- Status
P
PaulinVA
Guest
Nope, not at all. Everything is interrelated, but, while maturity helps in dating, experience in dating is also important when you are dating as an older person.
I agree that all of our experiences are factors in our maturation., in our growing up.
P
PHSshamrock
Guest
The heart wrenching high school breakups can set the pattern for divorce in the future. Think about it- if you date all through highschool, and breakup whenever it gets hard what type of relationship are you training yourself for: marriage or divorce?
P
PHSshamrock
Guest
That point seems to rely on the assumption that teens are going to make bad choices/rebel once they are out of their parent’s grasp. That could happen, if parents placed rules before their kids with no explanations throughout their childhood. However, if parents explain to kids WHY they want them to wait until they are older to date, and the kids agree with their parents’ reasoning, I don’t see any reason why waiting to date would have a bad effect. It can reduce heartbreak, drama, and temptation from young immature relationships. It also sets a standard for dating: this isn’t just something I’m doing to have fun, but rather is a choice made to better myself and look for a future spouse. Since most people don’t get married until mid-twenties or later, any highschool relationship is going to end in breakup. Waiting until college, etc. gives those relationships a chance.
T
TheRealJuliane
Guest
Yes, and heartbreaks, while poignant, also lead to scar tissue being built up against future heartbreaks. I think it’s cruel to encourage that sort of pain upon young teens, who are usually quite insecure and filled with self-doubts. They don’t even know who THEY are, let alone how to develop a relationship. I believe that the way this society does “dating” is intrinsically dysfunctional. JMO, of course.
T
thewanderer
Guest
It can also increase experience in how to deal with these issues and help the teenager to mature in these areas. In fact the only way the teenager will ever gain experience on how to deal with heartbreak and temptation etc is by dealing with it. Also, dating and breaking up with multiple people is often very instrumental in teaching people what characteristics they should avoid in others as well as what characteristics they really can’t handle in a partner. Look, I’m not saying there is no value to waiting until you are older to start dating. I only ever went on one date before I went to college and I’ve turned out just fine. But there is a valid argumnt to be made for younger dating as well. Personally, I think it is something which depends entirely on the people involved. For some people it will be overall a good experience and for others it will be overall a bad experience. Its ultimately a judgement call for the parents to make, but they should keep in mind that there is no one ideology which is going to fit every kid or every situation.
ETA: Also, I just wanted to clarify that this point does not rely on the assumption that they will make bad decisions when they are older, just that they could have an easier time dealing with the mess that is romantic dating if they have their parents around to help guide them. Its a mess whether you are young or old and it doesn’t matter how good your principles are if you don’t have enough experience to tell a real good guy from a bad guy who is pretending to be a good guy until he gets what he wants. Lots of people, even those with good principles, cave under pressure. Why not help your kids get the experience they need to tell the difference while under your care and you can still guide them instead of leaving them to do it all on their own?
P
PaulinVA
Guest
I don’t buy this at all.
EVERY romantic relationship with the oposite sex ends in breakup until you marry.
T
The_Bucket
Guest
15 for my son.
Never for my daughters.
Never for my daughters.
C
Cat
Guest
I know you’re joking, but I can guarantee you that to your daughters, this isn’t funny. Unless they are little, they are probably feeling a little panicked inside, even though they would never admit this to you or even to themselves. They don’t want you to get mad at them.
But if you persist with this approach, eventually your daughters will run away from you.
They are created to want to grow up and becomes wives and mothers. There’s nothing wrong with that. You should be encouraging them to grow up, if not through dating, then through some other method that I’m not sure exists, but that you and others on this thread must know about.
Role-modeling is certainly one way to encourage them, but it doesn’t give your daughters practical experience determining what traits they admire and dislike in boys and men.
K
KendraDZ1902
Guest
A
aspirant
Guest
I agree. That “training for divorce” argument is irrational nonsense. It’s the kind of thing that members of that creepy and heretical Sovereign Grace Ministries say (e.g. Joshua Harris).
