TIPS/ADVICE for a SUCCESSFUL marriage? =)

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wholeneworld13

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Getting married in 6 months…little hesitant! Young 21 year old! Any advice or unforeseen circumstances you’d like to share I’m all ears 😉
 
Always remember that when you get married your spouse always comes before your family of origin. Many couples have trouble with that early on because it can be tricky. For 21 years your instinct has been to do what your family wants and what will make them happy. In one day that ends and your instinct has to be to do what will make your spouse happy-even if it upsets your parents or siblings.

A lot of young couples have issues in the beginning with that one.
 
Have lots of discussions about the future – NOW. You need to be sure you’re both in agreement about finances (one of the leading causes of divorce, if not #1), how to raise & discipline children, where you see your careers going, dealing with in-laws, what kind of house you want eventually, do you want pets (yes, I’m serious, talk about it) . . . Everything you can think of, talk about now.
 
I agree with BlueEyedLady. That is what caused the most problems early on in our marriage. I would say communication is key and work things out early on. So many couples end up keeping things in and not working them out and then building bitterness. Also warning there will be little things about what your spouse does around the house that will drive you CRAZY! Little things like leaving their shirts on the floor next to the hamper, or not putting down the toilette seat, how they wash the dishes differently, or leaving piles of paperwork around the house. Just remember they grew up in a different house that did things a different way. In time you two will develop your own way.
 
Never go to sleep angry with your spouse. Understand that it will take years to get to really know your spouse. Hug and kiss your spouse frequently and tell them that you love them.

Peace

Tim
 
Excellent tips from those above for you. Another to discuss is individual/shared use of social media and devices, especially the internet either on a computer/laptop or via cellphone/tablets/etc… Am thinking of examples of cases where one of the spouses texts a former girlfriend/boyfriend (sometimes while in same room as spouse) , Facebook flirting with others, and pornography access/use. Always best to discuss possible problematic areas ahead of time to hopefully avoid future difficulties.
Have fun as you plan your wedding day! May Our Dear Lord be with you always in the days and years ahead - in your hearts and in your home. Marriages can bring so much joy, and if you keep Him close always, any sorrows will be rendered bearable through His love.
 
Don’t make a big deal out of things that don’t have to be a big deal.
 
Excellent advice thus far! Thanks Catholic forum! Keep it comin’ 👍 haha jk
 
When we’re young, we think that love is a great wonderful attraction between parents and kids. Love means we get things from those we love.

When we’re young adults, we think that love may be some kind of gooey sexual attraction. Love means our constant urges must be satisfied.

When we’re middle aged, we start to learn that love is all about self - sacrifice, and that includes a lot of times when the person we are self-sacrificing for could care less about our self-sacrifice for them.

When we are old, we learn that love is really about valuing the things of the next world infinitely more than the things of this world, and that heartfelt prayer to God is what love is all about…
catholicbible101.com/whatislove.htm
 
TrixieMcGee said:
I agree with BlueEyedLady. That is what caused the most problems early on in our marriage. I would say communication is key and work things out early on. So many couples end up keeping things in and not working them out and then building bitterness. Also warning there will be little things about what your spouse does around the house that will drive you CRAZY! Little things like leaving their shirts on the floor next to the hamper, or not putting down the toilette seat, how they wash the dishes differently, or leaving piles of paperwork around the house. Just remember they grew up in a different house that did things a different way. In time you two will develop your own way.
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I have to continually remind myself that there are things that I do which drive my husband crazy… 😉

Also, if he’s not in a great mood, just back off, and hopefully he will do the same for you. My husband and I have avoided many a fight by picking our times for discussion wisely. Unfortunately, we had to learn that the hard way :o

Don’t expect perfection, either. I knew two “perfect” couples and wished things could be like that here, but then I heard each couple was getting divorced! We never know what is going on behind the public view.
 
I completely agree about finances, my husband & I have a quite different approach to money and we really have talk about it a lot to avoid strife.

Lots of affection goo humour (essential when you have children) and above all communication
 
Get the book, The Velveteen Rabbit and read it together. It is a pretty good metaphor for a marital relationship. Over the years, our eyes ravel, buttons get pulled off, or more likely, pushed, and fur gets thin through all the contact or by being pulled out. But in the end, the rabbit realizes he has become what he always wanted to be, real.

Yes, it is to be found in the childrens section!
 
Discuss things, don’t fight about them. If it won’t be important tomorrow, next week, next year, etc don’t fight about it today. Things are said in anger that can’t be taken back.

May God bless you in your marriage.
 
Go to Church together and follow what the Church teaches on artificial contraception.
The other poster have given some very good advice, especially blue eyed lady. Likewise, do not give into temptation to have sex before you are married. Stay strong and wait and you will be glad you did. I have followed all of the above and still married 26.5+ years.
 
Ohana said:
Get the book, The Velveteen Rabbit and read it together. It is a pretty good metaphor for a marital relationship. Over the years, our eyes ravel, buttons get pulled off, or more likely, pushed, and fur gets thin through all the contact or by being pulled out. But in the end, the rabbit realizes he has become what he always wanted to be, real.

Yes, it is to be found in the childrens section!
Click to expand...
I can’t read that book. Even as an adult it makes me sob.
 
Remember that the spousal relationship is foremost in a marriage even above that of parent-child. Take care of the former and the latter will take care of itself. This is not to suggest that children don’t need the best care you can render, nor that such care is not a great deal of work especially when they are very young. The very best lesson you can teach your children, indeed the very best nourishment you can provide them, is your own example of sacrificial love to one another. It will will make them far less self-centered and more godly people in the end.

Best wishes.
 
Read The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman. This is a fantastic book and I can’t say enough great things about it- the author’s principles are based on years of research and make complete sense. It has helped me tremendously in both recognizing harmful behaviors and in identifying what my husband and I are doing right.

Also, read Three To Get Married by Bishop Fulton Sheen. This is a beautiful discussion of what love really is and of God’s role in your marriage.
 
The most important things in any relationship are communication, honesty, and mutual respect.

Both spouses must no be afraid to to say what is on their mind, and must be receptive to what their partner has to say, regardless of subject matter.

Spouse should not lie to each other. If one spouse does not want to discuss something at a particular point in time, simply state that; don’t lie about it. Lies create distrust and destroy the harmony in a marriage.
 
If at all possible, make sure you are financially independent of both sets of parents. If you must accept loans from parents, make sure the repayment terms are clearly spelled out.

Set clear boundaries with both sets of parents.

Be prepared for some arguments with your spouse in the first year or so about stupid things like the ‘right’ way to load the dishwasher or fold socks. There will be an adjustment period where you guys figure out how you will run your household.

Decide how you are going to divide up your time between the two families for the holidays and let the familiies know ahead of time (don’t let them play tug-of-war over you).

Involve your spouse in all major decisions. Don’t be like my parents: My Mom adopted a cat without consulting my Father, in response to his buying a car without consulting her! (By the way, the result was that they kept the cat, and returned the car…)

Keep spousal confidences between the two of you. Even if you’re accustomed to telling everything to your sister or Aunt Jane, your spouse might not appreciate it.

All I can think of right now…

Congratulations and best wishes!!!
 
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