The Place of a woman?

[Eileen_T]

As a teen and young adult I grew up hearing a lot about women’s lib. When I married I decided that I would stay at home and raise my children until they no longer needed me to be at home all day every day.

I am an advocate for girls/women choosing a career that they will be able to continue at home when they have children. It is becoming increasingly more difficult for a family to survive on a single income.

When the time came that I could return to the workforce I considered doing a course or going to University but God had other ideas. I was approached to run a crisis pregnancy centre as I had volunteer experience in crisis pregnancy and post-abortion counselling.

Later I was approached to develop a website on Suicide, Abortion & Euthanasia www.life.org.nz They had someone else who had done most of the Suicide section but she had left and they needed someone with knowledge of the abortion issues.

The Euthanasia section is almost finished but God intervened once again. I am at present working as a Caregiver in a Rest Home and Geriatric Hospital and am learning many things about end-of-life issues that I hadn’t realised.

I keep wondering what God has in store for me next.

My place, as I see it, is to SERVE. Both God and others. Whatever I do, wherever it pleases Him to place me, I just want what I do to be for His greater glory.

Ad Majorum Dei Glorium

 

[deb1]

JamesG:

ok well I don’t think you understand what I said then.

I’m saying that a womans place is where God wants her to be.

There are many women who might decide that God wants them to work outside the home.

 

[SeekerJen]

deb1:

There are many women who might decide that God wants them to work outside the home.

That’s what has happened to me. If I had my way, I would probably be at home full-time with a baby now and maybe another on the way. However, God has made us infertile (at least for now), and after 19 months of trying for a child with nothing to show for it, I have to accept that what we want is not always what God is willing to give.

14 months ago I lost my former job (with a boss who was like a favorite uncle) due to our lab’s failing to receive another research grant. I found a job in another research lab, and learned that I really did have a love for research, and that the thought of continuing my education was not as terrifying or repulsive as it once had been. So after much prayer and discernment, I researched graduate programs, took tests, and applied- and all of it just seemed to fall into place. And just this afternoon I learned that I have been accepted into an Immunology Ph.D. program, with tuition paid in full, a stipend, and benefits. I am at peace with my life in a way that I never was when we were frantically trying to have children, my husband is happier (the infertility really hit him hard), and God is so good. I would have never in a million years expected my life to turn out this way, but life is funny like that, especially when you make the choice to turn your life over for God to arrange.

Apparently this is where God wants me to be, at least for now. I trust that when we are able, he will lead us to the children whom he wishes us to adopt. I’m certainly not going to rush it.

 

[wacky_wonderful]

Black Jaque:

Kind of funny how Hollywood portrays men as being afraid of commitment, yet on this board it appears that the ones afraid of commitment are women.

The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, yet it was/is/and shall continue to be a man’s world. Two conflicting cliches!

We women have so much more to lose when we make a committment and it goes bad. I see only 2 ways to prevent that. Reserve part of ourselves and don’t give 100% and also, be prepared.

I was totally, 100% committed to my husband and our marriage. He was not. Whose life completely fell apart? Mine. But that’s ok. I’ve learned some valuable lessons. Here’s a sampling:

1. Pre-nup! Non-negotiable. Must have.
2. Large life insurance policy on his life. Then he can behave as badly as he wants. Go against doctor’s orders, not take care of himself, etc.
3. I will not give up my freedom or my job. Not an option. No.
4. Separate savings and as many assets in my name as allowed.

It’s a start.

 

[rayne89]

wacky&wonderful:

The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, yet it was/is/and shall continue to be a man’s world. Two conflicting cliches!

We women have so much more to lose when we make a committment and it goes bad. I see only 2 ways to prevent that. Reserve part of ourselves and don’t give 100% and also, be prepared.

I was totally, 100% committed to my husband and our marriage. He was not. Whose life completely fell apart? Mine. But that’s ok. I’ve learned some valuable lessons. Here’s a sampling:

1. Pre-nup! Non-negotiable. Must have.
2. Large life insurance policy on his life. Then he can behave as badly as he wants. Go against doctor’s orders, not take care of himself, etc.
3. I will not give up my freedom or my job. Not an option. No.
4. Separate savings and as many assets in my name as allowed.

It’s a start.

I could be mistaken but I thought a prenup invalidates a sacramental marriage.

I’m thinking it’s probably best for you to remain single if you have such strong feelings in these areas. A marriage is becoming one flesh, if that’s not something you feel you can do then it’s probably best you remain single.

