"Those Catholic Women Who Use Contraception" (an account about some Catholic women)

[RedSoxWife]

I have a feeling that if, on Sunday, our priest got up and said:

1. Contraception is always gravely wrong. Period. There are no exceptions at all. No, not even for you who might die if you got pregnant. If you’re using it, or have used it in the past and not confessed it, you should not be accepting communion.

and

1. Your marriage is forever and infidelity is not an automatic “out.” Even if you are divorced, you are not free to date and certainly not to remarry until you have the Decree of Nullity in your hands.

The pews would be EMPTY the next week.

Our priest teaches stuff like this every single week… and the seats are full… and the Church is bustling with little kids. It might be shocking to those who’ve never heard it before (I was confirmed and didn’t know contraception was wrong and boy was I shocked when I found it when I was reading on my own), but I think at least some would, as I was, still be grateful to know the truth on what the Church teaches.

 

[maximus]

I feel like such a terrible hypocrite with our (now) adult children. I have made a point to talk about how children are a blessing. And they know the teachings of the Church. But I have never confessed to them what I did. I have confessed this sin, as has my H. I wish I didn’t ever have to tell them what I did.

My only hope is that they will understand and forgive my terrible ignorance of something that I learned about too late.

God Bless all of you whom God allowed by Grace to find out this grave sin before you’d done something permanent!

You are not a hypocrite, you are an inspiration!

God Bless

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Guess what, guys?? :newidea:

Father used today’s Gospel passage about Jesus and Simon Peter to bring up allowing God to decide how many children we should have!!! WOW was I surprised!!

It came up in the context of Jesus asking us to do things that we consider crazy, like going out onto the sea to cast the nets when Simon Peter and the others were tired and KNEW there couldn’t be any fish. Then they get out there and the nets almost break from the catch! That is how God wants to bless us! Father used the example of how many children we think we can handle, v. how many God gives us. As in, the world thinks we’re crazy for having more than 2.2 children, but God puts no such limits on how many blessings he will send us.

I was sitting there in the pew thinking, “Oh, my gosh, he IS going to say it!” And he did!!!

Yay Father!!! (This is at the orthodox church, just love it!)

:bowdown2:

 

[Rose71]

Amazing!

I’ve been thinking about this thread a lot and I think it shows something else too:

That the Church does let women down sometimes, but in totally the opposite way to the way radical feminists and liberal-thinkers claim in does!

Opponents of the Church point to not allowing woman ‘control’ of their fertiliy and the celebration and appreciation of the 2 different genders offered by Catholic teaching as great wrongs.

Actually, the real way the Church can sometimes let women down is that it doesn’t quite follow through with the last bit: the appreciation that man and woman are different.

We respond differently to correction and criticism. I know there are exceptions, but by and large, we women take things to heart more and worry more. That’s why the media makes a fortune out of women’s magazines and not men’s! We are more vulnerable and open to suggestion which is the price we pay for being more intuitive and nurturing too.

 

[Phemie]

THANK YOU. this teaching is something that is very difficult to accept and follow if it is suddenly sprung on you in your 30s, like "Oh by the way, your entire view of sex and sexuality is wrong. The way you have been living your entire married life is wrong. If you follow this teaching you are most likely going to have half the sex and twice the number of kids than you are used to/comfortable with. The way you have been living your life for 15 years is gravely immoral. Stop it. "

No wonder the pews would be empty. This needs to be a part of our FORMATION so that we understand what is expected of us before we even enter into a sexual relationship. It is a MINDSET. It is a LIFESTYLE. And it is HARD. Learning about it later can even cause problems between husbands and wives. Why are NFP and TOB and HV classes not a part of every pre-cana program? This needs to be preached about and taught to every single Catholic so that we are raised into it all along. It really can shake your faith otherwise and it is irresponsible of pastors to try and keep the pews full by avoiding the tough issues.

Marriage preparation varies greatly from diocese to diocese and from parish to parish.

In our parish, over the last 13 years or so, the couple is handed a work book, sent home and they can call the priest for a meeting after each chapter or after they’ve completed the entire book. Their marriage ‘preparation’ may consist of a workbook and a 45 minute chat. That’s it.

