Thinking about leaving the Church over NFP

[Mannyfit75]

:hug3:

As others have stated you CAN STAY!!! Just don’t present yourself for Holy Communion until you have gone to Confession for this sin. You can, however, still go up and receive a blessing, don’t forget to cross you arms when you do so. It is far better for you to stay in the Church and not recieve Holy Communion than it is for you to leave completely. You do still receive God’s grace when you attend Mass. Honestly, I can see how this would be an extremely difficult decision for a couple to make. I hope that you can find the answers you need and that God will give you the strength to see you though this trying time. Just keep in mind that God WILL see you though this! Stay close to Him and He will stay close to you. He IS there even if you can’t tell.

 

[Cat]

I asked my husband about this thread.

His advice is that this is not a question for a discussion forum, but rather, a question for spiritual advisor, priest, and Bishop.

I will think of you often and pray for you, your husband, children, and doctors, as well as those who will be working with you.

 

[Ray_Scheel]

Since we still don’t know what resources you have contacted, please forgive us continuing to suggest sources, as I thought of another one:

Institute for Natural Family Planning, Marquette University, Milwaukee, WI, Director: Richard Fehring,
associate professor of nursing
Phone: (414) 288-3838
Fax: (414) 288-1939

 

[1ke]

So isn’t it more of an affront to the Church to stay when I am refusing to live by the rules?

I feel so confused about this.

#1 Stay and keep praying that you **CAN **live by the rules. Yes, you must refrain from the Eucharist because you are knowingly committing a grave sin. But, when you believe you can stop, and live chastely, Reconciliation is open to you and the Eucharist as well. Leaving is far worse-- it is rejecting Christ. Neither the Lutheran church nor any other Protestant church has the Sacraments. And, they teach falsely. How can you ever hope to resolve this and come back into conformity with the Truth when your conscience is being falsely led to believe what you are doing is OK?

#2 Contraception has a failure rate, especially barrier methods! Yikes. It’s roulette any way you play it. Abstinence is your only method of assuring you do not conceive. Contracepting will give you a false sense of security.

#3 I am sorry that people are saying things that hurt you in your time of struggle. Of course they cannot tell you what you are doing is OK but they don’t have to make you feel like **** either.

#4 I second the suggestion to contact Marquette. They use the Ladycomp or Clear Blue Easy fertility monitor in their NFP instruction-- and that can detect when ovulation is approaching and when it’s not. You may have mucus all the time and/or wacky temps-- but the addition of the fertility monitor may be enough to help you find some days.

 

[Debra_C]

I do not envy you your difficulty. I don’t have any easy answers to offer, but you will be in my prayers.

I am a little concerned that you feel you need to leave the Church over the reaction of other parishioners. I have serious doubt that any one of them is without any sin or hypocrisy. I have not yet met a single Catholic that has not admitted one struggle or another with abiding by some Church teaching. I can’t say that I support your decision to contracept, but I do recognize that this is an extremely difficult situation for you and your husband. I am not honestly sure what I would choose if I faced the same problem. I don’t think anyone has the right to tell you you don’t belong in the Church because you are having this difficulty. This is what the Church was put here by Christ to do–to minister to us sinners who struggle day to day to keep the laws of God. If it were all so easy, perhaps the human race would never have fallen in the first place. Maybe a different parish would help?

I will pray for you. I hope you receive the guidance you need.

Debra

 

[mamaquelly]

Thank you again to everyone for your words of consolation, encouragement and challenge. I am very grateful in some ways to have been brought down, face in the dirt, laid low by this challenge. I will never again harbor any little voice of pride and arrogance inside me that foolishly says “I would never do that.” I was very naive. Although I wouldn’t have admitted it or even recognized it in myself before this struggle, I was in fact far too complacent in my faith. I thought my faith was unshakable. I couldn’t imagine not living out my faith in the same way I had been doing so for as long as I could remember. Talk about a plank in my eye. I had no idea that I could fall so far.

Thank God for humility. I know myself much better now - as someone who is weak, broken and scared. And someone who is trying her best. My compassion for those who suffer and wander and are torn is far greater than it ever could have been if I had not struggled with this.

I have a long road to walk. I don’t know where I’ll end up. I will keep praying. I will keep loving my children who need me here with them - alive and healthy. I will keep nourishing my marriage so we can be a strong and vibrant source of nurturing for our little ones. And I will keep turning to God’s mercy, whether that is in this Church or somewhere else.

