed to be ‘controling’, than the wife will be. The kind of relationship Paul seems to be describing is more of a give and take, back and forth thing. He must surround her with love and give himself entirely to her, while she must be lovingly submissive to him and give herself entirely to him. If a woman feels she cannot submit to a man, she shouldn’t marry him!!! Gone, also, are the days when women were forced into marriage with men they couldn’t choose. Gone,also, are the days when women had to stay in an abusive relationship. Submissive doesn’t mean putting up with abuse. That’s not what Paul was writing about! And obviously, a loving husband would only want what would make his wife and family most happy, so his final say could be to go with what she wants, not what he wants.

If a marriage is 50/50, then you get two people each giving 50%, meaning each person only receives 50%, and thus is half unsatisfied. If both give 100% of themselves, both receive 100%, and thus are completely satisfied.

The husband may have the final say, but that final say can always be “Yes, dear.”

PS: Merry Christmas! ^^

 

[mastda]

I always find the responses to this topic interesting and entertaining. Having spent 10 + years as a protestant where this topic came up often and now a Catholic where it comes up less I am intrigued by the uproar it brings especially from some women who perceive this word to mean “less than” or “subservant to”. Entering my 20th year of marriage with my wife I have learned over the years the true meaning of the word submission and it does not mean weakness. In fact if used properly there is nothing more powerful in a marriage. The 50/50 thing is a myth and creates mythological creatures called the “two headed monster”. My wife is in submission to my authority as head of the house because I have earned this respect. Listen to that word “earned”. My wife allows me to lead because I have earned her trust that I will not be unfaithful to her. My wife allows me to lead because I have earned her trust that I will not squander our hard earned money at casinos and bars. My wife allows me to lead because I have earned her trust that I will be a father to our 3 boys. My wife allows me to lead because I have earned her trust that I will conduct myself in a Christ Like manner both at home, in the office and when I am “with the guys”. If for any reason I violate these responsibilties than I am asking for this authority to be removed from me.

Now before one or two of you get your shorts in knot and think that my wife is barefoot, pregnant and serves me hand and foot. Let me tell you that my wife is my hero and my best friend. When we first married she was a total career woman who was climbing the corporate ladder for a major corporation. When we started having children she gave up the career and stayed home for about 8 years and even homeschooled our oldest for 2 years. The last few years, she went back to school for upgrading in some areas and earned another college diploma. She has been working in a related field to her studies for the last 3 years and this September will start her a Masters Program in Library Sciences.

Not bad for a submissive wife huh!

Consider a blank canvas for a minute. While this canvas is in submission to the artist, the artist is powerless without the canvas.

 

[Joe_Monahan]

Warning!

If posts to this thread do not maintain an acceptable level of charity and civility, consistent with that expected of discourse in polite society, the thread will be closed and action may be taken with regard to the posting privileges of those at fault.

Joe Monahan

 

[leonie]

Looking to the lives of the married saints is a good way to see how marital roles can be fulfilled in a Holy Way.

The Blessed Mother, St. Anna Marie Taiga, St. Monica, St. Elizabeth Seton were all married women who were exemplary wives.

The mother of St. Therese was an exemplary wife. She, by the way worked and her husband worked for her.

St. Joseph and St. Thomas More were exemplary husbands.

And, once again, the father of St. Therese–Louis Martin was a model husband.

I think submission of wives is tied to protectiveness of husbands. How can a husband protect his family if the wife doesn’t let him? However, if the husband is not living up to his protective role, how can a wife give him her submission?

 

[TheGarg]

What do you mean? Submission? No such thing. A marriage is 50/50. This isn’t 1800, this is 2006.

you are completely wrong, a marriage is a 100/100 and both husband and wife are called to submit.

feminism and america’s idea of “political correctness” have reduced something sacred to a man vs. woman ideaology, and it is truely disgusting. that is why this country is filled with young men and women who have NO idea how to take care of thier families, or treat each other.

 

[TheGarg]

I always find the responses to this topic interesting and entertaining. Having spent 10 + years as a protestant where this topic came up often and now a Catholic where it comes up less I am intrigued by the uproar it brings especially from some women who perceive this word to mean “less than” or “subservant to”. Entering my 20th year of marriage with my wife I have learned over the years the true meaning of the word submission and it does not mean weakness. In fact if used properly there is nothing more powerful in a marriage. The 50/50 thing is a myth and creates mythological creatures called the “two headed monster”. My wife is in submission to my authority as head of the house because I have earned this respect. Listen to that word “earned”. My wife allows me to lead because I have earned her trust that I will not be unfaithful to her. My wife allows me to lead because I have earned her trust that I will not squander our hard earned money at casinos and bars. My wife allows me to lead because I have earned her trust that I will be a father to our 3 boys. My wife allows me to lead because I have earned her trust that I will conduct myself in a Christ Like manner both at home, in the office and when I am “with the guys”. If for any reason I violate these responsibilties than I am asking for this authority to be removed from me.

