Tell me about your experiences with co-sleeping and the family bed

[AnnaTherese]

We have co-slept with my almost three year old daughter since the day she was born. It is extremely convenient for me. Getting out of bed in the middle of the night to walk down the hall to another room is extremely inconvenient, IMO, and absolutely does make for a rough start the next day. I definitely get more sleep this way. My daughter has always been a frequent nurser and frequent waker at night. Even when I have tried putting her in her own bed, the night waking does not decrease.

I wouldn’t ever put a baby who isn’t yet mobile and fully regulating his own breathing in a bed by himself because I think that’s a huge reason why so many babies die of SIDS. This is backed up by research by Dr. Sears. He wrote a whole book on it and spent much time with hi-tech sleep equipment tracking the sleep patterns of infants when sleeping with and away from their mothers. He says it has to do with “sleep apnea.” The theory is that in a bed separate from you, your infant cannot hear your heartbeat and breathing, which is what apparently stimulates him to keep breathing, subconsciously. As you know, infants do not regulate their own breathing and often have stop-breathing episodes. The danger is when these episodes last too long and the child suffocates and dies. Theoretically, then, if the infant “hears” his mother breathing, this will not happen. So that’s why I absolutely would not sleep away from my baby until breathing is fully regulated.

After that is established, other factors come into play. Nursing at night is very healthy for the child and helps to keep your cycles at bay for a good while. Mine came back at her first birthday, but even now I’m having trouble conceiving and it looks like I’ll have to start night weaning soon, to see if that works. The question becomes, how independent do I want her to be right now, and is she truly ready for that? Usually, it’s best to allow children to reach independence on their own timetables, and not to hurry the process simply because it inconveniences us a little. That said, there are without a doubt plenty of reasons why it would be better for a child to sleep at least in his own bed next to yours, or perhaps in another room.

I will also add, though, that a couple of times over the past few years, I have awakened to find my daughter vomiting in her sleep, apparently from some virus. She did not awaken from it, and I doubt either of us would have noticed it until morning. What if she had choked on her own vomit? Things like that keep me from putting her in her own bed before her time.

Remember that the other name for SIDS is “crib death.” This is because it almost always happens in a crib or stroller or playpen or other baby device. It rarely happens in an adult bed with adults present to keep watch. You should definitely use a guard rail or push your bed up against a wall. My daughter did fall out of bed a couple of times when I didn’t have one on the bed. That was not fun. If you are intoxicated or extremely obese or under the influence of sleep-inducing drugs, you should not sleep with your child, but other than that, it’s extremely safe.

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

well I don’t know about the “family bed” thoery. The sake of practicality would prevent it in our home. Our bed is barely big enough for the 3 of us as it is.

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**At night when they wake up to nurse, I usually bring them to bed with me and that’s where they stay from then until I get for the new day. I would never feel comfortable putting a baby to bed alone in a regular bed, so all other sleep times are in the crib - which is in our room. **

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I don’t bring non-nursing children to our bed. No real reason, that’s just not what we do. We’re more likely to go to them and comfort them in their room or sleep in the living room with them when sick. That’s more comfortable for us.

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I believe firmly in doing what’s best for each baby and situation. I’ve had some that I didn’t bf in bed because they went to sleep too quick and didn’t eat as much as I felt they should. Or babies that kick like they are pro soccer players on the run for a goal - they and us slept better apart.

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No matter what, I don’t think any of it affected when they started to sleep through the night or our intimacy. If anything, I would imagine that being willing to tailor our parenting to the realistic situation and needs at hand would make it easier.

 

[Syele]

We co-slept up until my daughter was 2. (the same time she stopped nursing) About the same time, my friends kid was transitioning from crib to toddler bed, we transitioned from my bed to her own. I really saw no difference in how hard it was to switch either kid, they both resisted the change with all their mights! (I point this out because of how many people told me “Oh! You’ll never get her out of your bed if you let her sleep there!” We can say the exact same thing of the crib.)

I have a paper I printed up on sleeping safety I give out when people ask in person… Co-sleeping rules to be sure your Baby is safe… 13 Crib safety rules … around 30.

You don’t roll over on the kid for the same reason you don’t fall out of bed… You know where the edge is even in your sleep and you know where the baby is, even in your sleep. If you fall out of bed as an adult… you sleep much too deeply to have a baby there. Also, as others mentioned if you take meds that make you sleep extra deeply it can also be dangerous because you aren’t in your right mind.

We loved it and now (She is 4 now) I let her sleep with me once in awhile as a special treat.

