Submission as a wife

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buffalo said:
Paul’s exhortation, “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord,” connects the wife’s relationship with her husband to her relationship with the Lord, in a sense linking the temporal with the supernatural. Verse 22 continues the Christological perspective begun in verse 21. “The wife’s subordination to the husband is ultimately directed to the Lord, as is the case with the church,” writes Miletic. Kyrio in verse 22 refers only to Christ; the husband is not the “lord” of his wife. Yet the phrase “as to the Lord” governs the meaning of “wives, be subject to your husbands.” Christ establishes the nature of the roles of the spouses and their relationship “because he is concerned for the good order which makes his body functional (Col 2:5).” The husband’s authority, which is ordered to the good of the union of the spouses, comes from God. For the wife to be subject to and render phobos to her husband is for her to be subject to and render phobos to Christ himself.

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Buff: Are you married? Just wondering. If that’s getting too personal, then no need to answer.
 
Al_Masetti said:
Wives should expect, if husbands love their wives as Christ loved the Church, that their husbands will work themselves to death and, in fact … die, seven years earlier than the wives.

And, demographic data suggest that men do, in fact, die seven years sooner than women.

So, … is there a connection between men dying “prematurely” and the Biblical instruction to men to love their wives as Christ loved the Church?
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No, I think that it’s due to the fact that men are more likely to take risks with their health and safety and that results in earlier deaths.
This is why a woman should always go a generation down when she marries.
Or at least ten years.
 
KellyJelly said:
If it’s 100/100 where does the submission come in? I like the 100/100 deal, I don’t like the submission word. Does that mean you are asking permission of your husband? If so, then shouldn’t it go both ways, the man should ask permission as well. If that’s the case, wouldn’t that be 100/100?

I am not trying to be a smart***, I am just curious
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When I was a child, I asked “permission”, as a married woman I do not ask for permission. We discuss it, if it is an issue I need (name removed by moderator)ut with. I don’t follow him around like a Pekenese and ask him every little thing, and he doesn’t do that to me. We do tell each other where we are going, and always ask the other, “Do you need me to stop by the store for anything on the way home?”

I don’t ask him what color the living room should be painted. I went Lowe’s, bought the paint, and painted it myself. He said, “Looks good, good job.” He chose the color of paint for the family room/den and I painted it for him. Because I enjoy painting. He cooked dinner, because he enjoys cooking. I am his help mate…I help him, he helps me. I don’t do everything that is “wifey”, cooking, vacuuming, dusting, cleaning the bathrooms, laundry, he does his share. I pull weeds, spread pine straw, prune trees, and shrubs, paint the deck railing.

If we go out to eat, we ask “what are you in the mood for?” and go from there. When choosing a car, I picked out my own car, did the research myself. When choosing a “family” car when the kids were small, we made a list of what each needed…and bought the vehicle compatiable to both. I do not follow 3 steps behind him, nor am I shushed in public when I express my opinions. We are team, it’s never 100/100, sometimes it’s 60/40, 70/30 for days on end. When I’m the 30, he is the 70 that props me up, because he loves me. When he is the 40, I am the 60 that keeps him going. Together we make 100. We can’t be 50/50 all the time nor can we be 100/100…human beings cannot put forth 100 percent every day all the time. It’s how we get through the “uneveness” that strengthens our marriage. We don’t submit, we don’t obey. It was through submitting to our parents and obeying them as children, that we have grown to respect each other as husband and wife…as man and woman.
 
KellyJelly said:
If it’s 100/100 where does the submission come in? I like the 100/100 deal, I don’t like the submission word. Does that mean you are asking permission of your husband? If so, then shouldn’t it go both ways, the man should ask permission as well so both are working together.? If that’s the case, wouldn’t that be 100/100?

I am not trying to be a smart***, I am just curious
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To my mind, there is sometimes a point where you are at a deadlock and somebody has to have the deciding vote. If it gets to that point and it is clear he has no intention of ceding the deciding vote to me, I give it to him.

I decided that before I married him, and I agreed to marry him because I respect him enough to let him be the leader even when I thought I was right and he was wrong.

The corollary to this is that I do not say, “I told you so.” He will say, “You told me so” and I will say, “No, we decided. We talked about it and when I decided to let you do it your way, that was my decision.”

I am not his slave. When I submit to his way–and the fact that he values my opinion was also a non-negotiable factor in deciding to marry him–it is my decision to do so, just as it was Christ’s free submission to the will of the Father to die on the Cross. We have to be one in God, just as Jesus is one with the Father in the Holy Spirit. So, it is not 100/100. It is simply, “100%”…and if we can’t make that, we fake that.
 
BLB_Oregon said:
If it gets to that point and it is clear he has no intention of ceding the deciding vote to me, I give it to him.
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But what if it’s a bad decision and you know it but he doesn’t? Like spending $20,000 on a celebrity item on ebay? Would you still let him decide regardless?
 
