The church isnt for toddlers....?

[bitterhope]

I hear you and I agree with you. I too love the cry room. I have been in the three under three stage and it is so much different than most can understand. I’m now expecting # 9 and it does get easier, but honestly I enjoyed the hustle and bustle of the tiny ones so close in age. Being able to pay attention at Mass does help us out all week long. Enjoy your babies while you’ve got them and know some of us do get it. There are other big families out there, but sometimes it hard to spot us. Often it is because as our cry room babies grow, they spread out into different ministries at church, so even though I may only have two or three with me in the pew or cry room, the others are on the altar, or the choir, or an usher…

Yours will get there too, and then the Church will thank you for raising such fine and involved teenagers and young adults.

 

[bitterhope]

This is fine, and why parishes that welcome children in the main church still elect to have a cry room. Whether parents let children run around the cry room or not is a gamble; it depends on the parents, not the parish. If it helps the parents, though, that is a good reason to have one, particularly if it can be situated with a very good view.

This, OTOH, is not why parishes have cry rooms, or at least it shouldn’t be. Young children have always been in the main church over the centuries. The other parishioners should not feel as if small children are “supposed” to be anywhere else. The separate room is there for parents who elect to use it. If they don’t, well, we accept loud children who don’t know how loud they are being with the same graciousness we accept 95 year olds who “whisper” at 40 dB. We were all children once, and we may lose our hearing some day, too. Even the local monasteries do not exclude small children from the Masses there. Where else are future monks going to come from? (Anyone who thinks that only the “quiet” kids become priests, monks, nuns or religious brothers and sisters had better think again! A few were quiet children, but many quite otherwise, by their own accounts! )

I really wish I went to Mass with people like you. Unfortunately it is really hard to find people like you in real life. Some parishes are much more accepting than others, but there was actually one that had me considering leaving the Church until my kids were older (dad was gone for a year and each Mass was miserable). That parish has actually stuck with me in many ways I guess because even now if my kids make one little peep I get nervous. I know that’s stupid, but it was that bad there.

 

[chemaeslay]

I guess I’m in the minority here. I go into the cry room at our church if I’m bringing the kids by myself. My older kids go to choir or are altar servers and I bring the younger ones to the cry room. It’s much less stressful to me. If my husband is home we will all start in the pew and I’ll step out with the little ones as needed, or my husband will. Maybe our church is different but we don’t have kids going crazy in the cry room here. The parents are able to pay attention to the Mass and not worry about a kid making a mad dash to the altar as we’re kneeling and praying. There is also a bathroom attached to the cry room so it makes potty breaks easier and I can still focus on Mass instead of walking the kids to the bathroom. By the age of 3-4 all of mine make it through the entire Mass despite the fact that we make regular use of the cry room when they are younger. I guess it is personal preference. We actually have some adults without kids that sit in the cry room at our church because it is so peaceful in there and has a great view of the altar. The way I always look at it is our babies are only little for a short amount if time so we might as well enjoy them. Being able to really focus on Mass instead of having to get up and leave a few times each Mass helps me be a better, calmer mommy all week long. We’ve been in several parishes over the years where there was no cry room. Many of us parents gathered in the narthex and in one church the front steps. It was like a makeshift cry room I guess.

I noticed that people have posted saying babies and toddlers don’t bother them or that other parishioners would be willing to help out. I really wish you all were at any of the churches I’ve been to over the years. I’ve gotten dirty looks, had people shush my kids, “discuss” their behavior with me before and after Mass…and honestly my kids do a really good job. By the time they are 2nd grade I can trust them in the pew without me, or in the choir loft, or on the altar, even if dad isn’t there. I probably could even leave the 4 and 6 year old too, but I prefer them with me unless the teens aren’t serving just in case. Since I quit trying to do it all on my own and head straight to the cry room with the littles I get compliments on the kids behavior. On weeks dad is home and we all are in the pew, still we get compliments on the kids behavior and I only need bring the baby out. Having 3 under 3 is quite an adventure that not many people understand and most don’t even try. I agree that being in the pew as a family is ideal, but most of us are not able to do that for many reasons, one of them being that too often other parishioners make it more miserable for us than our babies and toddlers ever could. When you are made to feel your kids are not welcome or are a distraction then you begin to feel stressed out and frustrated. Cry rooms are a sanity saver for many families.

God Bless you! You really do have to be in our situation to get it , appreciate it and understand it

 

[chemaeslay]

Unfortunately it is really hard to find people like you in real life.