Birth Control/NFP is never brought up. One former pastor even told me point blank that he told a family preparing to have their grandchild aborted because their daughter has FASD that they had to do what was best for the family. Do you think he ever told a couple that ABC was wrong? Of course not, he made a point of saying that he agrees with the Winnipeg Statement 110%.

I see things like NFP training available in other dioceses but there is no such thing in ours. We live in a relatively isolated town and in my parish there are probably two women who know about NFP, yours truly and a woman in her late 60s who was taught the SERENA method 40 years ago. She was trained over the phone at the time, by someone 1000 miles away and she still treats it as something hush-hush that she can’t do more than whisper about. I know about it and generally what it consists of but I’ve never had any reason to take the training because by the time I stumbled upon it, I didn’t need it.

When I suggested to a couple of pastors that we should be looking into offering the training to couples their reaction was a smirk. They don’t believe in NFP, how will they ever convince couples that it’s in their best interest?

 

[LaSainte]

Marriage preparation varies greatly from diocese to diocese and from parish to parish.

In our parish, over the last 13 years or so, the couple is handed a work book, sent home and they can call the priest for a meeting after each chapter or after they’ve completed the entire book. Their marriage ‘preparation’ may consist of a workbook and a 45 minute chat. That’s it.

Birth Control/NFP is never brought up. One former pastor even told me point blank that he told a family preparing to have their grandchild aborted because their daughter has FASD that they had to do what was best for the family. Do you think he ever told a couple that ABC was wrong? Of course not, he made a point of saying that he agrees with the Winnipeg Statement 110%.

I see things like NFP training available in other dioceses but there is no such thing in ours. We live in a relatively isolated town and in my parish there are probably two women who know about NFP, yours truly and a woman in her late 60s who was taught the SERENA method 40 years ago. She was trained over the phone at the time, by someone 1000 miles away and she still treats it as something hush-hush that she can’t do more than whisper about. I know about it and generally what it consists of but I’ve never had any reason to take the training because by the time I stumbled upon it, I didn’t need it.

When I suggested to a couple of pastors that we should be looking into offering the training to couples their reaction was a smirk. They don’t believe in NFP, how will they ever convince couples that it’s in their best interest?

Wow.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

Guess what, guys?? :newidea:

Father used today’s Gospel passage about Jesus and Simon Peter to bring up allowing God to decide how many children we should have!!! WOW was I surprised!!

It came up in the context of Jesus asking us to do things that we consider crazy, like going out onto the sea to cast the nets when Simon Peter and the others were tired and KNEW there couldn’t be any fish. Then they get out there and the nets almost break from the catch! That is how God wants to bless us! Father used the example of how many children we think we can handle, v. how many God gives us. As in, the world thinks we’re crazy for having more than 2.2 children, but God puts no such limits on how many blessings he will send us.

I was sitting there in the pew thinking, “Oh, my gosh, he IS going to say it!” And he did!!!

Yay Father!!! (This is at the orthodox church, just love it!)

:bowdown2:

Wow!! Awesome! Even some NFP accepting people have trouble realizing that we need to trust in God to help us out.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

I haven’t read all the responses, but it seems that many of the responses mention not knowing the true Church teaching.

That wasn’t the case for me. I believe learning about it in Religion class, when we studied the Baltimore Catechism, in 7th and 8th grade. I’m only 43, but our Monsignor and our Principal were older, orthodox, and stern and that’s what we learned.

My religion teacher, though, was not a trained religion teacher, she was a lay Catholic, who would give her opinions that dissented from the Catechism. I’ll give an example, when discussing abortion, we were discussing rape. 13 year old girls are somewhat animated people, so some were getting all agitated, what would a rape victim do? The teacher said that the Church permitted abortion in cases of health of the mother, and mental health counted as health. (she must have gotten confused with Doe v Bolton )

As I got older, I went to Catholic HS and Catholic University. I knew about the Rhythm method I guess at 12/13. I learned that ABC’s were against the Church in HS and in College.

