Texting his secretary

[morethanme2]

Yes and I admit it’s hard to resist because we do have a great connection.

But, the reality is that because of his divorce… He has no money. I do well… So while he apologizes and “feels bad” I end up paying for most things too. .
Although he is working hard and reaching for a better paying Job.

 

[HouseArrest]

Read the post again.

It was the secretary making the inappropriate comment, not him. Notice where it says "and she started joking with him About acting like a girl – by saying “I think I can see your vag8na from here”…at least blame the right person.

It is important to realize the secretary made the comment so it cannot be blamed on the boyfriend, however, it does tell us something about the him. People don’t usually sent raunchy texts to those who would be horrified to receive them.

 

[morethanme2]

Yes it’s true that she said this … But when I confronted him he didn’t know what I saw… He had no idea. And he started saying that they are just “buddies” and that it would have only been in a joking manner. I told him the words I saw could be considered sexual harrassment. He said its all “just a joke”. Then he fessed up to talking about how good of a figure she has … Because she constantly says she’s fat.

So even though I only saw part of that… I think there’s much more. He didn’t know what I saw. And he was acting pretty guilty although defensive…

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Herpes??? Accused of trolling for sex on Craigslist? “Divorced” with three kids? Lied about secretary? Accepts crass texts from other women? Pressuring for sex outside of marriage? Texts from gay friends? This is sounding very far fetched.

None of this sounds far-fetched me. Sad, disturbing, and distressing yes. But look at the herpes, divorce, infidelity, and premarital sex rates in this country. Heck, this scenario is almost likely!

And a lot of people, women included have gay friends.

 

[JackieMom]

None of this sounds far-fetched me. Sad, disturbing, and distressing yes. But look at the herpes, divorce, infidelity, and premarital sex rates in this country. Heck, this scenario is almost likely!

And a lot of people, women included have gay friends.

Sorry, I meant far-fetched that any woman would want this pile of trouble and even need to seek the advice of others about possibly continuing the relationship. I realize people are diseased, vulgar louses - but the OP sounds smart enough to know this guy is no good.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

Herpes??? Accused of trolling for sex on Craigslist? “Divorced” with three kids? Lied about secretary? Accepts crass texts from other women? Pressuring for sex outside of marriage? Texts from gay friends? This is sounding very far fetched.

Not at all. Coming from a middle-aged guy with lots of eccentric friends, I’ve heard far worse. In fact, it’s unusual to find people that are, say, 35+ in the dating pool that don’t have “issues.” Maybe not as extensive or as major as the ones noted here, but issues that can cause problems in a relationship nevertheless. The common one is being divorced, and there are often a ton of issues to go along with that (uncooperative ex spouse, unruly children affected by the divorce, child support issues, bitterness because of the divorce, unwillingness to commit, etc.).

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

As for intimacy … He has gently been pressuring me. However, he has herpes, so when he told me that … I reinforced that I can’t be intimate with him until I know we are secure/solid/marriage. I admit … He has been pressuring me. He tells me that I make him feel “dirty” since the STD gives me pause…

This is just the icing on the cake. Chances are he didn’t get the STD from a blood transfusion. It was either an action on his or his wife’s part that resulted in him getting this STD.

Please take a moment, step back, and try to observe this situation objectively. Does this person have the characteristics that you seek in a spouse? It is far better to remain single than marry the wrong person.

 

[morethanme2]

Well I do believe what he says…, his wife had a cold sore and have him oral… And he’s had it ever since…

He takes medicine. And you can’t get herpes thru a blood transfusion.

 

[lovemyjob]

You deserve so much better.

 

[1ke]

morethanme2, why have you set your standards so low?

Would you choose a man with these behaviors for your daughter to date? For your best friend? Is this how you would want your loved ones to be treated?

Why then do you make excuses for him and continue to allow him in your life?

Please find a faithful, Catholic man who loves God above all else.

 

[Mikeydell]

morethanme2 I am sorry to have to say this to you, and my words will be harsh but…PLEASE GROW UP!

Much Peace!

Mike

 

[twopekinguys]

How uncharitable. :nope:

The truth is uncharitable? Ok, go with that.

I’m sorry, but that phone was someone else’s property, and she admitted to snooping.

Someone else’s phone is not yours to go through, even if you’re married to them.

In my line of work, I do sometimes receive sensitive information via email, and text on my phone. Everyone in my household knows that, and stays away.

Or didn’t you think about that.

