Tips for a heathly marriage -- your input welcomed

[Tommy999]

Hi everyone,
Tomorrow is my 34th wedding anniversary and it got me to thinking.

I must admit that I got the better end of the deal, but we’ve made it this far and I think she might just keep me after all.

I’d just like to take a moment to ask my friends at CAF to add your tips on a happy, healthy, and long-lasting marriage for the benefit of the younger couples and to even help out the marriages of couples of all ages.

I mention this because when my wife and I we were just starting out, there were many adjustments to be made on both sides and many compromises. It was a lot of work. Marriage isn’t always a bed of roses but when you love each other and commit to work hard at your marriage, it goes a long way, with God’s help.

I’d be honored if you could share your tips for a healthy and long lasting marriage, and feel free to provide additional tips for couples who have been married a long time. Take care and God bless.

 

[Dorothy]

Pray together regularly. The Lord needs to be first in your lives, then each other.

Communicate with one another, sharing your feelings, and making decisions in a mature way.

Never disagree in the way you parent in front of the children. Discuss differences about how to parent in specific situations, when you are together without the children.

 

[HerCrazierHalf]

I’m recently married, but based on looking at the long happy marriages vs others I’ve figured

1. choose wisely and treat kindly (both men & women)

Oddly, besides communication the handful of 30+ year couples I spoke to can’t articulate what secret to their happy marriage is.

 

[LouiseHine]

Hi everyone,
Tomorrow is my 34th wedding anniversary and it got me to thinking.

I must admit that I got the better end of the deal, but we’ve made it this far and I think she might just keep me after all.

I’d just like to take a moment to ask my friends at CAF to add your tips on a happy, healthy, and long-lasting marriage for the benefit of the younger couples and to even help out the marriages of couples of all ages.

I mention this because when my wife and I we were just starting out, there were many adjustments to be made on both sides and many compromises. It was a lot of work. Marriage isn’t always a bed of roses but when you love each other and commit to work hard at your marriage, it goes a long way, with God’s help.

I’d be honored if you could share your tips for a healthy and long lasting marriage, and feel free to provide additional tips for couples who have been married a long time. Take care and God bless.

I read something the other day about a father giving his son a watch and on the back was engraved the phrase “15 seconds a day, and no less.” And when his son asked what it meant, the father said, “kiss your wife for 15 seconds a day, and no less, and you’ll continue to see some of the reasons, and feel the love that made you want to marry her.”
I wonder if this is something that might be useful?

 

[Tommy999]

Pray together regularly. The Lord needs to be first in your lives, then each other.

Communicate with one another, sharing your feelings, and making decisions in a mature way.

Never disagree in the way you parent in front of the children. Discuss differences about how to parent in specific situations, when you are together without the children.

All excellent points, Dorothy. Thanks for sharing them.

Your first one about the Lord needing to be first in our lives reminds me of the following scripture about a rope, with the analogy of the cord of three being God, the husband, and the wife, although I don’t know if that was the original meaning in scripture or not.

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12

I also agree that parents should present a united front when dealing with children in the area of discipline. Very wise. We’ve tried to do that, also.

I must admit, however, that we don’t pray regularly except at meals, so that is a point well taken that I need to work on.

 

[Prodigirl]

I read something the other day about a father giving his son a watch and on the back was engraved the phrase “15 seconds a day, and no less.” And when his son asked what it meant, the father said, “kiss your wife for 15 seconds a day, and no less, and you’ll continue to see some of the reasons, and feel the love that made you want to marry her.”
I wonder if this is something that might be useful?

I can see how this would most certainly be useful to many people!

 

[Tommy999]

I’m recently married, but based on looking at the long happy marriages vs others I’ve figured

1. choose wisely and treat kindly (both men & women)

Oddly, besides communication the handful of 30+ year couples I spoke to can’t articulate what secret to their happy marriage is.

I agree 100%. Choosing wisely is a must, because looks fade over time and there needs to be a lot more depth to the relationship than that. Investing time and energy into the relationship and not taking your spouse for granted are too biggies for me that unfortunately took a little while for me to acquire.

May the Lord richly bless your marriage and congratulations on it!

 

[Tommy999]

I read something the other day about a father giving his son a watch and on the back was engraved the phrase “15 seconds a day, and no less.” And when his son asked what it meant, the father said, “kiss your wife for 15 seconds a day, and no less, and you’ll continue to see some of the reasons, and feel the love that made you want to marry her.”
I wonder if this is something that might be useful?

It is very useful, Lousie, although it’s probably not best to do that after eating dinner that includes onions or garlic. :yup:

So many married couples just give a like token peck sometimes and that to me just doesn’t suffice.

 

[pianistclare]

Hey Tommy!!!

Three to get married.
You, your spouse, and Jesus.
And a well-developed sense of humor.
You can’t take yourself too seriously…everyone has their needs,
and marriage is 100-100. Not 50-50. Waking up each morning with the idea that one can make their partner’s life better today in some way.
Did I mention humor?

 

[Tommy999]

Hey Tommy!!!

Three to get married.
You, your spouse, and Jesus.
And a well-developed sense of humor.
You can’t take yourself too seriously…everyone has their needs,
and marriage is 100-100. Not 50-50. Waking up each morning with the idea that one can make their partner’s life better today in some way.
Did I mention humor?

