Tell me about your experiences with co-sleeping and the family bed

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we love cosleeping here:

DS 1 slept w/ us from 5 weeks until 21 months; he was in his own room but w/ the new baby here he is now in a toddler bed next to ours so that was are only regression. i would rather have that regression than the potty one so i’m thankful 👍 …anyway we never avoid turning on lights or talking in a normal voice with them in the room. i even watch tv in the bedroom and it doesn’t bother them…for us the three best things about cosleeping are nursing through the night (kept my period away for a very long time and i’m always well rested), DH bonding w/ DS more since he works such long hours, and having the newborns close by to monitor breathing (sicne all newborns breath irregularly) one time when DS1 was 2 months old he did one of those stop breathing for a little bit and then gasp gasp gasp for air and it scared me so much. i was so thankful he was right next to me. i am going to do an arms reach cosleeper with DS2 starting at 4 months and then transistion him to sharing a bed with DS1 sometime after 12 months. i think it will be easier since they’ll have each other

that said, i don’t think cosleeping is for everyone, my sister doesn’t but has used a arms reach cosleeper and now has the crib in her room and has always done gentle sleep methods.
 
mrs_abbott said:
How do you know what parenting methods are in accord with God’s design?
As long as you love and nurture a child, isn’t that “God’s design”? Does it matter how a person goes about doing that? :rolleyes:
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See post #83.

And generally in Catholic theology “how” something is done matters just as much as the final outcome.
 
tequilamac said:
I don’t know about HAM but I kind of figured it out when I smelled the top of my baby’s head while cuddling on the couch after a bath. It’s one of those wonders of the world one just has to experience I guess.
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Bingo. And you didn’t need an encyclical to tell you that.
 
spacecadet said:
we love cosleeping here:

DS 1 slept w/ us from 5 weeks until 21 months; he was in his own room but w/ the new baby here he is now in a toddler bed next to ours so that was are only regression. i would rather have that regression than the potty one so i’m thankful 👍 …anyway we never avoid turning on lights or talking in a normal voice with them in the room. i even watch tv in the bedroom and it doesn’t bother them…for us the three best things about cosleeping are nursing through the night (kept my period away for a very long time and i’m always well rested), DH bonding w/ DS more since he works such long hours, and having the newborns close by to monitor breathing (sicne all newborns breath irregularly) one time when DS1 was 2 months old he did one of those stop breathing for a little bit and then gasp gasp gasp for air and it scared me so much. i was so thankful he was right next to me. i am going to do an arms reach cosleeper with DS2 starting at 4 months and then transistion him to sharing a bed with DS1 sometime after 12 months. i think it will be easier since they’ll have each other

that said, i don’t think cosleeping is for everyone, my sister doesn’t but has used a arms reach cosleeper and now has the crib in her room and has always done gentle sleep methods.
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I definitely agree with LOVING the BENEFITS of co-sleeping. Her breathing has been a concern before and when I’ve woken up to hear irregularities, I’ve been able to wake her up and be sure she’s okay. And like another poster mentioned, she sure does smell baby-beautiful. 🙂
 
Ham1 said:
See post #83.

And generally in Catholic theology “how” something is done matters just as much as the final outcome.
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I disagree but hey, it’s YOUR opinion. We’ll just leave it at that. 👍
 
I am a great supporter of the “family” bed. See my posts above. But it would be completely irresponsible of me to continue to discuss the pleasure without the danger. Babies are known to have suffocated to death in the family bed. Therefore, people have to be aware of the possibility and take into consideration the age of the baby. It can happen very quickly too. A cousin of mine went to her parents house with her husband and three month old baby to visit for Christmans only to be there two nights. There was no traveling crib or any other place so the baby slept with them in guest room She was dead in the morning. Suffocated. For me, I slept with my babies but for other reasons. One was terribly premature and could not regulate his nervous system and body temp. We had a cradle with thermometer etc but he was breast fed anyway so he always slept with me from the get go. In this case the obvious benefit in keeping him calm and warm outweighed the dangers. My daughter - I had a stroke during labor with her so it was not always possible for me to get up and down to feed her, breast fed also, so she also slept with us. Like I said earlier they both grew out of the bed before they were four. But there is a danger although it is an accepted practice in various cultures and one I would not have missed for the world. Just be careful and aware.
 