I may not be back to this forum. I’m off work now and heading home to enjoy the family. Life is pretty crazy at home. I can relax more at the office. LOL. This is such an intriguing place, that I probably shouldn’t allow myself to get hooked on visiting here.

I’ve printed out the names and resources for the medical providers and clinics. Thank you. I will hang on to those for the future. Our months of struggle working with my cycle were so demoralizing, that I’m not eager to get my hopes up and then be bitterly disappointed again. But in due time, I may be strong enough to tackle it.

Thanks!

 

[momstheword]

In case you do come back I have a few thoughts to share.
If you could just remember to take the challenge one day at a time, and* not form in your mind the intent *to reject the teachings of the Church.
There may be evenings when you fail, and your husband shoots to the drugstore for the barrier protection, but that can and will be forgiven in Confession. Once again, if you’ve known all these years that it is wrong, it still is, but now Satan has found the way to tear you away from Christ in the Eucharist. Do not let him!!
You know it is wrong and you will work diligently to remain chaste, but you may fail. But it seems to me that as long as you intend to try hard after Confession to abstain again, you will be pure of heart.
You are in the midst of a battle, and your greatest weapons will be the Sacraments! If your cancer does return, and all here will pray that it does not, you do not want to have missed out on x number of months or years of His Grace if the cancer overcomes you. You will need far more strength to endure Satan’s challenges during that final trial than during this one.
My desperate prayers will be with you, your husband and children.

 

[JCPhoenix]

I think you need to put this in perspective;

If you leave the Church because you want your way, ie you want to have sex without results for your behavior, you are both not open to God’s grace and you are putting your own self-love ahead of God’s love for you and His designs for you.

If you leave the Church for this issue, you are leaving the Lord who has been faithful to YOU, always.

God gives crosses to those He favors the most…and by this very heavy cross, He is proving His love for you

I would actually encourage you to read JPII’s encyclical, “Salvifici Doloros”, which uses a question-answer dynamic to address suffering in our lives, and links it to redemption.

There is no doubt that what you are experiencing is true suffering on so many levels. This suffering cannot be understood apart from the Cross of Christ. Look at what he gave up for you. Look at what he suffered for you. Look at His incredible mercy for you.

Look upon the cross, and ask yourself if sex is worth saying no to God’s love for you.

What you seem to be looking for here is for someone to endorse your actions so that you may justify them. You are not being rejected by anyone; your behavior and your thought process is being rejected.

You are a beloved daughter of God and a beloved Sister to us all, and we do not want to see you leave the Church , your home, just out of self love. You, created as a human being with great dignity, created from eternity by the Lord who holds your hand even now, have the ability to transcend your own desires, and THIS is what underscores your very dignity as a human being!

Don’t say no to God…say no to yourself.

 

[BigE]

Thank you again to everyone for your words of consolation, encouragement and challenge. I am very grateful in some ways to have been brought down, face in the dirt, laid low by this challenge. I will never again harbor any little voice of pride and arrogance inside me that foolishly says “I would never do that.” I was very naive. Although I wouldn’t have admitted it or even recognized it in myself before this struggle, I was in fact far too complacent in my faith. I thought my faith was unshakable. I couldn’t imagine not living out my faith in the same way I had been doing so for as long as I could remember. Talk about a plank in my eye. I had no idea that I could fall so far.

Thank God for humility. I know myself much better now - as someone who is weak, broken and scared. And someone who is trying her best. My compassion for those who suffer and wander and are torn is far greater than it ever could have been if I had not struggled with this.

I have a long road to walk. I don’t know where I’ll end up. I will keep praying. I will keep loving my children who need me here with them - alive and healthy. I will keep nourishing my marriage so we can be a strong and vibrant source of nurturing for our little ones. And I will keep turning to God’s mercy, whether that is in this Church or somewhere else.

I may not be back to this forum. I’m off work now and heading home to enjoy the family. Life is pretty crazy at home. I can relax more at the office. LOL. This is such an intriguing place, that I probably shouldn’t allow myself to get hooked on visiting here.

I’ve printed out the names and resources for the medical providers and clinics. Thank you. I will hang on to those for the future. Our months of struggle working with my cycle were so demoralizing, that I’m not eager to get my hopes up and then be bitterly disappointed again. But in due time, I may be strong enough to tackle it.

Thanks!

