Toddler at Daily Mass

[jman507]

Eliznate, if you are still checking this thread out, what can I say other than, I’m sure there are many people with their own opinions on this subject. Each preist probably has his own too. If I was you, I’d think I’d actually want to sorta know what to expect. Given that, you might actually want to tell the priest of your situation, you cannot always know completely how the child will act, and you know it bothers others, what is the best way to work it out, or is there a better parish to go to for weekdays. You can correct me, but I’m sure that’s really what you want to know.

 

[Lovemyfaith]

I don’t think it is a big deal at all to take a fussy child out of church. But I also don’t think it is a big deal if the parent is able to calm the child down without leaving. I have been at Mass when a severely handicapped person moaned through Mass. I would never have expected that person be removed. I have also sat behind a person who coughed the entire Mass, and there is a person who has an oxygen tank that makes noise during Mass also. I thank God for each person at every Mass Celebration.
One of our priests gave a homily about a study done on a group of people trying to pray while a ball was bounced against a wall. His point was about distractions and overcoming them.
Good example will teach a child how to behave at Mass.

 

[Gertabelle]

See, I have to repeat myself. Who here is advocating not bringing the children to church? Let’s not fixate on a non- issue.

Apparently, Island Oak is. See below.

I can’t imagine anything positive coming from an experience like the one described above, for adult or child. If this is what it takes to get one’s toddler through mass, my common sense would tell me the child is not yet ready and it might be far healthier for everyone to just stay home.

I know we would like to have THE answer, but life is not that simple. We do not know what is going on in the minds and hearts of those around us. If we did, we would be God, and we’re not. While I might assume “common courtesy” would tell me who is wrong and who is right in my own imagination, “common courtesy” is a function of society’s whims, not the teachings of Jesus or cannonical law.

As for my parish, there is no place to go but outside to quiet a child. How much of the Mass is either of us attending if we are completely outside the building? Fortunately, we are a parish of MANY young familes and the noise level on a Sunday morning mass is extraordinary. I just chalk it up to “making a joyful noise.”

I saw a sign on a local grocery store that informed customers of when peak hours and slow times were so that people could choose or be prepared for their shopping experience. Perhaps we should do this with our masses.

6:30 - Old people who can’t sleep, working folks who can’t attend other times, a cantor who will keep your ears ringing for the rest of the day.

8:00 - Young families who made it on time to this Mass because their newborn kept them awake since 2a.m., and families of teens who have to be semi-conscious in order to be “tricked” into attending mass.

9:30 - Families with children through age 12. This will be noisy, there won’t be enough space in the cry room, vestebule, or nathrix for all the parents of fussy children. Expect extra noise. But the choir and the organ will drown most of it out anyway.

11:00 - Guitar mass. Bring a flower and an organic snack to share after Mass.

12:30 - Mass for those who were out partying a little too late (and too hard) last night. Parents, please bring your colicky and overtired infants to this Mass to increase the penance of the party crowd.

5:00 - Teenlife Mass. Parents please drop off your teens two blocks from the church so their friends won’t know you exist.

Honestly, let’s just have a sense of humor about all this, even the indignation and offense we are both causing and receiving. God is bigger than all of it, so let’s just get to Mass and see what He’s giving us today. It may be exactly the opposite of what we want, but just exactly what we need.

Blessings to all!

Gertie

 

[kamz]

Hey Gertie, I agree with your last post totally.

