The Duggars Respond to Reports That Josh Duggar Was Accused of Child Molestation

[KendraDZ1902]

For those who have been abused in any way, it’s not something that can easily be forgotten. It leaves emotional scars on a person’s psyche/mind for the rest of their life. They have been traumatized. It’s not something that someone just easily “gets over.”

Kendra, I am so very sorry for what has happened to you in your life. :console:

Thank you for your kind words. It just hurts when people think a certain amount of years passing makes it all better. It doesn’t. Sometimes it makes it worse because you want the pain/embarrassment/fear to go away and expect that one day it will. 18years in and I still feel the same. He was my next door neighbor and after I told, 4 years later, I stayed with my aunt until it was all over. I couldn’t imagine seeing the person daily, having to act like a good,loving sister. Those poor, poor girls.

 

[oldgraymare2]

Again, I am so very sorry for your own personal situation.

I can understand that anxiety in the pit of your stomach, every single time you would see that particular person.

It was the same for me in my own family. I came from a really toxic family, with both verbal and physical abuse. I would get that same feeling when I would be around certain family members, too. Sometimes you felt as though you would be sick.

I feel sorry for Josh’s sisters, too. You can forgive someone, but the memories are still there.

 

[Darryl_Revok]

I just think it’s amazing that for years, they had the gall to present themselves as moral paragons, and use their fame to dictate morality to others. The show might go on, but its self-righteous, sanctimonious themes are fatally undermined–which, basically, is the show’s entire reason for existence, the thing that separates the Duggars from some weird, backwoods cult.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

The things that bother me most about this are:

• The parents didn’t report it to the police for a year.
• The policeman who investigated was a family friend who did nothing, and was later convicted of a sex offense himself.
• The perpetrator never received any treatment, so there’s a good chance he’s at risk of re-offending.
• The victims were essentially forced to continue living with the perpetrator for years afterwards.

I really feel the investigation and handling of this crime was severely botched… You can’t help but think that the celebrity of the family led to preferential treatment. I hope there is an investigation into how this case was handled, and the police and CPS are held accountable for sweeping this under the rug. They owe it to the victims.

This report was the least surprising thing in the world to me. Actually, when my husband got home last night the first thing he said was “Wow honey, you were right, those people are scary”.

It is not surprising that a man who claims ultimate authority over his entire family, including his adult daughters, who is so insular and closed off from the world (well, except for those cameras that make him rich), and who treats his daughters like chattel, would cover for his son when he abuses them and continue to put the victims at risk by keeping them under the same roof. This whole situation just screamed " cultish abuse scandal", and I hope that it makes people a little more wary of people like the Duggars in the future.

As disgusting as what Josh did is, the adults’ response was even more horrifying. Shielding him from consequences, neglecting to get him any treatment, and continuing to put the victims, and other girls, at risk of harm is unacceptable and it really shows where these people’s hearts are.

 

[JonNC]

The guy needs to be monitored. It’s not the parents fault and the female sibling victims need to be supported and protected. This scourge of pedophilia can visit itself in even the most holy of families. The perpetrators need lifelong monitoring. I don’t think ‘sorry’ cuts it. They may be sorry for the past but they are still a danger for the future.

This is a serious worry for his own children.

Wait. Am I understanding this article correctly, that he was 14 years old when he did this?

If so, I don’t see how it can be considered pedophilia, as he wasn’t an adult - not nearly.
He wasn’t of the age of consent himself. I’m not making excuses for him, but it isn’t like he was 25 years old.
There seems to be no evidence that he is, today, a pedophile.

Jon

 

[Dorothy]

people.com/article/josh-duggar-molestation-accusations-duggars-respond

I struggled with whether or not to post this link. Ultimately maybe I wanted a platform for discussion through a Catholic lens, not a the bevy of Facebook messages like, “Oh, you like family/their show? Ooh… Guess what?”

I want to avoid the schadenfreude of those who revel in gossip and any bad news surrounding public figures.

Ugh. What horrible news. However, it does appear to me the family is being transparent about this situation. As well, they did go to the police. Josh Duggar did reveal what he did before proposing to his wife Anna. Things can happen in any family. Not trying to justify the events. By nature it is easy for me to give benefit of the doubt.

Okay. Talk amongst yourselves while I get over some shock and vicarious sadness for the family.

It is an act of humility born of grace to publicly repent of one’s sins. He is forgiven.

