The Future of Marriage

[Anglewannabe]

You are missing the point. I’m obviously talking about people who want to be married, not those who wish to remain single.

I think the point is we are called to do God’s will. When I was younger my biggest fear was to be an old maid. Now that I actually am an old maid, it is NOT nearly as bad as I would have thought.

I know it is difficult when we want something so badly, we just think it has to be God’s will and assume He should make it happen. Unfortunately, that is not how it always works. It is a hard pill to swallow, but then again, being Catholic means carrying a lot of crosses

 

[sttcatherinefan]

I think you are not understanding where I’m coming from in my post… Let me try and explain… I’m only speaking of and questioning the use of match dating websites. I don’t like that people are put up like objects ready for purchase. It cheapens the souls of these people.

In life, there are many reasons why someone could be urged/moved to make an introduction. Perhaps you are confused by my using the term ‘shared interest’… I’m speaking specifically here of the use of dating website profiles which list interests, which also makes one assume that the other likes that shared interest in the same way as they do. Two people can like an interest but in different ways. It does not mean that they will bond over it. Its assuming too much. Its flat. People are more complicated than that.

Shared interest I realize can me anything… perhaps that was the wrong term and caused confusion. I hope this clears it up. (it might not… I’m kind of complicated! )

Dating services are the only way for singles to meet each other at all. I’m not sure what else you suggest. Clubbing?

 

[AnneElizabeth]

Dating services are the only way for singles to meet each other at all. I’m not sure what else you suggest. Clubbing?

How sad that this is the only way for people to meet. How sad that its come to picking and choosing people like they are some sort of order on a menu.

What do I suggest? A church that is alive, active, and vibrant the way its supposed to be, the way it used to be.

 

[sttcatherinefan]

How sad that this is the only way for people to meet. How sad that its come to picking and choosing people like they are some sort of order on a menu.

What do I suggest? A church that is alive, active, and vibrant the way its supposed to be, the way it used to be.

I don’t date Catholic men because I find that many want to marry docile and girly woman who will be a submissive wife and mommy.

 

[Peebo]

Peebo, I’m sorry for my posted response to your post (above) … I think I was too harsh in response. Call it a knee jerk reaction. I apologize if I came across belligerent. Your post was kind hearted and added to discussion.

I think what happened is that when I hear anyone use the phrase “high standards” , because of what the current banter of society today and what I’ve heard/read, I think they are talking about remaining a virgin until marriage as being selfish and asking for too much. If that’s the case, I didn’t know ‘selfish’ could hurt so badly. I know you did not imply that at all. I’m so sorry! Sometimes I forget what forum website I am posting on.

That’s ok…no offense taken…God bless

 

[AnneElizabeth]

I don’t date Catholic men because I find that many want to marry docile and girly woman who will be a submissive wife and mommy.

I’m not sure if you know this, so just putting it out there but Catholics should date only Catholics… as spoken about here on this blog: wdtprs.com/blog/2014/05/ask-father-marrying-non-catholics/

Its written in the catechism that they should only marry Catholics. I suppose you could date non- Catholics, but you do have to get a special dispensation from the church to marry them in the church.

You are allowed to have your perceptions of course, but what you say about catholic men seems to me to be too generalizing.

 

[sttcatherinefan]

I’m not sure if you know this, so just putting it out there but Catholics should date only Catholics… as spoken about here on this blog: wdtprs.com/blog/2014/05/ask-father-marrying-non-catholics/

Its written in the catechism that they should only marry Catholics. I suppose you could date non- Catholics, but you do have to get a special dispensation from the church to marry them in the church.

You are allowed to have your perceptions of course, but what you say about catholic men seems to me to be too generalizing.

Father Z is a sexist who regularly calls women who disagree with him “cows.” I don’t care what he thinks of said women’s politics; as a priest, he should discuss their opinions, not their looks. A sampling of his posters suggest that men who follow him have low opinions of women and that women who follow him see themselves as lesser than men and only mommies and submissive housewives. I suspect that many men like religion because they enjoy using it to beat up on and lord over women, not because they are spiritual.

This has followed my own experience. I’ve met men who have graduated from Christendom and Ave Maria who think that women shouldn’t be heard and that women should be denied the vote because they vote more Democrat. I’m not going through men at the age of 33 in a narrow religious pool and going through lots of clunkers.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

Father Z is a sexist who regularly calls women who disagree with him “cows.” I don’t care what he thinks of said women’s politics; as a priest, he should discuss their opinions, not their looks. A sampling of his posters suggest that men who follow him have low opinions of women and that women who follow him see themselves as lesser than men and only mommies and submissive housewives. I suspect that many men like religion because they enjoy using it to beat up on and lord over women, not because they are spiritual.

This has followed my own experience. I’ve met men who have graduated from Christendom and Ave Maria who think that women shouldn’t be heard and that women should be denied the vote because they vote more Democrat. I’m not going through men at the age of 33 in a narrow religious pool and going through lots of clunkers.

