Grace & Peace!
Neither I nor the Church are advocating repression. …[snip]… He doesn’t have to tell him or her why, just call a friend to say Hi.
But jrwaiss, by the terms of your own scenario, the porn addict’s problem isn’t with his sexuality
per se, but with his inability to properly deal with his loneliness which places a distorting pressure on his sexual desire which leads to the addiction. Granted, insofar as his problem is relational, his difficulty will
involve his sexuality (given that sexuality relates to our relational capacity). But the solution to his problem is not a sexual one. It has to do with socialization.
Is it your belief that homosexuality represents a similar problem with socialization? If, as you have stated in your previous post, there is no such thing as homosexuality or heterosexuality, would not heterosexuality generally represent a like problem?
If we accept the idea that sexuality is fundamental to our capacity to relate to one another and to God with the ultimate goal of relating to Jesus (with marriage being the most available symbol of such a relationship), then we see that in fact a porn addiction is not comparable to homosexuality (or heterosexuality, naturally), because the porn addiction is anti-relational and is entirely self-reflexive, whereas even homosexuality seeks a living, breathing human other with whom the homosexual can be in relationship.
All of this reminds me of that old Christopher Isherwood story–he approached a guru and was talking with him for some time about spiritual matters and was feeling quite good about the conversation, at which point he thought to himself something along the lines of, “oh but this must be too good to be true. He can’t mean all of this good stuff about love and kindness. When I mention that I’m a homosexual, he’ll let the vitriol fly.” So he mentioned that he was a homosexual. And the guru, who was Hindu, said, “Well, you must see your lover as Krishna.” Simple. Direct. Profound. And why is it that we cannot say to homosexuals, “Well, you must see your lover as Christ”?
This is not repression, but true integration. It takes effort, time, but he finds true fulfillment in the process.
But the sexual impulse is not the difficulty in your scenario–an inability to competently deal with loneliness is the difficulty. The task, in your scenario, is to actually free up the capacity for relationship which is fundamental to sexuality generally. You’re right, this is not repression. But homosexuality is not a porn addiction, nor is it analogous to porn addiction, as mentioned above.
(And at any rate, correct me if I’m wrong, but it doesn’t seem to me that the catechism is interested in integrating any and every sexual impulse, but in integrating sexuality.)
Related to the question of repression–I wrote this in an earlier post, but perhaps you can explain where I’m off track with the following:
A heterosexual man says: I desire to go on a date with a woman whom I may grow to love romantically and profoundly and who may potentially be a partner with me in my life. Rome stamps it: ORDERED INCLINATION
A homosexual man says: I desire to go on a date with a man whom I may grow to love romantically and profoundly and who may potentially be a partner with me in my life. Rome stamps it: DISORDERED INCLINATION
To receive Rome’s stamp of approval, the homosexual man must instead say: I do not desire a date at all and I am conscious that desiring a relationship with a man whom I may grow to love romantically and profoundly is not only disordered but is most likely impossible. Such a desire will destroy me. Such a love is not love at all.
That seems to me to be the situation. Am I so far off base? How is the final statement, by the way, not a statement of fundamental repression. A sex addict or a porn addict learns to relate with others, a homosexual learns NOT to relate to those to whom he or she is attracted. How is the latter not repression?
But I suppose your point (which is in line with the catechism) is that homosexuality is a psychological disorder. A point, by the way, which runs counter to the findings of the medical and scientific communities and is objectively fallacious (like geocentrism…).
I don’t know you but I’m sure we could help you integrate you sexual urges into your person without any disorder. I’m not saying it is easy, but you wouldn’t regret it.
While I believe your offer is fundamentally misguided at best, and though I must admit feeling not a little insulted, I will choose to view your statement as coming from a place of kindness and will respectfully decline. I do not know who the “we” is of which you speak, but the integration of my sexuality (as opposed to my urges) with my personality is a matter for my confessor, my partner, my God, and me. While I respect you and wish you only good things, you don’t figure very prominently in this particular equation.
But while we’re on the subject, what would you have me desire? Marriage? Celibacy? Women? Regarding the third, if the universal human sexuality is oriented toward marriage, whether or not I desire a woman should be immaterial. Regarding the second, I have been in a monogamous relationship with a good Christian man for over a decade and fidelity to this relationship is the canon of my celibacy. (Take that however you will.) Regarding the first, I am interested in being faithful to my partner and in our relationship as being an instance in space and in time of the love we have for Jesus Christ and the love he has for us and for the world–it is my desire that others will know we are Christian by our love. If that is not part of what it is to be married, then perhaps my sexuality is, in fact, flawed–in which case, I am not interested in correcting the flaw.
What is the moral minefield? I don’t see it? Are you saying that “auto-sexuality” is being discriminated against? Or “trans-sexuality”?
No. I am saying that sexuality is not oriented toward either a male or female partner, but toward marriage. Therefore, any desire which is for a male or female partner and not for marriage is potentially disordered. Going on a date may, in fact, be a very risky activity as one may find oneself desiring one’s date sexually (which desire does not generally require marriage as a prerequisite), in which case, one is giving oneself over to a disordered inclination. Best not to go on a date!
(A little ironic humor.)
Under the Mercy,
Mark
All is grace and mercy! Deo gratias!