KellyJelly said:
But what if it’s a bad decision and you know it but he doesn’t? Like spending $20,000 on a celebrity item on ebay? Would you still let him decide regardless?
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I had many of those where he insisted on giving parties to his friends even though he was going into credit card debt and I could do nothing about it…
i would like to know the answer to that one too…
 
mariam1976 said:
I had many of those where he insisted on giving parties to his friends even though he was going into credit card debt and I could do nothing about it…
i would like to know the answer to that one too…
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If the credit card had my name on it also, I would cancel it.
 
Karin said:
I second that one!👍
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but that is not the point now is it? we are ultimately responsible for each other so whatever debts he runs up ultimately have to be paid for by the two of us… i actually did end up shelling out money to pay the credit card debt.

however, the card did not have my name on it…
 
mariam1976 said:
but that is not the point now is it? we are ultimately responsible for each other so whatever debts he runs up ultimately have to be paid for by the two of us… i actually did end up shelling out money to pay the credit card debt.

however, the card did not have my name on it…
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that is the point…and actually my debt is my own and not our mutal debt unless we both cosign the papers:D …
here is an example for ya…our house is mine…only my name on the deed and mortgage…so guess what this debt is mine to pay not my dh’s.
he has a credit card with only his name on it…it is HIS debt to pay not mine…his creditors can not come after me…nor can mine come after him…

Do i help him out if he needs it sure but if he racked up debt without a care in the world I would not bail him out…i would send him to a good CPA (to learn to budget) and credit counselor (to get out of debt)
 
Karin said:
actually nope…my debt is my own and not our mutal debt unless we both cosign the papers:D …
here is an example for ya…our house is mine…only my name on the deed and mortgage…so guess what this debt is mine to pay not my dh’s…
he has a credit card with only his name on it…it is HIS debt to pay not mine…his creditors can not come after me…nor can mine come after him…
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i was not talking legally but spiritually… after all that would mean that the vows were taken for better and not for worse right?

how could i let him be miserable when i had the money?? i did for a while but after that it just didnt seem right…
😦
 
mariam1976 said:
how could i let him be miserable when i had the money?? i did for a while but after that it just didnt seem right…
😦
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so bail him out once and then instead of helping him dig a bigger hole get him help…learn how to budget, get out of debt etc.
repeated bailing out does not help him or make him happy…understanding the problem and what lead him to the issues is a bigger help IMHO than constantly paying the credit card bill!

but then there also comes a time when you need to protect yourself…be it from physical, verbal abuse or financial ruin!
 
mariam1976 said:
i was not talking legally but spiritually… after all that would mean that the vows were taken for better and not for worse right?

how could i let him be miserable when i had the money?? i did for a while but after that it just didnt seem right…
😦
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mariam…it’s called co-dependency. How many times are you going to bail him at risk of making your family less financially secure because he still thinks he’s Peter Pan? It has shown his true cards…and spent over the limit. He has put “himself” where he is financially and he has brought his family to ruin because of it. Nothing you can do will make him change. Unless you can get a hold of those cards and shred 'em.

Is the house in your name or both your names? These are things you need to be moving on to. Your husband has made his bed and has chosen the Never Never Land as his home. Now you must do what you need to do to get your spirituality on track, get your finances up, and get the support you need for you and the children.
 
oh… we dont have any children and i only bailed him out once before he decided to let everything go and move on…😦
go to neverneverland as u mentioned…
 
Julianna said:
mariam…it’s called co-dependency. How many times are you going to bail him at risk of making your family less financially secure because he still thinks he’s Peter Pan? It has shown his true cards…and spent over the limit. He has put “himself” where he is financially and he has brought his family to ruin because of it. Nothing you can do will make him change. Unless you can get a hold of those cards and shred 'em.

Is the house in your name or both your names? These are things you need to be moving on to. Your husband has made his bed and has chosen the Never Never Land as his home. Now you must do what you need to do to get your spirituality on track, get your finances up, and get the support you need for you and the children.
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This is a good point, if she gets a civil divorce she needs to protect her financial interests.
However, if she feels that she still loves him and wants to see if they can work things out I think she may want to wait on a new relationship, so, on that level I hope that she just uses her time to know herself and her own needs spiritually and maybe go back to school or, in some way, develop herself.
Mariam, please take heed and make sure that you are not financially vulnerable, in some states, even when you are legally separated, you can still be responsible for his bills, and he for yours, so you may want to talk to a lawyer.
 
mariam1976 said:
oh… we dont have any children and i only bailed him out once before he decided to let everything go and move on…😦
go to neverneverland as u mentioned…
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Good for you. You have taken the first step by getting counseling. You need to get your spiritual self ready to prepare for whatever comes next. (sorry about the children part…you know what they say about assume 😃 )
 
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