Wow…great post. Probably one the best I have ever seen on this forum.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Oh, please don’t leave! Forget what anyone else says or how they make you feel. I know sometimes I have sat in the back pew and felt like I was a failure because I’m one of those “divorced Catholics” who typifies what is wrong with society. But I do belong, and so do you! Because if I had left, my children would have followed. Where you go, your children will go too.

I agree with the above poster who told you about the different ovulation predictors. Technology is improving and is light years from what it was when I took NFP back in the late '80s.

And you must remember that God forbid your cancer should return, you don’t want to be plaguing yourself with the guilty thought that “God is punishing me.” No, He doesn’t do that. But that’s how we humans seem to think. It would add to your burden.

Take up your cross and follow God. And there are people like me who can offer our involuntary chastity for you and your intentions. It’s even harder to face a lifetime of chastity knowing you were rejected, than to know that someone loves you dearly and is walking the path with you. Give your husband a chance to make the sacrifice for your health’s sake. This is his ticket to heaven. Could it have been easy for St. Joseph, who was married to the world’s most beautiful and most appealing woman? And consult all the medical experts you’ve been directed to here. Your future may not be as bleak as you think.

Please don’t leave. If all the “sinners” left, I’d be lonely sitting in church all perfect and spotless. It’s a cliche, but it’s a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints. And if you let a hypocrite stand between you and God, he’s closer to God than you are…

(Okay, for all you humorless people out there… I’m not spotless. And I’m not perfect. That was a JOKE!)

 

[emily47017]

((((((((mamaquelly))))))) I’m sorry for all you are going through. I hope you find a way to get through this and stay with a faith you obviously love. All those people who have turned their backs on you? Well, pray that they never have to make such a decision as yours. Bless you. I hope you find peace and I wish you great health.

Kim

kim has echoed my thoughts completely.

i think we all forget jesus’ exhortation to “judge not”. your fellow parishoners can’t tell you you aren’t doing everything in your power to stay well and stay faithful… at least not without squinting past that big ol’ beam rammed through their pupils.

you’re in my prayers.

emily

 

[jrnami]

Thank you for the replies. I have consulted every expert, including prominent NFP, Catholic physicians all over the country, regarding the medical aspects of the issue. The medication truly makes it medically impossible to use any sort of symptom or physical sign to identify fertile/infertile times. The medication artificially stimulates certain hormones so that I have the full symptoms of fertility at all times. I was eventually told by every expert I sought, that in my case my only morally acceptable options were:

Stop taking the medication, use NFP and hope my cancer doesn’t come back.

Keep taking the medication and abstain completely for five years or more while on this medicine.

Neither one is something I have the courage or strength to take on right now.

I’ve been involved in many prolife and NFP activities in my parish. The rejection and judgement I’ve recieved from people in these groups, after I shared my struggles, makes me feel completely unwelcome in the Church any more. After 18 years of faithful obedience and now during a time of horrific crisis, I’m told that I’m a Cafeteria Catholic and a hypocrite. I’m not welcome at the table of the Eucharist because we use contraception. I feel like maybe this is God’s way of telling me that I should join a different Church - one that can accept me, even during this struggle.

I attended a graduation ceremony at a Lutheran church a few weeks ago and I felt such peace - hearing the liturgy, being in a place of worship and knowing that I would be accepted and cared for there, even in spite of my weakness. At my Church I’m excluded and rejected. And, although it hurts, I can see their point. If I am not going to play by the rules, why stay on the team?

Thanks again for listening.

This is a terrible tragedy. I’m so sorry that you are going through this trial and receiving such harsh treatment. I have no advise. People are often so unkind and judgemental, it’s a sad fact of life.

 

[jrnami]

I asked my husband about this thread.

His advice is that this is not a question for a discussion forum, but rather, a question for spiritual advisor, priest, and Bishop.

I will think of you often and pray for you, your husband, children, and doctors, as well as those who will be working with you.

Good advise. I second that. I also suggest that you stop confiding with your former friends.

 

[MilesXpisti]

kim has echoed my thoughts completely.

i think we all forget jesus’ exhortation to “judge not”. your fellow parishoners can’t tell you you aren’t doing everything in your power to stay well and stay faithful… at least not without squinting past that big ol’ beam rammed through their pupils.

you’re in my prayers.

emily

It’s very true that she shouldn’t be abandoned by her fellow parishoners. That’s the last thing she needs right now. But the question is whether they’re saying “I want nothing to do with you because you’re breaking a rule”, or if they’re saying “I understand the situation, but we’re not gonna make you feel better about your decision by saying it’s okay.” That’s not being Christian, that’s being permissive. They should support her in her illness, pray for her health and the strength for her to remain abstinent. But they should not approve of her use of contraception because they happen to be her friend.

