Terrible First 3 months of Marriage

[rayne89]

kev7:

You didn’t get the point that he made at all.

Ok if I didn’t get it, please tell me what the pont is.

 

[rayne89]

wcknight:

. And lusting after other women is NOT adultery, there is a huge difference.

1. "You have heard that it was said, `You shall not commit adultery.’
2. But I say to you, everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery

with her in his heart.
29. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one of your members than to have your whole body thrown into Gehenna.
30. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one of your members than to have your whole body go into Gehenna.
Matt 5:27-30

I understand there is a difference between looking at a naked woman and sleeping with her but you might want to consult God’s opinion on the matter (see above).

1. Lust indulged starves the soul,
   but fools hate to turn from evil.
   Pro 13:19

 

[cynic]

rayne89:

May I go on record as stating I do not hate men. I think men are wonderful people. As a whole I think generally they work hard for their families, they are protectors and heros.

.

Yeah but only in that context, perfect fantasy man protector and hero. This is typical, he’s either this female fantasy, or garbage. Women describe men in terms of their role - while a man would describe a women as ‘beautiful’ etc. Don’t fufill the role and suddenly “I’ts like I never knew him…”

 

[Al_Masetti]

rayne89:

Really?

So if the guy kills his wife for repeated locking him out of the house she made him do it.

Interesting! Post #170 was about 350 words and selected focus was aimed at one short sentence which was intended to illustrate the issue of escalating ultimatims. The selective focus is extremely illuminating.

 

[deb1]

There has been some very good advice given here and I am afraid that our bickering might have frightened the OP away.

Both the OP and her husband are having problems with communication. This is not uncommon in the first year of marriage.They have completly opposite methods of argueing-him coldly logical and her openly emotional- that probably helped intensify the disagreement.

Both overreacted to the situation, but I hesitate to call this one instance abuse. She didn’t lock him out of the house because she was afraid of him, only so that she could sleep without him. She was wrong. He was wrong.

Prayer really does work miracles. Before I bring up a subject to my hubby, I try to remember to pray about it first. OFten God will help me with the words that I should say. SOmetimes after a few days of prayer, I will come to the realization that I was the one in the wrong!

We still don’t know if the young man is even a Christian. If not, then he probably doesn’t understand her pain. I hope that the Op returns.

 

[deb1]

cynic:

Yeah but only in that context, perfect fantasy man protector and hero. This is typical, he’s either this female fantasy, or garbage. Women describe men in terms of their role - while a man would describe a women as ‘beautiful’ etc. Don’t fufill the role and suddenly “I’ts like I never knew him…”

Although I agree that the man’s actions weren’t abuse, I am scratching my head over why this particular statement from rayne is offensive to you. In fact it sounds very complimentary. I am not seeking an arguement with you, just honestly confused.

May I go on record as stating I do not hate men. I think men are wonderful people. As a whole I think generally they work hard for their families, they are protectors and heros.
**

**

 

[Katie1723]

deb1:

…Both overreacted to the situation, but I hesitate to call this one instance abuse. She didn’t lock him out of the house because she was afraid of him, only so that she could sleep without him. She was wrong. He was wrong…

be it verbal …physical…emotional…abuse is abuse …the very FIRST time.
~ Kathy ~

 

[deb1]

Katie1723:

be it verbal …physical…emotional…abuse is abuse …the very FIRST time.
~ Kathy ~

I agree! If I thought that this was abuse, I would tell the woman to run for the hills, I promise you. I just don’t think that kicking down the door constitutes abuse. If he had laid a hand on her, even to shove her, I would be the first to advise her to leave the jerk. He didn’t though. He kicked down a door that she locked. Both overreacted.

At the begining of our marriage, my hubby and I got into a heated arguement. My husband was so angry that he put a hole in our wall. Never in 17 years of marriage has he laid a hand on me. He hasn’t even repeated the hole in the wall incident. He is a very gentle soul and the best of men. We just had to figure out how to listen to one another.

PErhaps I used the wrong word. I said one instance when I should have said this **particular **instance.You took the word one to indicate a number which I didn’t mean. That was my fault. I should have been more clear.

 

[rayne89]

cynic:

Yeah but only in that context, perfect fantasy man protector and hero. This is typical, he’s either this female fantasy, or garbage. Women describe men in terms of their role - while a man would describe a women as ‘beautiful’ etc. Don’t fufill the role and suddenly “I’ts like I never knew him…”

Wow you truly are a cynic sheesh! I never said the guy was garbage. HIs behavior stinks but I’m sure the guy has other good qualities. I didn’t say anything about having to be perfect.

I adore my husband, he is my best friend, he is my protector and my hero. He also is a recovered alcoholic-we’ve gone through alot in our 15 years -not all of which I want to discuss here. And hey over the years I’m been controling, manipulative, self-rightous, got us in over ourheads in debt ect…so much for my perfect image. Thankfully God has given us the grace to forgive each other, and healed our marriage with a lot of hard work on our part. I do not live in some “female fantansy” in your words. I realize we all fall short.

This my observation that I have seen over and over in my life, guys are protectors. They will step up to defend a woman they don’t even know if she’s in trouble. They fight fires, and wars. Men are heros because they will work all their lives in a job they hate just to provide for their families. This isn’t fantasy, it’s reality. You guys are amazing to me.

If a woman said “this was my house and I can do what ever the hell I want” I would have just as much a problem with that as I do with this guys behavior. So don’t make it a “man hating” issue because it’s not, it’s a behavior issue.

 

[wcknight]

rayne89:

wcknight:

. And lusting after other women is NOT adultery, there is a huge difference.

1. "You have heard that it was said, `You shall not commit adultery.’
2. But I say to you, everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery

with her in his heart.
29. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one of your members than to have your whole body thrown into Gehenna.
30. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one of your members than to have your whole body go into Gehenna.
Matt 5:27-30

I understand there is a difference between looking at a naked woman and sleeping with her but you might want to consult God’s opinion on the matter (see above).

1. Lust indulged starves the soul,
   but fools hate to turn from evil.
   Pro 13:19

Everyone has seen and heard that quote many if not hundreds of times. Yes, lust is a serious sin in God’s eyes. BUT if everyone left their spouse for lusting after another women, there would virtually be no one married.

IT IS A FAR, FAR CRY from lust to adultery, I would say someone guilty of the former is fairly normal, someone guilty of the latter is a creep. That is a HUGE difference !!!

Can YOU honestly say you have never lusted after another women ?? IF you can, you are far better man than most of us here.

 

[rayne89]

Al Masetti:

Interesting! Post #170 was about 350 words and selected focus was aimed at one short sentence which was intended to illustrate the issue of escalating ultimatims. The selective focus is extremely illuminating.

I did read the entire post. I just picked out the phrase from the poster that was most telling about his attitude to this situation.

 

[rayne89]

wcknight:

rayne89:

wcknight:

. And lusting after other women is NOT adultery, there is a huge difference.

Everyone has seen ana heard that quote many if not hundreds of times. Yes, lust is a serious sin in God’s eyes. BUT if everyone left their spouse for lusting after another women, there would virtually be no one married.

IT IS A FAR, FAR CRY from lust to adultery, I would say someone guilty of the former is fairly normal, someone guilty of the latter is a creep. That is a HUGE difference !!!

Can YOU honestly say you have never lusted after another women ?? IF you can, you are far better man than most of us here.

Yes I can because I AM A WOMAN.

 

[Anne_Carmel]

Due to the low charity levels, this thread is now closed. Thank you for your participation in this discussion.