I hope and pray that others will not wag their tongues over this.

 

[7_Sorrows]

It definitely seems like he got special treatment and he needed some kind of counseling and the girls needed counseling I would think to have to continue to live in the same home. How old were the sisters he supposedly abused?
I don’t know how long the show has been on the air, but I have only seen it once or twice. I never cared for the show and I was tired of all the publicity surrounding the daughters when they got married.
I believe the father already had some money before they got the tv show, but he definitely made money once they got the show. I always thought the family a little weird and too perfect.

 

[CatholicSheila]

Being a victim of child molestation, it doesn’t go away for the victim. Mine happened 18 years ago. I saw him the other day. My best friend’s grandmother passed away and he was there. Seeing him made me stop in my tracks and had to internalize my anxiety.
Sure, let them repent and be forgiven by God, they still shouldn’t be around children and their victims will always remember. I would have to stop having sex with me husband sometimes because of what I went through.

This should not be let go.

Speaking as a victim of child molestation, yes it can go away. Mine happened 20 years ago. I was a pre teen. My brothers were teenagers (two committed separate acts - one over a number of years).

They repented. They regret what they did. They’d change the past if they could.

I forgave them and I moved on. I’m not going to hold a mistake they made as young teenagers against them for the rest of their lives. It took therapy (I did end up with some serious mental health issues - probably this and severe neglect from parents was to blame) and healing which can only come from God. Forgiving my brothers is one of the best things I’ve ever done - for me. The hate I carried around for so many years just ate at me. Been at peace with what happened and with them is a much more pleasant way to live.

I think it is a true crime against victims to tell them they can’t move on. It tells them they have to be victims for the rest of their lives. Every time I hear a new case about sexual abuse that happened 50/40/3/20 years ago “ruining my life” I want to shake the woman. The man didn’t ruin her life. She ruined her life because she let the abuse be such a defining characteristic of it. It also goes against Christianity. We are told to forgive. We’re not told to forgive ‘if it’s easy’. There is no qualifier. We are to forgive, full stop. I believe that is as much for our own benefit as it is the benefit of those who sinned against us. Carrying the sins others have committed against us around our entire lives, never letting go, the anger and the hate… it ruins ones life. I know. I’ve been there.

I also think it incredibly unfair to label a man as a sex offender for his entire life because of a mistake he made as a child. 13 is a child. Children make mistakes. They don’t understand right and wrong the same way an adult does. I imagine this is especially true around sexual behaviour if what is and isn’t appropriate isn’t discussed with them - in those scenarios they’re left to try and determine it themselves. Made more difficult given the highly sexualized society we have. I believe that is what happened in my brothers cases. Once they realised why what they did was wrong, they both regretted it intensely.

I am sorry you haven’t been able to move on. You are wrong to assume that just because you haven’t yet means that no body can however. Plenty of women do. We just don’t talk about it non stop because there is no need. It’s over. I hope and pray that one day you can move on. The peace that comes with it is priceless.

edit for clarity: By ‘moving on’ I mean making peace with what happened. Forgiving the guilty and the abuse no longer itself no longer been an issue any more. I don’t think about the abuse, about the guilty in terms of the abuse or what I go through in terms of the abuse. There may be things that have to be dealt with as a result of the abuse, but the concern is those issues specifically - the abuse itself is a non-issue.

 

[RyanBlack]

Every time I hear a new case about sexual abuse that happened 50/40/3/20 years ago “ruining my life” I want to shake the woman. The man didn’t ruin her life. She ruined her life because she let the abuse be such a defining characteristic of it.

Have you considered that different people are affected by abuse in different ways? Have you considered that some victims may not have the same emotional, intellectual, or spiritual resources you had to be able to move on? Have you considered that victims who–according to your judgment–have ruined their own lives, most likely did not make a purposeful choice to do so, but that their choice to let being abused define them was greatly impacted by the psychological trauma of sexual abuse?

 

[ToeInTheWater]

I haven’t even ventured onto secular sites covering this story, as I suspect many will have a similar response as many did to the priest molestation scandals; not just calling the Duggars out for being hypocrites, but actually blaming “sexual repression” for Josh’s actions. Essentially, that the Duggars being overly strict about teenage dating and sex is what led to Josh resorting to molesting his own sisters, similar to the idea that letting priests marry would prevent further instances of sexual abuse by clergy.