K
klm120861
Guest
My son is 16. My personal theory, he can begin dating once he is 30 and married to a nice Catholic girl. 
Just kidding. If he wants to meet a girl at a school dance, that’s okay. If he wants to double-date, etc, that’s okay, too. Right now he needs to focus on his school, rather than “being in love”. That might change if he actually had a girl he wanted to take out, but considering he has no job yet and doesn’t drive…I think he’s content with group activities for now. I didn’t date until I was nearly 18, just because I didn’t have time and was focused on other things. Considering I have been married almost 30 years, I think I did okay. And I didn’t marry a “good Catholic boy”, either. But then I wasn’t Catholic, so why would I?
Kris
Just kidding. If he wants to meet a girl at a school dance, that’s okay. If he wants to double-date, etc, that’s okay, too. Right now he needs to focus on his school, rather than “being in love”. That might change if he actually had a girl he wanted to take out, but considering he has no job yet and doesn’t drive…I think he’s content with group activities for now. I didn’t date until I was nearly 18, just because I didn’t have time and was focused on other things. Considering I have been married almost 30 years, I think I did okay. And I didn’t marry a “good Catholic boy”, either. But then I wasn’t Catholic, so why would I?Kris
T
The_Bucket
Guest
My daughters are four and one month from being born. Suffice to say they are undisturbed at my jest. I will encourage them to start exploring their vocations at around 15. If that means a religious life, great. If it means motherhood, also great.
I think the posters who talk about growing up together are closest to being on the money. I have no problem with one on one dates at 16. I’ll just enforce strict curfews for all my kids and know that even close supervision won’t stop immoral behavior. I will leave it in God’s hands.
P
pnewton
Guest
I am not going to set any rules or dates in advanced. I am going to (and already have) started teaching sexuality and chastity. When a situation a rises, it will be examined on the merit of the event, the amount of supervision, free time, etc., balanced against the age and maturity of my son. My older son did not date until he left home. My older daughter did. My young son is yet to be determined. As he still talks about maybe being a priest, I will cross the dating bridge when it comes.
R
Rose74
Guest
Dating or relationships? Casual, group dating at 16. Relationships- would be when the person is thinking about marriage. That age could vary between 20 and older.
N
novelista
Guest
I started dating at 14. My daughter is 13. I cannot imagine her dating in another year! Maybe I was just more mature? Who knows.
I told her she could date at 16. I might let her go out in a group at 15… time will tell. I am trying to emphasize with her that education is most important right now, and that she doesn’t want to get bogged down with a boyfriend when she has so much other stuff to do first.
I told her she could date at 16. I might let her go out in a group at 15… time will tell. I am trying to emphasize with her that education is most important right now, and that she doesn’t want to get bogged down with a boyfriend when she has so much other stuff to do first.
G
GEddie
Guest
I think that is the key.
The general culture sees the teenage years as a time of nonending dances, flirting and other romantic activity, but there are so many other factors to that time period, that no one really needs the entanglement of a relationship.
I stand by what I said earlier. No “couple” activity until over 17. There will be time for that in adulthood.
ICXC NIKA
T
TheRealJuliane
Guest
Our younger son blew off studying to get immersed in a relationship, and that cost him admission to the college he wanted to attend. He now knows the trap of getting involved with a romance in high school, but it came at a tremendous cost to him.
D
Debora123
Guest
Once your child is 18/19 years old and away in college, I don’t think you’ll have much of a say in whether or not she/he is allowed to have a relationship lol. Just saying.
C
Cat
Guest
So he has “ministry” now?!
I can’t believe the power that this man has over people. He exploits the fear of parents.
His books are full of holes. I can’t believe that Evangelical Protestants fall for them.
Obviously, we have some personal experiences with Harris that were awful for our family. I condemn his outright and urge all other Christians to stay away from his “ministry.”
- Status