Tell me about your experiences with co-sleeping and the family bed

[hasikelee]

It is horrible for the parent, the families I worked for usually had me do this training at nap time, so baby was less upset for mom and dad at night. Its hard for a mother to just let her baby cry. And studies vary about the so called “Family Bed” wether its a good thing for mom and dad and baby, it really is up to the family to decide. This technique just offers an option for parents who want their children to sleep in their own beds. This technique is not traumatic for a child, its just upsetting and they do eventually adjust. you would be amazed though how smart kids are, they know exactly what buttons to push to get to go to bed with mommy and daddy! the little boogers are clever little things even as infants! typically baby is not trained, mom and dad are!

Yes, the family bed is not for everyone! And the training technique isn’t either!

But that just sounds horrible! Not flaming or anything as it sounds as if you know your stuff when it comes to training.

I would be interested in an empirical study on the physiological affects of that method. I wonder if stress triad affects babies in this situation and what the long term symptoms are.

 

[MooCowSteph]

I would be interested in an empirical study on the physiological affects of that method. I wonder if stress triad affects babies in this situation and what the long term symptoms are.

mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=521202

This is a link to a thread on another forums with a multitude of links to articles and studies on the damaging effects of CIO (not a balanced view, just so you know, all anti-CIO). Should you have many, many hours to spend reading articles and studies about sleep, have at it.

 

[MooCowSteph]

I would be interested in an empirical study on the physiological affects of that method. I wonder if stress triad affects babies in this situation and what the long term symptoms are.

mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=521202

This is a link to a thread on another forums with a multitude of links to articles and studies on the damaging effects of CIO (not a balanced view, just so you know, all anti-CIO). Should you have many, many hours to spend reading articles and studies about sleep, have at it.

This is one I remember reading though a few months ago. aeca.org.au/Controled%20Crying.pdf

 

[TarAshly]

Yes, the family bed is not for everyone! And the training technique isn’t either!

But that just sounds horrible! Not flaming or anything as it sounds as if you know your stuff when it comes to training.

I would be interested in an empirical study on the physiological affects of that method. I wonder if stress triad affects babies in this situation and what the long term symptoms are.

my personal opinion is that this technique should never be attempted until a child is around 2 or 3 depending on the child and wether or not they have asserted some self reliance. on top of that until this age a child has no sense of permanancy, if something is gone its just gone and that can be hard on baby when its momma thats gone. You can test where your child is at with their sense of permanancy by taking a loved toy and in while the child is watching hide it behind a pillow or something. If the child get screaming mad then they are not yet ready for bed training and have not fully developed that sense of permanancy thats so crucial. if the child looks for the toy then you can safely begin bed training if thats what you want. it all depends on the developmental stage of baby and readiness of mom and dad.

 

[hasikelee]

mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=521202

This is a link to a thread on another forums with a multitude of links to articles and studies on the damaging effects of CIO (not a balanced view, just so you know, all anti-CIO). Should you have many, many hours to spend reading articles and studies about sleep, have at it.

This is one I remember reading though a few months ago. aeca.org.au/Controled%20Crying.pdf

Interesting information. This is all speculation for me as I have not researched this CIO method at all. But after glancing over the forum you linked, I had this thought occur to me…

I know an issue with those who are suffering from a mental illness is the downward spiral of not having a support network. In America it is found that those with a mental illness do not have family, friends or loved ones. Or if they do, they tend to alienate these people. Basically, the mentally ill have intimacy and relationship problems. This can be the egg and chicken question, of course, which came first?

But I just found it interesting that in America it is common to teach infants to give up on their support system. I wonder if this correlates with the epidemic numbers of mental illness America boasts about, as opposed to other countries.

 

[Krisy]

Very interesting thread.

We have co-slept with both of our children with wonderful results. Not only did we get more sleep, but the bond between us grew immensely. I firmly believe in SLOWLY transitioning children to their own beds/rooms. My son slept with us until around 2 years old, moved to his crib in our room, then converted crib to daybed, then bed in own room. He is now nearly 6 and goes to bed beautifully–no fight and sleeps through the night.

