I appreciate all the replies, I do agree that my wife and I need to sit down and have a serious talk and agree on something. Now dont get me wrong about my son, he is a good kid and has worked while going to school and never had any problem. But after he finished school he has done a complete turn around and just became LAZY. I do not fund lazy people so I guess he has been mooching off his friends. Military is not really an option as I have spoke with him about it and he did not show any interest as of now. The first step is talking with my wife and getting an agreement made.
This is a tough thing for me to tell you, but something in your post made me sit up and think…I’ve seen this before.
You said that your son was a good kid, worked while going to school, and never had any problem.
“But after he finished school, he has done a complete turn around and just become LAZY”.
(italics mine)
As hard as it is, you must rule out the possibility of schizophrenia or another mental illness.
Often mental illness will begin to manifest itself when the child becomes a young adult.
Is there any history of mental illness in your family or your wife’s family? Not that it matters–schizophenia can strike people with no history.
This is exactly what happened to one of my best friends. She was a normal teenager with good grades and a good work ethic. She actually made it through two years of college and earned her Associate’s Degree and had decent grades and a pleasant although quiet social life.
Then she went to the 4-year university to finish her degree, and everything started to unravel for her.
All of the symptoms you describe started happening.
She lost the ability to study effectively. She talked incessantly and rambled from subject to subject, and much of it was about her anger over her lot in life. She became a chain smoker. She ended up dropping out of college and moving back home, but she couldn’t hold down any job.
Eventually her parents kicked her out–they had to, because all she did was smoke, drink soda after soda, and talk bizarrely.
She ended up on the streets, of course.
But finally, her parents realized that there was more going on than just a rebellious, lazy daughter–they had her evaluated, and she was diagnosed schizophrenic.
She then became eligible for the city’s programs for the mentally-ill, and that was her salvation. She lived in group homes and learned various life skills (e.g., taking a shower on a regular basis, how to cook a simple meal, etc.). Eventually she graduated to an apartment in one of the complexes for the mentally-disabled. All of these housing options were “sheltered,” meaing that there are trained staff on duty 24/7 to help the clients.
I have visited her once a week for decades now, and we are great friends. In spite of her illness, she is an intelligent, compassionate woman, and I enjoy spending time with her. (We go out to eat–a treat for her.)
Her parents died years ago, but provided her with a trust that should keep her cared for for the the rest of her life. God rest their souls.
I sincerely hope that this isn’t the situation with your son. But I suggest that you consider the possibility and rule it out. If there is a mental illness, the sooner he gets into treatment, the better for him and everyone else.
at how much work he’s going to have to do! Ha ha, welcome to LIFE 101 Kiddo!! (If his job hadn’t closed down, he would have worked and saved his money, which he did for half of his junior year and all of his senior year.)