 

[MooCowSteph]

I don’t know … it would scare me. My dad lays flat as a board sleeping and doesn’t move, and my mom wakes up at the slightest noise (how anyone manages to sneak out of the house past their parents baffles me). But me, while I’m not a dead-heavy sleeper, I’m not like my mom, and I toss and turn so much every morning all my blankets are on the floor around my bed. I could see very easily crushing a baby.

You know she’s there even in your sleep. My dh was worried about it, too, until she was born and came to bed. He realized that even in his sleep he was aware ofher presence.

 

[Robaynne]

I have given up even trying to get the kids out of the bed with me. When they were younger they would sleep in their own room. But when the father and I separated last year they both ended up sleeping in the bed together. My son is 8 and daughter is 6 and they want the comfort of having me next to them with all the drama that we have had in our lives. And I do not have the heart to chance them to their own beds. I guess we comfort each other because during the night if they kick me and almost kick me off the bed then I end up in one one their rooms and when I wake up in the morning the girl or boy end up next me.

 

[TarAshly]

Hey Stephanie, I am not a mommy yet but I was a child care professional (fancy word for Nanny with a degree) for several years. Bedding is often a huge frustration for parents. There is a technique that will slowly train a child to stay in their bed. Its tough on parents, especially mommies but it works! start with your child in their crib. The child will inevitably cry. sit yourself in front of the crib facing away from your baby. if baby gets out of the crib simply place the child back in the crib and resume your seat. The most important thing is to NOT interact with the child AT ALL. slowly day by day scooch closer and closer to the door. Once you are out of the door keep it cracked and sit outside of the door until finally the door is either closed or cracked. one kiss and one cuddle while placing the child in the crib THE FIRST time is the most interaction any child should have during the process. no toys, music machines, books etc. should be in the crib with baby. These items over stimulate a child and keeps baby from falling asleep. this process typically takes a week, sometimes more depending on baby and parent. It will be very tough but it WORKS trust me. If any of you watch Super Nanny she displayed this technique once on her show. It is a proven technique that most child care majors are trained to apply. PM if you need more details. Good luck!

 

[hasikelee]

Hey Stephanie, I am not a mommy yet but I was a child care professional (fancy word for Nanny with a degree) for several years. Bedding is often a huge frustration for parents. There is a technique that will slowly train a child to stay in their bed. Its tough on parents, especially mommies but it works! start with your child in their crib. The child will inevitably cry. sit yourself in front of the crib facing away from your baby. if baby gets out of the crib simply place the child back in the crib and resume your seat. The most important thing is to NOT interact with the child AT ALL. slowly day by day scooch closer and closer to the door. Once you are out of the door keep it cracked and sit outside of the door until finally the door is either closed or cracked. one kiss and one cuddle while placing the child in the crib THE FIRST time is the most interaction any child should have during the process. no toys, music machines, books etc. should be in the crib with baby. These items over stimulate a child and keeps baby from falling asleep. this process typically takes a week, sometimes more depending on baby and parent. It will be very tough but it WORKS trust me. If any of you watch Super Nanny she displayed this technique once on her show. It is a proven technique that most child care majors are trained to apply. PM if you need more details. Good luck!

To each his own.

But That sounds asbsolutely horrible!

 

[Scottgun]

Have two children that co-slept for over a year. Both went to their own beds and sleep for 6-8 hours with no fussing. Don’t let anyone tell you co-sleeping is a dogmatic no-no. Obvioulsy if you find it frustrating, don’t do it.

And the whole mommy-daddy time thing is bogus. Who said it has to be at bedtime? And for that matter, who says it has to be in the bed?

Scott

 

[CatholicSam]

Some nights it’s one child and mom and dad. Some nights daddy works late (in our garage where he can pace and write and do daddy things lol) and several children end up in bed with mom and dad sleeps in the guest room when he comes in. Some nights mom and dad have the bed all to themselves. If one or two are sick, one of us take them to the guest room so as to not disturb everyone else. If someone has a bad dream we’ll snuggle them in their own bed back to sleep and return to our bed. We have rotating beds! LOL and it works for us. We find plenty of time and opportunity to be alone when needed We don’t find it a problem in our home and our children aren’t overly dependent on us in other aspects of life. They often don’t like to sleep alone at night–do you?

Jennifer

Actually, I like having plenty of room to stretch out and sleep When I nap during the day or sleep in in the mornings after hubby gets up, I love to have the whole bed to myself.

