I question how many people today are really prepared for marriage, and understand that love is a commitment of the will.
I was in a relationship for about a year and a half. It seemed to start well - friendship that turned into dating after a few months. A solid Catholic guy who worked for the Church. We were both in our early thirties, and I assumed that we were both serious about seeking marriage (to someone, if not each other). He told me he loved me, and he would bring up marriage in a hypothetical sense. But his actions were not in sync his talk.
After the relationship ended, I found out that he had/has no intention to marry. He just wanted to try the experience of a relationship. It’s been seven months, but I am still in disbelief that a person could do that to someone else. It is the fact that there was never a reason for us to start dating, and thus, for me to feel this pain now. He sees nothing wrong with it; the closest thing to an apology I heard was that he did me a “disservice”. He is very close to a married priest (converted after marriage), and this priest strongly advocates for the single life, quoting St Paul about how marriage is an impediment to growing closer to God.
I know there are many fickle and shallow women, but I think most women have a simple desire to love and be loved by one man. I have not dated around, and don’t care to. I wish the first guy I ever dated would have been the last I ever needed to. I see a recurring pattern in Catholic men over 30. They like their bachelor lifestyle, they are free of responsibility, and St Paul backs them up.
I know this is not all men. But I do think it is a huge problem in the Catholic Church now. There is so much talk about the assault on marriage from the outside, with issues like gay marriage, divorce, easy annulment, etc. But this seems like the last straw to me: this growing number of devout Catholic men who do not see the good of marriage.
Isnt the bigger issue that there are plenty of good Catholic men that are single that desire marriage but they are the “safe” choice when most women these days want their prince charming type that normally turns to be like the man you dated. You are not alone in then painting that Catholic men in general are like that guy.
If Catholic women went with the safe choice and married the many normal, average Catholic men, it would mean far less single women and it would also force a change in the guys like your ex boyfriend. Why should guys like him change when they have an endless supply of women that refuse to settle for less than perfect guys?
My brother and I are both single and have been so far most of our adult lives. We are both mid twenties and have jobs, are tall. He has the muscle and I am the book smart office worker. We are overall average guys. Yet us and many of our friends are single.
I know of many cases where women go for guys that have no job and take care of the guy financially. They guy wont even care for the kids. He just has free sex pretty much and the woman allows it because she needs the relationship.
I have also seen many of my friends get married. The women they married realized long ago that the perfect man wasnt a reality and went out to find a guy that would be a good and loving father.
It is not settling for less to go with a guy that is more average and maybe boring compared to the expectations I see many women desire. In the end, if a woman wants to be loved it may not come from a place thats not sexy or popular to society.
As an example, I see many average to below average looking women on Catholic dating sites and they all want the best looking, highest paying job, perfect virtues man. They also turn down many average to below average guys and remain on those sites for years without finding anyone while posting in the website forums about how few good guys there are. Well, at some point you need to be realistic and realize that you may not be good enough for the high standards you desire. It may take some compromising to find the best situation with what is available and in your league.
I am single because I havent done enough to find a wife and because I have turned down dozens of women for being too fat, too ugly, too nagging, etc, etc, and in the end I find myself wishing I had taken the safe choice instead of holding out for a more perfect fit because it is much better to be in a relationship with a loving person than it is to be single and wishing for someone that may never come. I think too many singles think that there is always something better out there when in fact that something better may either not exist or ever come. In most cases, I think singles have been given the chance by God to have someone and turn it down for superficial reasons. But where does that leave us? Single and alone.
), I do not worry that in a couple of months I will suddenly not feel all that about her. I can make a decision that, for example, I can’t live with her views, I can’t accept her behaviour, I can’t trust her or something yet else (including something that puts me off), but it’s not just the passage of time.
How did your friends treat you when you were not married?