Now before one or two of you get your shorts in knot and think that my wife is barefoot, pregnant and serves me hand and foot. Let me tell you that my wife is my hero and my best friend. When we first married she was a total career woman who was climbing the corporate ladder for a major corporation. When we started having children she gave up the career and stayed home for about 8 years and even homeschooled our oldest for 2 years. The last few years, she went back to school for upgrading in some areas and earned another college diploma. She has been working in a related field to her studies for the last 3 years and this September will start her a Masters Program in Library Sciences.

Not bad for a submissive wife huh!

Consider a blank canvas for a minute. While this canvas is in submission to the artist, the artist is powerless without the canvas.

this is a truely beautiful and wonderful example of “how it is supposed to work” according to God’s Law…

Peace of the Lord be with you !!

 

[lisalisa]

you are completely wrong, a marriage is a 100/100 and both husband and wife are called to submit.

No, you are completely wrong in saying I am wrong. It takes two to make a marriage work. 50/50 meaning one is the wife, one is the husband. You want to call it 100/100 be my guest, it’s all the same.

 

[Karin]

No, you are completely wrong in saying I am wrong. It takes two to make a marriage work. 50/50 meaning one is the wife, one is the husband. You want to call it 100/100 be my guest, it’s all the same.

YOU ARE WRONG…
it actually takes THREE to make a marriage work…husband, wife and God…

And if each spouse is only giving 50% each their marriage aint gonna work…they both have to give 100% each to the marriage

 

[lisalisa]

YOU ARE WRONG…
it actually takes THREE to make a marriage work…husband, wife and God…

And if each spouse is only giving 50% each their marriage aint gonna work…they both have to give 100% each to the marriage

OKay, I like how you put it

 

[Melchior]

Ok, let me try again…sandals, how about “sandals”…I think they wore sandals back in Pauls day. In YOUR opinion I have a lack of respect for the church. I have a different opinion. Paul was a man, was a man, was a man, was a human being, fearful, sad, happy, joyous, intelligent, a great writer, but alas, he is mortal. He had the gift of the written word. Divinely inspired, Holy Spirit, yes…also remember, Paul was Saul…and you know what they say,

“There is nothing worse than a reformed rake”.

My husband and I respect each other. Perhaps this is “submission”. But as one poster put, submission and obey are sometimes dirty words…to me, they are when it comes to “submitting” to a spouse.

It is difficult to write something to people who can’t make a move without reading lists, consulting a zillion canon laws, when basically…it boils down to common sense.

I was married in the church, and I did ask if the word “OBEY” was going to be said, and my priest said, NO, we don’t do that anymore. I was elated.

With all due respect, you are just calling rebellion “respect”.

 

[MTA]

I would call myself a submissive wife. My husband and I are married for a year, but have known each other for almost six. For me it is similar to what “Feanaro’s Wife” wrote.
If we have different opinions and they are both alright it’s no problem for me to agree with his decision, because I know whatever he decides he wants the best for both of us. And it isn’t fear that makes me submissive, I love my hubby and I know that he loves me. I noticed that being submissive helps me to trust him a bit more, and this helps me in my relationship with the Lord as well because I have learned to trust Him a lot more as well.
I noticed a few things by being submissive:

1. my hubby would never say “I don’t allow …” or say no to something, but he feels respected when I ask him if it’s alright to meet my friends
2. I help him be the head of the household
3. we don’t argue so much and make good choices
4. I feel he takes good care of me, worries about me when I’m somewhere
   All of this might sound old fashioned but I feel this is great.
   I believe every couple has to to find their own way to have a happy marriage, for my husband and me this is our way.
   And I also believe that this is the way the Lord wants us to take.