 

[wacky_wonderful]

rayne89:

I could be mistaken but I thought a prenup invalidates a sacramental marriage.

Well, too bad if it does. I care not.

My ex and I met in church, dated for 14 months, and took the Taylor-Johnson personality test. My ex is a passive/aggressive, misogynistic, immature man. And he charmed absolutely everyone. Too bad those qualities didn’t show up on that test.

Since I don’t have mom and dad to run home to, what can I do, besides getting a pre-nup, to protect myself? Living below the poverty level is not all it’s cracked up to be.

In a perfect, ideal world, where men could be trusted, I agree that a pre-nup would be unnecessary. But today, in this world, it is mighty appealing to me. You can say you love me all you want. Prove it. Sign the paper.

Yes, I have strong feelings about this. Have you experienced divorce and the sharp drop in the standard of living that accompanies it?

 

[rayne89]

The place of a married woman is to be helpmate to her husband. To be supportive and to do whatever is in the best interest of her family. Like wise the place of a married man is to be a helpmate to his wife, to be supportive and what is in the best interest of his family.

Certainly God created women and men differently. My husband has my utmost respect. We’ve never felt the need to draw this line in the sand. We do whatever is best for our family.

When our daughter was a baby I worked maybe 10 hours a week just to retain my job while hubby or grandma was looking after her. As she got older I increased my hours to about 20. We homeschool our daughter together, splitting the subjects between us. Since I’ve been sick a lot lately hubby has been been doing more of the cooking, cleaning and carting our daughter to different activities.

I realize God made man the head of the family, but he also gave the responsibilty to men to love their wives as he loves the church not to Lord their authority over them.

Our roles from God is to get each other to Heaven and raise our daughter in the faith. And we do whatever we have to do to acheive that goal.

These what’s a woman’s role or what’s a man’s role questions get under my skin sometimes. If your in a sacramental marriage you do what is best for each other, then there is no need for definitions. If you have to put each other in seperate “role boxes” then I think the Biblical definition of marriage roles has already been misunderstood, the point has already been missed.

 

[rayne89]

wacky&wonderful:

Well, too bad if it does. I care not.

I just thought since this is a Catholic forum I should point that out. Obviously we all have free will, and whether you chose to care or not to care about the sacramental aspect of marriage is your personal business.

 

[wacky_wonderful]

rayne89:

The place of a married woman is to be helpmate to her husband. To be supportive and to do whatever is in the best interest of her family. Like wise the place of a married man is to be a helpmate to his wife, to be supportive and what is in the best interest of his family.

Certainly God created women and men differently. My husband has my utmost respect. We’ve never felt the need to draw this line in the sand. We do whatever is best for our family.

When our daughter was a baby I worked maybe 10 hours a week just to retain my job while hubby or grandma was looking after her. As she got older I increased my hours to about 20. We homeschool our daughter together, splitting the subjects between us. Since I’ve been sick a lot lately hubby has been been doing more of the cooking, cleaning and carting our daughter to different activities.

I realize God made man the head of the family, but he also gave the responsibilty to men to love their wives as he loves the church not to Lord their authority over them.

Our roles from God is to get each other to Heaven and raise our daughter in the faith. And we do whatever we have to do to acheive that goal.

These what’s a woman’s role or what’s a man’s role questions get under my skin sometimes. If your in a sacramental marriage you do what is best for each other, then there is no need for definitions. If you have to put each other in seperate “role boxes” then I think the Biblical definition of marriage roles has already been misunderstood, the point has already been missed.

It’s great that things are going so well for you right now. 20 years from now, we’ll see. I never ever thought I would be living like I am now. I never ever thought I would be divorced and have to struggle just to survive. If you don’t have a plan in place so you can take care of yourself in case your hubby dies or gets a lame idea to wander off, please get one. It won’t hurt and you will be very glad you have that plan should the time come when you really need to put it into action.

 

[rayne89]

wacky&wonderful:

Yes, I have strong feelings about this. Have you experienced divorce and the sharp drop in the standard of living that accompanies it?

I have not but the grace of God experienced divorce (although we certainly had our share of issues in the past). My standard of living is pretty low right now and I am married. My husband was recently laid off and I have chronic illness. It is not pleasant not knowing whether to pay bills or buy groceries so I’ve been there.

I’m sorry you were so hurt and decieved in your marriage, and I realize your strong feelings come from that.

