Teenagers and birth control

[puzzleannie]

How would you answer someone who said to you, “You should think about getting some form of birth control for your sixteen year old daughter. I know your Church doesn’t approve of birth control, but that won’t stop her from having sex. And you wouldn’t want her to get pregnant.”

my response to such a breach of common courtesy would be (and has been), “In your concern for my daughter you may have forgotten that number one I am her parent, not you, and number two, you have just insulted my daughter, my family and my religion, so I don’t feel you have anything valid to contribute.”

 

[mikew262]

They need support in staying chaste-not bad advice on how to be promiscus and get away with it.

Noble, but naive IMO. They need advice on both, with emphasis on staying chaste, but education on the other as well.

 

[psteichen]

Noble, but naive IMO. They need advice on both, with emphasis on staying chaste, but education on the other as well.

So its better to be practical and cover your butt, than noble and firm on your convictions?

Sorry, but to not fully educate your children is not doing them any favors IMO.

Sure, well perhaps we should teach them evasive driving techniques as well, so that if they are about to be pulled over for speeding they can outrun the police. And maybe we should sit down as a family and study some of those “Forensic” shows, so that if they ever, in a fit of passion, kill their neighbor they will know how to avoid the consequences.

BTW, I don’t advocate abortion.

Really? Don’t you realize that one of the primary ways ABC prevents pregnancy is by preventing the implantation of the fertilized egg in the uterine wall? This is a chemical abortion. Would you recommend we give our kids the morning after pill as well? This is only one small step further.

Sorry folks, but like it or not, this is reality.

Well Mike, while you seem to be comfortable living in the reality that is our modern culture. Many parents hope to educate their children in a way that promotes a positive change in future generations, not continued degradation.

My point is it’s easy to give advice and pontificate, but until you’ve walked the walk…

If you are speaking from personal experience Mike I’d say you didn’t walk the walk either, but rather chickened out and took a cab and left the walking up to us. But at least you saved yourself the humiliation of having a pregnant daughter, right?

 

[Consecrated]

my response to such a breach of common courtesy would be (and has been), “In your concern for my daughter you may have forgotten that number one I am her parent, not you, and number two, you have just insulted my daughter, my family and my religion, so I don’t feel you have anything valid to contribute.”

Puzzleannie, as always, you say it so well.

IMO, a remark such as the OP reported does not merit any other answer.

 

[a_cermak]

I definitely would be offended by anyone butting into such a personal matter as my daughter’s sexuality. And I’m on the liberal side of things.

Now I would educate my daughters and sons on ways to protect themselves from disease and pregnancy, while teaching them that I have reared them better than to use another as a sexual object, which is what so much of teen sexuality is about.

I don’t really care for the comparing of information about safer sex with evasive driving techniques to avoid police or forensic shows to avoid detection of a crime. That comparison seems to elevate unmarried sex to a far greater harm than it actually is, and to equate babies with punishment.

 

[psteichen]

I don’t really care for the comparing of information about safer sex with evasive driving techniques to avoid police or forensic shows to avoid detection of a crime. That comparison seems to elevate unmarried sex to a far greater harm than it actually is, and to equate babies with punishment.

I was not equating babies with punishment. Certainly babies are not punishment, but they are consequences. They are a wonderful consequence of a sinful act (assuming we’re talking about unmarried people of course). Pretty amazing that God would bless a sinner with such a gift. But there are other consequences as well. Even if a pregnancy is ignored other consequences include STDs, a “reputation”, future cervical cancer, shame and loss of respect.

By teaching your daughter about “safer sex” you are mearly instructing her on how to avoid some of the consequences of her actions. This will encourage her to give in to her temptations during a moment of weakness, because you taught her how to get away with it.

Personally I would rather find out that my daughter had been speeding (breaking a civil law, from the analogy) than engaging in premarital sex (breaking God’s law). But my intention was not to compare various sins she could commit, but to show how silly it is to teach her methods of avoiding the consequences of her actions.

Want another silly example? This one doesn’t even involve a sin. You teach your daughter that smoking is bad for her and has many harmful physical, social, and financial consequences. You then proceed to explain to her that you know she might try it anyway, so make sure she smokes low tar filters. Oh and don’t buy the cheap ones they have REALY bad stuff in them, if you need me to buy the safer ones for you I will. On second thought why don’t I just buy you a carton of the “safer” ones and we’ll keep them in the garage in case you need them. Don’t tell your Dad, he’s a real prude.
:bigyikes:

 

[wjp984]

well why not just say you will talk to your daughter about it and she will probably be even more outraged at the suggestion than you are.

 

[siamesecat]

Here’s my take.

My parents wouldnt want to teach me to outrun the cops, because if I got in trouble for speeding, they would WANT me to face the consequences. They would want me to have to pay a fine, more car insurance, and maybe even have me lose my license, because theyd want me to pay for my actions.