Also, unfortunately, abusive incest occurs not just in patriarchal families (though I have read the incidence might be higher in such families). I suspect many egalitarian, secular parents would (and have) shrugged away such situations as kids just “playing doctor” and would fear that informing law enforcement would do more harm than good, result perhaps in children being sent to foster care, families being “torn apart”, etc.

I’m not saying that excuses how they handled this, especially since one of the victims was NOT a family member. But I think it’s a little too easy to blame the Duggars’ beliefs for what happened.

On the other hand, I find it hard to believe that an “overly sexualized society” is to blame for what Josh did. Of course no one knows what was really going on, but the Duggars do seem to have tried to shelter their family from the outside world. If anything, this shows that it’s not enough to simply shelter your children from supposedly harmful outside influences to keep them from falling into sin.

As for victims “getting over” such incidents or forgiving the perpetrators; I did NOT get the impression that KendraDZ1902 thinks that all victims are ruined forever. But unfortunately, the idea that people should “just get over” abuse is very common, and not exactly compassionate. Also, while Josh has expressed remorse publicly NOW, of course he’d do that. We don’t know how sorry he really is, we don’t know what reparations he really has made.

 

[DeniseNY]

It doesn’t sit well with me that it’s been made public that his sisters were involved. I think this is a violation of their privacy and not necessarily something that they would want made public.

 

[7_Sorrows]

It doesn’t sit well with me that it’s been made public that his sisters were involved. I think this is a violation of their privacy and not necessarily something that they would want made public.

I agree with you 100% on that. It seems a violation of their privacy in order to smear the family. Weren’t they all minors? How was this info obtained and able to be released if they were minors?

 

[DeniseNY]

I agree with you 100% on that. It seems a violation of their privacy in order to smear the family. Weren’t they all minors? How was this info obtained and able to be released if they were minors?

Exactly what I’m thinking.

 

[KendraDZ1902]

Speaking as a victim of child molestation, yes it can go away. Mine happened 20 years ago. I was a pre teen. My brothers were teenagers (two committed separate acts - one over a number of years).

They repented. They regret what they did. They’d change the past if they could.

I forgave them and I moved on. I’m not going to hold a mistake they made as young teenagers against them for the rest of their lives. It took therapy (I did end up with some serious mental health issues - probably this and severe neglect from parents was to blame) and healing which can only come from God. Forgiving my brothers is one of the best things I’ve ever done - for me. The hate I carried around for so many years just ate at me. Been at peace with what happened and with them is a much more pleasant way to live.

I think it is a true crime against victims to tell them they can’t move on. It tells them they have to be victims for the rest of their lives. Every time I hear a new case about sexual abuse that happened 50/40/3/20 years ago “ruining my life” I want to shake the woman. The man didn’t ruin her life. She ruined her life because she let the abuse be such a defining characteristic of it. It also goes against Christianity. We are told to forgive. We’re not told to forgive ‘if it’s easy’. There is no qualifier. We are to forgive, full stop. I believe that is as much for our own benefit as it is the benefit of those who sinned against us. Carrying the sins others have committed against us around our entire lives, never letting go, the anger and the hate… it ruins ones life. I know. I’ve been there.

I also think it incredibly unfair to label a man as a sex offender for his entire life because of a mistake he made as a child. 13 is a child. Children make mistakes. They don’t understand right and wrong the same way an adult does. I imagine this is especially true around sexual behaviour if what is and isn’t appropriate isn’t discussed with them - in those scenarios they’re left to try and determine it themselves. Made more difficult given the highly sexualized society we have. I believe that is what happened in my brothers cases. Once they realised why what they did was wrong, they both regretted it intensely.

I am sorry you haven’t been able to move on. You are wrong to assume that just because you haven’t yet means that no body can however. Plenty of women do. We just don’t talk about it non stop because there is no need. It’s over. I hope and pray that one day you can move on. The peace that comes with it is priceless.

edit for clarity: By ‘moving on’ I mean making peace with what happened. Forgiving the guilty and the abuse no longer itself no longer been an issue any more. I don’t think about the abuse, about the guilty in terms of the abuse or what I go through in terms of the abuse. There may be things that have to be dealt with as a result of the abuse, but the concern is those issues specifically - the abuse itself is a non-issue.

