The reason why young men are leaving the church

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When I sing in the choir it’s me alone and 20 girls!!! What could a man want more?
 
I wonder if being female influences your perception such that you don’t see how much of homilies and Christian apologetics, including official statements from bishops, is passive rather than active – about contemplation, acceptance rather than boldness and protest.

For a radical example, fetuses are being murdered around the country, and rather than render people incapable of committing the murder (e.g. by destroying the facility when vacant at night), clergy and catechists are teaching people to “pray and stay out of the way”, so to speak. Men want to go to battle. They don’t want to sit in a chair when people are literally being murdered. Yet the Rosary is not presented as a weapon to defeat demons: Even St. John Paul II presented it as “sitting at the feet of Mary”, etc.

Likewise, the Eucharist is commonly presented as “something we go to receive”, not a sacrifice we go to participate in with our suffering.

So I think you’re not seeing the full picture to attribute it rather to men’s pride. Yes, that’s certainly part of it, but women are proud, too (else they wouldn’t be shopping so much for clothing and beauty products, and spending so much money on haircuts!). But not to reject your point too strongly – I do think that men like to argue intellectually, hence so many atheists on web forums are male.
 
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I have found that people leave the church mainly over laziness and lust.
There is a subset of people who leave in anger over God not answering a prayer, but they are significantly less.
All the other stuff? Tends to be excuses after the fact.

I can’t tell you how often I’ve seen this scenario play out:

Practicing Catholic finds a boyfriend/girlfriend willing to have sex; they resist at first, then give in; can’t reconcile abstaining from sex and their new relationship; finds reasons for why the church is “wrong” (priest scandal! Inquisition! Sister kept me in for recess detention in the third grade!)

Boom. Get out of jail free card.
 
OP,

I would suggest you read “Into the Breach”

https://intothebreach.org/

This apostolic exhortation is a wonderful guide for men seeking the masculine face of the Church. I sympathize with your sentiments and would like to reassure you that you are not alone. I am a 29 year old Catholic man, father, and law enforcement officer and there is a great abundance of authentic leadership around. There are direct and courageous catholic leaders who weren’t afraid to speak the unabashed truth. Men who taught the truth like Benedict XVI, men who called out sin like Saint Padre Pio, men who stood up for authentic marriage like St. Thomas Moore, and men who died for the true Church instead of embracing a counterfeit like St. John Fisher and St. John Ogilvie. The Church continues to need strong courageous and unabashed leaders. Men like YOU! If would personally suggest you check out the Knights of Columbus to help find other likeminded men who are willing to take personal responsibility for their faith, family, and Church.

Also check out:


&
http://thekingsmen.org/
 
OK…but stop hiding behind excuses. If you think that the catholic church is the truth, it won’t stop you. I still drag myself to church even though I have a rotten view towards the whole thing. Ultimately you just have to do it. It’s not really manly to hide behind excuses. Everyone is pretending to be victims now, we don’t need it here!

But for the sake of the discussion: maybe masculinity does not have to be limited to battle and aggression. This is probably a hard lesson for men to learn and will probably irritate the heck out of them. I don’t think political correctness is the main culprit. It could be in the future, although catholics aren’t really known for being politically correct (eg contraception). I think that men are just used to the masculinity they are brought up with and they do not feel comfortable with the Church’s emphasis on love and mercy. Women are very used to giving and giving and loving and loving since that’s what we are expected to do, so I guess that’s why they tend to be more religious? They probably “get” it easier than guys. So men struggle more with spirituality. Just my thoughts…

I don’t know how it’s like in the US…if a priest is giving you false teachings (eg we don’t have to go to mass), can’t you report it to somebody? That honestly cannot be tolerated.

I think it’s a sign of weakness if a man is discouraged to do something if there’s female presence. I don’t believe in a male-only altar servers because I don’t think we should prioritize a gender’s level of spirituality.

I don’t know how ‘feminized’ the church is, I really don’t notice it here. But if you have to make it more appealing to men somehow, you would need to aim for a balance rather than alienating the women. I think more and more women are flocking to modern feminism because they are promised freedom from many things, the church being one of them.
 
martinez7251 said:
the modern church has become very feminized throughout the years.
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Yeah, every priest and deacon on the altar is still a man and the more of you guys actually show up to Church on a regular basis and participate, the less “feminized” it will be. By the way, we’re still using the same Bible you mention that has all those stories about men in it.

There are plenty of online blogs like Catholic Gentleman and Roman Catholic Man online that are presenting a masculine view/ model of Catholicism.

Letting some kind of gender perception come between you and your God is a cop-out.
 