Our daughter (will be 4 at the end of November) has recently transitioned to her own bed in her room and is no longer coming in to see us at night. She also sleeps through the night and actually enjoys bedtime. (Mommy is missing her nighttime cuddles, though. )

One thing I have noticed in both of my children is that they do not have nightmares. They wake up refreshed, happy, and ready for the day. If we are blessed with other children, I will not change my sleeping patterns. They have really worked for us!

Krisy

 

[Karin]

Very interesting thread.

We have co-slept with both of our children with wonderful results. Not only did we get more sleep, but the bond between us grew immensely. I firmly believe in SLOWLY transitioning children to their own beds/rooms. My son slept with us until around 2 years old, moved to his crib in our room, then converted crib to daybed, then bed in own room. He is now nearly 6 and goes to bed beautifully–no fight and sleeps through the night.

Our daughter (will be 4 at the end of November) has recently transitioned to her own bed in her room and is no longer coming in to see us at night. She also sleeps through the night and actually enjoys bedtime. (Mommy is missing her nighttime cuddles, though. )

One thing I have noticed in both of my children is that they do not have nightmares. They wake up refreshed, happy, and ready for the day. If we are blessed with other children, I will not change my sleeping patterns. They have really worked for us!

Krisy

Krisy-
Not all kids that do not co-sleep have issues sleeping. Neither of my kids did or do. They both sleep through the night, no nightmares and wake rested and refreshed ready to start a new day.
Neither one had issues sleeping in their own beds in their own rooms either…no screaming, or tantrums etc.
I guess it all depends on the kids and what their sleep style is. I for one would never get a good nights rest with my kids in bed with me, but that is me.

 

[JezuUfamTobie]

I would be interested in an empirical study on the physiological affects of that method. I wonder if stress triad affects babies in this situation and what the long term symptoms are.

The book Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child is full of references to numerous studies showing no lasting ill effect as a result of crying during the establishment of healthy sleep habits.

Here is an infant/toddler sleep study involving Japanese families. This study found that even in the Japanese culture, where cosleeping is prevalent, it is associated with a higher incidence of night waking and crying.

If you’re really interested in the issue, I definitely recommend reading many studies from a variety of sources. I mean, go back to the original published papers cited in these books and web sites (since it sounds like you have an interest in that kind of thing). There are often conflicting results. It’s also surprising and interesting to see which sleep “experts” take extraordinary liberties in interpreting the results of these studies and research projects.

 

[Janeite]

I love it and am all for it, but my dh feels differently.

We never did the full family bed deal; the kids would start out in their own beds, but we had an open door policy where they would be welcome to come into our bed sometime in the middle of the night. (We have a king size bed.)

At first my husband was worried that it’d “mess them up” psychologically or whatever so he told me to do some reading on it, and said that if I could “prove” to him that it was okay, he’d go along with it. I forgot what book I read but it was wonderful! Well, unfortunately about 6 weeks ago he decided that they are never to come into our bed under any circumstances. My 7-year old was not quite ready for that and she was extremely heartbroken. My 3-year old was very upset too!

But it was GREAT while it lasted! I knew they’d eventually decide that coming into to Mommy and Daddy’s room is “gross” and that I’d miss waking up with one of them on each arm.

The thing is, now I’m expecting baby #3, and homeschooling the other 2, so I really really hope and pray he lets the baby sleep with us because I have no idea how I’d manage frequent night wakings (between the baby AND the older kids who still wake up now that they aren’t allowed in our room) and teaching the kids the next day…

I’ll quit rambling now!

God bless!

 

[MooCowSteph]

I love it and am all for it, but my dh feels differently.

We never did the full family bed deal; the kids would start out in their own beds, but we had an open door policy where they would be welcome to come into our bed sometime in the middle of the night. (We have a king size bed.)

At first my husband was worried that it’d “mess them up” psychologically or whatever so he told me to do some reading on it, and said that if I could “prove” to him that it was okay, he’d go along with it. I forgot what book I read but it was wonderful! Well, unfortunately about 6 weeks ago he decided that they are never to come into our bed under any circumstances. My 7-year old was not quite ready for that and she was extremely heartbroken. My 3-year old was very upset too!

But it was GREAT while it lasted! I knew they’d eventually decide that coming into to Mommy and Daddy’s room is “gross” and that I’d miss waking up with one of them on each arm.

