Tips for a heathly marriage -- your input welcomed

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Thanks to all for your great tips. I appreciate them very much. Take care and God bless. :tiphat:
 
Tommy999 said:
Thank you, pensmama87. You stated what I was trying communicate, only you communicated it more clearly and with great examples. I appreciate it very much. 👍
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😊 No problem. I’ve only been married four years, but these lessons have already been learned well (or thunked over the head a few times with it, as it were.)
 
Always remember that if your wife is alone in a forest and tells you to take out the trash and there is nobody around to hear her say it, she is still making that sound . Just take the trash out .
 
Three rules for a happy marriage (in decreasing order of importance):
  1. Pray together and for each other EVERY day. Go to mass. Go to adoration. Spontaneously pray. Pray the rosary. Sing sacred music. Something. Every day.
  2. 10 to 1 rule. Say 10 positive/encouraging things to your spouse (and be genuine and mean them) for every negative thing you say to him/her. Sometimes “negative” feedback (“I don’t like it when you do…”) is necessary in a loving way. But, make sure you say 10 times as many positive and negative things. You can’t think of that many positive things to say to your spouse? You voluntarily decided that out of all the people in the entire universe that was the one person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. You can think of ten positive things to say to that person for every negative one. If you have 10 negative things to say to your spouse in a day, you better get to work on those 100 positive ones.
  3. Read the five love languages and express love to your spouse, every day, in the way they want to be loved, not how you like to love people.
My wife is awesome at all three of these things. I am working to get better. I have the best wife in the world and we have an awesome marriage. God is good!

If you do those three things, you will have a happy, health marriage.
 
phillylawyer said:
Three rules for a happy marriage (in decreasing order of importance):
  1. Pray together and for each other EVERY day. Go to mass. Go to adoration. Spontaneously pray. Pray the rosary. Sing sacred music. Something. Every day.
  2. 10 to 1 rule. Say 10 positive/encouraging things to your spouse (and be genuine and mean them) for every negative thing you say to him/her. Sometimes “negative” feedback (“I don’t like it when you do…”) is necessary in a loving way. But, make sure you say 10 times as many positive and negative things. You can’t think of that many positive things to say to your spouse? You voluntarily decided that out of all the people in the entire universe that was the one person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. You can think of ten positive things to say to that person for every negative one. If you have 10 negative things to say to your spouse in a day, you better get to work on those 100 positive ones.
  3. Read the five love languages and express love to your spouse, every day, in the way they want to be loved, not how you like to love people.
My wife is awesome at all three of these things. I am working to get better. I have the best wife in the world and we have an awesome marriage. God is good!

If you do those three things, you will have a happy, health marriage.
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Very helpful and profound, phillylawyer. I really like the 10 to 1 rule. I will try it.

My wife’s love language is ‘Words of Affirmation’ while she says mine is ‘Acts of Service’.
I wonder how typical that is.
 
Tommy999 said:
Very helpful and profound, phillylawyer. I really like the 10 to 1 rule. I will try it.

My wife’s love language is ‘Words of Affirmation’ while she says mine is ‘Acts of Service’.
I wonder how typical that is.
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When we first got married, my wife was much better at that then I was. I started out with a more modest goal, but worked my way up to 10 to 1 and it has definitely changed our marriage. That and realizing that our love languages are COMPLETELY opposite.

It seems that some couples, in order to try to be a good spouse, try to say, “Ok, I will never say anything negative to my spouse.” But, they get frustrated about things and never mention them and it just blow up. Not healthy. Negative feedback is sometimes necessary. Just make sure the negative feedback is done in a loving way and it is (heavily) outweighed by positive feedback, and you will be fine. 👍
 
phillylawyer said:
When we first got married, my wife was much better at that then I was. I started out with a more modest goal, but worked my way up to 10 to 1 and it has definitely changed our marriage. That and realizing that our love languages are COMPLETELY opposite.

It seems that some couples, in order to try to be a good spouse, try to say, “Ok, I will never say anything negative to my spouse.” But, they get frustrated about things and never mention them and it just blow up. Not healthy. Negative feedback is sometimes necessary. Just make sure the negative feedback is done in a loving way and it is (heavily) outweighed by positive feedback, and you will be fine. 👍
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I like it. Thanks for those insights. That is exactly the kind of tip I was looking for.

