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Luvz2travel
Guest
Good advice…lol
:thumbsup:
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Luvz2travel
Guest
You know my grandmother GOd rest her soul…actually sent grandpa back to his parents soon after they were married because she felt he was showing her disrespect. She told his family to send him back when he learned how to treat a woman…well he must of learned because they were married for 50 years and had 4 children.
This happened in the 1930s too. 
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JLCecilia
Guest
That sounds like a marvelous idea. I’d like to accompany him and his bags to his folks’ house and tell them, “I have my OWN 4 children to raise and this one isn’t mine, so when you’re done raising him, we’ll be happy to welcome him back.” My only problem is, after 7.5 years of marriage, I don’t think anything less than 6 months will do it.
Oh man, I’m not sure I’m brave enough to do it. I’m not sure how much DH would actually learn by staying w/ his folks b/c his mom will still do everything for him (cooking and laundry) and his dad won’t make him help out on the farm. It would really only be an exile from his precious computer (the internet ain’t so grand in the country) and his folks’ house is a dump b/c his mom’s physically unable to clean. This will take some prayer.
Oh man, I’m not sure I’m brave enough to do it. I’m not sure how much DH would actually learn by staying w/ his folks b/c his mom will still do everything for him (cooking and laundry) and his dad won’t make him help out on the farm. It would really only be an exile from his precious computer (the internet ain’t so grand in the country) and his folks’ house is a dump b/c his mom’s physically unable to clean. This will take some prayer.
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Oh_Charlotte
Guest
Wow. Yes, A woman has to take charge sometimes, and your grandmother was absolutely right in what she did. And it worked. It seems like the OP’s lazy husband needs a kick like that! Such lazy behavior should not be rewarded with any peace!You know my grandmother GOd rest her soul…actually sent grandpa back to his parents soon after they were married because she felt he was showing her disrespect. She told his family to send him back when he learned how to treat a woman…well he must of learned because they were married for 50 years and had 4 children.
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Oh_Charlotte
Guest
What about threatening to get rid of the computer of things don’t shape up?? And do it!
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thomasf
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Sounds like he’s not such a ‘D’ ‘H’ to me.
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Pax2u
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Cecelia, I don’t think I can even throw some rational ideas out here for you, as I am so madd at your husband!!!
OK, deep breath…
Next time you come back from shopping, leave the groceries in the car. Let him know they are out there when you come in. I agree with those who said hire someone to shovel, if he won’t do it.
At some point you need to have a serious talk. He needs to decide if he’s willing to spend some time and effort in marriage counseling, or if he’d rather be paying child support for 4 children.
I’m really feeling badly for you, and will keep you in prayer.
OK, deep breath…
Next time you come back from shopping, leave the groceries in the car. Let him know they are out there when you come in. I agree with those who said hire someone to shovel, if he won’t do it.
At some point you need to have a serious talk. He needs to decide if he’s willing to spend some time and effort in marriage counseling, or if he’d rather be paying child support for 4 children.
I’m really feeling badly for you, and will keep you in prayer.
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JLCecilia
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Thank you, I think that’s the most touching post I’ve read.
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mommamaree
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I agree with Pax2u about leaving the groceries in the car and hiring someone to do the work the husband won’t do. I did this in my last pregnancy, too.
I just waddled in the house, and told my husband the groceries were there and that I needed a break so would he kindly bring them in and ask the kids to help, too?
I hired lawn service too.
Now, these things worked because my husband is a reasonable man. You could try them with your husband, but based on what you have shared, I am not sure how much traction you will get with him. But it is worth a try!
I just waddled in the house, and told my husband the groceries were there and that I needed a break so would he kindly bring them in and ask the kids to help, too?
I hired lawn service too.
Now, these things worked because my husband is a reasonable man. You could try them with your husband, but based on what you have shared, I am not sure how much traction you will get with him. But it is worth a try!
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opus101
Guest
Since when is it a woman’s job to open a door for herself or carry in the groceries? My Dad would have literally leapt up and run to the door to help. I can hear his voice, “Whoa! Wait a minute, let me help you with that.”
For some reason, many of today’s men in their 30’s and 40’s are grossly lacking in any kind of thoughtfulness, kindness and their manners are deplorable.
IMO, she needs to inform her husband of his apparent selfishness, in a form of “brotherly correction.” He is being very disrespectful.
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28562
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Has it always been like this? Have you guys ever been to counseling? Have you ever told him how it makes you feel and how unhappy you are? Have you ever flat out told him that you REFUSE to live like this? Not in a sense like “I’m leaving” but more like, “we are going to be together forever, so you better get your $//! straight if you want us to be happy”.
I wasn’t always the greatest husband in the world, and I didn’t even really realize it. Once I knew that my wife wasn’t happy and it was my fault, I did everything in my power to change me. Now, I cant stand guys that don’t treat their wives right, although I have some understanding of how it can happen. I’d still like to knock some sense into bad husbands for a living if I could…you women just deserve so much better! Would you like for me to meet him?