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Lol, good point. Almost all of my catholic friends would fit that description.
 
0Scarlett_nidiyilii said:
I have found that people leave the church mainly over laziness and lust.

…

I can’t tell you how often I’ve seen this scenario play out:

Practicing Catholic finds a boyfriend/girlfriend willing to have sex; they resist at first, then give in; can’t reconcile abstaining from sex and their new relationship; finds reasons for why the church is “wrong” (priest scandal! Inquisition! Sister kept me in for recess detention in the third grade!)
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LOL SO TRUE! 🤣😁😂

Or even just find stuff they don’t like about going to Mass… “People clap”…“Babies cry”…“Music is bad”…“Sermons are boring” = I don’t need to go to church and face up to myself being a lousy sinner, I’ll just go out with my girlfriend/ boyfriend and we can think about God under a tree in the park somewhere.

Hopefully when people get old (if they live so long) they can look back on all this and see just how young, dumb, and driven by hormones they were. (I sure do!)
 
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martinez7251 said:
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It is the Parable of the Prodigal Son, see Luke 15:11-32.

To effect the help of the Holy Spirit, received in the sacraments, a person must cooperate with that grace. That does not happen with those that do not follow, but just as Adam sinned, pridefully choose for themselves.

Jesus said in John 10:
4 And when he hath let out his own sheep, he goeth before them: and the sheep follow him, because they know his voice. 5 But a stranger they follow not, but fly from him, because they know not the voice of strangers.
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I suppose the question is what has changed to cause this, males have always matured more slowly in their youth and behaved in a masculine way so why is it only now that they are dropping out?
 
Pressure from society including government. We are labeled as child-exploiter sympathizers for one. It is a test of faith to be a Catholic today, and I intend to pass for my God with flying colors. When going to church gets tough, the faithful go to church regardless. In my hometown, it is like a nazi camp, they do whatever they can with police and child services to ensure your child is not a Catholic. They should just cut to the chase and start wearing the Intel shirt “Satan inside.” If you don’t have this kind of attitude about the haters, you are in deep trouble.
 
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Many reasons. It could be because it’s less socially acceptable to be a practicing catholic, sex is now meaningless, morals in general is being attacked and so on. Not to mention that I’m guessing not many people are volunteering in church. My parish used to have young people, who are actually fun, to teach us about the faith before confirmation. Now it’s the exhausted elderly that’s trying to keep the faith alive.
 
Aye, and I’ve warned some that our exhausted elderly won’t be there in 4 decades unless we pick it up a little.
 
martinez7251 said:
If really feel like if priest were to read the entire bible and not skip around the politically incorrect stories
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Which “politically incorrect” stories are you referring to? The ones with polygamy? Adultery? Incest? Rape? Attempted gay rape of angels? Genocide? Child sacrifice? Eating bugs slathered in honey?

Is that what you want to hear more of?
 
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When Christ was crucified, it was 75% women at the foot of the Cross, when 10 of the twelve men fled (and the 11th was a betrayer).

That being said, the way the liturgy is done today simply has less appeal to men than the old form (aka the extraordinary form). I find a much better balance of men and women there. Back in the 1960s when the liturgical reforms were demonstrated to a group of bishops, Cardinal Heenan of Westminster gave this analysis after mostly criticizing the kind of music and participation involved (which I believe is true–and has proven true over time):
At home it is not only women and children but also fathers of families and young men who come regularly to Mass. If we were to offer them the kind of ceremony we saw yesterday in the Sistine Chapel (a demonstration of the Normative Mass) we would soon be left with a congregation mostly of women and children.
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For my son, the reason he does not currently practice the Faith is more fundamental than some of the reasons mentioned above, such as the way the liturgy is celebrated or the role of women in the Church. He tells me he started questioning the very existence of God while still in high school. I think the internet helped to foster his questioning by allowing him to connect with others who are also agnostic or atheist. He has a great interest in physics, and many of those scientists whose books he reads are also nonbelievers, which supports his own doubts.

On the other hand, he also tells me he disagrees with Church teaching, especially concerning sex outside of marriage, which leads me to wonder which came first, his disagreement with the rules or his crisis of faith.
 
No it’s “Ew, less focus on us, and more on Jesus”.

Most of the “innovations” have been borrowed from Protestant communities (me focused features of the service); and look at how they’ve multiplied by dividing. Their exit door is even bigger than the RCC’s.
 
Are you suggesting burning down abortion facilities? You do know that the Church teaches the end does not justify the means? If that is what you think masculine men do that is not what the Church teaches. Abortion is one of the worst evils there is. I would suggest a long talk with a priest about legitimate ways to fight abortion.
 
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