Told my GF I can only raise our kids Catholic

[Irishmom2]

Excellent post, Anglewannabe!

 

[justsomeguy085]

Baptism of your infants will likely be yet another sticking point in all this. What does she believe? Does she believe in infant baptism? Will it create friction with her and her family in a time that should be very joyous otherwise?

A relationship with her will need to hinge on mutual respect for each other’s wishes and basically, deciding in advance of marriage, what your approach will be to the litany of issues that will arise. Can she be respectful of your faith? Can you be respectful of hers? Can you both live a life of not actively trying to convert the other? Is she willing to learn more about the Catholic faith or is she hardened in her beliefs? The list of questions goes on and on……

She believes baptism should be done when someone reaches age of reason not during infancy. I can be respectful to hers, but lately I am starting to see she may not be able to respect mine. She has been reading articles on Catholicism and she stated that it has made her more upset over the Catholic church.

 

[justsomeguy085]

I will NEVER understand people who say ‘there is no point in denomination’ yet always attend the same church. Seems like a contradiction. If there is no point in denomination, why wouldn’t she go to a Catholic church if it made you happy

I am sure that at the time the other girls were leading you away from the faith you though they were great. This almost seems like same garbage different pile. ie you think she is great but she is leading you away from the faith and you won’t see it until later

A good Christian would forgive those kids that hurt her. A good Christian would not be so narrow minded as to be prejudice just because she met a few bad Catholics. And a normal adult would realize that kids are kids and although yes they probably hurt her really bad, as an adult we need to get over our past and take it from where it came

This is very true. Oh and she corrected me and said she is inter-denominational where all denominations are welcome?? Who knows anymore. Basically her biggest issues are, the hierarchy of the Church, infant baptism, confession, “praying to the dead”, birth control and then some. She feels the Church is very exclusive because non-catholics aren’t allowed to participate and that Catholics see non-Catholics as second class citizens. She is WAY too emotional right now so I am not discussing nor arguing with her at this time till she can cool off. The way things are going I am thinking leaving her will be best for both of us.

 

[DebChris]

She believes baptism should be done when someone reaches age of reason not during infancy. I can be respectful to hers, but lately I am starting to see she may not be able to respect mine. She has been reading articles on Catholicism and she stated that it has made her more upset over the Catholic church.

In the OT. Children were circumcised on the 8th day. Ask her if she would keep away physical vaccinations from her children meant to protect them from the physical ailments of the world? Why then would she keep the indelible mark of the Holy Spirit and His protection from your children?
It sounds more and more that she really does not want to be with you and is using your new found spirituality as an excuse.
Continue to learn more about the Catholic Faith. Explain that once baptized, the child is indeed reborn and does become part of the Body of Christ, a part of the believers, and part of the community. As part of the community, the community is responsible for his upbringing, to ensure that he continues to grow “in wisdom and understanding” just as Our Lord did under Mary and Joseph. First Communion is given at the age of reason, age 7 when children understand that they are truly receiving the Body and Blood of Our Lord and Savior (see earlier post with Biblical reference to John).

Again, I recommend that you get a copy of the New Catholic Answer Bible to refute many of those anti-Catholic articles. Also get a copy of both the Catechism of Catholic Church and the United States Catechism of the Catholic Church for Adults. While you are waiting for copies of those books, see if there are any flyers or small brochures available in the vestibule of your parish that may help you with immediate questions. Talk with your parish priest. I don’t think he will say anything different than anybody else on this thread has not already stated.

Whether she decides to stay or to go away and/or return, you will have information that you can use in the future.

 

[DebChris]

This is very true. Oh and she corrected me and said she is inter-denominational where all denominations are welcome?? Who knows anymore. Basically her biggest issues are, the hierarchy of the Church, infant baptism, confession, “praying to the dead”, birth control and then some. She feels the Church is very exclusive because non-catholics aren’t allowed to participate and that Catholics see non-Catholics as second class citizens. She is WAY too emotional right now so I am not discussing nor arguing with her at this time till she can cool off. The way things are going I am thinking leaving her will be best for both of us.

Sounds like the best decision at least for now. Let her know that you will talk to her when she is ready to discuss thing calmly.

 

[underacloud]

This is very true. Oh and she corrected me and said she is inter-denominational where all denominations are welcome?? Who knows anymore. Basically her biggest issues are, the hierarchy of the Church, infant baptism, confession, “praying to the dead”, birth control and then some. She feels the Church is very exclusive because non-catholics aren’t allowed to participate and that Catholics see non-Catholics as second class citizens. She is WAY too emotional right now so I am not discussing nor arguing with her at this time till she can cool off. The way things are going I am thinking leaving her will be best for both of us.

Sorry to say it, but I think leaving will be best too.

Those are some of the typical protestant objections to the Catholic faith. In reality, with that many objections, I don’t see them being overcome without an actual conversion on her part. It is more likely, with some guidance from her protestant friends/associates, that she’ll find even more objections.

Did you say you’ve been dating for six months? That’s not really that long. Dating is to discern marriage and I think you’re both coming to the conclusion that this wouldn’t be a good option for you both. It’s probably time to move on.

 

[Kal2012]

I am 30 and she is 26. The thing is I am not ignorant when it comes to my faith. There were issues that were hard for me to accept and I was selfish and wanted what pleased me. Many people are now telling her, including other “catholics” that if we truly love each other then we should be willing to compromise and that that’s what relationships are about. One friend of hers was even shocked that I told her to not make me choose between her and God because God will win because I have to love him more than anyone else. It seems like she is now becoming much more hostile to the Church because she feels that the “man made rules” of the church are what have put us in this position. She asked if I’d be willing to come to her services and she would come to mass with me. I said that I would find out if this is ok and if it then I would. According to one member on here it seems like its ok??