It was my son or should I say children Island Oak was responding too and yes, sometimes I do feel like staying home but that can be very dangerous habit, it would be far too easy to stay home but I know from trial and error with my oldest three that when you stay home with them they never learn how to behave at Mass and I’m quite sure that is why I’m still dealing with issues with my 13, 11 and 8 yr old in Mass along with my almost 4 yr old. Yes, Mass can be frustrating at times and I have drove home crying but those were the times when the older ones acted up and I was so angry with them that they are older and still can’t keep their mouths shut for one simple hour
But, I love, love, love my church and parish and since I’m a stay at home mom, sometimes I feel so isolated that Mass is my one time that I can come together with my Catholic family and that is worth every tear… I do take my kids out but not all the time… I sit in the last pew (tried sitting up front, not good!) and sometimes things go pretty darn good and sometimes things go really bad… but I’m talking about weekend Mass… I only go to the children’s Mass on Wednesday at our church and my older kids are there becuase they go to the Catholic school and this is a very child friendly Mass… I don’t know if I could take my kids or youngest to daily Mass… weekends are hard enough… but I still feel for the op and I think that she should go back and just keep doing the best she can.

 

[DiannaK]

You don’t know who you’re giving hope to by bringing your child to mass. You don’t know who’s day your child made by smiling at someone in the pew behind you.

I totally agree with you …
I’m the mother of 2 — a 12 yo and a 10 month old. Obviously, the 12 yo knows how to behave. The 10 month old is a challenge at times, and DH see differently on how to handle her in Mass. He wants to sit in back close to the cry room, just in case. I prefer to sit up front, “close to the action”
I want her to see everyone/everything that’s going on, and to be a part of it. In my opinion, I don’t think people have issues with little ones in Mass. It warms my heart to watch my baby smile at older people. As long as she’s not screaming bloody murder, I’m sitting in the sanctuary.

Dianna

 

[SHEMP]

And at times that is fine but at times and with all four of my kids at various stages I have been there and done that but I’ve also been to the point where they are never calm and they freak out when they see that mom or dad is taking them back into church because it is much more fun to not be in church… so it is quite easier said than done

My coworker is Russian Orthodox. He said that one of his friends give his child a smack on the bottom in Church for misbehaving. All of the old Russian ladies wanted to cheer. Needless to say the kid was quite from that point on.

 

[argon091076]

I think that going to mass is a place for meditation. If a child gets noisy, then I think it is just a sign of respect for the other people to give to them some silence during Mass. It also depends on how loud they get, if wether it is necessary to take the child out or not. I have heard some children that scream really loud…kind of like mine LOL…

We have two boys, ages 2 and 3, and what we do is that my DH will go to the earlier Mass while I care for the children and then I go at a later time.

Our priest is pretty straight forward and tolerates crying babies only during baptisms. He says those are their days and that they can scream all they want…LOL. Other than that, babies crying/loud need to be left at home and brought back to Mass until they understand why and how they need to behave in Mass.

I am, personally, not bothered by children because they are children. What really annoys me is people talking during Mass as well as cell phones ringing. Once I saw a lady sitting all the way to the back putting on makeup. That, to me, was disrespectful, but, oh well,…having a strict priest is just what most of us need so that we can remember some of the manners we were taught or had to have been taught while growing up…Strict priests can be a blessing.

 

[kamz]

My coworker is Russian Orthodox. He said that one of his friends give his child a smack on the bottom in Church for misbehaving. All of the old Russian ladies wanted to cheer. Needless to say the kid was quite from that point on.

Umm, when I take a child out what do you think I’m doing?? I’m taking them to the ladies room for a spank, I would never spank in front of people, in todays world you don’t know who will take that as child abuse… some people think it is wrong to spank so I take my child into the restroom and deal with it, but even after a spank and a good cry he can be bad over and over… it just depends… sometimes he is great during church and I think “finally” and then the next time we go he is bad… I just ask God to give me the grace to get through it and I know that he will.

 

[kamz]

I think that going to mass is a place for meditation. If a child gets noisy, then I think it is just a sign of respect for the other people to give to them some silence during Mass. It also depends on how loud they get, if wether it is necessary to take the child out or not. I have heard some children that scream really loud…kind of like mine LOL…

We have two boys, ages 2 and 3, and what we do is that my DH will go to the earlier Mass while I care for the children and then I go at a later time.

