Temporary contraception use after surgery

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0507 said:
For two months after the surgery the doctors say that it would be dangerous if she got pregnant again. It could seriously harm her health and her fertility and could put the baby at risk. They advised us to use contraception temporarily.
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Why are we even considering condoms? Even unbelievers would say that the use of a condom in this situation is not worth the risk. That option should be taken off the table with a big NO.
If your wife isn’t on board, tell her I love you and I’m doing the hard thing to keep you safe and healthy. Go sleep on the couch if you need to.

Honestly, I’ve been ill, my husband has been ill, I have had plenty of time on the couch. Do what you have to do. That’s what love looks like. That self sacrifice speaks more of love than a bouquet of red roses ever will.
 
Jen7 said:
Mr Gregory was asking if they would be able to give up smoking if they knew that the next cigarette would turn them into a black person
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Then Mr Gregory’s analogy wouldn’t apply to you.

It wasn’t so much “funny” as it forced the listener to consider the question “would you be able to give up an undesirable behavior, which you perceive yourself as not being able to give up, if the immediate consequences of that behavior were something so horrible to you, as to give you the will and motivation you do not think you have?”.

He told the story in a time when a white person turning into a black person would be seen by many white people as being extremely undesirable, for some a fate worse than death. Possibly a better contemporary analogy would be “would you be able to give up smoking if you knew that the next cigarette would turn you into a gay pedophile?”. (Or, to be more “politically correct”, “would you be able to give up smoking if you knew the next cigarette would turn you into a straight, conservative Christian white male?”, assuming you are not already one of those. FWIW, I am. And we all know how horrible that would be, if we take to heart what the mass media and the entertainment industry teach us.)

My point was that mortal sin would be much, much easier to avoid if we knew that the eternal consequences would be immediate, and much more undesirable, than having to avoid committing the mortal sin, and thus not getting the temporal good that this mortal sin will give us.
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I would get a second opinion from another doctor to help explain why it would be dangerous. It’s possible your wife will heal faster than expected. Doctors always have to cover themselves from lawsuits so they err on the side of protecting you.

I’ve been told that I will need a liver transplant in five to ten years every doctor’s visit since 1998. And it hasn’t been required. They’ve basically scared me for no reason for 21 years.

Doctors told my parents that my mother could travel despite carrying twins. Well, they were wrong and the children were born premature and both died. Doctors really don’t know very much in general. Most things cure themselves and you only need them in emergencies.
 
I don’t think trusting in contraception would be wise for her health.
 
PennyinCanada said:
Why are we even considering condoms? Even unbelievers would say that the use of a condom in this situation is not worth the risk. That option should be taken off the table with a big NO.
If your wife isn’t on board, tell her I love you and I’m doing the hard thing to keep you safe and healthy. Go sleep on the couch if you need to.

Honestly, I’ve been ill, my husband has been ill, I have had plenty of time on the couch. Do what you have to do. That’s what love looks like. That self sacrifice speaks more of love than a bouquet of red roses ever will.
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:point_up_2:t2::point_up_2:t2::point_up_2:t2:
 
Lara said:
Doctors really don’t know very much in general. Most things cure themselves and you only need them in emergencies.
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You sound like you’ve had a safe, happy life. I would be dead if it were not for doctors. Many doctors. Men and women who studied for years and years so they could save my life when needed. I’m grateful they around. They sure knew a lot more than me & had way better technology & equipment than what’s lying around my house.
 
sorry but I don’t know what you want us to said.

It seems that you want us to said, “yes, you can leave it to your conscience and have contracepting sex if you feel that it is your duty”.

If that what you want to do, you are free to do it, but you should not wait a “catholic approval” that will not come.

Yes, there is people that are actually married, here, me too, and the majority of the people who answer.

And yes, we have to live with making decisions for our intimate life.
 
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I am thinking 5 years ahead and have this scenario in my head.

The third child was born three months ago. The baby has cholic and spends the nights screaming so one of the parents takes her out for a long walk so the other two children have a possibility to sleep. The middle child is two/three years old and has long temper tantrums several times per day and especially before bedtime. The oldest has just started school and doesn’t want to sleep in his own bed and wakes up several time per night. I wouldn’t be surprised if those two parents abstained for 6 months, 3 weeks and 5 days before they were intimate again.

Take the two months time to communicate with each other and learn other ways how to show the another that you love your spouse. You will need to communicate with each other now and in the future. I have taught primary school age children for many years and there are way too many divorces because parents have not learnt how to communicate with each other.

You can take the time to learn more about Theology of the Body as another poster has suggested.
 
A dispensation is not required if the hormone pills are used to regulate problematic periods.
 
JMMJ said:
You are getting some terrible advice here, with some disturbing attitude. Ignore what people here tell you and instead, meet with your priests and discuss the issue with him.
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This should be in the FAQ of CAF
 
Good point about after you have another child. There will be a mandatory minimum 6 weeks of abstaining while your wife’s uterus heals. 8 weeks really is something that a couple can do
 
Just recently went through something similar. Still used NFP and abstained when needed to. You wouldn’t need to abstain the whole 2 months just after ovulation is confirmed each cycle.
 
Ok, we should be honest with ourselves and with God. If you are having sex without the goal of pregnancy, as you mentioned NFP, then you are having sex for pleasure and no for procreation. There is a risk for the life of your wife and you are asking if you should put the condom. Man, you are already having sex, putting the condom will safe the life of your wife. I think God would be more upset if you put in risk your wife than using preservatives.
 
I estimate that 10% of all CAF threads fall under the “sexual morality loophole” category. Now that I think of it, it should actually be a topic of its own in the drop-down menu.
 
Cruc3S1gnatus said:
You wouldn’t need to abstain the whole 2 months just after ovulation is confirmed each cycle.
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I believe you mean they abstain BEFORE ovulation is confirmed. Afterwards they’re in the clear for the rest of that month!
 
I have only been married 10 years but I’ve lost count of how many times we’ve had to abstain for 2 months at a time. Whether it’s due to postpartum healing (x6), pregnancy complications (x3), a spouse recovering from surgery (x1), the whole family getting the stomach flu in turns (x3), etc etc etc… it happens. For us, at LEAST annually. So… This may be your first time but it will certainly not be your last. Forge the habit now of facing these unpleasant times by loving your spouse through “space” not “closeness.” It can be a beautiful way to affirm that your spouse is loveable for much more than just sex (something we should always be communicating but times of abstinence really underscore the message when handled with sweetness and attentiveness to the other spouse!) If your spouse is not on board with the abstinence, it can be a beautiful opportunity to show God that you put his (God’s) ways before all else. Even if your spouse doesn’t “get it,” it is very admirable to witness someone stick to their principles when it’s personally uncomfortable to do so. Esp if they do so with gentleness and kindness. These are the reasons marriage can make us holy, afterall!
 
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