To combat racism, try reviving the black family

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jeannetherese said:
It’s a slow process. The problem is generations in the making and may take a long time to turn around-particularly given the culture and the way that social structures and our schools are working to promote sex as recreational pleasure rather than emphasizing it as a means of growing ones family.
Parents need to stand up as a countercultural force and shape a new culture, churches need to do the same, school curriculums need to be challenged and changed, marriages and children need to be upheld.
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Let me use my kids as an example. And their families. They both went to Catholic schools as did all their friends. They were taught about respect for those with different sexual preferences. Sex wasn’t promoted as simply a pastime but neither was it actively discouraged but they were both taught (by my wife and myself) to be responsible when it came to partners.

Now they are happily married in stable relationships and starting families. As are all their friends. Some friends starting families prior to gettting married and some after. And all of them lived together before getting married. You couldn’t wish to know a better group of people.

And they all accept what you might describe as the ‘culture’ of today. They don’t see a need for any drastic changes (current environment regarding race perhaps an exception) so they don’t need a ‘counter-culture’.

None of them go to church and as far as I know none of them belong to any religious group. Three parents at our age I know are Catholics and that’s about it.

So what went right? I can tell you that it’s a stable family life and the opportunity to earn a decent wage. Not much else matters. Certainly not religion. Certainly not restrictions on sexual behaviour. Certainly not evangelisation or catechesis.
 
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This is interesting because two of my closest friends are not religious and do all of the “wrong” things yet both are in long term relationships with men who seem like they will be model husbands. I have a third friend that did all of the “wrong” things and her nor her spouse are religious and they have been happily married for four years and he treats her like a queen. Meanwhile, I’m chaste, following all of the church teachings and yet I’ve been single for years and my last date was about a year ago. Something is wrong in Catholic land.

It just dawned on me that all three met their partners at work. Hmmm…
 
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RobertAdams said:
It is a challenge to “revive the black family” when society discriminates against and incarcerates the black family to its breaking point then uses the outcome as “proof” that it was the fault of black families all along.
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Good point.

I was reading a book about black individuals who migrated from the South to the North, and it mentioned how black people were seen as drug addicts and were perceived to have come from broken familes and such even though statistically speaking, they had lower rates of drug abuse and had more intact families than their white counterparts.

Past forward to the war on drugs, that was designed to separate mostly men from their communities, higher conviction rates, poor funding in communities etc. You get what you see now.

I remember seeing some statistics that fatherlessness isn’t drastically low in black communities compared to other races, because of something to do with how people perceive unmarried moms to be single, but i dont know how accurate it was.

I personally don’t see any black activists/public figures who are promoting this lifestyle over an intact family, tbh. I could be wrong. From what I’ve seen, many black individuals are publicly praising black fathers and are even encouraging black women to date outside of their race if they can’t find a suitable mate.

Again this is anecdotal. I don’t see how fathers will get rid of racism. It will improve better outcomes for the child, sure.
 
catholiclala said:
This is interesting because two of my closest friends are not religious and do all of the “wrong” things yet both are in long term relationships with men who seem like they will be model husbands. I have a third friend that did all of the “wrong” things and her nor her spouse are religious and they have been happily married for four years and he treats her like a queen. Meanwhile, I’m chaste, following all of the church teachings and yet I’ve been single for years and my last date was about a year ago. Something is wrong in Catholic land.

It just dawned on me that all three met their partners at work. Hmmm…
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I note your use of quotes around the word ‘wrong’. Because obviously what they were doing wasn’t wrong in the context they were doing it. It’s like saying that sex before marriage is wrong. Well yeah, it can be wrong if you end up sleeping with multiple partners on a regular basis.

About 25% of Catholics who regularly attend mass get divorced. And that’s not far off the 30% of Joe Public. Catholics’ views on marriage, divorce and family life | Pew Research Center.
So it doesn’t appear that being a ‘good Catholic’ is no more likely to find you in a stable relationship then those who aren’t.

If someone could point to Catholics in general and say that - ‘Hey, they have drastically less divorces and hardly any abortions and they don’t use contraception and sex is primarily for increasing the family etc’ and we could see a huge difference then there would be a case for suggesting that maybe they are on to something. Maybe this is a path to a better life. But that’s not the case.

So the obvious question arises…Why should the rest of us listen?
 
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This is true. I’m on a Catholic dating site and there are a huge proportion of divorced/annulled who did all of the “right” things.
 
Hi Freddy, thank you for sharing your story. I’m a little surprised that at you children’s Catholic school, there was no evangelization or catechesis or sharing of the Church’s teachings concerning sexuality.
I wish them and you the best. May God bless you.
jt
 
Freddy said:
If someone could point to Catholics in general and say that - ‘Hey, they have drastically less divorces
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This pew survey is a lot better than most because it shows categories for Catholics who attend mass once a week.

HOWEVER, it doesn’t go into why the Catholic who attends weekly got divorced. Plus, it also doesn’t distinguish those who were divorced before a conversion to faith and/or those who were divorced by a non-practicing spouse against their wishes/will. It also doesn’t distinguish a divorce from an abusive spouse.