My parents wouldnt teach me how to avoid getting caught cheating on a test for the same reason; they’d want me to take the zero and scare me out of doing it again.

But if I made the poor decision to have sex, they would NOT want me to face the more severe consequences, such as a pregnancy or STD. If a man use me as a sexual object and then left, they’d want me to learn from the experience. But even though having sex was irresponsible,they don’t want me to live with a child or an STD to keep me from doing it again. they want to prevent that from ever happening. The consequences are alot greater and would alter my whole life…not teach me a simple lesson.

 

[KATA_LOUKAN]

My parents wouldnt want to teach me to outrun the cops, because if I got in trouble for speeding, they would WANT me to face the consequences. They would want me to have to pay a fine, more car insurance, and maybe even have me lose my license, because theyd want me to pay for my actions.

My parents wouldnt teach me how to avoid getting caught cheating on a test for the same reason; they’d want me to take the zero and scare me out of doing it again.

I would say getting thrown out of a university (consequence for cheating) or running from cops could give you VERY SERIOUS consequences. Just look at COPS and AMERICAS MOST WANTED. The chases start out for speeding, but can kill people.

It seems like you just want to choose what consequences you can aviod, and if going on birth control can provide an easy out, then why not? If you approach college with the mindset that you will make sexual mistakes, then you probably will. It is hard enough for those who are resolute.

Also, I would say imperiling your immortal soul is of consequence, no?

 

[Cadence]

Mike

How many sexually active teenage girls were given a good education by their parents in chastity and plenty of support throughout their teenage years?
I’m a 25 year old girl by the way, and while most of the girls I knew either had sex in high school or in uni, none of them were given any advice on remaining chaste. Some were told “don’t you get pregnant or your out of here!” or “don’t get pregnant or I’m taking you to get an abortion” but most didn’t even get spoken to by their parents.
I think it is naive for parents who don’t talk to thier kids about it to think their kids won’t have sex, but not if they give them support and good quality education on the matter.

 

[crmcfl]

This same mentality was around when I was in high school in the 70s. “Everyone’s having sex. Everyone’s having drugs.” And a lot of them were. Well, guess what? I wasn’t. And I was insulted by the assumption that I would. It was especially assumed that I would because my mother was a widow, so her friends told her that I would automatically have sex because I missed my father. And when I would say “not everyone is like that” I’d often get “Oh, yes, you are, you just won’t admit it.” Guilty conscience? The feeling that “because I’m doing it everyone else must be doing it as well?” Misery really does love company. Many of the people I knew ended up pregnant (ironically enough they were those whose mothers put them on the pill at an early age, so there goes that argument). 30 years later, most of that group are multiply divorced, bitter and raising promiscuous children who are perpetuating the cycle. One turned her life around, married a stable guy, and tells her children not to make the same mistakes she made. Some had abortions. Some regret their past mistakes. Some still don’t get it, insist “that’s just the way it is these days,” continue to sleep around and wonder why they can’t find a good guy. One had a 15-year-old daughter who killed herself because she had sex with a boy and he dumped her. How tragic is that?

What made a difference to me was that I was raised with the idea that I was not created to be used and sex was not a party favor. My husband and I have 2 children in their 20s now and they feel the same way. It’s not that hard when you respect yourself, when you have goals that you’re working toward, and when you’re selective about who you date in the first place. It’s really disturbing to me that we sell our young people so short with the view that they’re doomed to be nothing more than animals in perpetual heat with no intelligence whatsoever.

 

[bluerose]

Here’s my take.

But if I made the poor decision to have sex, they would NOT want me to face the more severe consequences, such as a pregnancy or STD. If a man use me as a sexual object and then left, they’d want me to learn from the experience. But even though having sex was irresponsible,they don’t want me to live with a child or an STD to keep me from doing it again. they want to prevent that from ever happening. The consequences are alot greater and would alter my whole life…not teach me a simple lesson.

It sounds to me that you’re acknowleging that being “protected” from the more serious consequences will also tempt you into making that poor decision in the first place.

I also don’t see how being used isn’t going to alter your whole life. If it seems so rare for a woman to be a virgin on her wedding night, I think it would be even more rare to find a woman who had sex just ONCE with a man who used her, learned from the experience of that “poor decision”, and remained chaste until marriage. I know a few women who had sex in high school or college and were dumped by these “boyfriends” who, at the ages of 40 to 50, are STILL looking for someone who will love and respect them. They’ve been through painful divorces (some more than one) and are raising their children alone and wondering how to keep their daughters from making the same mistakes they did. So they pick the “easy” answer–“If I hadn’t gotten pregnant and had kids, then I wouldn’t be worrying about them making the same mistakes I did, so if my kids don’t have kids, then they won’t have to worry either!”