I wasn’t always the greatest husband in the world, and I didn’t even really realize it. Once I knew that my wife wasn’t happy and it was my fault, I did everything in my power to change me. Now, I cant stand guys that don’t treat their wives right, although I have some understanding of how it can happen. I’d still like to knock some sense into bad husbands for a living if I could…you women just deserve so much better! Would you like for me to meet him?
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BettyBoop416
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Maybe they were being “open to life” and God took advantage of the opening.
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Robertanthony
Guest
Or more prosaically, a sperm met an egg. A woman can become pregnant at the worst possible time, yet another one will fail to become pregnant at the perfect time. Biology 101.
OP, pray for your husband, appeal to the decent part of him so that he can willingly decrease his Internet time to spend some time with his kids and to help you with the different chores (pressing the “pause” button can be learned with some practice). He’s a spoiled brat so don’t set your expectations too high, if he’s willing to change, that might warrant some hope. I know this isn’t what you were expecting but pray for the gift of long-suffering. The frog won’t likely turn into a prince overnight. If you do wanna know where he’s going on the Internet, hire someone who is computer savvy. If he’s a good bread winner, at least you can pay for all those little things he won’t do (groceries, snow shoveling, baby-sitting, house cleaning etc.)
God bless.
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underacloud
Guest
There are two interpretations of this scenaria:
a) The OP’s husband is an immature, selfish, lazy jerk.
b) The OP is very tough on her husband.
I suspect the truth is a bit of both.
It does seem that he has a genuine problem with his computer, and being able to tear himself away from it. It may or may not be porn, but plenty of people who aren’t into porn still get caught up in whatever online worlds they inhabit (including forums). Unfortunately, it seems like the hardest part may be simply for him to acknowledge that there’s a problem to begin with. I’m not sure what can be said here except that counselling may be the only way to thrash out the issues.
A few things other posters have said are important too.
Communicate clearly with him. Men are often not as skilled in communication as women, and need things to be clear and concise.
Pray for your husband.
And pray for yourself. That you may endure the challenges before you. That you may love your husband and not resent him. I fear you already have so much resentment that it will be hard to let go of it, but offer it to God and trust that He will grant you the strength and peace you need.
a) The OP’s husband is an immature, selfish, lazy jerk.
b) The OP is very tough on her husband.
I suspect the truth is a bit of both.
It does seem that he has a genuine problem with his computer, and being able to tear himself away from it. It may or may not be porn, but plenty of people who aren’t into porn still get caught up in whatever online worlds they inhabit (including forums). Unfortunately, it seems like the hardest part may be simply for him to acknowledge that there’s a problem to begin with. I’m not sure what can be said here except that counselling may be the only way to thrash out the issues.
A few things other posters have said are important too.
Communicate clearly with him. Men are often not as skilled in communication as women, and need things to be clear and concise.
Pray for your husband.
And pray for yourself. That you may endure the challenges before you. That you may love your husband and not resent him. I fear you already have so much resentment that it will be hard to let go of it, but offer it to God and trust that He will grant you the strength and peace you need.
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SouthCatholic
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:hug3: :hug3: :hug3:
You’re a candidate for SAINTHOOD if the only thoughts that crept into your mind were of separation; because thoughts of first degree murder would have crept into mine!
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Oh_Charlotte
Guest
My ex was was verbally and emotionally abusive our entire marraige, getting steadily worse as the years went, and completely self-centered and unable to love. But he was charming put on a good front for the world, even strangers, as impressing everyone but family is “Primary Narcissist Supply” for a Narcissist. And I spend my entire long marriage trying to be accommodating, helpful, forgiving and serving, and trying to correct anything that could possibly be wrong with me or with my every word or action. It was a lonely life, but I avoided all near occasion of sin. But he left, with an affair, which made him have some guilt, and you know what cheaters do with the guilt when they can’t admit any wrong? They get really, really hateful to the innocent spouse. That’s typical.
Our wide circle of freinds and aquaintences - all knew us as a couple - would hear of this drama I got thrown into when I had to spend my life savings defending myself from lies, and my ex was everywhere before me saying what a horrible wife I had been, how I drove him to the affair – this mess would just be too much for regular folks to want to consider. But they saw themselves as fair persons, so, the popular consensus of such “generous-minded” souls was to conclude: “It must be a bit of both.”
It was like getting stepped on when I was on the ground.