Should I top it off with a nice Philly Cheesesteak? 🙂
 
Tommy999 said:
I like it. Thanks for those insights. That is exactly the kind of tip I was looking for.

Should I top it off with a nice Philly Cheesesteak? 🙂
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Yep! 👍

Ever been to philly to have one?

That wouldn’t help my marriage, though. Authentic philly cheesesteaks are made with cheese whiz, and my wife really hates cheese whiz (and, by extension, authentic philly cheesesteaks).
 
phillylawyer said:
Yep! 👍

Ever been to philly to have one?

That wouldn’t help my marriage, though. Authentic philly cheesesteaks are made with cheese whiz, and my wife really hates cheese whiz (and, by extension, authentic philly cheesesteaks).
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I’ve never had the privilege to visit Philly but it’s on my bucket list. I went to DC once on business but never to Philly. I wasn’t aware of the part about cheeze whiz being a key ingredient of an authentic one. The cheesesteaks they make where I live are good but apparently not authentic.

Tonight my wife and I are going to our favorite Irish restaurant for our anniversary. Looking forward to it. Thanks again for the good insights.
 
Tommy999 said:
I’ve never had the privilege to visit Philly but it’s on my bucket list. I went to DC once on business but never to Philly. I wasn’t aware of the part about cheeze whiz being a key ingredient of an authentic one. The cheesesteaks they make where I live are good but apparently not authentic.

Tonight my wife and I are going to our favorite Irish restaurant for our anniversary. Looking forward to it. Thanks again for the good insights.
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Happy anniversary! Thanks for starting the thread. It always good to find out ways to have a happier, healthier marriage. Great topic! 👍
 
Tommy999 said:
All excellent points, Dorothy. Thanks for sharing them.

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12

.
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The second half of this verse was the theme of our wedding and was inscribed on my husbands wedding ring. I am convinced it is what h a s held us together these 29 years when things got rough.
 
AnneTeresa said:
The second half of this verse was the theme of our wedding and was inscribed on my husbands wedding ring. I am convinced it is what h a s held us together these 29 years when things got rough.
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Glad to hear that, AnneTeresa. I really like that theme. Congrats on 29 years and counting :). May God continue to bless your marriage as you seek Him first.
 
Great thread with lots of terrific suggestions, Tommy! Thanks so much for starting it rolling. I especially believe in keeping God first in the marriage as many have stated - and a sense of humor as often as possible. I had read a slight twist on the 10 - 1 positive comments to negative to your spouse in a day. I think what I read was 7 - 1, and it’s been VERY helpful in my marriage! No one enjoys lots of constant criticism, even if it’s of the small variety. Sometimes people find it easier to be kinder to the check-out clerk in a store than their own spouse, and that’s definitely not a good thing for a marriage. We also try to have a “date night” at least once a week with just the two of us, although as we’ve gotten older it’s become more of a “date afternoon/early evening!”. It’s great to look forward to, and I highly recommend. God’s blessings to you all out there!
 
bmaj said:
Great thread with lots of terrific suggestions, Tommy! Thanks so much for starting it rolling. I especially believe in keeping God first in the marriage as many have stated - and a sense of humor as often as possible. I had read a slight twist on the 10 - 1 positive comments to negative to your spouse in a day. I think what I read was 7 - 1, and it’s been VERY helpful in my marriage! No one enjoys lots of constant criticism, even if it’s of the small variety. Sometimes people find it easier to be kinder to the check-out clerk in a store than their own spouse, and that’s definitely not a good thing for a marriage. We also try to have a “date night” at least once a week with just the two of us, although as we’ve gotten older it’s become more of a “date afternoon/early evening!”. It’s great to look forward to, and I highly recommend. God’s blessings to you all out there!
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Good one, bmaj. I also like the “date night” idea, especially after having kids.

That’s when we needed it the most, especially a small break away from the kids to make sure it isn’t all work all the time. Thank God for grandparents and trustworthy good friends!
We only did once every couple of weeks, but it was much appreciated.
 
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