But with all that knowledge…my soul didn’t hear. I spent ages 14 to 34 in an almost constant state of mortal sin. I stopped attending Mass regularly at 14. I think in all those years perhaps I went to confession maybe 5 or 6 times. During this time, I read lots of fashion magazines, and secular things. I even read a novel about a woman who was told to not have any more children, because she would die. She was put on the pill, but her teen-aged daughter was sexually active, stole the pills. Mom became pregnant and sadly she died. So I thought it was responsible to use ABC’s.

DH and I waited to consummate our marriage, until after we were married. In retrospect, it was more of a cultural decision, than a decision to conform to God’s teaching. We are both Sicilian American, and we had the idea that, “nice girl’s wait” I was a nice girl, so I waited.
Men on the other hand, “had to do what they had to do.” I would have liked to marry a virgin as well…but that didn’t happen.

We got married in the Church, did pre-cana, again learned that it was wrong. I guess we didn’t pay attention. We used ABC’s from the beginning, first condoms and spermicides and then the Pill, for 2 reasons…it would regulate my irregular cycles and condoms wouldn’t work long term.

All this with DH having a close friendship with not one but 2 priests. (I’m not sure that they knew) DH started to get called to the Church before me…and started seeing his friend the priest regularly. We were finally challenged, “When are you gonna stop using what you are using.”

I was obstinate…what do you mean we need to limit how much “together time” we have? It took about a year for me to get on board. I was 34…we gave them up to try for a second child. She was conceived pretty quickly. First child was planned-- first go off the pill, then use condoms for a cycle to get the hormones out of your system, then start trying.

So my long rambling post is to show we need knowledge of Church teaching, but we also need the spiritual grace to follow it. Especially when the world tells you it’s irresponsible to not use ABC.'s

 

[The_Bucket]

So my long rambling post is to show we need knowledge of Church teaching, but we also need the spiritual grace to follow it. Especially when the world tells you it’s irresponsible to not use ABC.'s

This! For the first time in a long time it now takes real courage to be authentically Christian in the West. It’s nothing new; our ancestors in faith were persecuted far more harshly. But with the Church losing its grip over Western culture, it becomes tougher for the rank and file to stay true. Fear not! The Holy Spirit can indeed win over all if we are willing to open our hearts. I think there is a great re-awakening going on but this kind of thing takes a lot of time. We have to clear out the garbage in our own community (which we’ve finally been doing after decades of ignoring it) and hopefully our next Holy Father will continue the trends BXVI put in place of reinvigorating the faith and being as transparent as possible. Letting the rest of the world know that even those in authority in our Church does not weaken the faith, it actually strengthens it.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

:

So my long rambling post is to show we need knowledge of Church teaching, but we also need the spiritual grace to follow it. Especially when the world tells you it’s irresponsible to not use ABC.'s

Yes, it’s definitely counter-cultural! If Catholics think they can follow God’s way without standing out in the crowd, they are in delusion. We have to teach our kids just how weird they are going to be when they follow their faith. We need to give them the strength and the foundation to STAND through all of the world’s ridicule. They have to know WHY we do what we do, and then be able to LIVE IT, joyfully and proudly, facing the scorn and laughing in its face.

 

[srhtech]

This! For the first time in a long time it now takes real courage to be authentically Christian in the West. It’s nothing new; our ancestors in faith were persecuted far more harshly. But with the Church losing its grip over Western culture, it becomes tougher for the rank and file to stay true. Fear not! The Holy Spirit can indeed win over all if we are willing to open our hearts. I think there is a great re-awakening going on but this kind of thing takes a lot of time. We have to clear out the garbage in our own community (which we’ve finally been doing after decades of ignoring it) and hopefully our next Holy Father will continue the trends BXVI put in place of reinvigorating the faith and being as transparent as possible. Letting the rest of the world know that even those in authority in our Church does not weaken the faith, it actually strengthens it.

Interesting, I would think the idea would be to educate the “garbage” rather than banish them or it not sure how you would like to reference the human aspect of this garbage. However when you being to give sermon to empty pews, these are the types of opinions that must be must be reflected upon.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Interesting, I would think the idea would be to educate the “garbage” rather than banish them or it not sure how you would like to reference the human aspect of this garbage. However when you being to give sermon to empty pews, these are the types of opinions that must be must be reflected upon.