Let’s remember, the Church doesn’t teach that divorce must be avoided at all costs. She just teaches that the divorced must not remarry if they had a valid marriage (unless their spouse dies).

Pew often provides some good demographic information, but often not as good as some other polls that are specially designed by practicing Catholics to gauge true faith practices of parishes.

For example: I know several, very faithful Catholics who were divorced when they were young because they were away from the faith & married the wrong person. They later had a conversion & received an annulment.

They would have obviously answered “yes” to having a divorce. I also know plenty of devout Catholics (myself included) who engaged in premarital sex & cohabitated before marriage. I did that when I wasn’t practicing my faith. Today, I would say what I did was wrong, but I would answer “yes” to the question of whether I did it or not.

My point: Pew results don’t always reflect what weekly, devout Catholics actually believe (even when they do distinguish between weekly attendance). But it does do a good job of reflecting what lukewarm, cultural & ex-Catholics believe - and/or where the Church is failing in teaching the faith.
 
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Sadly, I really do think that not being willing to have sex before marriage puts you at a distinct disadvantage in modern dating/partnering. It is a sad thing to say, as a Catholic. And no, I’m not suggesting that we should do that. Just a sad observation.
 
I wonder if we could have a match-making ministry/service. They’d regularly set up blind dates between all the singles in their area. Sometimes it’s just lack of opportunity.
 
Rubee said:
Sadly, I really do think that not being willing to have sex before marriage puts you at a distinct disadvantage in modern dating/partnering. It is a sad thing to say, as a Catholic. And no, I’m not suggesting that we should do that. Just a sad observation.
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True. But there are Catholic dating services for devout Catholics… And in many cities, there are several Catholic events for singles.

Obviously things are not the way they should be, but there are SOME options to help find a spouse. However, it is true that the dating pool on these Catholics dating services and singles events might not be even when it comes to the male/female ratio. 😦

More reason for us to practicing Catholics to do a better job raising our sons.
 
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Those are not what I had in mind, but yes they are better than nothing. Many people find online dating icky, even in secular circles, and they are “gamed” by Alpha males leaving ladies and good guys languishing. They can shatter people’s self-esteem, getting rejected by hundreds on pictures glance. I was thinking an actual match-making service: more intimate. 🙂 You actually meet someone for sometime before rejecting them off-hand. At least you’ll make friends, who may lead to friends, who may lead to . . . better matches. I guess I have an introvert’s bias.
 
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This can be a challenge, as many people view sex as part of the dating or discerning process.
If there is a FSSP parish in your area, I would think that you might encounter men and women who see dating as a means of discerning suitability for marriage and who also are seeking chaste relationships.
 
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Rubee said:
Those are not what I had in mind. Many people find online dating icky, even in secular circles, and they are “gamed” by Alpha males leaving ladies and good guys languishing. They can shatter people’s self-esteem, getting rejected by hundreds on pictures glance. I was thinking an actual match-making service: more intimate. 🙂
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There is CatholicYenta…
https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/catholic-dating-gets-a-makeover-53313

There is also the annual National Catholics Singles Conference https://www.nationalcatholicsingles.com/

But I agree, there needs to be more of these real dating services and more local Catholic singles events.
 
Did you see The Dating Project? If you’re single, I’m always curious to hear single people’s thoughts on it. https://www.thedatingprojectmovie.com/

Sorry, off topic. 🤭
jeannetherese said:
It’s practical, but on an individual basis it is small scale. Keeping an eye out for like minded souls, establishing Christian parenting co-ops-there are different scales of application.
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Yes! While I agree with your call for a change in cultural attitudes toward human sexuality, at the same time, we can save so many women and babies from abortion by stepping up to provide the support that so many of them are lacking. Your idea for a parenting co-op is one of many potential solutions. Pregnancy should never make women poor. But that very prospect drives far too many women into the welcoming arms of Planned Parenthood.
 
jeannetherese said:
This can be a challenge, as many people view sex as part of the dating or discerning process.
If there is a FSSP parish in your area, I would think that you might encounter men and women who see dating as a means of discerning suitability for marriage and who also are seeking chaste relationships.
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FSSP parishes are pretty good place for the YOUNG adults to meet a potential spouse. I know of a few couples who have met at the FSSP parish near me (and it’s not quite 2 years old)

There are also (again for young adults), groups like Juventutem that are pretty good when it comes to meeting people
 
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Even though they did not work out, the few good prospects I’ve had in the past, I met at a city club for professionals. They have events every month for the big group and smaller ones based on hobbies. Just saying this for Lala and other single ladies in their 30s/40s. Check out meet-ups and ex-pat professional groups like inter-nations in your city and go for a few events. Are they catholic? No. But you’re more likely to meet people of the appropriate age/background and who knows?
 
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That was an excellent article Phil, thank you for sharing! @blackforest will be thrilled to know it talked about the dating project with a professor at Villanova describing assignments and how they are changing the lives of students at her, and other colleges.
 
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