I’m sorry… I did not know anything about “Father Z” when I posted that link. I just thought it was a true Catholic website. I suppose I did not do my homework, but just for fact’s sake, could you provide a link where he calls woman “cows”? I find it hard to believe, then of course, maybe this is just another one of those “religious” websites that is actually a part of the plan to destroy religion by setting up someone to make it seem disgusting, sexist… etc. Misleading the masses to cause chaos and destruction.

There are most certainly people who use religion for their own devices, sadly. God’s wrath will be waiting for them. Tell me, if you were a true spiritual man of God who believes in the Catholic faith… where would you be found?

 

[sttcatherinefan]

I’m sorry… I did not know anything about “Father Z” when I posted that link. I just thought it was a true Catholic website. I suppose I did not do my homework, but just for fact’s sake, could you provide a link where he calls woman “cows”? I find it hard to believe, then of course, maybe this is just another one of those “religious” websites that is actually a part of the plan to destroy religion by setting up someone to make it seem disgusting, sexist… etc. Misleading the masses to cause chaos and destruction.

There are most certainly people who use religion for their own devices, sadly. God’s wrath will be waiting for them. Tell me, if you were a true spiritual man of God who believes in the Catholic faith… where would you be found?

Here you go. wdtprs.com/blog/tag/deaconesses/
wdtprs.com/blog/tag/diaconorum-ordinis/

And Father Z is a priest in good standing and is no doubt sincere in his sexism (and childish and immature behavior.)

 

[AnneElizabeth]

Here you go. wdtprs.com/blog/tag/deaconesses/
wdtprs.com/blog/tag/diaconorum-ordinis/

And Father Z is a priest in good standing and is no doubt sincere in his sexism (and childish and immature behavior.)

Thank you for the link. Its unfortunate that he used such language. These types of things are not uncommon and can be found here on C.A. by posters as well. One would hope that ‘a priest in good standing’ would not resort to using mockery to sell an idea. It does not do good for the Body of Christ.

That being said, he quoted the Catechism, which was my main point in posting the link. Lets stay on track here. Do you not believe in what the Catechism says so that you date outside of the church? Or do you hope to convert a future husband to the church? Do you believe that God has a natural order of men being the head of the household and woman subordinate to him? If not, then how do you process scripture when it says that?

 

[ZellieFan]

I would not willingly date/marry a non-Catholic. If I met someone who was not Catholic, I would tread very carefully in developing a relationship with him. Of course, people can change/convert but I am against what they call “missionary dating.” Only the Holy Spirit can change hearts.

 

[ZellieFan]

How sad that this is the only way for people to meet. How sad that its come to picking and choosing people like they are some sort of order on a menu.

What do I suggest? A church that is alive, active, and vibrant the way its supposed to be, the way it used to be.

Besides going to church, which is the foundation, there are also groups that one can join (depensing upon location). Someitmes, the groups skew to the 20s but it’s something. There are also trips and pilgrimages that one can go on (via Catholic Match and Ave Maria) to meet other people and the National Catholic Singles Conference. The important thing is to get out there. While I believe grace, prayer and God’s timing are the biggest factors, being find-able is very important.

 

[sttcatherinefan]

.
That being said, he quoted the Catechism, which was my main point in posting the link. Lets stay on track here. Do you not believe in what the Catechism says so that you date outside of the church?

I think that the Church describes the ideal and not the reality. Men can be as naturally spiritual but aren’t encouraged to pursue this by the culture. Also, both men and women who are very religious and younger tend to be more traditional and into narrow gender roles. I’m a feminist and definitely am not.

Or do you hope to convert a future husband to the church?

Nope.

Do you believe that God has a natural order of men being the head of the household and woman subordinate to him?

I repudiate the notion that men are somehow better than women and therefore allowed to boss their wives around. The Church’s idea of complementarity, which extends far beyond a narrow biological complementarity (i.e. procreative sex), is a form of sexism. Women are defined by their wombs and men by their brains. Our only use for the Church is having babies.

If not, then how do you process scripture when it says that?

Catholics don’t read the Bible literally and read the Bible in terms of the society and historic events at the time. For instance, the Church has endorsed at least some form of evolution since Pius XII. The Pauline letters have to be analyzed in that regard.

Paul was a man of his time. His conversion on the road to Damascus didn’t change him into a 21st century enlightened egalitarian. He still harbored the prejudices of a 1st century Jewish man. No doubt he believed women were lesser than men and were quasi children under the protection of their husbands. What makes Paul interesting is his practicality and flexibility when it came to evangelizing. Yes, he probably believed that women should be seen and not heard, but he was willing to suspend those beliefs if it meant winning new converts and getting the patronage of wealthy women like Lydia.

