The church isnt for toddlers....?

[DanielJT]

You don’t use birth control because of the Church’s teachings and the emphasis on family but you are ashamed to have your family in the Church?

I understand the embarrassment and the thinking that everyone is looking at you and maybe a couple dirty looks, but the fact is that you have the family because God gave it to you and God ALSO wants ALL of your family in church, The Church.

1. Do your best with the children.
2. Keep going to mass.

Those two are forever linked.

 

[Kamaduck]

Our church has a cry room. I used to use it with my teenage brother back when his anxiety was worse. It was a way for him to come to mass and experience some level of community without having a panic attack from the crowds and the volume of the music. We always have families with lots of small children sitting in the pews.

I’m all for giving people additional resources, though I realize there are many churches that don’t have the money or space for a special sound-proofed room.

 

[EasterJoy]

I like that, And to reply that Scripture , "Let the children come to me and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." Oh Lord The children will come, we will just sit here in the back right there in that little glass room.

I would also like to add that being in the cry room is a place to teach them as they approach the age to be able to go in the main area as a place they have to earn, a place they can learn to be excited to go. They will have to prove to us that they are going to be good. And children always like things they cant have so they will want to do good by you. Yes do train at home too, but mass is always expressed to be reverent and holy and the kids pick up on it from us.
:tiphat:

Yes! You give them times at home when they also have to stay put and be considerate of others. Your life will be much better if you use your breakfast and dinner table as a place where the children learn to stay put, to follow conversational rules, and how to be contented without making a mess or making themselves the center of attention. If they don’t have the temperament, skills, or neurological equipment to do it, don’t throw them into a challenge you could have known they can’t win.

Children who are well-behaved at church and at restaurants will find strangers constantly praising them for it. They self-identify as people who are enjoyed by others because of their self-control. The trick is to put them into positions where they can control themselves and praising them when they do, but not to press them into situations beyond their abilities. With regards to Mass, this takes some foresight with regards to choice of Mass time, the timing of naps and meals, and a good Plan B for days when the parent sees that the A game just isn’t there. It is very much worth it! We learn to love those things we have mastered, and learn to dread and even hate those things in which we fail time after time. Don’t set up Mass to be one of those hated things.

 

[chemaeslay]

but you are ashamed to have your family in the Church?

You spun that so eloquently. That’s a distortion of the truth, at best.

 

[Zzyzx_Road]

God bless the kids. Yes they could on occasion be better behaved, but I never begrudge their presence at Mass. Parents have to prepare them, so going to Mass together and making it part of their lives has to be in there, be part of their growing up experience.

 

[thequeen]

I am so glad that the priest we have now refuses to have a cry room because children belong at Mass as soon as they can be brought by their parents after birth. And if the rest of us seem to be looking at you in dissaproval pay no attention we probably just got up on the wrong side of bed.

 

[ephesians4]

People who roll their eyes, whisper, look daggers in church because other people have children, those people disgust me. Sorry strong words I know, but I think they do great harm to the Church.

They serve on the basis of their self-indulgence to drive children from the church literally in that moment, to make it a difficult and uncomfortable experience to actually bring your children which ultimately has led to my wife not wanting to come to mass, they shoot hostility at small children growing up and ultimately teach tiny impressionable people that church is a sad, grumpy or even scary place. They also, did they know it, infuriate other churchgoers with their grumpy sombre behaviour when they do it, which is not what should be happening.

I think these people who glower hatefully at young families that make a little noise, or try to scandalise something which is not wrong are attacking the lifeblood of the church by driving children (and parents) away, and therefore doing the work of the enemy, and I know in my heart (as I think we ALL do) who Jesus Christ would tell off were He to manifest in that situation - and it isn’t the baby.

They are little children in the ranks of the faithful, the future of the church. Be joyful about it, because it is a matter of celebration.

Sorry, how rude of me - it’s a personal bugbear - rant over!

Anyway, we have a “children attend, like it or lump it” policy, but even if those churches do too, I do think there should be a cry room - because most parents have the common sense to withdraw when the baby is about to really go off, and there’s no reason for you to be knocking about outside in the elements.

 

[Rico_S]

We loved the cry rooms when \we had toddlers…well, we loved the fact that there was a place we could take the little ones during mass to teach them how to behave while not being a distraction to others around us. It was a big deal for them to get to sit in the “big church” but it was contingent on their behavior. It worked great…and as the older ones learned to behave properly, they would get to go sit in the regular pews with myself or my wife while the other tended to the smaller ones in the cry room.

That being said, actually sitting in the cry room was awful. Nearly impossible to focus on anything mass related. So many of the parents weren’t using the cry room as a place to model behavior suitable for church, but rather as a play room. It was frustrating!! However, we did our time. We were able to get through those tough years while still going to mass and teaching them appropriate behavior, all without being a huge distraction to those around us. I don’t’ get the cry room hate here on CAF.

 

[sdeco]

We loved the cry rooms when \we had toddlers…well, we loved the fact that there was a place we could take the little ones during mass to teach them how to behave while not being a distraction to others around us. It was a big deal for them to get to sit in the “big church” but it was contingent on their behavior. It worked great…and as the older ones learned to behave properly, they would get to go sit in the regular pews with myself or my wife while the other tended to the smaller ones in the cry room.

That being said, actually sitting in the cry room was awful. Nearly impossible to focus on anything mass related. So many of the parents weren’t using the cry room as a place to model behavior suitable for church, but rather as a play room. It was frustrating!! However, we did our time. We were able to get through those tough years while still going to mass and teaching them appropriate behavior, all without being a huge distraction to those around us. I don’t’ get the cry room hate here on CAF.

This! It’s not that I like being in the cry room. I wish I didn’t have to use it. But since I have small children, I am so glad we have one. “Cry room hate” is all over the Catholic blogosphere. I don’t get it either. If you don’t want to use a cry room, don’t. But don’t try to take it away from those of us who need it. It’s ironic that the cry room haters are supposedly all about being more welcoming to people with small children, yet they are trying to make things harder for those of us with small children. Taking away the cry room would make me feel very unwelcome, because I don’t know how I would be able to go to mass at all without it.

 

[Xantippe]

sdeco said:

“This! It’s not that I like being in the cry room. I wish I didn’t have to use it. But since I have small children, I am so glad we have one. “Cry room hate” is all over the Catholic blogosphere. I don’t get it either. If you don’t want to use a cry room, don’t. But don’t try to take it away from those of us who need it. It’s ironic that the cry room haters are supposedly all about being more welcoming to people with small children, yet they are trying to make things harder for those of us with small children. Taking away the cry room would make me feel very unwelcome, because I don’t know how I would be able to go to mass at all without it.”

Yes! And it’s not like you could fit every small child at a Mass into a single cry room (along with an accompanying adult)–they simply would not fit.

 

[Xantippe]

Also, I recall a thread a few months ago where a mother was concerned that she wasn’t going to have a place to sit with her infants for a major holy day Mass, as she couldn’t come early with the babies without disaster and she was concerned that it would look rude if one of the grandmas saved seats.

The cry room can provide priority seating for families with small children.

 

[gatorsmom]

I totally understand how you feel. My oldest kids were 4 and 2years old when our twins were born. It was wonderful having a cry room at church. The little ones played while I nursed the twins and because our cry room had a tv showing the mass AND because they would bring the Eucharist to the cry room for me(!), the mass experience for me was made so much easier. My twins are 6 now and I love that Pope Francis has publicly stated that mothers should be able to nurse in church. It would have been nice to have that as a defense when my babies were born. If that cry room hadn’t been available, I suppose I would have had to nurse in the church bathroom. .

We moved to a new city when the twins were 4 years old and now go to a much more traditional church. Since one of my twins has special needs and behaved very badly in church, my husband and I decided to leave the twins at home and take turns going to church. We did that until recently because they were just so disruptive. Now our family goes to mass together.

 

[DeniseNY]

People who roll their eyes, whisper, look daggers in church because other people have children, those people disgust me. Sorry strong words I know, but I think they do great harm to the Church.

They serve on the basis of their self-indulgence to drive children from the church literally in that moment, to make it a difficult and uncomfortable experience to actually bring your children which ultimately has led to my wife not wanting to come to mass, they shoot hostility at small children growing up and ultimately teach tiny impressionable people that church is a sad, grumpy or even scary place. They also, did they know it, infuriate other churchgoers with their grumpy sombre behaviour when they do it, which is not what should be happening.

I think these people who glower hatefully at young families that make a little noise, or try to scandalise something which is not wrong are attacking the lifeblood of the church by driving children (and parents) away, and therefore doing the work of the enemy, and I know in my heart (as I think we ALL do) who Jesus Christ would tell off were He to manifest in that situation - and it isn’t the baby.

They are little children in the ranks of the faithful, the future of the church. Be joyful about it, because it is a matter of celebration.

Sorry, how rude of me - it’s a personal bugbear - rant over!

Anyway, we have a “children attend, like it or lump it” policy, but even if those churches do too, I do think there should be a cry room - because most parents have the common sense to withdraw when the baby is about to really go off, and there’s no reason for you to be knocking about outside in the elements.

Not to go off topic, but have you taken a look lately at your sig line?

 

[retire_early]

It has been very interesting reading everyone’s post on this. I’ve never taken my kids to the cry room and have only been in one church that has one. My two cents on this is we are all part of a parish family and we are all in this together. If there are other families in your parish sit close to them.
If people roll their eyes or say something to you shrug it off and praise God for your children. Young kids are loud and wiggly and love to get into things. They have been that way forever. Children need to know that they are part of the parish family and how to behave in church. Take short walks, go over rules before, make a church bag (cheerios) and go enjoy mass as a family.

May God bless you all

Well, God bless you, too! Re: Cheerios–is it possible that a child can go for 1 hour without putting food in his / her darling little mouth? No? Well…uh…Okaaaay. I come from a planet where that is possible.

Signed,
The One Who Accidentally Ground In The Cheerios Dropped On The Carpet In Church With Her Shoe.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

Well, God bless you, too! Re: Cheerios–is it possible that a child can go for 1 hour without putting food in his / her darling little mouth? No? Well…uh…Okaaaay. I come from a planet where that is possible.

Signed,
The One Who Accidentally Ground In The Cheerios Dropped On The Carpet In Church With Her Shoe.

At 1-2 years old, our kids weren’t quite as good at fasting as we were, so a small container of Cheerios at the early Mass worked wonders.

 

[Xantippe]

Cheerios are more socially responsible in churches with no upholstery and the pews and no carpet on the floor (which is common in older or fancier churches). Coincidentally, those are the churches with no cry room and often with no usable vestibule.

When my oldest were little, we definitely did Cheerios, but the churches had no carpet and no upholstery, it was easy to wipe everything up.

 

[chemaeslay]

Well, God bless you, too! Re: Cheerios–is it possible that a child can go for 1 hour without putting food in his / her darling little mouth? No? Well…uh…Okaaaay. I come from a planet where that is possible.

Signed,
The One Who Accidentally Ground In The Cheerios Dropped On The Carpet In Church With Her Shoe.

This wasn’t all that nice. Whats wrong with a couple cheerios? I don’t bring snacks in mass for my children but I do, occasionally see other parents do it… These toddlers love snacking…
Anyways, I always see the adults chewing on candy and teens smacking their gum (rude)… They could’ve waited… but sometimes, it takes the edge off of a toddler throwing a temper tantrum!!!

 

[bitterhope]

Well, God bless you, too! Re: Cheerios–is it possible that a child can go for 1 hour without putting food in his / her darling little mouth? No? Well…uh…Okaaaay. I come from a planet where that is possible.

Signed,
The One Who Accidentally Ground In The Cheerios Dropped On The Carpet In Church With Her Shoe.

It really does appear that parents can’t win no matter what route they take. Cry rooms are out. Snacks are out. Toys are out. Nursing in public is out. Kids making noise is out. Kids moving around is out. But as parents we are supposed to believe that our kids are welcomed and accepted in the pew at Mass because Jesus says let the little children come to Him? I guess that means as long as they don’t act as little kids they are welcomed and if our kids do act as little kids they shouldn’t go to the cry room but instead be left at home with a sitter. None of it makes Catholic Churches very welcoming to families. We are supposed to be prolife and anti contraception and we are supposed to only use NFP for serious reasons, yet Catholics by far are less welcoming to families with many young children than any other group of people. I have been to Mass in many areas stateside and in other countries, and US Catholic Churches are by far the least welcoming places I have been to. There are a few exceptions and most priests I’ve met are welcoming, but the congregations are generally miserable and full of judgmental parishioners. I’ve been Catholic my entire life and have no plans in leaving the church. I completely understand why many people do leave though. It’s a no win situation for young families.

 

[UbiCaritas]

It really does appear that parents can’t win no matter what route they take. Cry rooms are out. Snacks are out. Toys are out. Nursing in public is out. Kids making noise is out. Kids moving around is out. But as parents we are supposed to believe that our kids are welcomed and accepted in the pew at Mass because Jesus says let the little children come to Him? I guess that means as long as they don’t act as little kids they are welcomed and if our kids do act as little kids they shouldn’t go to the cry room but instead be left at home with a sitter. None of it makes Catholic Churches very welcoming to families. We are supposed to be prolife and anti contraception and we are supposed to only use NFP for serious reasons, yet Catholics by far are less welcoming to families with many young children than any other group of people. I have been to Mass in many areas stateside and in other countries, and US Catholic Churches are by far the least welcoming places I have been to. There are a few exceptions and most priests I’ve met are welcoming, but the congregations are generally miserable and full of judgmental parishioners. I’ve been Catholic my entire life and have no plans in leaving the church. I completely understand why many people do leave though. It’s a no win situation for young families.

I do understand what you’re saying here, but if I could offer a quick thought?

I’m a new mom of a two-month-old. We didn’t take her to Mass during the first month, as the 'flu was REALLY bad in our area and we didn’t want to risk her getting it. I’ve now taken her to Mass all of about four times, so my experience is pretty limited.

However, after the first two times, I decided that three things would be really helpful for me both now and in the future:

1. Try to get to a Mass that happens right during naptime when it’s possible. I know it won’t always be, but for now it is, and having her spend the first 40 minutes asleep makes everything easier for all of us.
2. Try to arrive early enough to get a seat at the end of a pew, rather than in the middle. That way, if I have to take her out, I don’t have to squeeze past other people to get out.
3. Figure out what my standards of behavior are, and if the kid/s are meeting them, adopt a “scr*w you” attitude to those around me who aren’t happy about it.

Right now, of course, my standard is “not screaming.” If my daughter coos quietly, slurps on a binkie, or burps, I’m not leaving the sanctuary. If she starts to cry and doesn’t stop when I give her a binkie/change positions/rock her/whatever–i.e., within 15-30 seconds–we step outside. She’s a baby, but that doesn’t mean she gets to disturb the people around her. (Obviously, at this age, I’m not “punishing” her by carrying her out; she can’t be expected to have any kind of self-control yet. I carry her out so that no one has to try to pray while someone is exercising her rather impressive lung capacity two feet away.)

I maintain a polite but firm, don’t-mess-with-me demeanor if someone near me is unhappy about the fact that my daughter is, for example, sucking hard on a pacifier. This also applies to the stereotypical person who refuses to let me sit at the end of the pew, but then rolls their eyes when I carry her past them so we can go outside. I will smile politely, but also make it clear that I really don’t care about their attitude. It isn’t reasonable to expect a two-month-old to never make a peep in church; it is reasonable to, as I do, remove her when she starts making a racket.

I imagine that I’ll adopt a similar attitude (with, of course, appropriate adjustments in my expectations for her behavior) once she’s a toddler and, God willing, has a younger sibling or two.

I should add that I drew up those standards after spending the first two weeks practically in tears because of the nasty looks I got from parishioners when she whimpered and I carried her out. It then occurred to me that while it’s unfortunate that some old bats don’t understand that babies a) are part of a healthy church congregation and b) occasionally make noise before they’re carried out, I don’t have to let their behavior affect my attitude. If I am measuring up to my own standards, then I’m content at the end of Mass. And if they don’t like my squeezing past them on our way out, they shouldn’t have glared at me and sat at the end of the pew when I whispered when they came in that perhaps they’d like to sit in the middle, since I would probably have to carry her out at some point.

I am sorry, though, that you’ve had to deal with this kind of attitude, too. I hope that the next time you’re at Mass, you meet the kind of sweet older gentleman I did last week; came up and asked if he could give me a hug, and cooed over kiddo while telling her how well she’d behaved and how cute she was. Yes, it made my day!

ETA re cheerios: I never had them as a kid while at church, and I really do think it’s possible for kids to get through Mass without them. I don’t plan on using them. I don’t like them in church for several reasons, mess among them. However, not all parents parent the same way, and if the parents don’t let the kids smash/scatter cheerios all over the place and the kids are generally behaving well–well, I figure I have enough trouble managing my own kid(s) without trying to manage theirs. Better cheerios than playing endless rounds of a game on an iPhone, as I’ve seen some kids doing during Mass!

 

[bitterhope]

I hope things stay manageable with your little one. I’ve been taking kids to Mass for 15 years now. You’re right, it shouldn’t bother a patent when others look down upon us, but it does. And it builds over time and get harder, not easier. A Catholic church should be a bright spot in a parent’s (especially a patent of a large family) week, not a place where we are made to feel even worse about having little ones.