The thing is, now I’m expecting baby #3, and homeschooling the other 2, so I really really hope and pray he lets the baby sleep with us because I have no idea how I’d manage frequent night wakings (between the baby AND the older kids who still wake up now that they aren’t allowed in our room) and teaching the kids the next day…

I’ll quit rambling now!

God bless!

If it’s just a comfort issue - he’s tired of being kicked or pushed to the edge of the bed - you could try a cosleeper for the new little one. If it’s a new philosophy thing, you might just have to use a bassinet at the side of the bed. I hope it all works out for you!

 

[mrs_abbott]

So what are your experiences with co-sleeping? Do you love it? Did you find the transition out of the family bed an easy or difficult one?

Steph

Anyone that I’ve known that does or has done co-sleeping had one heck of a time getting the kids to sleep in their own beds the older they got.
The only time I sleep with my son is when he’s sick and that’s usually on the floor in his room on a air mattress. Other than that, he’s in his own room and in his crib and sleeps for 10 hours through the night. It works out great for me and the hubby!!!

 

[AnnaTherese]

Anyone that I’ve known that does or has done co-sleeping had one heck of a time getting the kids to sleep in their own beds the older they got.
The only time I sleep with my son is when he’s sick and that’s usually on the floor in his room on a air mattress. Other than that, he’s in his own room and in his crib and sleeps for 10 hours through the night. It works out great for me and the hubby!!!

Anytime you try to trespass against the will of a small child you are inviting trouble. So of course parents have trouble when they exert their own will on a child. Kids know they have desires and will of their own and will fight until they win or lose or just can’t fight anymore. But if you wait for the child to decide he is ready to leave the bed, then you eliminate this possibility.

I have trouble with the last sentence you posted because it is the bottom line of the whole co-sleeping debate. Keeping baby in a crib is best for the adults (and those who make money selling cribs). No thought is given to the health of the child. Yes, he sleeps “better” (meaning at longer stretches, thus freeing you up from having to respond to him). But God didn’t design babies to sleep through the night at an early age. It is harmful to them, not just psychologically b/c of crying but also mentally and developmentally. They need to wake frequently, especially as newborns, not just for breastmilk, but so they don’t settle down into too deep a sleep before they are developmentally ready for that. Light sleep is really better for babies. Deep sleep can be dangerous, if the child is too young. Their brains don’t develop as they should and they get used to being alone, a lot. But God designed babies to desire their mother’s presence all the time b/c this is what is best for them. Trust God’s wisdom. He knows what is best.

 

[Ham1]

But God designed babies to desire their mother’s presence all the time b/c this is what is best for them. Trust God’s wisdom. He knows what is best.

Best post in this thread. Well done.

 

[mrs_abbott]

I have trouble with the last sentence you posted because it is the bottom line of the whole co-sleeping debate. Keeping baby in a crib is best for the adults (and those who make money selling cribs). No thought is given to the health of the child. Yes, he sleeps “better” (meaning at longer stretches, thus freeing you up from having to respond to him). But God didn’t design babies to sleep through the night at an early age. It is harmful to them, not just psychologically b/c of crying but also mentally and developmentally. They need to wake frequently, especially as newborns, not just for breastmilk, but so they don’t settle down into too deep a sleep before they are developmentally ready for that. Light sleep is really better for babies. Deep sleep can be dangerous, if the child is too young. Their brains don’t develop as they should and they get used to being alone, a lot. But God designed babies to desire their mother’s presence all the time b/c this is what is best for them. Trust God’s wisdom. He knows what is best.

May I ask where you got your information from? I slept in a crib since I was born, so did my brother, so did my husband and all 8 of his siblings. Are we mentally and developmentally different because of that?
If my son would wake up and cry, which I can hear VERY well due to a baby monitor in his room, I go in immediately and comfort him and hold him until he falls asleep.
Those that let their children sleep with them is their business but I’m not personally for it, as I see it as starting a bad habit that makes them MORE upset if they’re ever in a situation when mom and dad are NOT around.
I know God designed a baby to be dependent on his mother. I work full-time and have to pay the bills, along with my husband. I do what I can and what I think is best. Obviously my son sleeping in his own crib in his own room isn’t hurting him, as he sleeps through the night, which, by the way, my doctor SAID that he should be doing.
Let me know where you got your facts from before you start accusing me of being a bad mother and going against God’s “supposed” plan by letting my child sleep in his own room.

