I would also suggest being very descriptive about what you want, how long, etc. Give feedback if we are doing it right or wrong. Most men are task oriented. We want to do what makes you feel good and do it well. We are really bad at mind reading.
My wife was usually the silent type and I sort of had to guess what she liked by watching her facial expressions. I never really knew what made her feel good and what she was just putting up with. She told me a few years ago that she never really had good orgasms until she was in her 30’s. I asked her what the problem was. She said that she always felt like she was going to pee when she had the big moment so she would hold back. I told her that I think that is impossible unless she had some kind of medical problem.
I looked it up on the internet and sure enough that is a common feeling for women. They feel like they are going to pee when they have an orgasam. Once she let go of that fear (I always thought that would be interesting when she told me, not wierd) she had much more intense orgasms.
Most men like women who are assertive in the bedroom. It is a big turn on. Please don’t feel wierd, shy, etc. Learn what you like, TELL us and provide feedback on how we are doing.
As for foreplay, men don’t really need it
Disagree totally here. I not only need the foreplay in playing with my wife, but I need her to want to do things to me as well. It isn’t sex - it is knowing she wants to make me feel as good and as much as I love making her feel good. And it is a much better buildup to the finale.
all so we are sort of clueless about what to do unless we are told, specifically what to do. My wife likes me to use my fingers down there. That is what I was told. So I did. It took her probably 6 months to tell me I was doing it wrong. Then it was like pulling teeth to find out how I was supposed to do it. I finally just told her to put her hand on mine and show me what I am supposed to do. Then I understood and no more problems.
Women also need to ask men where they are at. Once we are done the fun is over for at least an hour for most men. If your not done then this can also be a problem for some men. We feel like we did not “get the job done”. Then the icing is “It’s fine hun I had a good time” That is man speak for “You flopped and left me hanging”. Men are the only ones who are required to finish inside the women. If the woman is not done a man should use other means to make sure his spouse can finish as well. I now insist on this and it does make my wife feel better. She is never left out now.
After my wife had kids she had a hard time finishing. She never said anything until I asked. Again I wondered why she didn’t say anything? I bought a vibrating toy. This solved that problem. She doesn’t need it when she is pregnant, but when she is not she says she has a really long work out without the toy to get to the finish line.
My whole point is that men need communication and feedback. We are task oriented. My wife always used to get upset when we were younger with phrases like “Why don’t you ever do the dishes” or “Why don’t you ever do the laundry” , etc. I just said I didn’t know she wanted me to do that. I said “Just tell me what you want me to do when you want me to do it”. That is what I do (and it sometimes gets me in trouble).
. In spite of this, I’m just not always interested in having sex at the end of a day that started at 6 and ended at 11. I need the kind of foreplay that makes having sex irresistible for me when I’m that tired and disinterested. I know what would work, I just feel extremely awkward telling DH , hey you know what would make me want to have sex more - get all caveman on me (still omitting specifics for all of your benefit) LOL. I don’t know how to kick of such an awkward conversation that will likely be somewhat embarrassing for me.