Hey pianistclare,
I agree wholeheartdedly about the sense of humor aspect and I can attest to the fact that yours is one of the best ones I’ve encountered on CAF :tiphat:

I’ve heard that laughter is good for the soul and also the blood pressure.

Thanks again for sharing your nuggests of wisdom on this thread.

 

[pianistclare]

Hey pianistclare,
I agree wholeheartdedly about the sense of humor aspect and I can attest to the fact that yours is one of the best ones I’ve encountered on CAF :tiphat:

I’ve heard that laughter is good for the soul and also the blood pressure.

Thanks again for sharing your nuggests of wisdowm on this thread.

Well, for a really short old fossil, I have excellent blood pressure!

 

[Usige]

I always think of the fable of the Oak and the Reed. The unyielding oak may seem strong, but it breaks in the storm, while the flexible reed survives.

In my marriage some of the greatest difficulties came when my wife or I would dig in our heals and refuse to bend. By standing strong and refusing to consider the other’s position we actually weakened our marriage in many ways. So for me the key is flexibility. We should be strong in our convictions, but not so stiff that we’d rather break then bend.

 

[Tommy999]

I always think of the fable of the Oak and the Reed. The unyielding oak may seem strong, but it breaks in the storm, while the flexible reed survives.

In my marriage some of the greatest difficulties came when my wife or I would dig in our heals and refuse to bend. By standing strong and refusing to consider the other’s position we actually weakened our marriage in many ways. So for me the key is flexibility. We should be strong in our convictions, but not so stiff that we’d rather break then bend.

Wow, great analogy, Usige. So very true. I hadn’t thought of it that way before. Awesome.

 

[Petersprincess1]

I’m only married 10 years, but it was difficult in the beginning. I didn’t understand the concept of loving my husband unconditionally. But then I saw the movie “Fireproof” and decided to do the “love dare” for my husband, and it taught me that I need to make a conscience choice to love him unconditionally, whereas before, my love was based on whether or not he did something to make me angry. I would go for days without speaking to him, the poor guy. But now I know that I can be upset or angry, but that doesn’t mean I stop loving him. Just as I love my children regardless of what they do, I truly now love my husband regardless of what he does. And he really is a good man. I am thankful he was patient enough with me until I learned that. So my advice, the day you get married, you are making the conscience choice to love your spouse unconditionally, not based on whether or not they make you happy every day.

 

[Beryllos]

You need to say three little words to your spouse, sincerely and often…

“You’re right, dear!”

​

 

[Tommy999]

I’m only married 10 years, but it was difficult in the beginning. I didn’t understand the concept of loving my husband unconditionally. But then I saw the movie “Fireproof” and decided to do the “love dare” for my husband, and it taught me that I need to make a conscience choice to love him unconditionally, whereas before, my love was based on whether or not he did something to make me angry. I would go for days without speaking to him, the poor guy. But now I know that I can be upset or angry, but that doesn’t mean I stop loving him. Just as I love my children regardless of what they do, I truly now love my husband regardless of what he does. And he really is a good man. I am thankful he was patient enough with me until I learned that. So my advice, the day you get married, you are making the conscience choice to love your spouse unconditionally, not based on whether or not they make you happy every day.

Thanks for sharing your personal experience, Petersprincess1. I’m glad to hear you learned unconditional love relatively early on. Sometimes it takes folks several years to learn what you did, that is – if they learn it at all.

I’ve also seen the Fireproof movie and liked it a lot. It even brought me to tears near the end, I must admit.

 

[robwar]

Hi everyone,
Tomorrow is my 34th wedding anniversary and it got me to thinking.

I must admit that I got the better end of the deal, but we’ve made it this far and I think she might just keep me after all.

I’d just like to take a moment to ask my friends at CAF to add your tips on a happy, healthy, and long-lasting marriage for the benefit of the younger couples and to even help out the marriages of couples of all ages.

I mention this because when my wife and I we were just starting out, there were many adjustments to be made on both sides and many compromises. It was a lot of work. Marriage isn’t always a bed of roses but when you love each other and commit to work hard at your marriage, it goes a long way, with God’s help.

I’d be honored if you could share your tips for a healthy and long lasting marriage, and feel free to provide additional tips for couples who have been married a long time. Take care and God bless.

Tom,
with 34 years and again congradulations on the mile stone, I think you could and should be giving out the advice! I would say after 28 years, going to Church together, sharing the same faith and commitment builds a healthy marriage. I think there is no magic bullet and it is as simple as that!

 

[Tommy999]

You need to say three little words to your spouse, sincerely and often…

“You’re right, dear!”

​

LOL. That goes without saying, Beryllos.

That reminds me of when I worked the midnight shift at my job several years ago and sometimes went to church Sunday morning right after a Saturday night graveyard shift because our church didn’t have the option of going on Saturday nights.

One time I was so tired that I dozed off during the sermon and my wife elbowed me. It was at a time when everyone was quiet and I instinctively awakened very startled and said in a loud voice, “Amen” at a time when it didn’t make any sense to say it. I got a lot of interesting looks and a few chuckles, and my wife was very embarrassed by it all. I later told her that she should’ve left me in peace. We chuckle about it now when we recall it.

 

[Neofight]

Pray together, and for each other
.
Never make decisions unilaterally.

Die to yourself and live for her, as Christ the groom died so his bride, the Church, would live

Remember what is good for her, ultimately is good for you.

 

[cradlecatholic5]

Something my husband and I learned which has helped us immensely: LOVE IS A DECISION