I have strong feelings too when it comes to things of faith, and would have a hard time saying to God “I care not” when it comes to the teachings of His church. Life isn’t perfect in this world only in the next. Just to “put my money where my mouth is” I’ll give you an example in my own life. Another pregnancy for me would be fatal, the church teaches that artificial birth control and sterilization is wrong. My options are NFP or no sex. I have chosed NFP and used it successfully for 9 years. If this method should fail I will die. I could say I don’t care what the church says this is the real world and I’m getting my tubes tied.

I realize you have been very hurt and please don’t think I’m trying to minimulize that. I hope you find healing and a maybe if it’s God will a man that treats as the precious person that you are.

God Bless.

 

[wacky_wonderful]

rayne89:

I just thought since this is a Catholic forum I should point that out. Obviously we all have free will, and whether you chose to care or not to care about the sacramental aspect of marriage is your personal business.

This is just another indicator of why I’m not such a great Catholic. I cannot accept the edicts of men who have no earthly clue what it’s like to live in the real world. Yes, God made marriage a sacrament. That was before pre-nups were invented. He also gave me a brain and he expects me to use it. Having been badly burned by the termination of a long term marriage, I think I would be a fool to remarry without taking some precautions. That’s common sense. If taking steps to protect myself invalidates the sacramentality of my marriage, then that’s just too bad. The Pope, the cardinals, the bishops and even my priest are not going to take care of me. I have to take care of me.

 

[rayne89]

wacky&wonderful:

It’s great that things are going so well for you right now. 20 years from now, we’ll see.

I’ll be lucky to see 20 years from now.

This February it will be 15 years for us and about 7 years ago we were nearly got divorced (if you can think of a marriage issue we had it -alcoholism, infidelity, porn addiction, chronic depression ect…) It was a a hard road back and for some reason God saw fit to completely heal our marriage and bring us to the wonderful place we are today.

I will be needing a heart transplant in the next few years and with that I have about a 50% chance for 5 more years- by the grace of God I hope I do see 20 years.

My life, my marriage -all of it I place in God’s hands and let him to do as he see’s fit. I’ve learned God is the one “man” who will never desert you.

God Bless!

 

[wacky_wonderful]

rayne89:

I have not but the grace of God experienced divorce (although we certainly had our share of issues in the past). My standard of living is pretty low right now and I am married. My husband was recently laid off and I have chronic illness. It is not pleasant not knowing whether to pay bills or buy groceries so I’ve been there.

I’m sorry you were so hurt and decieved in your marriage, and I realize your strong feelings come from that.

I have strong feelings too when it comes to things of faith, and would have a hard time saying to God “I care not” when it comes to the teachings of His church. Life isn’t perfect in this world only in the next. Just to “put my money where my mouth is” I’ll give you an example in my own life. Another pregnancy for me would be fatal, the church teaches that artificial birth control and sterilization is wrong. My options are NFP or no sex. I have chosed NFP and used it successfully for 9 years. If this method should fail I will die. I could say I don’t care what the church says this is the real world and I’m getting my tubes tied.

I realize you have been very hurt and please don’t think I’m trying to minimulize that. I hope you find healing and a maybe if it’s God will a man that treats as the precious person that you are.

God Bless.

You are quite brave, dear lady. I would not be. Thank you for your good wishes. I don’t mean to come across so stridently, but having to use a plasic bag and cat litter when using the bathroom gets old quickly. It’s also expensive. Flushing would be sooo much cheaper…
As for sex and NFP, you must really be looking forward to menopause! Have you looked into alternative treatments for your chronic illness? Have you gotten some help financially from your parish? Local agencies? Well, this too shall pass, for both of us.
Fortunes come and go, so do the good and bad times. The only thing we can count on is change.

 

[wacky_wonderful]

rayne89:

I’ll be lucky to see 20 years from now.

This February it will be 15 years for us and about 7 years ago we were nearly got divorced (if you can think of a marriage issue we had it -alcoholism, infidelity, porn addiction, chronic depression ect…) It was a a hard road back and for some reason God saw fit to completely heal our marriage and bring us to the wonderful place we are today.

I will be needing a heart transplant in the next few years and with that I have about a 50% chance for 5 more years- by the grace of God I hope I do see 20 years.

My life, my marriage -all of it I place in God’s hands and let him to do as he see’s fit. I’ve learned God is the one “man” who will never desert you.

God Bless!

The great thing about medicine is that by the time you need to have that transplant, much progress will have been made and the stats that you just quoted will be obsolete. You’ll end up living to a ripe old age and dancing at your daughter’s wedding.

With those marriage issues, I’m surprised that you let the guy live. He’s a lucky man.

God bless you too!