Yeah, Everyone must have NFP mysteriously mastered …:nope:

 

[marywarfield]

I’m sorry but this is all kind of shocking. I’m an old
bag now but point of fact if I found myself in a Church
where the parishioners did not breathe a sigh of relief
at the sight of kids in it of ANY age and were anything
but happy they were there I would leave and go
elsewhere.
When I was a kid we would sit through Mass when just
about everybody had at least five kids. My husband
had ten brothers and sisters and that was not uncommon.
The Church had what the priests today complain
they don’t hear enough- the Buzz. Lol.
Our priest mentioned to my husband last week on their
way to a Spanish Mass for farm workers. He said it
was one of his favorite parishes because it had- the Buzz.
Kids everywhere running in and out getting in trouble.

Odds are these people rolling their eyes or irritated at
your kids are hypocritically posting here on CAF
right now how awful it is that there are not as many
devout young people now and worrying themselves
about the future of the Church.

We baptize infants. So should we dress them up
get them baptized then leave them at home for the
next seven years?

Shame.

 

[retire_early]

chemaeslay;11956985.....No one wants to watch 3 kids for a hour every week and I shouldn't have to do that just to keep old B@#ch happy. Maybe I am beating a dead horse now but I am surprised I don't have much support on here as of yet:

Will the pearly gates open if one thinks of others as old B@#ches?

I babysat for folks going to church. I’m not “No one”.

You sound like you need a hug to alleviate the frustrations…here…:hug3:

 

[chemaeslay]

I’m an old
bag now

I doubt you are an old bag, old perhaps. An “old bag” to me would define someone that may think its ok to tell a mom her child is awful right to her face 10 feet from the tabernacle. the type to sit and pessimistically complain about everyone and everything.

I don’t know you but it takes years of hate and self righteousness to adopt the “bag” in being old.

 

[chemaeslay]

Will the pearly gates open if one thinks of others as old B@#ches?

I babysat for folks going to church. I’m not “No one”.

You sound like you need a hug to alleviate the frustrations…here…:hug3:

Imagery Words! Not real feelings about anyone. I just try to have some spice to my writing to convey feeling that is exaggerated for the reader.

 

[EasterJoy]

I really wish I went to Mass with people like you. Unfortunately it is really hard to find people like you in real life. Some parishes are much more accepting than others, but there was actually one that had me considering leaving the Church until my kids were older (dad was gone for a year and each Mass was miserable). That parish has actually stuck with me in many ways I guess because even now if my kids make one little peep I get nervous. I know that’s stupid, but it was that bad there.

It does seem as if some parishes are blessed with a lot of grandmas and others deal with a lot of grumpy neighbors. I wish the ones that are hard on kids were a lot less prevalent. Our Lord wasn’t too fond of those who were trying to keep children from “bothering” him, either! Well, we all have different spiritual faults we are working on, I guess, and who knows what things we don’t know about make people grumpy.

 

[chemaeslay]

I’m sorry but this is all kind of shocking. I’m an old
bag now but point of fact if I found myself in a Church
where the parishioners did not breathe a sigh of relief
at the sight of kids in it of ANY age and were anything
but happy they were there I would leave and go
elsewhere.
When I was a kid we would sit through Mass when just
about everybody had at least five kids. My husband
had ten brothers and sisters and that was not uncommon.
The Church had what the priests today complain
they don’t hear enough- the Buzz. Lol.
Our priest mentioned to my husband last week on their
way to a Spanish Mass for farm workers. He said it
was one of his favorite parishes because it had- the Buzz.
Kids everywhere running in and out getting in trouble.

Odds are these people rolling their eyes or irritated at
your kids are hypocritically posting here on CAF
right now how awful it is that there are not as many
devout young people now and worrying themselves
about the future of the Church.

We baptize infants. So should we dress them up
get them baptized then leave them at home for the
next seven years?

Shame.

I so agree! My husband is one of 14 brothers and sisters. I have 1 sister and 3 brothers. Times have changed, the church is in decline, Benedict said the smoke of Satan has entered the church.

 

[Kelfa28]

Yeah, Everyone must have NFP mysteriously mastered …:nope:

Nice.

I love it when posters see that some of us only have one or two children and automatically assume we are on the pill or something else.

Thats the second time on this forum over the past 2 days.

Some people are blessed with cycles that make NFP work for them. I happen to be one of them. I realize I’m blessed that NFP actually works for me when I’m not nursing. When I am, my husband and I have to abstain for a vast majority of the month.

But, I love that since NFP does work for me, I get raked over the coals because I have too few children.

Some of us disagree with you about the cry rooms.
Why not keep the snakiness to yourselves?

 

[TraderTif]

Maybe I’m in the minority here, but I absolutely love cry rooms.

I only have 1 (born) child (#2 in Sept.), and DD is 13 months old. It’s ridiculously hard to keep her (relatively) content at mass. If she’s not being held, she will run amok. If she is being held, she will be content for approx. 2 minutes, and then she wants to be on the move. And she will cry, scream, yank hair, scratch skin, etc., etc., etc.