I’ve heard of families that put mattresses down wall-to-wall in one room, where everyone sleeps every night. I was wondering if you do this and how the family still manages to grow with this arrangement Sounds like you don’t really practice *the *“Family Bed” but as you said, “Rotating Beds”.

Thanks for sharing your story

I also second what Scottgun said about babies co-sleeping for the first year or so, and then sleeping soundly later on. Our boy almost always sleeps through the night now, and as I posted earlier, we co-slept for the first 15 months.

 

[TarAshly]

To each his own.

But That sounds asbsolutely horrible!

It is horrible for the parent, the families I worked for usually had me do this training at nap time, so baby was less upset for mom and dad at night. Its hard for a mother to just let her baby cry. And studies vary about the so called “Family Bed” wether its a good thing for mom and dad and baby, it really is up to the family to decide. This technique just offers an option for parents who want their children to sleep in their own beds. This technique is not traumatic for a child, its just upsetting and they do eventually adjust. you would be amazed though how smart kids are, they know exactly what buttons to push to get to go to bed with mommy and daddy! the little boogers are clever little things even as infants! typically baby is not trained, mom and dad are!

 

[Ham1]

A couple of interesting things have happened with our babies in bed.

First in regard to the “rollover” danger. I have seen small (think 6 weeks) babies on a couple of occasions who when the parent was rolling toward them reflexively extended their arms and cried out (loudly) all well asleep. This caused the parent to stop rolling. Nature is really really smart.

Another is that small babies moderate their breathing to be similar to the adults (not the same speed because their lungs are smaller, but close). Several times over the years we would wake and hear the infant in our bed breathing at a very rapid almost agitated pace. All you have to do is put your face and your body close to the baby and breath deeply at a relaxed pace. Almost instantly the baby’s breathing will become relaxed and measured.

I highly recommend co-sleeping as it clearly seems to be what God the Father had in mind when he designed us.

 

[MooCowSteph]

It is horrible for the parent, the families I worked for usually had me do this training at nap time, so baby was less upset for mom and dad at night. Its hard for a mother to just let her baby cry. And studies vary about the so called “Family Bed” wether its a good thing for mom and dad and baby, it really is up to the family to decide. This technique just offers an option for parents who want their children to sleep in their own beds. This technique is not traumatic for a child, its just upsetting and they do eventually adjust. you would be amazed though how smart kids are, they know exactly what buttons to push to get to go to bed with mommy and daddy! the little boogers are clever little things even as infants! typically baby is not trained, mom and dad are!

Thanks for the advice but we have decided not to employ these kinds of sleep training methods. They can actually be quite tramatic and effect the bond between parent and baby.The baby may learn that mommy isn’t there when needed and not trust her as much. We actually like the family bed. I just thought others might like to share their experiences with having their little ones in bed.

From an article:
Keep one thing in mind when you consider letting your child cry it out. If you were upset and could not speak to communicate your needs, and you were crying in the middle of the night, how would you feel if your spouse walked by your room and ignored your cries? You would continue to cry until you came to the realization that the person who means more to you than anyone else in the world was not going to help you. Then you would stop crying. You would stop crying not because your needs have changed or gone away; no, you stop crying because you feel defeated. It is no different for your child.

 

[TarAshly]

Thanks for the advice but we have decided not to employ these kinds of sleep training methods. They can actually be quite tramatic and effect the bond between parent and baby.The baby may learn that mommy isn’t there when needed and not trust her as much. We actually like the family bed. I just thought others might like to share their experiences with having their little ones in bed.

From an article:
Keep one thing in mind when you consider letting your child cry it out. If you were upset and could not speak to communicate your needs, and you were crying in the middle of the night, how would you feel if your spouse walked by your room and ignored your cries? You would continue to cry until you came to the realization that the person who means more to you than anyone else in the world was not going to help you. Then you would stop crying. You would stop crying not because your needs have changed or gone away; no, you stop crying because you feel defeated. It is no different for your child.

I have heard that theory before too. Like I said I am not a mommy yet and I am sure that all sorts of things change with this. that does put things in perspective though Steph! Thanks!

 

[Karin]

I also second what Scottgun said about babies co-sleeping for the first year or so, and then sleeping soundly later on. Our boy almost always sleeps through the night now, and as I posted earlier, we co-slept for the first 15 months.

None of my kids shared our bed…none of them had any issues with sleeping in their own crib or bed…no fussing crying etc.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

None of my kids shared our bed…none of them had any issues with sleeping in their own crib or bed…no fussing crying etc.

Mine didn’t share either. My first spent her first year (+) in our room, but in her own bassinet then crib. Actually, she sleeps better in her own room than in ours (it was harder for me to adjust to have my daughter in another room than for her to adjust, even with video and sound monitors). My second sleeps wonderfully (so far hehe) in his bassinet in the room.

 

[Ham1]

Hey Stephanie, I am not a mommy yet but I was a child care professional (fancy word for Nanny with a degree) for several years. Bedding is often a huge frustration for parents. There is a technique that will slowly train a child to stay in their bed. Its tough on parents, especially mommies but it works! start with your child in their crib. The child will inevitably cry. sit yourself in front of the crib facing away from your baby. if baby gets out of the crib simply place the child back in the crib and resume your seat. The most important thing is to NOT interact with the child AT ALL. slowly day by day scooch closer and closer to the door. Once you are out of the door keep it cracked and sit outside of the door until finally the door is either closed or cracked. one kiss and one cuddle while placing the child in the crib THE FIRST time is the most interaction any child should have during the process. no toys, music machines, books etc. should be in the crib with baby. These items over stimulate a child and keeps baby from falling asleep. this process typically takes a week, sometimes more depending on baby and parent. It will be very tough but it WORKS trust me. If any of you watch Super Nanny she displayed this technique once on her show. It is a proven technique that most child care majors are trained to apply. PM if you need more details. Good luck!

I understand that you mean well, but you may want to read this article:

ezzo.info/Articles/neo_evangelizing_0.htm

It explains quite well why these sorts of parenting techniques are thoroughly out of step with the Catholic concept of the human person and even damaging to the development of the child.

 

[Karin]

Mine didn’t share either. My first spent her first year (+) in our room, but in her own bassinet then crib. Actually, she sleeps better in her own room than in ours (it was harder for me to adjust to have my daughter in another room than for her to adjust, even with video and sound monitors). My second sleeps wonderfully (so far hehe) in his bassinet in the room.

My youngest spent 3 months in his own bassinet in our room…after that he was in his crib in his own room:thumbsup: …actually I never had any issues with the kids going to sleep in their own rooms…I actually looked forward to the day that they went to their own rooms and I actually am looking forward to the day that they are all out of the house and not living at home!

 

[Jennifer_J]

This technique is not traumatic for a child, its just upsetting and they do eventually adjust. you would be amazed though how smart kids are, they know exactly what buttons to push to get to go to bed with mommy and daddy! the little boogers are clever little things even as infants! typically baby is not trained, mom and dad are!

I know someone addressed this a bit, but infants under about 6 months old are not manipulative. They have needs, and we, as parents and caregivers are to tend to those needs–both physical and emotional. During that 6th month or so, babies have learned what gets results and don’t like change. They still aren’t really manipulative, they just know what they want To let an infant under 6 months old cry it out, IMHO, is harmful to the infant (it take a lot of effort to cry, enegry better used in growing and learning). After about that 6 month mark, letting them fuss a bit isn’t a huge deal, though I think leaving them to cry themselves to exhaustion is not a good idea either. There is a healthy balance of creating independence in children and I personally think waiting until they aren’t infants and toddlers is a good thing to do. Toddlers naturally want to be independant!!!

Jennifer

 

[Jay2]

We didn’t do it with our two. Maybe it’s selfish but we wanted just one area of the house that was totally off-limits to the kids.

Now before anyone goes off on me , from birth to around 6 - 8 months the bassinet was in our room right next to my wife’s side of the bed (she breast-fed). When the babies were cranky or having a bad night we’d just reach over and bring them into our bed until they settled down. Then right back into their bed.

When older, 8mos - 8 years they had their own room and appropriate bed. Again, if they were worked up or bad dreams they could come into our room and settle down. But then we’d tuck them back in their own bed.

They know we’re just a few feet away.

IMO I think this has helped them. They’ve never had a problem sleeping at someone else’s house, or in a strange bed.

 

[hasikelee]

I don’t know … it would scare me. My dad lays flat as a board sleeping and doesn’t move, and my mom wakes up at the slightest noise (how anyone manages to sneak out of the house past their parents baffles me). But me, while I’m not a dead-heavy sleeper, I’m not like my mom, and I toss and turn so much every morning all my blankets are on the floor around my bed. I could see very easily crushing a baby.

That reminds me of my friend’s parents. The hubbie tosses and turns so much that they actually sleep in separate beds!

I guess they still make time for cuddles and more because they’ve been together for 25 years!

Whatever works best for the individuals, KWIM?