Texting his secretary

[twopekinguys]

Away for a weekend together after 5 months of dating? Are you sexually active with this man?

A virtuous man does not engage in raunchy texting, does not befriend his secretary, and does not go away for weekends with someone he is not married to.

There are many things wrong with this scenario.

Fair question!

But hey, didn’t you know it is always the guys fault?

 

[twopekinguys]

I really appreciate all this feedback. Honestly I realize I shouldn’t have searched thru his phone but I had seen him turning the angle of it at times when he was texting in the past a f it made me suspicious.

As for the bad language,. I will reiterate she said SHE could see his vagi&na as a joke to HIM. At least that’s his story…, and it makes sense because the text followered him asking a very “girlie” question about his hair.

It just all seemed very fishy to me. He has proclaimed over and over again that there’s nothing there… And she’s engaged., but I just can’t ever imagine myself saying something like that EVER to my boss.

He says all he talks about is “me” to her and his “into this” he is…

He has 3 children BTW that he still hasn’t introduced me to … Which I respect. But he has insinuated that he’d introduce me … But hasn’t yet.

So, you didn’t “accidently” pick up his blackberry by mistake as you stated in the original post. Is that correct?

As far as the children, I think it is appropriate for anyone to hold off on introducing their girlfriend or boyfriend to them for as long as possible.

Too many children get attached to them emotionally, then poof, they’re gone if the relationship doesn’t work out.

 

[Irishmom2]

Making comments about being able to see a woman’s genitalia is funny? Uh, no. Not in any universe, not in any context.

Completely and utterly inappropriate in a work context.

Almost certainly a breach of his company policy assuming he isn’t his own boss.

At least it betrays a huge lack of both judgement and decorum, not to mention respect for you and your feelings, regardless of whether it was intended seriously or not or the exchange was two-sided or not.

I would avoid this man like the plague. He is old enough to know far better.

Away for a weekend together after 5 months of dating? Are you sexually active with this man?

A virtuous man does not engage in raunchy texting, does not befriend his secretary, and does not go away for weekends with someone he is not married to.

There are many things wrong with this scenario.

Nothing more to add, except that I agree and that you really need to think about whether you think you deserve more from a man than this behavior. And the answer is yes, you do.

 

[Irishmom2]

Why… Oh why,. Do I like him SO much?

Have you come up with an answer to that?

 

[Guineviere]

Your boyfriend should not be having any sort of contact with anyone that he feels he needs to explain or hide from you. I have had contact with my ex that is personal in nature and might be embarrassing to share but there are certainly no inappropriate communications. If asked, I wouldn’t think twice about handing my phone over. Luckily, we have a level of trust that doesn’t warrant those type of requests.

Before my husband walked out on me I questioned texts and calls on a phone bill. These were to a “friend” and I was being “smothering.” His blackberry never left his side and it never occurred to me read texts.

There are so many red flags with this guy. These are indications of your future. Cut your losses now before he breaks your heart or even worse, you become his second ex-wife. There are amazingly wonderful men out there, don’t settle for anything less.

 

[JackieMom]

I feel like… If you are on intimate enough terms to go away for a weekend and stay in the same hotel room, you should be intimate enough to freely look at each other’s phones and know with whom the other person is texting.

I mean - the phone is off-limits but the genitals aren’t???

 

[KostyaJMJ]

It was wrong of his secretary to use that sort of foul language around a gentleman. It was also wrong of you to go snooping in his private property. Hopefully this handsome older fellow realizes his true worth as a man and starts demanding better treatment from the women in his life.

 

[KostyaJMJ]

I feel like… If you are on intimate enough terms to go away for a weekend and stay in the same hotel room, you should be intimate enough to freely look at each other’s phones and know with whom the other person is texting.

I mean - the phone is off-limits but the genitals aren’t???

I think that you are jumping to contusions a bit. You don’t really know what the sleeping arrangements were for the weekend getaway.

 

[JackieMom]

I think that you are jumping to contusions a bit. You don’t really know what the sleeping arrangements were for the weekend getaway.

Maybe. If the OP wants to clarify that she is in a chaste relationship and her boyfriend has obtained a decree of nullity and is free to date, I’ll apologize AND eat a hat.

 

[Guineviere]

Maybe. If the OP wants to clarify that she is in a chaste relationship and her boyfriend has obtained a decree of nullity and is free to date, I’ll apologize AND eat a hat.

I’ll eat a hat too.

 

[Debora123]

“Run, Forrest, Run!”

I’m personally hypersensitive to one thing in a relationship: cheating. If a person displays cheating tendencies, such as this person is, I don’t consider them suitable for dating, and certainly not marriage. That’s not to say that person can’t have friendships with people of the opposite sex; both my wife and I do. However, we’re not having discussions about each others genitalia, sex, and that kind of garbage not appropriate for people already in relationships.

One thing to always remember is that the relationship prior to marriage is always the easy part. Issues get magnified 10x over when one is married. I would seriously reconsider your current situation. I don’t believe that you should be treated like that.

Agreed.

Being exclusive is the most basic part of a relationship. If a person can’t even do that, then there’s no reason at all to go any further.

 

[Debora123]

That is **your **phone. Not all phones are that way. The settings can be adjusted.

Once she figured out it wasn’t her phone, she should have put it down PERIOD.
It isn’t hard to **quickly **figure out you’ve picked up the wrong phone.

Where was the phone when she “accidently” picked it up? His suit pocket? His pants pocket?

When will she take responsibility for being a snoop?

How about the whole checking with people who work there? Stalk much?

I am not condoning the conversation, but I am calling her out on being a snoop, nosey, and inappropriate behavior also.

From the sounds of it, they deserve each other. She snoops into things she shouldn’t, and he has inappropriate text sessions.

How uncharitable. :nope:

 

[morethanme2]

Okay to clarify. We had the exact same blackberry. I honestly picked up his thinking it was mine. However I could have put it down… Yes I was a snoop. What I found … Really hurt.

Maybe he dislikes me for it… But I definitely disliked what I saw.

As for intimacy … He has gently been pressuring me. However, he has herpes, so when he told me that … I reinforced that I can’t be intimate with him until I know we are secure/solid/marriage. I admit … He has been pressuring me. He tells me that I make him feel “dirty” since the STD gives me pause…

Why did I snoop after I had the chance to put it down? Because he has told me that his ex “falsely” accused him of cheating on her and told his mother that he even contacted women off of Craigslist. He swears she was just trying to ruin him. And she does sound CRAZY. I admit that.

He’s a good dad. Hard worker. Smart. We get along great. But he can be self centered. And he lied to me initially when I asked about his secretary. He said he “never texts her” and they are just coworkers. Then I started to cry and told him that I knew more and told him. He said I blew it out of proportion and it was all joking… And she’s like a “buddy”. Thats all.

And then said he could feel the same About me texting my gay guy friend. (

 

[KostyaJMJ]

Maybe. If the OP wants to clarify that she is in a chaste relationship and her boyfriend has obtained a decree of nullity and is free to date, I’ll apologize AND eat a hat.

Me too. But this does seem like a strange place to come and ask for the kind of advice that the OP is looking for.

 

[Debora123]

Okay to clarify. We had the exact same blackberry. I honestly picked up his thinking it was mine. However I could have put it down… Yes I was a snoop. What I found … Really hurt.

Maybe he dislikes me for it… But I definitely disliked what I saw.

As for intimacy … He has gently been pressuring me. However, he has herpes, so when he told me that … I reinforced that I can’t be intimate with him until I know we are secure/solid/marriage. I admit … He has been pressuring me. He tells me that I make him feel “dirty” since the STD gives me pause…

Why did I snoop after I had the chance to put it down? Because he has told me that his ex “falsely” accused him of cheating on her and told his mother that he even contacted women off of Craigslist. He swears she was just trying to ruin him. And she does sound CRAZY. I admit that.

He’s a good dad. Hard worker. Smart. We get along great. But he can be self centered. And he lied to me initially when I asked about his secretary. He said he “never texts her” and they are just coworkers. Then I started to cry and told him that I knew more and told him. He said I blew it out of proportion and it was all joking… And she’s like a “buddy”. Thats all.

And then said he could feel the same About me texting my gay guy friend. (

Gross! Run for the hills!

Unfortunately, I know from too many personal experiences with female friends, that a woman doesn’t leave a man no matter how many times her friends/family try to knock some sense into her. She always has to figure it the hard way…

 

[Debora123]

Me too. But this does seem like a strange place to come and ask for the kind of advice that the OP is looking for.

Hey guys, how about we stick to the subject at hand and try to help the OP…

No reason to speculate or comment on whether or not she’s chaste. It comes off as a little rude and self righteous. Perhaps in a charitable manner, we can remind her of Church teaching regarding sex and marriage in case she didn’t already know. Other than that, we need to drop it. :nope:

 

[JackieMom]

Herpes??? Accused of trolling for sex on Craigslist? “Divorced” with three kids? Lied about secretary? Accepts crass texts from other women? Pressuring for sex outside of marriage? Texts from gay friends? This is sounding very far fetched.

 

[morethanme2]

All of this is the truth. The only part that “I” contribute to it is the fact that 2 of my best friends are gay. I don’t agree with that but they are good people. Even catholic…

As for the rest about my BF. it’s true. He does have an StD. He told me he got it from his wife before they were married…

 

[Debora123]

Herpes??? Accused of trolling for sex on Craigslist? “Divorced” with three kids? Lied about secretary? Accepts crass texts from other women? Pressuring for sex outside of marriage? Texts from gay friends? This is sounding very far fetched.

It’s really not as uncommon as you think… a lot of people have herpes, a lot of people are unfaithful, a lot of people lie to their significant others, a lot of people are pressured for sex…

It’s the tale of our times. Sad but true.

 

[Debora123]

All of this is the truth. The only part that “I” contribute to it is the fact that 2 of my best friends are gay. I don’t agree with that but they are good people. Even catholic…

As for the rest about my BF. it’s true. He does have an StD. He told me he got it from his wife before they were married…

No worries, I’m sure you’re telling the truth. I think people are just hoping it isn’t true lol.