Bravo Abby! You said it all so well. I feel the same way!
Princess_Abby said:
Ham, I can see your logic. It makes sense to me. My husband and I often ask ourselves what Mary would do for baby Jesus if he was acting in the way that our daughter is behaving at any given time.

One instance we apply this happens to be the family bed. She is six months old and being separated from me for an entire night would never happen unless I allowed her to scream and scream and cry and cry. I do not believe that Mary would have allowed baby Jesus to suffer in that way, so we do not allow Sophia to suffer in that way. I do not believe she is developmentally ready for any sort of sleep training–even if it would make my life tremendously easier. Putting her into a bassinett only causes her to wake up and cry for me. She sleeps very well when cuddled against my torso and breast, with easy access to nursing as that is what comforts her.

I don’t personally ‘love’ co-sleeping. It’s not comfortable sometimes even with our king size bed because we are both so careful about how we sleep with her and I find myself only able to sleep on either side, with her tucked into me. That’s how she wants it anyway. I do it, however, because it’s what is best for my child and as a parent I am putting her needs ahead of my own comfort. I get plenty of snuggles during the day because Sophia is held more or less constantly. This, again, is not my own need to hold her but HER need to be soothed and feel safe and close to me.

We view these short term sacrifices as an investment in our baby. Her trust in us is absolute. A baby whose needs are repeatedly ignored might indeed stop crying but not because she feels safe and suddenly understands the concept of independence. She’ll cease crying because her parents finally convinced her they will not be responding to her only form of communication. I just fail to see how this is the most loving thing to do as a parent for my child.

That said, to those parents who don’t have need or use for a family bed, that’s completely fine with me. We all have different children with different needs and this post is not to convince or detract from anyone else’s choices. I’m simply sharing for the OP our logic behind the co-sleeping we do.
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“Family Bed”???

Are we Gorillas… that make a communal nest each evening for warmth/protection/comfort???

I’m (not) sorry but the place that the children were created has a limited tenancy… about 30 months.

After that they’re in their own room.
 
Ham1 said:
I regard co-sleeping with babies like breastfeeding, it is the norm. But just because it is the norm doesn’t mean it can be practiced by everyone. There are always circumstances where things can’t work out and these are exceptions to the norm. Both breastfeeding and co-sleeping have been “the norm” in our culture for quite some time and it is only very recently that bottlefeeding and non-co-sleeping (once exceptions) have become commonplace.
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Co-sleeping is the NORM? In our culture? How can you say it is the norm? You are absolutely, completely mistaken. What culture are you talking about? Please cite some objective statistics to show that breastfeeding and co-sleeping are the norm in the American culture.
 
Jay2 said:
“Family Bed”???

Are we Gorillas… that make a communal nest each evening for warmth/protection/comfort???

I’m (not) sorry but the place that the children were created has a limited tenancy… about 30 months.

After that they’re in their own room.
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:rotfl:
 
Jay2 said:
“Family Bed”???

Are we Gorillas… that make a communal nest each evening for warmth/protection/comfort???

I’m (not) sorry but the place that the children were created has a limited tenancy… about 30 months.

After that they’re in their own room.
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Of course, that is in your house, not mine.😃
 
ReginaNova said:
Co-sleeping is the NORM? In our culture? How can you say it is the norm? You are absolutely, completely mistaken. What culture are you talking about? Please cite some objective statistics to show that breastfeeding and co-sleeping are the norm in the American culture.
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she didn’t say American culture but that doesn’t mean it isn’t A norm…most people in the world only have one bed for the family anyway
 
Princess_Abby said:
Ham, I can see your logic. It makes sense to me. My husband and I often ask ourselves what Mary would do for baby Jesus if he was acting in the way that our daughter is behaving at any given time.

One instance we apply this happens to be the family bed. She is six months old and being separated from me for an entire night would never happen unless I allowed her to scream and scream and cry and cry. I do not believe that Mary would have allowed baby Jesus to suffer in that way, so we do not allow Sophia to suffer in that way. I do not believe she is developmentally ready for any sort of sleep training–even if it would make my life tremendously easier. Putting her into a bassinett only causes her to wake up and cry for me. She sleeps very well when cuddled against my torso and breast, with easy access to nursing as that is what comforts her.