Our priest is pretty straight forward and tolerates crying babies only during baptisms. He says those are their days and that they can scream all they want…LOL. Other than that, babies crying/loud need to be left at home and brought back to Mass until they understand why and how they need to behave in Mass.

I am, personally, not bothered by children because they are children. What really annoys me is people talking during Mass as well as cell phones ringing. Once I saw a lady sitting all the way to the back putting on makeup. That, to me, was disrespectful, but, oh well,…having a strict priest is just what most of us need so that we can remember some of the manners we were taught or had to have been taught while growing up…Strict priests can be a blessing.

Well, I’m glad our priest is a big teddy bear who adores all the children like they were his own… he is good with everybody from the babies to the elderly… he makes it clear that he would rather turn up the sound system if you can’t hear him than tell the parents not to bring the kids… it just isn’t an issue in my parish…but my parish is small… I’m from a rural MN town with probably 1000 members at most and of course not all those member attend at one time… we only have one Saturday Mass and one Sunday Mass… we are talking small town… one grocery store… a couple gas stations… this is where you know everyone in your town on a first name basis and your church is family… I am blessed I suppose in really big churches with thousands of members there needs to be a cry room or some rules from the Priest but our parish doesn’t have a cry room and our Priest’s past and present have made it clear that children are wanted at Mass no matter what… I appreciate that… the church asks us to be open to life and that should mean supporting parents who obey that.
Of course you can take your child out if it is nessessary but sometimes you can’t go out more than once before the going in and out become just as annoying… so you do your best and you get through, or thats what we do in our parish and I’ve never ever heard of a complaint, again, I am very blessed with our parish, I love it

 

[pnewton]

Other than that, babies crying/loud need to be left at home and brought back to Mass until they understand why and how they need to behave in Mass.

This shows a lack of parenting skills. A child that does not grow up going to Mass doesn’t learn how to behave. The earlier you can teach the child to behave in Mass, the easier it is and the better he will behave.

Also, as a parent, I would not want to miss my Sunday obligation to satisify a priest like this without attempting to go over his head. The Church is supposed to make the sacriments available to the faithful as a primary mission. Quiet is not a primary obligation of the Church.

 

[argon091076]

This shows a lack of parenting skills. A child that does not grow up going to Mass doesn’t learn how to behave. The earlier you can teach the child to behave in Mass, the easier it is and the better he will behave.

Also, as a parent, I would not want to miss my Sunday obligation to satisify a priest like this without attempting to go over his head. The Church is supposed to make the sacriments available to the faithful as a primary mission. Quiet is not a primary obligation of the Church.

Why go to mass with a 2 and 3 year old if you spend most of the time babysitting child instead of listening and letting others listen? Couldn’t it possibly backfire if you force a child at this age to be still and quiet during Mass (i.e., by either spanking, getting after him or whatever) all the time. The child will not want to go to Mass while growing up (This is an issue with my nephew - 13 and my niece - 19…and a few other people that we know).

You are right, this should not be an excuse to miss Mass. Like I said before, my DH and I take turns to go for now. Most of our relatives and friends do the same. Some of their children are already grown up (over 18) and they attend Mass. I truly think that it all depends on what you teach your child about religion and how you teach it.

Bottomline, this is my opinion and of course, everyone has different opinions/perspectives. None of us are born with a warranty nor with instructions on how to be educated. Most of us, parents, do our best to educate our children.

So with all due respect, I will stop posting about this.

Thank you.

 

[pnewton]

Why go to mass with a 2 and 3 year old if you spend most of the time babysitting child instead of listening and letting others listen?

I can think of three solid reasons.

1. To fulfill Sunday obligation
2. To receive Jesus in the Eucharist
3. To train the child early how to behave.

I know that swapping out works best for some, but it was not much of an option at my house. However, it never was a problem since my son was trained to behave pretty well by two. However, I never imposed his misbehavior on others and always stepped out for a minute when needed. Each parent must find their own way. I would never want to imply my way was best.