 

[edwest2]

With the rapid degradation of traditional values and MANY Catholic and Christian singles who are LONGING to live God’s plan for human sexuality, why do so many languish in the state of singleness? Is it God’s will? Is it a spiritual attack from Satan that God allows? Why doesn’t He bring more couples together who will raise devout children? sigh

Have hope. God always leaves a remnant. In this case, a faithful remnant that will spread the truth about marriage, and live it. Seek and ye shall find.

avemariasingles.com/about

Ed

 

[ZellieFan]

Have hope. God always leaves a remnant. In this case, a faithful remnant that will spread the truth about marriage, and live it. Seek and ye shall find.

avemariasingles.com/about

Ed

I’ve been a member for about 3 years. I do think there are good people on the site but the volume is low. Unfortunately, I rarely get contacted and the times I have reached out, it hasn’t gone anywhere.

 

[edwest2]

I’ve been a member for about 3 years. I do think there are good people on the site but the volume is low. Unfortunately, I rarely get contacted and the times I have reached out, it hasn’t gone anywhere.

Time to look elsewhere. Church groups, even if they are not at your Church.

Best,
Ed

 

[ZellieFan]

Time to look elsewhere. Church groups, even if they are not at your Church.

Best,
Ed

Yep, am doing all of the above.

 

[InigoMontoya]

I think you are not understanding where I’m coming from in my post… Let me try and explain… I’m only speaking of and questioning the use of match dating websites. I don’t like that people are put up like objects ready for purchase. It cheapens the souls of these people.

Perhaps I’m still a bit confused. Your thoughts and views are entirely valid for you, I just struggle with grasping the notion that people are put up like objects ready for purchase, by having a dating profile. After all, a person still has to respond to a message and they’re certainly under no obligation to do so. Nor are they even obligated to even dignify receipt of a message, you’re free to ignore. Or even, just swipe left.
"AnneElizabeth:

In life, there are many reasons why someone could be urged/moved to make an introduction. Perhaps you are confused by my using the term ‘shared interest’… I’m speaking specifically here of the use of dating website profiles which list interests, which also makes one assume that the other likes that shared interest in the same way as they do. Two people can like an interest but in different ways. It does not mean that they will bond over it. Its assuming too much. Its flat. People are more complicated than that.

Shared interest I realize can me anything… perhaps that was the wrong term and caused confusion. I hope this clears it up. (it might not… I’m kind of complicated! )

Of course people are complicated, that’s part of what makes life grand! Perhaps there may be another way to look at a persons ‘interests’… It’s not so much a matter of finding a person with similar matched interests, overall… that’s just unrealistic… What a person posts as their ‘interests’ could simply be starting points for a conversation, which than opens the door to learning more about their complicated side.

If someone says you aren’t married because your standards are too high, ask them if they are married. If they are married, ask them if they had lowered their standards to find their spouse. If they did not, ask them why you should. After all they are asking you to do what they had not done themselves. If they did, ask them the reason why they lowered their standards in front of their spouse.

Ouch!

I don’t date Catholic men because I find that many want to marry docile and girly woman who will be a submissive wife and mommy

Are you Catholic? Do you want a family with children? That’s, ahem, quite a generalization…

I’ve been a member for about 3 years. I do think there are good people on the site but the volume is low. Unfortunately, I rarely get contacted and the times I have reached out, it hasn’t gone anywhere.

Are you on any of the more mainstream sites?

 

[AnneElizabeth]

…After all, a person still has to respond to a message and they’re certainly under no obligation to do so. …

:…

GOD"S WORD: DO ONTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD LIKE DONE ONTO YOU. I think its rude to think that its ok that you don’t have to respond. This is exactly what I’m talking about, that this sort of thing shows that you believe you can treat other people like objects, that they don’t matter and you can ignore them if you’d like. I think its the height of conceit not to answer someone who has taken the time to contact you. (Unless they are being violent.) You don’t have to do anything with them of course, like go on a date or talk for hours, but to ignore completely I think goes against GOD"S WORD.

 

[Xantippe]

GOD"S WORD: DO ONTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD LIKE DONE ONTO YOU. I think its rude to think that its ok that you don’t have to respond. This is exactly what I’m talking about, that this sort of thing shows that you believe you can treat other people like objects, that they don’t matter and you can ignore them if you’d like. I think its the height of conceit not to answer someone who has taken the time to contact you. (Unless they are being violent.) You don’t have to do anything with them of course, like go on a date or talk for hours, but to ignore completely I think goes against GOD"S WORD.

You wouldn’t think that if you received hundreds of messages, especially very short ones that might have been sent out to literally dozens of other people. “Hey, beautiful!” or “How are you?”

There’s also the issue that even if one sends out a longer, more customized message, if one sounds CRAZY, a lot of people are going to consider it more prudent not to engage.

It’s also charitable not to waste people’s time with chit chat when one really is not interested.

There’s no moral duty to keep batting back pleasantries with strangers on the internet.

As far as the golden rule is concerned, there are lots of different ways to apply it. If I were a single person doing online dating, I would prefer that only actually interested people chatted with me.