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underacloud
Guest
I’m very sorry this happened to you. And it may well be that the OP is in a similar situation with a husband who is really selfish, immature, and responsible for all the problems in their marriage. But we need to keep in mind that we are only hearing the OP’s account of events, and I will point out that the way she talks about her husband is quite condescending and sarcastic. If she behaves towards her husband in a similar manner as to how she talks about him, I’d definitely think it’s “a bit of both”.My ex was was verbally and emotionally abusive our entire marraige, getting steadily worse as the years went, and completely self-centered and unable to love. But he was charming put on a good front for the world, even strangers, as impressing everyone but family is “Primary Narcissist Supply” for a Narcissist. And I spend my entire long marriage trying to be accommodating, helpful, forgiving and serving, and trying to correct anything that could possibly be wrong with me or with my every word or action. It was a lonely life, but I avoided all near occasion of sin. But he left, with an affair, which made him have some guilt, and you know what cheaters do with the guilt when they can’t admit any wrong? They get really, really hateful to the innocent spouse. That’s typical.
Our wide circle of freinds and aquaintences - all knew us as a couple - would hear of this drama I got thrown into when I had to spend my life savings defending myself from lies, and my ex was everywhere before me saying what a horrible wife I had been, how I drove him to the affair – this mess would just be too much for regular folks to want to consider. But they saw themselves as fair persons, so, the popular consensus of such “generous-minded” souls was to conclude: “It must be a bit of both.”
It was like getting stepped on when I was on the ground.
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Oh_Charlotte
Guest
As to resentment, feelings are not bad. All your feelings are okay. Its only what you do with them that can become a problem. But your bad negative feelings are important, they tell you things, so do not be ashamed of negative feelings like resentment. There is probably a very good reason you feel this! Feel your feelings and take them to the Lord. Come as you are to Him, just as you are. As in “Lord, today I come to you deeply resenting my husband. It feels so unfair when he ___… Lord, please comfort me and make me feel better!” He will.
I went on a ladies retreat with my old Evangelical Church and it was all about marraige. Sigh. I had read all the books and done all I could to be a Proverbs 31, Ephesians 5 wife but it was a lonely lonely life. Hearing others talk about breakthroughs with their spouses I never had - I had heard so many such stories, but, doing all they did, praying all I did, still, I never a breakthrough or sign of hope.
Finally in the last retreat session of the weekend, the retreat leader acknowledged that some were there without husbands, or, had husbands who never acted like husbands. I perked up. This was me! She told us that God would be our husband, that Jesus would be the husband to the husbandless. Those words shone a great light of hope for me. So, while I said I never had hope in my marriage, in all those years, times like this would come and I would have hope in God. It sustained me.
And my sister-in-law I mentioned with the difficult husband has a strong faith too. She counts her blessings, and her hope is in God.
My marriage ended with difficulty and I don’t wish that on anyone. Its hard especially with children. But the Lord seems to really be making up for the years the locust has eaten. He keeps his promises! He is your rock, your ever-present help in trouble!
So I suggest that, too. Maybe a miracle will happen and your husband will be a husband. Or maybe not. Either way, God is there for you. He is your Friend closer than a brother. He is the husband to the husbandless.
I went on a ladies retreat with my old Evangelical Church and it was all about marraige. Sigh. I had read all the books and done all I could to be a Proverbs 31, Ephesians 5 wife but it was a lonely lonely life. Hearing others talk about breakthroughs with their spouses I never had - I had heard so many such stories, but, doing all they did, praying all I did, still, I never a breakthrough or sign of hope.
Finally in the last retreat session of the weekend, the retreat leader acknowledged that some were there without husbands, or, had husbands who never acted like husbands. I perked up. This was me! She told us that God would be our husband, that Jesus would be the husband to the husbandless. Those words shone a great light of hope for me. So, while I said I never had hope in my marriage, in all those years, times like this would come and I would have hope in God. It sustained me.
And my sister-in-law I mentioned with the difficult husband has a strong faith too. She counts her blessings, and her hope is in God.
My marriage ended with difficulty and I don’t wish that on anyone. Its hard especially with children. But the Lord seems to really be making up for the years the locust has eaten. He keeps his promises! He is your rock, your ever-present help in trouble!
So I suggest that, too. Maybe a miracle will happen and your husband will be a husband. Or maybe not. Either way, God is there for you. He is your Friend closer than a brother. He is the husband to the husbandless.
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Oh_Charlotte
Guest
Yes, it might well be she is not lying, just describing, and as described, he is selfish and immature. That definitely causes problems in a marraige.
Wow, I did NOT have the same conclusion you did, that she is condescending and sarcastic? Where did you ever get such a negative judgement of the OP? Can you give a specific example? Its only fair to come up with one when you judge her as you did.
I thought she was just expressing frustration, and the situations she described were quite frustrating. And as she explained herself further, her husband did seem to be acting quite selfishly, immaturely, and unkindly. I like post here about the grandma who sent her husband back to his parents to “grow up”. Sometimes you just have to treat immature behavior just like what it is - immature behavior! Its just not charitable to pretend that wrong is right. It is actually more charitable to say that wrong is wrong!
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