Checking on his workplace borders on stalking.

Why is it the guy who is always wrong? When do women in these situations ever take responsibility for their part in it? Or is that too difficult to imagine?

 

[twopekinguys]

Well I do believe what he says…, his wife had a cold sore and have him oral… And he’s had it ever since…

He takes medicine. And you can’t get herpes thru a blood transfusion.

There are two different types of herpes.

From WebMD

Genital herpes is a disease caused by the herpes simplex virus (HSV), of which there are two types. Type 1 (HSV-1) usually causes oral herpes, an infection of the lips and mouth. Symptoms are commonly known as cold sores or fever blisters. In the past, HSV-1 was not known to cause genital herpes, but that is changing, especially among people who begin having sex at a young age. Still, in most cases, genital herpes is caused by the second type of herpes virus (HSV-2).

I would be careful of his sexual history.

 

[FriendlyFace]

Please run, don’t walk, away from this relationship. God wouldn’t want you to marry a guy who lies, cheats, and pressures you for sex. The evidence is piling up. Get out of there before he gives you an std or several and breaks your heart. He’s not marriageable. He’s probably not even free to marry, and if he is still married from a church point of view, then he’s committing adultery by being with you. (Not saying either of you realized this, but it all depends on his status, and his first marriage needs to be presumed valid until it’s found not to be valid for some reason by the church. In other words, the man needs an annulment to be free to date you)

But this guy is a red flag factory. The sooner you get out the better. He’s only going to keep hurting you. Please, be strong and break up with him for your own sake!

Posted from Catholic.com App for Android

 

[LilyM]

It is important to realize the secretary made the comment so it cannot be blamed on the boyfriend, however, it does tell us something about the him. People don’t usually sent raunchy texts to those who would be horrified to receive them.

And those who are ‘horrified to receive them’ don’t continue working with people who send them. If such a thing happened to me either the secretary would go (plus I would sue her for sexual harrassment - which is pretty much what uninvited and unwanted comments about people’s genitalia are) or I would. Simple as that.

 

[JackieMom]

And those who are ‘horrified to receive them’ don’t continue working with people who send them. If such a thing happened to me either the secretary would go (plus I would sue her for sexual harrassment - which is pretty much what uninvited and unwanted comments about people’s genitalia are) or I would. Simple as that.

Besides the use of genital talk, it is wholly unprofessional for a secretary to be texting with her boss about non-work related content.

 

[morethanme2]

Thank you for all this feedback. It’s helping me and getting me stronger. I think I really fell for him…so it’s hard to see this objectively.

I guess the warning signs are there…

 

[KostyaJMJ]

And those who are ‘horrified to receive them’ don’t continue working with people who send them. If such a thing happened to me either the secretary would go (plus I would sue her for sexual harrassment - which is pretty much what uninvited and unwanted comments about people’s genitalia are) or I would. Simple as that.

Yes, with such vulgar language we really must go and alert the church elders. Quelle horreur!! I am so thankful that I don’t work with any women and don’t have to worry about sexual harassment suits.

 

[BeeSweet]

Besides the use of genital talk, it is wholly unprofessional for a secretary to be texting with her boss about non-work related content.

People who work together can also be friends outside the office, even when they’re of different positions in the corporate hierarchy. It’s not always a good idea, but it’s not uncommon. I worked with a group of people whom I genuinely liked and joked around with a lot, and since we were often on call 24/7 we often talked outside of normal business hours. Vulgar humor was commonplace. I would have heard the language in that text any day of the week at the office, although really only between the guys (I happened to be a minority woman in my position).

The text itself from the secretary is not the red flag, it’s the BF’s handling of the matter in combination with his family status. He’s not in any position where he should be dating, and the fact that he’s pressuring for premarital sex indicates his true intentions are simply not honorable. He doesn’t sound like someone who is conscientious at any rate.

The bottom line is that the OP needs to listen to her gut on this and get out of the relationship now before she gets in any deeper with someone who she has these sort of doubts about. These sorts of issues do not blow over, they only get worse as time passes.

BTW, I am divorced, and I can guarantee that my ex portrays me as a crazy person to anyone who may be interested. If BF can’t be charitable about his ex, that’s something else that I’d question.

 

[mountee]

If the Human Resource manager knew they were texting each other sexually inappropriate messages they would be warned and sent to sensitivity training and possibly fired. Frankly, after working over 30 years I assure you this is not OK. Believe in yourself, you deserve better than this.