 

[Karin]

May I ask where you got your information from? I slept in a crib since I was born, so did my brother, so did my husband and all 8 of his siblings. Are we mentally and developmentally different because of that?
If my son would wake up and cry, which I can hear VERY well due to a baby monitor in his room, I go in immediately and comfort him and hold him until he falls asleep.
Those that let their children sleep with them is their business but I’m not personally for it, as I see it as starting a bad habit that makes them MORE upset if they’re ever in a situation when mom and dad are NOT around.
I know God designed a baby to be dependent on his mother. I work full-time and have to pay the bills, along with my husband. I do what I can and what I think is best. Obviously my son sleeping in his own crib in his own room isn’t hurting him, as he sleeps through the night, which, by the way, my doctor SAID that he should be doing.
Let me know where you got your facts from before you start accusing me of being a bad mother and going against God’s “supposed” plan by letting my child sleep in his own room.

have to agree with you one this one.

 

[TarAshly]

Dito! have been in college for four years to get a child development degree and have taken all of the required courses and some extra and not once did I ever hear of anything like this. Babies are supposed to sleep…A LOT…when they sleep is when their brain actually does develop further, its when they grow as well. sleep is good for babies, not bad at all! Thats false info my friend and I for one would like to see some back up. Unless this is your opinion and thats fine, but it should be expressed as so.

 

[Ham1]

Dito! have been in college for four years to get a child development degree and have taken all of the required courses and some extra and not once did I ever hear of anything like this. Babies are supposed to sleep…A LOT…when they sleep is when their brain actually does develop further, its when they grow as well. sleep is good for babies, not bad at all! Thats false info my friend and I for one would like to see some back up. Unless this is your opinion and thats fine, but it should be expressed as so.

TarAshly,

Did you have a chance to read the article I linked back on post #37 of this thread? It’s really quite good and it explains the dangers and “unnaturalness” of trying to rigorously train one’s child to sleep through the night. It’s well written and well researched, but most of all it presents a great explaination of why many such actions are out of step with the Catholic philosophy of the human person.

God bless!

 

[Karin]

TarAshly,

Did you have a chance to read the article I linked back on post #37 of this thread? It’s really quite good and it explains the dangers and “unnaturalness” of trying to rigorously train one’s child to sleep through the night. It’s well written and well researched, but most of all it presents a great explaination of why many such actions are out of step with the Catholic philosophy of the human person.

God bless!

I did not “train” my kids to sleep through the night …they just did it…

 

[mrs_abbott]

TarAshly,

Did you have a chance to read the article I linked back on post #37 of this thread? It’s really quite good and it explains the dangers and “unnaturalness” of trying to rigorously train one’s child to sleep through the night. It’s well written and well researched, but most of all it presents a great explaination of why many such actions are out of step with the Catholic philosophy of the human person.

God bless!

I read that article and wanted to know the accreditation behind it? Did someone just create a website and post their thoughts?
How is it unnatural to let your child sleep through the night? He did that on his own, even when he was in a bassenet in our room. I think it’s unnatural and cruel to wake up a baby when they’re sleeping perfectly fine.
Sorry but this point of view is completely idiocy, especially the part about that dumb article being “in sync” with the Catholic philosophy of the human person. That’s bs, plain and simple!

 

[TarAshly]

Sorry but I tend to agree with Ezzo. I have read other theories of his in several classes and he is actually quite intelligent in the area of child development. jumping up everytime a child fusses is only going to spoil the child. if a child is sick then of course a parent should get up with the baby even your theorist said that a child comes to expect a running mommy when he whines. I dont reccomend the cold turkey method either, but I do reccomend never training the child that way in the first place. If a mommy is breastfeeding and baby is hungry you should get up and feed the baby. If the baby is sick, you should get up and tend to the illness, if the baby is afraid you should get up and comfort the child, but after a certain age children do learn that if I fuss mommy will come. I like it when mommy comes so I will fuss. again this is only after a certain age. for the first several months of a babies life the baby cries to be fed, changed or comforted. They have a need. and it should be attended to. I dont think Ezzo’s method or any other child development method is in line or out of line with Church’s teachings. Its a parents decision. not the Church.