I’d say to mamaquelly, though, that you’re in my prayers and that I hope that God will grant you the strength to abide by His Will and His Law in communion with His Church.

 

[CCM08]

Well being Orthodox I think the matter of contracpetion is between couple and spiritual father. As it applies to this case the question really is should I abandon a faith because it requires something hard of me? I certainly feel sympathy for you, my own mother is currently battling breast cancer. How weak we modern Christians are that having to do without sex is such burden we’d abandon our faith over it. The people that went before were certainly made of better material. Imagine how few of us there would be if it were us facing down death in the arena or on the cross.

 

[Hatter]

I can’t tell you what to do, all I can say is that I feel for you and I understand your dilemma. Often when doing something for the greater good the individual can feel hurt.

I know a woman in my church who married in the church but her husband converted to protestantism and ran off with her best friend. He is now married to the friend and has children with her and the poor Catholic woman was not allowed to remarry and has to spend the rest of her life on her own. She doesn’t get any sex either. She is an old woman now and very unhappy and lonely. I think the church has seriously let her down. I can only imagine how much she is hurting.

You are so lucky to have a husband that loves you and five glorious children. I envy you.

 

[The_Confused_1]

Thank you for the replies. I have consulted every expert, including prominent NFP, Catholic physicians all over the country, regarding the medical aspects of the issue. The medication truly makes it medically impossible to use any sort of symptom or physical sign to identify fertile/infertile times. The medication artificially stimulates certain hormones so that I have the full symptoms of fertility at all times. I was eventually told by every expert I sought, that in my case my only morally acceptable options were:

Stop taking the medication, use NFP and hope my cancer doesn’t come back.

Keep taking the medication and abstain completely for five years or more while on this medicine.

Neither one is something I have the courage or strength to take on right now.

I’ve been involved in many prolife and NFP activities in my parish. The rejection and judgement I’ve recieved from people in these groups, after I shared my struggles, makes me feel completely unwelcome in the Church any more. After 18 years of faithful obedience and now during a time of horrific crisis, I’m told that I’m a Cafeteria Catholic and a hypocrite. I’m not welcome at the table of the Eucharist because we use contraception. I feel like maybe this is God’s way of telling me that I should join a different Church - one that can accept me, even during this struggle.

I attended a graduation ceremony at a Lutheran church a few weeks ago and I felt such peace - hearing the liturgy, being in a place of worship and knowing that I would be accepted and cared for there, even in spite of my weakness. At my Church I’m excluded and rejected. And, although it hurts, I can see their point. If I am not going to play by the rules, why stay on the team?

Thanks again for listening.

My mother is going through something similar. She too has to take her pills. Shes on her 3rd year I believe. But her struggle is not nearly as hard because she got her ovaries removed as well. Now correct me if I’m wrong, but It seems to me that you wan’t to leave the Church because of other’s Judgement. In that case, meditate upon Jesus’s actions. He carried on with his mission is spite of oposition which he had from many. All of the harsh judgements against him. Pray that you may have the courage and the strenghth to preservere as he did. I hope this helps.

 

[Island_Oak]

I am not about to give anyone advice about whether or not to use contraception. I will say that God is a merciful God and that He has provided us with a Church where sinners are welcome. You may feel unwelcome because of the judgements which many posters are going to pass on your behavior. You can only do the best that you can and not give up the struggle for perfection, but for heavens sake, leave the church because you are a sinner? That’s crazy because even if you leave your conscience will still tell you what is right to strive for. One thing that most people who read Paul VI’s encyclical don’t usually bring up is that he knew that for many people it would be a struggle. The Church is there to help those who struggle, not condemn them. There is much that is offered the, Sacraments, the Mass, the prayer, forgiveness , renewed strength so don’t throw it away. Paul VI never said that those who struggled would not sin, but he did offer medicine to help and support. God is always with those who fall, repent, get up again, and who may well fall again.

Great post. All I can add is that if you managed NFP for 18 years…that’s already far more commitment and sacrifice than many professed Catholics ever attempt, much less succeed at doing. Don’t let the nay-sayers and stone-throwers drive you away. Keep your eyes focused on the cross and the love and peace that it is meant to symbolize for us still in the struggle. No one can truly disown their family, heritage, traditions and history–and for you, a significant part of all that includes the Catholic Church. Sincere prayers for your renewed health and that you may know and feel the assurance that God loves you unwaveringly in this turmoil and wants to keep you close.

