It is still difficult sometimes to keep my mouth shut, but I’m getting better at it.
What you’re doing* is* disrespectful, but it sounds like you do it more out of habit than anything; I don’t think you* intend *to be disrespectful, so that’s a good start. Now you just need to break the habit.
Since you’re generally thoughtful, then it shouldn’t be too difficult, but it will take effort and
persistence. You need to catch yourself every time it happens, and
apologize immediately. (Yes,
every single time–even if you don’t realize it until later, go apologize ASAP after you realize it.) The next step is to start reminding yourself and him that you trust him, that you respect him, that you are proud of him–so find ways to express these things.
Then, you have to learn to catch yourself before the “correction” comes out of your mouth, and just hold your tongue. I usually find something else to do, and say a quick prayer, until I can speak to him without that “motherly” tone. Sometimes I need to remind myself that
my husband is an intelligent man, and he is capable of learning to do such-and-such without my help. My way is not the only “right” way. 
Remember, he’s a grown man. When you married him, did you want to marry him because he needed another mother, or did you marry him to be his wife, his helpmate?
Most things, you need to trust him to do himself, even if you think he’ll make a mistake. If he does make a mistake, trust him to fix it and learn from it. See, showing respect and faith in him is
showing him love. We women want to be loved unconditionally, but most of us don’t respect our husbands unconditionally! I know we tend to think we’re being loving by trying to help him avoid mistakes, but in reality, we are undermining his confidence and his ability to do it himself, and that’s not loving. It’s arrogant. It’s like saying, “I know better than you do; you have nothing to teach me. I know the only right way, and that’s
my way.” Is this the message we really want to send to the men we love?
If he’s doing something that could cause harm to you or him (such as tailgating–I admit, that really makes me nervous, too!), try something like, “Maybe this is silly, but it really makes me nervous when the car in front of us looks so close to us at this speed. Would you back off a little bit, please, so it doesn’t look so close and I can relax?” This way, you’re not saying, “I don’t trust you to get me there safely,” you’re saying, “I feel nervous about the way this situation appears; please help me feel more relaxed.” And when he does back off, remember to thank him with a smile.
If you like to read, I’d highly recommend, “Love and Respect,” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. It talks about why men need respect from their wives, and how we wives can show it (it also shows men how to love their wives, but that’s not the important part right now). I read over parts of it periodically to remind me what to do, how to do it, and most importantly,
why to do it that way.
Remember that the bible calls husbands to love their wives, but we wives are called to
respect our husbands. Why respect, and not love? This is because loving generally comes easy to wives, but respect… umm, yeah, not so much. This is the area most of us women really need to work on. In general, if we hold our husbands in contempt, we are being disobedient to God, unloving, and not half so wise as we think we are.
HTH! I will
for you!