I’m drowning in chronic health problems (and now getting pretty pregnant), such that holding her throughout mass is not possible. Heck, if it’s just me, I can’t manage much more than 5 minutes, before my minor physical pain starts to get unbearable.

She’s 13 months old, so she can’t grasp the concepts of sitting still, being quiet, or anything like that. At least in the cry room, I have a chance of not missing the entire mass (and not being knocked out for the next 5 days from my health problems), as I can set her down, and she can wiggle a little.

(At this point, we’re lucky enough to have a parish with a nursery during certain masses, and that’s what we use as much as possible.)

Right now, it’s so bad, if we were stuck without a cry room or nursery (and unable to find a babysitter or alternate masses between me and my husband), I don’t think we could do it. It seriously IS that bad on our health problems.

 

[Cricket2]

I’m more offended by parishes that have cry rooms…Jesus told us to bring the children to him, not lock them in a sound proof booth. Our youngest is 32, we’re pushing 60, but my wife and I purposely attend family mass because of, not in spite of, God’s most precious gift go children, and besides, “if you don’t hear babes crying, the church must be dying”!

Peace and all good!

 

[bitterhope]

Nice.

I love it when posters see that some of us only have one or two children and automatically assume we are on the pill or something else.

Thats the second time on this forum over the past 2 days.

Some people are blessed with cycles that make NFP work for them. I happen to be one of them. I realize I’m blessed that NFP actually works for me when I’m not nursing. When I am, my husband and I have to abstain for a vast majority of the month.

But, I love that since NFP does work for me, I get raked over the coals because I have too few children.

Some of us disagree with you about the cry rooms.
Why not keep the snakiness to yourselves?

No, that isn’t what she said. And honestly some of the responses to her seemed quite hash as well, not to mention all the comments at her parish. And I’m sure you realize that the majority of Catholics across the country ARE on birth control. Where besides CAF (never seen it here either) has anyone ever raked someone over the coals for only having two or three kids? In the real world, anything over one possibly two kids you are treated poorly and asked horribly rude questions, bombarded by comments that no one here can repeat, and all this at a Catholic Church before/during/after Mass. When I am asked by fellow Catholics in front of the Tabernacle if I realize that there is a “cure” for that–meaning BABIES–really there is something wrong in our Churches. No, not everyone has NFP perfected, but most churches across the country, and more accurately around the globe now, have no more than three kids per family on average. If NFP works for a family, good. But not everyone with a large family accidentally ended up with a lot of kids simply because of NFP failures. I know no mom of many that looks at a small family and says, “wow, they really need to pop a few more out and that will solve all their family’s problems.” On the flip side, how often do you see and hear parents of big families told we must be on welfare, we wouldn’t have bad days if we had less kids, our marriage would benefit from NFP because it is good for a marriage and builds a stronger bond within the couple…and you know, those are much milder than many things spit at us. Think about it this way, what if you had to consistently bring your two kids to Mass on your own, would you find the cry room so bad that you would avoid it at all costs? Now you have a two year old and a baby it seems. Imagine one in between those two kids. Now think of life at Mass, even with dad’s help. That is what the original poster has going on. All week long she has these little ones, plus two more, needing her to be at her best. Mass is her battery charger. But in the pews, couples that are contracepting combined with old ladies that also contracepted in their days make sure you know that their children would never do such awful things as be a baby or toddler. You know you walk out at least once or twice each Mass with two kids. Imagine how much if a Mass you would miss with three more kids. Yes, Jesus said let the children come to me, but the cry room is still at Mass and mom and dad are actually able to focus on the Mass instead of running in and out the whole time. It’s fine if people don’t use the cry room, but to somehow look at it as Mass doesn’t count or parents are not properly training their kids simply because we DO like the cry room is not right.

 

[savedbygrace71]

My husband and I have 5 children. Their ages are 10, 7, 29 months, 15months, and 2months. So, as many of you parents may know, it is very difficult keeping the younger children quiet for 5 minutes, let alone, an entire hour to sit through mass. We don’t want our children disrupting the mass, so we always find our way to the “cry room”.
We go to a parish that has a c.r. in the back of the church. It is perfect for us because we can still see everything that’s going on in the church., they just can’t hear our children.
Occasionally, we like to try mass at a different church and I actually get a little offended because I arrive, only to find out, they have no c.r. As Catholics, we tend to have a lot of kids (as a result of not using b.c. and from failing at NFP,lol)) and I am sure the church recognizes this. So I think it’s only fair for me to say… All (or most) parishes should have a cry room.
It is my responsibility to bring my children to mass. But, when I arrive and there is no place for my children to sit (without interrupting), it makes me want to leave. I feel very unwelcomed and I end up walking out early.
And trust me, I have tried sitting in the main pews with all the adults and I get dirty looks, I get eyes rolled at me, people start whispering about my family and it simply makes me angry because this could’ve all been avoided if there was a cry room…

So, let me know how you all feel about this… maybe if there’s alot of ppl that feel like my husband and I, we could do something about it…???
I just like to explore other parishes every once in a while and about 95% of the time, I end up walking in to a church wo c.r.

Just keep on going to your usual parish with the cry room for now. When we first moved to our current town, we came into the church and asked where was the cry room. The usher said, there isn’t one, Fr. John says it is the children praying when they are making noise ha ha ha. Well I didn’t find it that fun. My son (now seven) was a year old and I was in no mood to juggle him for an hour every week after juggling him all week, my husband travels and is gone Monday to Friday. Thankfully the 9:30 mass has nursery, and that’s where my kids went until they aged out. Lots of parents kept their kids in mass, but I just didn’t want to.

Now our new building is complete, with a large cry room and huge narthex. Much more flexible for all kinds of families.

Hang in there mama. Young children are a handful, and there are some folks who don’t want the interruption to their time and make comments. Soon enough your kids will be a bit older and you can try out different parishes.

 

[SMHW]

We don’t have a cry room at my parish but we do have a large narthex. My parish is one of those “churches-in-the-round” and there is kind of an inner circle and an outer circle. Some of the outer-circle seats are stadium-style (they are actually meant for a choir) so they allow those who are further away to see. A lot of parents take their young children back there because there is room room back there and children can move around a bit in the aisle that separates the inner and outer circles.

We also have speakers out in our prayer garden so if a child is especially active the parent can at least still hear what is going on if he needs to step outside.

 

[sdeco]

I love the cry room, too. I couldn’t make it through mass without it. I cannot for the life of me understand why people hate cry rooms so much. How does the mere presence of a cry room mean every parent of small children has to use it? It’s not an “insult” to parents if there’s a cry room. It’s just an option to make parents lives easier. It is much less stressful to go to the cry room where I know my kids won’t disturb others. Not having a cry room would make me feel LESS welcome as a mom of small kids. I find it very strange that churches want to take away cry rooms, nurseies, and everything else that helps parents out in the name of being more welcoming.

 

[SMHW]

I first remember seeing cry rooms in churches that were build (or remodeled) in the 1970s. That means that a large percentage of posters at CAF have known cry rooms their entire lives. Those of us who are a bit older still think of cry rooms as somewhat unusual. In my opinion those churches that have them are not always trying to be welcome to those who have children. Sometimes it’s more about the adults (perhaps including the pastor of the Church at the time the cry room was designed) not wanting the noise.

Prior to that parents left their unruly children at home or spent a lot of time taking them out of the nave of the church. Older children were often expected to help keep the younger ones quiet. (Of course it was also the case that an unruly child could expect a smack from a parent and if he cried out in response he’d get another one. But that’s a discussion for another thread. :sad_yes

I think it is only in parishes where the majority of the parishioners are adults (and that seems to be the case today) where parents often feel unwelcome.

I personally do not believe that there is a one size fits all answer for parents. How could there be? Some children are naturally more rambunctious than others. (Some have multiple children like that.) When parents have a child/children who are like this all the time (or are going through that stage) they have to do what they can to cope.

Depending on the parish, that might mean sitting up close to the front, switching off going to different Masses for a while and leaving a child at home, attending Mass at a parish with a cry room, nursery, or other setup that makes life easier.

When traveling, parents just need to do the best they can given the circumstances.

 

[EasterJoy]

Yeah, Everyone must have NFP mysteriously mastered …:nope:

You do realize that when she wrote “Unfortunately it is really hard to find people like you in real life,” she meant people were accepting of children who sometimes make some noise at Mass. If you have been getting nasty feedback over having your children in the main section of the church, that is wrong, but it does not do to counter with a rash judgment of your own in return. Don’t do that.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

No, that isn’t what she said.

The thing she said that really bothered me was, " I just want to say this and maybe some non contracepting family’s or moms will agree with me on this." I took that to mean that if we don’t agree with her we must be contracepting. I’m actually pretty offended by that, and I’m sure others whose families would be larger if not due to miscarriages or fertility problems would feel the same way. That being said, the only experiences we’ve had with crying rooms have been not only negative, but so unrealistically bad you’d expect to see them in a movie, although I’m not sure if that movie would be a comedy or a horror movie.

Our youngest is going through a difficult period right now and I’m sure that at some point I’m going to have to do like I’ve done with the others and just endure a few rough weeks in the pew instead of walking the aisles or taking her to the narthex when she explodes. I’m thankful our parish doesn’t have a crying room because I never have to put up with someone telling me to take her to the crying room. My opinion might be different if I’d ever seen just one idyllic crying room like others have described, but the only ones we’ve encountered have been like the one I described in my previous response.