The poster did not mean that any humans are garbage, just that there is wrong thinking within the Church and we must root it out and work to change it, and keep asserting the TRUTH of Christ and courageously confront the issues within our faith. ALL of us have to do this, every day, when we hear heresy right in front of us. Not to back down and take the easy road and not say anything, but confront it with love, as we would weed our gardens, we need to weed out the heresy and heterodoxy within our beloved Church.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

It’s been my experience that more non-Catholics know about the no birth control teaching than Catholics do. There have been many times where I’ve mentioned it to a Catholic my age and they were shocked. Most of them think it’s either an old teaching that’s been abandoned or they don’t know that it ever existed to start with.

 

[Serap]

Many Catholic men and women dismiss this as an outdated demand by the Catholic Church.

It urks me that we only mention the women in this. Many men support their wives using ABC as well.

 

[silentfactor80]

Many Catholic men and women dismiss this as an outdated demand by the Catholic Church.

It urks me that we only mention the women in this. Many men support their wives using ABC as well.

That is because society thinks men can’t understand women’s issues because we don’t have the same equipment. Men want to learn about women and I think we are the more curious half of the species but we always get dismissed on “women’s issues.”

 

[The_Bucket]

That is because society thinks men can’t understand women’s issues because we don’t have the same equipment. Men want to learn about women and I think we are the more curious half of the species but we always get dismissed on “women’s issues.”

That and apparently men are only interested in no-strings sex and of course there would never be an objection from a man whose woman wanted to use ABC! We’re all sex-obsessed dogs who are just looking out for our own fleshly pleasure.

 

[RedSparklyShoes]

In our marriage prep, we were told (by a Msgr) that condoms were okay. It never really sat well with me, but went along with it. I eventually managed to half convince my husband that “trust me, I know my body, I know when I’m fertile” and taught him how to read the chart I’d been doing for years (learned sympto-thermal method to figure out I had ovarian cysts). But we still used condoms at fertile times.

It was really weighing heavily on my heart and almost any time we used a condom, I would pray it would fail. On top of that, nearly every single month, one or other of us was getting horribly sick during fertile times and we weren’t having relations anyways. I finally sat down with my husband and told him I couldn’t do this anymore and I wanted to go full out NFP. Almost instantly, our libidos aligned. And, since we abstain twice a month (during bleeding and fertile), it’s like having mini honeymoons every month.

I was sharing some of this with the RCIA director (our first private meeting after the NFP talk) and she wanted to know if it had changed my mind or not and I shared that it was not my mind that needed changing, it was his. She said we (the Church) sure needed to do a better job of teaching our own.

 

[RedSparklyShoes]

Just wanting to add too, last month, when he finally came around to wanting to have a child instead of waiting, a friend of mine asked if I was going to “plan an oops”.

I can’t do that…because he knows how to read the chart which means he knows when I’m fertile too. For that to happen, I’d have to chart incorrectly and then it wouldn’t be a “planned oops” since I’d get confused.

Men CAN and SHOULD learn how to read their wife’s chart.

 

[Serap]

Just wanting to add too, last month, when he finally came around to wanting to have a child instead of waiting, a friend of mine asked if I was going to “plan an oops”.

I can’t do that…because he knows how to read the chart which means he knows when I’m fertile too. For that to happen, I’d have to chart incorrectly and then it wouldn’t be a “planned oops” since I’d get confused.

Men CAN and SHOULD learn how to read their wife’s chart.

Yes, men are not stupid or squeamish thinking of a woman’s cervix and uterus

 

[silentfactor80]

That and apparently men are only interested in no-strings sex and of course there would never be an objection from a man whose woman wanted to use ABC! We’re all sex-obsessed dogs who are just looking out for our own fleshly pleasure.

Some men are that, not all! The problem many guys have not been taught from when they are young how to approach and treat a woman. We can pontificate all we like as to why that is but the fact remains that ignorance is the problem. You also have to realize that these days men are forbidden from even discussing the issue of birth control with women. Ever hear the “war on women?” Men were reminded on daily basis that birth control is a woman’s business. The same goes with abortion. Maybe men would take more pride in women if we were allowed to share in the issues.