First of all, my abuser was a grown *** man. He was my best friend/next door neighbor’s step-dad. He knew what the hell he was doing. He not only molested me, he molested her too. Oh, and since there was no physical evidence, since we were both frightened children (I didn’t even know what “being molested” meant when this happened to me) and didn’t tell until YEARS later they were going to put 12/13 year old girls on the stand in front of that SOB.
13 year olds DO know right from wrong. Kids start going to confession around 7. A 13 year old knows that you don’t touch people in private places. Stop making excuses for your brother. Making excuses for abuse is similar to Stockholm Syndrome, where hostages are empathic to their captors.
I am not going against Christianity when I am touched a certain way my mind goes back to what happened, or even being touched to be woken up puts me in a panic. Because that is what happened, I was woken up as an 8 year old little girl being touched by a man that was like a father to me.
I don’t wish him ill. I don’t want him to burn in hell. I’m not going against Christianity just because it pops in my mind occasionally and it makes me uncomfortable.
It isn’t like I go around talking about it, however, it doesn’t just go away. And no victim should live with their abuser, ever. Like these girls had to do. Their parents knew and just swept it under the rug. Disgusting.
Abuse IS the issue. I wouldn’t have this problem if I wasn’t abused. I have talked to mental health professionals and I go to the psychologist regularly, I have been assured that my feelings are normal and no, we don’t talk about it every time I go, just so you know. It was an abhorrent thing to happen to someone. I didn’t choose this. I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t ruin my damn life.

And you to have the audacity to say that I am wrong and going against Christianity makes me want to come through this computer and show you what “going against Christianity” is. :stretcher:
Forgiveness doesn’t mean the scars go away or your mind forgets it.

 

[Darryl_Revok]

I agree with you 100% on that. It seems a violation of their privacy in order to smear the family. Weren’t they all minors? How was this info obtained and able to be released if they were minors?

A police report is a matter of public record; you can redact some information, but you can’t keep a report like this completely secret. Indeed, if you read the report, the names and personal information of all juveniles were blacked out. Any information about names, relationships, and offenses was gained from inference.

 

[KendraDZ1902]

As for victims “getting over” such incidents or forgiving the perpetrators; I did NOT get the impression that KendraDZ1902 thinks that all victims are ruined forever. But unfortunately, the idea that people should “just get over” abuse is very common, and not exactly compassionate. Also, while Josh has expressed remorse publicly NOW, of course he’d do that. We don’t know how sorry he really is, we don’t know what reparations he really has made.

I don’t think I even said that I was “ruined forever,” but you don’t ever forget it. You don’t say, “Oh yeah, I was molested when I was 8. Totally forgot that memory.”

 

[7_Sorrows]

A police report is a matter of public record; you can redact some information, but you can’t keep a report like this completely secret. Indeed, if you read the report, the names and personal information of all juveniles were blacked out. Any information about names, relationships, and offenses was gained from inference.

You mean they knew it was about the Duggar family because of their address? Hoe would you even know who they were talking about?

 

[7_Sorrows]

I don’t think I even said that I was “ruined forever,” but you don’t ever forget it. You don’t say, “Oh yeah, I was molested when I was 8. Totally forgot that memory.”

And repressing it would have been even worse!!

 

[Cake_or_Death]

I don’t think I even said that I was “ruined forever,” but you don’t ever forget it. You don’t say, “Oh yeah, I was molested when I was 8. Totally forgot that memory.”

Kendra I must say I admire how freely you speak about this, I’m sorry to hear such a thing happened to you but it’s brave that you speak up about it.

As a side note to the OP’s issue I can’t honestly say I’m too surprised, that family has some very deep issues and a very unhealthy attitude towards relationships and sexuality. I’m not actually that shocked one of them turned out to be a sexual predator; if anything I’m supervised the others have turned out so well.

 

[Darryl_Revok]

Also, unfortunately, abusive incest occurs not just in patriarchal families (though I have read the incidence might be higher in such families).

Perhaps their hermetically-sealed lifestyle exacerbated the situation. By closing their children off to all outside connections, they denied them a social support network that might have been able to detect warning signs, behavioral problems, etc.

I think that, more than anything else, this indicates a sickness at the heart of the Biblical Patriarchy movement. Almost every major figure in the movement has been, in some way, tainted by disgrace. Bill Gothard, whose teachings formed much of the bedrock for the Duggar way of life, was found to be a serial sexual predator. Doug Phillips, champion of the Biblical Patriarchy movement, groomed and kept a sex slave for years. And now the Duggars. This indicates that the philosophy is tainted, and its champions and followers should be viewed with the greatest suspicion.