I’m sorry, that doesn’t work for me. I believe if you have high standards–and keep them high–you are less likely to be tempted to make a “poor decision”. Children who are taught honesty and to respect other people’s property are less likely to shoplift or steal. Children who are taught to respect their bodies and encouraged to work toward good health are less likely to smoke, drink or do drugs. Children who are taught to respect their integrity and have pride in their own abilities are less likely to cheat on tests. You can’t just teach a child, “This is wrong” or “This is bad”. You also have to teach them “This is right” and “This is good”… and encourage them with good examples!

It’s apparent that fear of the consequences won’t keep you from making the mistake; it’ll only prod you to find a way to make mistakes without consequences. Nothing good is ever learned that way.

BlueRose

 

[moira]

How would you answer someone who said to you, “You should think about getting some form of birth control for your sixteen year old daughter. I know your Church doesn’t approve of birth control, but that won’t stop her from having sex. And you wouldn’t want her to get pregnant.”

Just yesterday someone else said the very same thing to me. You see, the cause of these remarks is that my other daughter is pregnant and these people think that I should prevent her sister from getting pregnant. Now, I think that watching her sister go through this would stop her from making the same mistake.

These people with their comments are trying to be helpful but they don’t understand the Church’s position and when I say that I will not help her sin they don’t seem to understand that either.

I think that a lot of people don’t know what sin is. They think that since it is accepted by society that it is o.k. And if you say that artificial birth control is a sin, they just don’t get it at all.

 

[mikew262]

I think that a lot of people don’t know what sin is. They think that since it is accepted by society that it is o.k. And if you say that artificial birth control is a sin, they just don’t get it at all.

I believe (I could be wrong on this) only the Catholic Church considers birth control sinful. If these folks are not Catholic, there lies the reason for their confusion.

 

[fix]

These people with their comments are trying to be helpful but they don’t understand the Church’s position and when I say that I will not help her sin they don’t seem to understand that either.

I think that a lot of people don’t know what sin is. They think that since it is accepted by society that it is o.k. And if you say that artificial birth control is a sin, they just don’t get it at all.

Perhaps part of the problem is that folks mistakenly think the prohibition against contraception is simply a Catholic “rule” like no meat on Fridays. They should be informed it binds all people no matter their faith or no faith at all. That many do not discern this yet in no way negates the truth of the matter.

 

[a_cermak]

Perhaps part of the problem is that folks mistakenly think the prohibition against contraception is simply a Catholic “rule” like no meat on Fridays. They should be informed it binds all people no matter their faith or no faith at all. That many do not discern this yet in no way negates the truth of the matter.

It does not, only by Catholic rubrics does it bind, and if one does not agree to follow Catholic rubrics or authority structures, then one is not bound by any rule set forth by the Catholic church.

I think of it as consent of the governed. The person gives consent to follow a Church’s teaching by joining it.

 

[Cristiano]

It does not, only by Catholic rubrics does it bind, and if one does not agree to follow Catholic rubrics or authority structures, then one is not bound by any rule set forth by the Catholic church.

I think of it as consent of the governed. The person gives consent to follow a Church’s teaching by joining it.

It does! It is not a simple rule (discipline) defined by the Catholic rubrics, but it is reminded to us by the Catholic Church as being against natural law.

 

[setter]

It does! It is not a simple rule (discipline) defined by the Catholic rubrics, but it is reminded to us by the Catholic Church as being against natural law.

Absolutely. God is absolute. Right is right, wrong is wrong, when it comes to matters of natural and moral law. Degree of culpability though is different matter.

 

[a_cermak]

And I would say that what the Pope says is not binding on me. Even what all the Catholic Bishops working in a council say is not binding on me. Now, if all the Catholic Bishops and all the Eastern Orthodox Bishops and all the Episcopalian Bishops, Coptic Bishops, and other miscellaneous Bishops worldwide were to get into an Ecumenical Council and come to a conclusion, that would be binding on all Christians who belonged to those various denominations.

 

[ALLFORHIM]

Hi,

I just took my 13 year old daughter for her yearly check up and was approached and informed about that vaccine for HPV. Someone here told me it was a sexually transmitted disease that can cause cancer. I didnt get her the vaccine because I feel if I do I am pretty much saying it is ok to have sex. Am I not? I did tell my daughter all about the vaccine and why I didnt want her to have it. She of course shrugs it off as “WHATEVER”. I am told that THEY DO LISTEN even if it doesnt seem like it. Every opportunity I get, I teach her about abstinence and if she has sex she is defiling herself. My church also teaches our teen about what God expects from them. I have also told her that if she makes a mistake and has sex that she need to ask God for forgiveness and turn away from sexual sin. I wanted heer to know it is forgivable but she has to STOP, until she is married. My christian friend also told me to tell her that if a boy pressures her for sex and says I love you–say if you love me you wont want to defile my body through sex.

AFH