 

[snoopy]

I always find the responses to this topic interesting and entertaining. Having spent 10 + years as a protestant where this topic came up often and now a Catholic where it comes up less I am intrigued by the uproar it brings especially from some women who perceive this word to mean “less than” or “subservant to”. Entering my 20th year of marriage with my wife I have learned over the years the true meaning of the word submission and it does not mean weakness. In fact if used properly there is nothing more powerful in a marriage. The 50/50 thing is a myth and creates mythological creatures called the “two headed monster”. My wife is in submission to my authority as head of the house because I have earned this respect. Listen to that word “earned”. My wife allows me to lead because I have earned her trust that I will not be unfaithful to her. My wife allows me to lead because I have earned her trust that I will not squander our hard earned money at casinos and bars. My wife allows me to lead because I have earned her trust that I will be a father to our 3 boys. My wife allows me to lead because I have earned her trust that I will conduct myself in a Christ Like manner both at home, in the office and when I am “with the guys”. If for any reason I violate these responsibilties than I am asking for this authority to be removed from me.

Now before one or two of you get your shorts in knot and think that my wife is barefoot, pregnant and serves me hand and foot. Let me tell you that my wife is my hero and my best friend. When we first married she was a total career woman who was climbing the corporate ladder for a major corporation. When we started having children she gave up the career and stayed home for about 8 years and even homeschooled our oldest for 2 years. The last few years, she went back to school for upgrading in some areas and earned another college diploma. She has been working in a related field to her studies for the last 3 years and this September will start her a Masters Program in Library Sciences.

Not bad for a submissive wife huh!

Consider a blank canvas for a minute. While this canvas is in submission to the artist, the artist is powerless without the canvas.

Amen!!! You have given me hope that there are still good men out there somewhere. My husband of 28 years is divorcing me, and one of the previous posts quoted Dr. Laura Schlessinger as saying that the 3 A’s, adultry, addiction and abuse are an impedement to a functional marriage fits my situtation to a T. I would actually wonder why I did not feel like he earned my trust and submission. My wish is that there is still men out there like you. Do you have a brother???

 

[Karianne]

What are you basing your opinion on? Do you believe God’s Word is irrelevant now in the 21st century? Do you believe God changed the roles of men and women in marriage sometime in the past 2,000 years since Paul taught the church about it?

Should we deny the husbands duty to submit to Christ, too?

How about any authority - should we only submit if we FEEL like submitting?

Gimme a break…

I am a feminist, however, you are correct. The woman submits to the man and he submits to Christ. Anyone arguing that point does not argue with you but with the bible.
It’s very important that man not be puffed up about her submission, but the requirement for wives is there.
If two people can’t work out how they can work in concert with each other, each doing what they do best, they should not be married in the first place.

 

[Karianne]

I love this part!!! God bless you… I wish my husband had this perspective.
I hope someone explains it to him so that he will know and understand this if not for me then for the future relationships.

It sounds to me that you’re not thrilled with the outcome of your actions.
I think that you should try to get him back and resolve the money issue between you. I’m sure that he has his side of the story and I wish that we knew what it was.
I’m always shocked to read about so much divorce on a Catholic forum.
Not just you,but so many.
To me, the protection of marriage has a lot more to do with heterosexuals than with the Gay community and that seems to have been forgotten by many Catholics.
Makes no sense to me.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

the elders of the church did not blame me for anything… infact they were totally supportive and tried their level best to change his mind… as far as i can remember it was the ladies who expected me to completely submissive… go figure…

I’m sorry to be confused here, and very sorry for your divorce, but…are you sure you’re Catholic? I’ve never been in a Catholic parish where there were elders and ladies involved in divorces.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

But here it goes anyway; I have been married for 21 years and have eight beutiful children…

Confused again. I don’t necessarily disagree with your statement. But, your profile shows you as being 17, and your logon shows you want to be a priest. So, where did the wife of 21 years and 8 kids come from?

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Confused again. I don’t necessarily disagree with your statement. But, your profile shows you as being 17, and your logon shows you want to be a priest. So, where did the wife of 21 years and 8 kids come from?

Maybe he is using his son’s account?

 

[mariam1976]

It sounds to me that you’re not thrilled with the outcome of your actions.
I think that you should try to get him back and resolve the money issue between you. I’m sure that he has his side of the story and I wish that we knew what it was.
I’m always shocked to read about so much divorce on a Catholic forum.
Not just you,but so many.
To me, the protection of marriage has a lot more to do with heterosexuals than with the Gay community and that seems to have been forgotten by many Catholics.
Makes no sense to me.

yes I am not thrilled about the outcome of my actions and I have tried to get him back… asking his forgiveness for every hurt and telling him that I will do everything that he wants me to do to save this marriage but he does not want to reconcile anymore.
I appreciate the fact that you are interested in knowing his side of the story… shows that u r fair minded…
Maybe you could pray for me??