 

[Hatter]

I;m sorry to hear that you are leaving the church. But I understand that you feel rejected and unhappy about how people have been treating you through this difficult time. All I can say is that the church consists of people…and people aren’t perfect. Even priests aren’t perfect. I myself have often thought about leaving the church, but I must confess that I’m not too keen on the lutheran church. In Sweden the lutheran church has the attitude “everything goes”. The Catholic church may have its problems but it is a steadfast world church that keeps its principles. I think that is more important than the individual.

But even protestants go to heaven

 

[mchium]

I’ve been involved in many prolife and NFP activities in my parish. The rejection and judgement I’ve recieved from people in these groups, after I shared my struggles, makes me feel completely unwelcome in the Church any more. After 18 years of faithful obedience and now during a time of horrific crisis, I’m told that I’m a Cafeteria Catholic and a hypocrite. I’m not welcome at the table of the Eucharist because we use contraception. I feel like maybe this is God’s way of telling me that I should join a different Church - one that can accept me, even during this struggle.

I attended a graduation ceremony at a Lutheran church a few weeks ago and I felt such peace - hearing the liturgy, being in a place of worship and knowing that I would be accepted and cared for there, even in spite of my weakness. At my Church I’m excluded and rejected. And, although it hurts, I can see their point. If I am not going to play by the rules, why stay on the team?

Thanks again for listening.

Hello - Someone already mentioned the miracle working Paul VI institute, and you’ve indicated that you’ve been all over the place regarding professionals, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to just give you this website link : popepaulvi.com/

Personally, my heart is breaking for you. What strikes me is the fidelity and love with which you have lived your faith in your mother, the Church. It must seem especially cruel now, to feel ignored or cast out by that same mother, when you seem to need her most. It’s no wonder your experience at the Luthern church helped you emotionally.

I have been through a severe trauma, myself, in years past, and it affected my faith and ‘Catholicity’ the same as yours are being affected now, I do know how you feel on many levels.

As someone has said here already - if you believe the Catholic Church/faith is the ONE, Holy and Apostolic faith, in your heart you know you have no choice - not really (for me, that made it even worse).

Leaving won’t solve anything; it will add more guilt and burden to your already broken heart and crushed soul. It may ‘feel’ good or better at first, but you know what you know and that will always be there.

Especially if you are not leaving because you no longer believe, but are leaving because you feel like YOU were abandoned :crying: . If you leave, you will feel even more pain…you will feel abandoned, and betrayed and on top of that, after awhile, totally cut off from all “life” and all you need - it’s what I did and I have never felt so empty and ‘dead’ in my life. So, please! please! keep considering just a little longer…don’t actually leave yet.

If you’re like me, you also have a lot of anger at God. It is HIS Church, after all and what about all His promises to take care of us and to provide and to be compassionate (cause none of this is your fault! You are a victim, you are the lost sheep, the blind man, the sick child, dying) and where is this loving Shepherd, the Divine Physician…where is just the comfort of a loving God to strengthen you and hold you up?

I know how this all feels, and more - so you can PM me if you’d like so I won’t dump all over this thread.

You mentioned that if you can’t play by the rules, why stay on the team? Our team is not a perfect team. Lots of us are NOT playing by the rules…at least not all the time and not in all ways…but there’s no other team ! and the only perfect players were Jesus and Mary.

You are suffering; you are confused; you are hurt, bigtime…you are struggling with how to live the rest of your life and in addition you are struggling with a deadly disease and are adjusting to recovery from major surgery!! Good grief!!

Don’t make a huge decision like this now, in this state…and realize that you are ALLOWED to be in pain and suffer and be beside yourself and casting about hopelessly WHILE ON THE TEAM!! I’m on the team with you; so are all the others here and millions around the world. We struggle with sin (yes, even purposeful sin and big sin ) and confusion and all the rest and we’re with you.

You are in Gethsemane…or maybe you are even on the hill…nailed to the cross and can’t get off, even to think clearly for a minute…don’t make this decision in Gethsemane or from the cross. Nothing bad will happen to you if you stay in the Church while you work on this. Stay with us, please!

If I can be of help, get in touch. I will be praying as fervently as I can for you…hang in there … God is not finished yet and is close…very close… I know you don’t feel that, but it doesn’t change the fact.

I am so sorry…know that prayers are storming heaven for your release from this terrible trial…:grouphug: :console: