Tension from my spiritual group

[curious_cath]

My spiritual group, the Neocatechumenal Way (NCW), has placed me under increasing tension for expressing my opinion. My opinion is that NCW is great, but could improve in some areas of spiritual life. When I express my feeling or view, an immediate reflex is to call Satan and its demons on me. I mean I am being told repeatedly that my feelings are coming from Satan and my thoughts are the consequence of an infestation of my mind by demons. I am horrified and feel tortured. I look in the mirror and I am scared of myself, seeing all the evil potential of what they say in me.

I pray relentlessly and this gives me calm hours. But then again, the tension takes over my state of mind and I want to fit so hard that I am crying in pain. I still have and believe my own thoughts and this causes anguish and unstability over and over again.

The typical solution in NCW is to call and talk to my catechist. I would be glad, however, the tension I feel is mostly coming from my catechists. How can I handle this? I feel like the head catechist of my group is out there to crush me. He senses that I am not under his spell. I know that I need Jesus every moment of my life. I am not proud or something, I acknowledge that I am a sinner, so this cannot be the problem. The problem seems to be that I still do have my own thoughts.

What would you do in my place? Is it possible that this particular spiritual group is not for me? Should I just quit? Or should I stay for my pals in my local community? How can I overcome the spiritual dependence that I got myself into during several years of attending to my current group? Would leaving this group truly destroy me spiritually?

 

[Greenfields]

Oh, that’s strange I think if I were you I would go and find another group that suited you better…even just a rosary group

 

[Tis_Bearself]

This group is behaving in an unhealthy way. This is cult-like behavior. I would leave if I were you.

Furthermore, if there is a place to report the behavior of the group leaders to higher-ups in the church or organization without danger to yourself, I would do so.

As a Catholic, Jesus is there for you at any Mass, in any Catholic church. You do not need some group to be your intermediary in terms of spiritual life. I frankly think a lot of such groups formed in the Church turn negative and dangerous to people’s spiritual health just as you have described. It is one reason why I avoid them.

 

[BartholomewB]

As a Catholic, Jesus is there for you at any Mass, in any Catholic church.

This. Also, you can ask to speak to any priest privately, in any Catholic Church.

 

[LateranBasilica]

Can you go and speak to your Parish Priest and inform him of how you are feeling and what is going on.
In your place, I would leave this group, I would take my feelings of discomfort as a red flag. Spiritual dependence should be in the Sacraments, in the Mass and in God. You will not be destroyed by leaving such a group, it almost sounds cultish. I know it has done great things, however, it is the people that makes the group. And some lead these groups into very murky waters.

Could you investigate joining a third order? Determine what you would like to do with your spirituality.
Contemplative Prayer or
Charitable works
or a mixture of both
or
A rosary group or a Cenacle.

And find a third order that fits you better. Try its charisms on like a new set of clothes, see how you feel in them.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

I would find another group.

At the same time, you’ll need to detach emotionally from this group. Don’t look at them as bad people, just as people you disagree with. Don’t give in to anger. Pray for them every day from your heart so that God will pour down His grace and blessings on you all.

But find another group.

 

[goout]

Find another group. Most parishes have many ways to contribute and participate in ministry and fellowship.

 

[Trishie]

I experienced that group in a parish years ago.
There was a lot of pressure to join.
It is fairly fundamentalist.

Many of us live our faith in a deep genuine way, following the Lord’s teaching the best we can without being part of the Neocatechumenal Way. This group seems to be leading you, I think, towards the problems of scrupulosity.

Please find courage to leave the group, and I pray you will, and also that you will not be cowed by any subsequent pressure they put on you, if they do.
It may be important to both your mental and your spiritual health.You are more likely to be damaged by staying.

These people, this group, are not the proper Church authority,.
I’m not saying, the Neocatechumenal Way is bad, but it certainly has taken on an unhealthy manner in your parish

You need to have time for recovery and to find your path to the Lord, in the gentle loving, way. I would hope you have another parish you can go to, to help you break from these pressures. Please God you can find a kind and wise Catholic priest or spiritual advisor not associated with this group.

 

[angel12]

What would you do in my place? Is it possible that this particular spiritual group is not for me? Should I just quit?

I’d get the heck out of there. Yes, that’s not only possible, but sounds very likely. Yes, you should just quit.

From what you say, this is not a spiritually healthy group.

 

[TheLittleLady]

This group is 1,000% voluntary. I would walk away.

 

[curious_cath]

I dearly appreciate all your kind words that I’ll try to find time to respond in more details, soon. I am overwhelmed and also scared now because all you recommend me to quit the Way. I am scared because I have tried that before and attended regular services for months. I felt free, even liberated. But little-by-little a void creeped into my heart. I missed my sisters and brothers in the community.

When we started to walk, as is said when you join the NCW, it was truly like milk and honey… We spent a lot of time together and with the Bible. Everything was fresh and new. The celebrations, the music, the view of the Scripture. We discovered each other as deeply involved in our search for Christ. We honored and loved our catechists. We were extremely obedient to them. It only came much later, little-by-little that they have a hidden agenda that took us by surprise at each major step that were administered to us slowly throughout the years. Each time the meaning of being a believer was shifted a bit, with more and more emphasis on obedience and an unconditional submission to whatever the catechist says. He told us once that we are dead apart from the Way. I felt that void, while being away and I returned. I was welcomed back, even the catechist showed appreciation. Everything looked rosy for a while. But then the whole cycle started again.

I started to develop a fear of the catechist because he seemed to be unsatisfied with what we do. I have this instant feeling that I don’t measure up, it does not matter how hard I try. Whatever we initially felt was okay even comfortable in the community, in the spitritual sense, he wanted to push beyond limits. We started to talk about how big sinners we are, that we are helpless without Jesus, and He is represented for us by the catechist. If we don’t listen to him, we betray Jesus and betray the church. He was yelling numerous times during so-called announcements, that is a special meeting when the head catechist lectures the communities for hours. We have listened and listened and said yes all the time. Because it was the only thing that seemed appropriate.

 

[curious_cath]

I have the cold feet whenever I think of the teaching as presented to us. It is very demanding. We are told we are nothing, but a miserable heap of sinfulness. The catechist is very good in convincing us that he is always right. You cannot contradict or question anything. I started to hate myself. I was convinced I need his approval for whatever significant I plan to do. Once I asked him about Dominic Crossan, because one of his books bothered me and shook my faith. I felt Jesus is slipping out of my life. But the catechist apparently had no idea who Dominic Crossan was. He started to talk to me about Abraham and his faith. It sounded like a cliche to silence anyone whoever turns to him with spiritual need. I was deeply disappointed.

So breaking away seems too hard at this moment. In my community we are like addicted to each other. It is almost like a trap. We had been walking for so long. Whenever someone left, I mourned and missed her/him badly. I feel like I could not lose those who remained in my community because our shared spiritual journey cannot be undone. We are bound together, almost like an extended family. My mind keeps an imprint of everything we have done together. My experience with the Lord, all my spiritual values are tied to them personally. It is hard to uproot all this. Our catechists know this and build heavily on this mutual dependence.

Of course, I can voluntarily quit the group at any time. With my fears and doubts, I have to be very strong which I am not. Asking help from outside is considered a betrayal. Perhaps even my post here would be considered as an act of Satan. You might be labeled as Judas easily and then you are isolated, cut and abandoned, left to stew in spiritual void and loneliness without your community. But I pray every day that I’ll be able to make the move.

Lord, Jesus, you are the only one worthy of praise.

 

[Latetotheparty]

Woah. Just Woah.

I don’t have much experience of these spiritual groups being a bit of a Larry-no-Catholic-mates myself but this is absolutely unhealthy for you. Mentally and spiritually. An outsider perspective is that it is looking like a cult or at least a leader building a cult. They are absolutely crossing the line. Ask yourself why you can’t leave the group but remain friends with some members?

I think this probably needs the careful advice of a priest. You need to talk to a trusted priest not affillerated in any way with this group. Tell him everything and ask him for help. Go to another parish entirely if you have to. I think that they would probably be quite alarmed.

Once you are out, you need to recover (don’t rush into any more groups for a while) for a time. Build up your mental and spiritual strength.

You don’t need these groups to follow Jesus.

 

[angell1]

I know people in the ncw, one of them a very dear and well-formed priest that used to be at my parish. there are nothing like what you describe. something is very wrong with your particular chapter of ncw. this is not normal behaviour at all.

as all catholics, are to be obedient to the church, however this doesn’t mean that we aren’t allowed to ask questions or make suggestions on how certain things can be improved or voice our opinions. we are also encouraged to exercise our own reason not just do what someone says just because they said so.

is the catechist a priest, are there priests within the group? or talk to your parish priest, or write to the bishop if you have to, like others have said, this is spiritually dangerous, you haven’t done anything wrong

 

[curious_cath]

this doesn’t mean that we aren’t allowed to ask questions or make suggestions on how certain things can be improved or voice our opinions.

Thanks for saying that. This means a lot to me. I am a person of reason and I believe my faith is not in conflict with reason. But it looks like my reason is in conflict with the conditions that slowly developed in my community under our catechists. When I ask questions in my own community, sometimes my own sisters and brothers look at me as at some alien from other planet. This hurts a lot, because we have been walking together for so long.

What is special iin this environment is that our catechist team is not from our parish, but from another nearby church. Our parish priest, who is not a member of the Way, allowed them to visit our community from time to time, but they are not under the jurisdiction of our parish priest. Normally, a catechist team should have a priest who is also walking in the Way. But because of shortage of priests, now they don’t have one. It is kinda strange that a group of lay folks acts as supervisor and dictates to communities formed at other parishes, but this is the actual practice in the Way.