I don’t personally ‘love’ co-sleeping. It’s not comfortable sometimes even with our king size bed because we are both so careful about how we sleep with her and I find myself only able to sleep on either side, with her tucked into me. That’s how she wants it anyway. I do it, however, because it’s what is best for my child and as a parent I am putting her needs ahead of my own comfort. I get plenty of snuggles during the day because Sophia is held more or less constantly. This, again, is not my own need to hold her but HER need to be soothed and feel safe and close to me.

We view these short term sacrifices as an investment in our baby. Her trust in us is absolute. A baby whose needs are repeatedly ignored might indeed stop crying but not because she feels safe and suddenly understands the concept of independence. She’ll cease crying because her parents finally convinced her they will not be responding to her only form of communication. I just fail to see how this is the most loving thing to do as a parent for my child.

That said, to those parents who don’t have need or use for a family bed, that’s completely fine with me. We all have different children with different needs and this post is not to convince or detract from anyone else’s choices. I’m simply sharing for the OP our logic behind the co-sleeping we do.
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I’m glad you mentioned the Virgin Mary, because She is the Perfect Mother and we should all try to imitate Her. I too try to think of what the Virgin Mary would do if She were in my situation. I believed She would seek what was best for the child, as well as Her marriage, and the family. In our case it led us to actually not co-sleep. We found a route in which our child was always comforted when needed but in a way that did not include sleeping in the same bed through the night (though right next to it). That way we were able to keep our bed to ourselves, something we found to benefit our sleep and marriage, while our child was happy too (without the risk of suffocation). In fact, I think it helped my first child when I was in the hospital having my second child, to be able to sleep in a crib without mom and dad. BTW, I think tequilamac’s last post was great, showing how there can be negative effects (eg suffocation), but each case must evaluate whether or not the risks outweigh the benefits. Having my babies sleeping beside me, I, who normally am a heavy sleeper, do hear them very easily and wake up very easily. The regulation of breath issues can be met without sleeping in the same bed (by sleeping in the same room close by).

I would like to add that our decision to not cosleep as a norm does not mean we would not welcome a little one on occasions when it may seem that this is what they need. Nevertheless, there is a huge difference between co-sleeping as a habit, and co-sleeping on occasions for specific reasons. Also, I bf on demand, but not ecologically, so I will feed my child whenever my child demonstrates signs of hunger, but I would never wake a child for feeding, unless it is necessary for their health (ie when newborn with jaundice, etc). I’m not saying anything against bf ecologically, just mentioning that one can meet a childs needs for eating without following the ecological bf rules.

I too agree with Abby on how it depends on the family, but I just wanted to add that using the same idea (wanting to act like the Virgin) can lead to different actions in different situations.
 
ReginaNova said:
Co-sleeping is the NORM? In our culture? How can you say it is the norm? You are absolutely, completely mistaken. What culture are you talking about? Please cite some objective statistics to show that breastfeeding and co-sleeping are the norm in the American culture.
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I said the norm for quite some time, then went on to say how only recently has that changed. This is true. Breastfeeding and co-sleeping were extremely common until the early to mid 20th century. Do you disagree?
 
Ham1 said:
I said the norm for quite some time, then went on to say how only recently has that changed. This is true. Breastfeeding and co-sleeping were extremely common until the early to mid 20th century. Do you disagree?
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Actually Ham you are right on with the breastfeeding. It did not lose favor until the baby bottle and formula were invented which I beleive was in the time frame you suggest if not later. As a matter of fact, in 1934 when my mother was born, no such thing actually existed at least for the vast majority of Americans who still breastfed.
Co sleeping though was something dependent upon economic class. People who could afford nannies and nurseries etc did not co sleep all that much. But immigrants, the poverty stricken and the pioneers, farmers and ranchers in cold climates, those who could only afoord one room to live in, oh, yeah they all co slept. Right up to today. Breastfeeding and co sleeping in this country have only been interrupted by the upper classes and entrepreneurs who developed things like baby bottles and similac.
 
Those are both incredibly sad and tragic. It is important to remember, however, that many times more children die in their cribs of SIDS than experience accidental death in bed with the parents. Virtually no cases of SIDS have been reported in the parents’ bed. I was a little nervous about sleeping with my newborn and we didn’t actually start cosleeping until she was about 3 or 4 weeks old. She was in a bassinet before then. I think it’s incredibly safe now, at 9 months.
 
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