Our bishop inherited the NCW in the diocese, while he is an outsider to the Way. If I would take any action by talking to the parish priest or the bishop, the catechists would tell I persecute the Way. They would accuse me of destroying my community becase any action by an outsider priest or bishop is considered persecution. We are often told that the early Christians were also persecuted, but God saved his church. By this they mean the NCW is protected by God and any criticism of current practices is a persecution that will be punished by God.

I am being torn apart between reason and obedience, trust and fear.

 

[curious_cath]

As a Catholic, Jesus is there for you at any Mass, in any Catholic church. You do not need some group to be your intermediary in terms of spiritual life

I try to get accustomed to the idea that Jesus is present everywhere, not only in my group.

Also, you can ask to speak to any priest privately, in any Catholic Church.

I am working om this right now.

And find a third order that fits you better. Try its charisms on like a new set of clothes, see how you feel in them.

I don’t have any contact to third order. Are they present at local churches?

At the same time, you’ll need to detach emotionally from this group.

This is the hard part, but I think time is on my side. I still want my catechist to be satisfied with me. But he is just another lay person who is enamored by the tremendous power he got over my community.

Here is a good detailed and objective article on this group:

I don’t agree with the view at this link. I have read anti-NCW sites on the Internet. They are somewhat old and outdated. They never talk about the experience I have in my group as a community of people seeking a place for Jesus in our everyday life.

These people, this group, are not the proper Church authority,.
I’m not saying, the Neocatechumenal Way is bad, but it certainly has taken on an unhealthy manner in your parish.

I feel the same way. NCW is great and sometimes I wish it would be reformed to get rid of the excesses. Then parish people would not go against it at so many places.

Please find courage to leave the group. (…) It may be important to both your mental and your spiritual health.You are more likely to be damaged by staying.

I also worry about my mental and spiritual health. Either I stay or leave. I try to detach myself as if I would quit smoking or some other addiction. I feel like my mental and spiritual health became dependent on the acknowledgement of my being by my catechist. I made him bigger than real and this worries me a lot. Right now I feel being at the end of the rope even by talking.

From what you say, this is not a spiritually healthy group.

I wish I would be able to change them. It is only a little more Jesus in our lives what we really need.

Once you are out, you need to recover (don’t rush into any more groups for a while) for a time. Build up your mental and spiritual strength. You don’t need these groups to follow Jesus.

I wish I could be there already. I pray every day and I know I will be able to go free one day.
“Then the Lord said to Moses, “Go to Pharaoh, and say to him, ‘Thus says the Lord, the God of the Hebrews: Let my people go, so that they may worship me.” (Ex 9:1)

 

[curious_cath]

Let me know.

Thank you, I’ll look for this opportunity when I feel ready.

 

[Here-I-am-Lord]

When we started to walk, as is said when you join the NCW, it was truly like milk and honey…

Dear curious_cath, please do not make this bigger than it is. You should have known exactly what you were going into and, as you say here, you went into it willingly.

Each time the meaning of being a believer was shifted a bit, with more and more emphasis on obedience and an unconditional submission.

You owe obedience to the Mother Church and not individual groups. What you write down here is something extremely alarming. I, for one, would have run immediately. The shift of meaning of words is a typical liberal tactic to distract opponents. I would be surprized if NCW employs liberal tactic to spread itself into mainstream Catholic parishes.

If we don’t listen to him, we betray Jesus and betray the church.

By gosh, your catechist must have an extremely outgrown super-ego!

We have listened and listened and said yes all the time. Because it was the only thing that seemed appropriate.

If you were a coward to object, then why do you complain now?

 

[Here-I-am-Lord]

They would accuse me of destroying my community becase any action by an outsider priest or bishop is considered persecution. We are often told that the early Christians were also persecuted, but God saved his church. By this they mean the NCW is protected by God and any criticism of current practices is a persecution that will be punished by God.

Those people don’t have any clue of what persecution truly means. Are they claiming the persecuted status of the early Christians? This is not only ridiculous, but also sacrilegious! Our funding fathers did not go to death for the Neocatechumenal Way! They sacrificed themselves for the Church of Jesus Christ! It looks like eveything your catechists dislike is persecution for them, unless they do the same thing to others. By the way, who authorized them to catechise in the Catholic Church?

Also, God does not punish to protect special interest. He punishes those who abuse the name of His Son. Jesus Christ would never take any subgroup of the church as his own. His church is wide and universal, it is the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Mother Church!

 

[njlisa]

I briefly belonged to a cult-like Protestant church when I was in my teens. A high school friend recruited me to join. At my mother’s urging, I left under my own steam.

Your group has many of the same dynamics. May God guide you to a group where you can grow in holiness.