Interfaith marriage is hard. I was the non-denomination Christian and my husband was the Catholic. He wouldn’t go to church with me for years because the way that we viewed the sacraments was a lot different than the way we do in Catholicism. I finally converted to Catholicism, but the whole process was really hard for me at first.

I had to struggle with the fact that I couldn’t partake in the Eucharist (and I was more committed to Christ ‘than he was’ - yes, I’m a horrible judge of these things) and mass was so different than Protestant culture.

(Now, I can drag my husband to church once in awhile…hehe!)

I struggled with “praying to Mary and to the Saints” which aren’t a factor in Protestant life - especially non-denomination life - at all.

However, my husband always remained true being a Catholic. He made it clear what he would and would not do to support me in my faith.

Personally, I wouldn’t go to church with her because I know what it’s like on the side and Catholics are “click bait” for a lot of people. Meaning, they love it when we Catholics show up and they really believe that if they pray hard enough and show them how bad Catholicism is, then they will leave the faith. That’s really not helpful - at all.

Even now that I’m Catholic, my husband and I still struggle, but the struggles are different. Mine has always wanted to raise our kids in the Christian tradition because Christianity has good values, but he never forced raising the kids Catholic because he knew that I took my faith more seriously than he took his. Now that I’m a Catholic and on the same page as him, we are committed to raising our son Catholic.

Every relationship has its quarks that nobody really gets, except the people in the relationship. However, you have to be super-committed to other person and be empathetic about their perspective. You have to be clear on your positions and what you will and won’t do. It’s was a long process for me/us and it doesn’t happen overnight.

I’m not saying dump the girl (and admittedly) I haven’t read every single post, but it will be emotional when she realizes that you are serious about your faith and you won’t give up your faith for her. If she loves you - really loves you - then she will learn to respect your faith and what goes along with it. Mine appreciated it when I tried to read the CCC and “Catholicism for Dummies”. He always made it clear that I didn’t have to become Catholic, but he wasn’t going to change for me. However, there will be a mourning period.

 

[DebChris]

…

Every relationship has its quarks that nobody really gets, except the people in the relationship. However, you have to be super-committed to other person and be empathetic about their perspective. You have to be clear on your positions and what you will and won’t do. It’s was a long process for me/us and it doesn’t happen overnight.

I’m not saying dump the girl (and admittedly) I haven’t read every single post, but it will be emotional when she realizes that you are serious about your faith and you won’t give up your faith for her. If she loves you - really loves you - then she will learn to respect your faith and what goes along with it. Mine appreciated it when I tried to read the CCC and “Catholicism for Dummies”. He always made it clear that I didn’t have to become Catholic, but he wasn’t going to change for me. However, there will be a mourning period.

I had two men who wanted to marry me. I took it as a red flag when the one said that he would accept the faith of the woman he married. I did not want a man who would change for me. As mentioned in an earlier post, I had learned from my parents’ response when my brother married a Buddhist, “She has the strength of her convictions.”

 

[justsomeguy085]

I avoided her for a couple of days to let her cool off. We talked last night and explained to er that I wasn’t here to argue but to talk like adults and be respectful. She talked to a couple of people including her parents. Her parents actually encouraged her to make it work. She told me that she would be willing to raise any possible children as Catholic but that her only fear was that I would only be a “cultural Catholic” and not actually live a Catholic life. She did bring up a stumbling block saying that she can’t accept the teaching on contraception. That she would not go off the pill if we were married because she does not want to have too many kids, nor could she find any basis for it in the bible. She told me that’s something I have to think about because I would be with her knowing that the is on the pill and that in that case I would be the one sinning.

 

[DebChris]

I avoided her for a couple of days to let her cool off. We talked last night and explained to er that I wasn’t here to argue but to talk like adults and be respectful. She talked to a couple of people including her parents. Her parents actually encouraged her to make it work. She told me that she would be willing to raise any possible children as Catholic but that her only fear was that I would only be a “cultural Catholic” and not actually live a Catholic life. She did bring up a stumbling block saying that she can’t accept the teaching on contraception. That she would not go off the pill if we were married because she does not want to have too many kids, nor could she find any basis for it in the bible. She told me that’s something I have to think about because I would be with her knowing that the is on the pill and that in that case I would be the one sinning.

It is good that she talked about wanting you to be more than a “cultural Catholic,” but instead one that truly believes. Continue to study more about the Faith.
As you study about the Faith, you will be able to better explain why NFP respects the woman more than ABC. Why would you want her to hormonally change her body?
A different poster mentioned St. Pope John Paul II Theology of the Body. Well worth the read as it goes “back to the beginning,” to Genesis and the beauty of the Marital Sacrament.
There is still plenty of time. No commitments are being made, at least not yet.

 

[Irishmom2]

She talked to a couple of people including her parents. Her parents actually encouraged her to make it work. She told me that she would be willing to raise any possible children as Catholic but that her only fear was that I would only be a “cultural Catholic” and not actually live a Catholic life. She did bring up a stumbling block saying that she can’t accept the teaching on contraception. That she would not go off the pill if we were married because she does not want to have too many kids, nor could she find any basis for it in the bible. She told me that’s something I have to think about because I would be with her knowing that the is on the pill and that in that case I would be the one sinning.

It bothers me that someone that you have only been going out with for 6 months would come back to you after a few days willing to “compromise” because her parents encouraged her to make it work.

It would also bother me that she is going to worry about you only be a “cultural Catholic” when she was so against Catholicism just a few days ago. You should worry about her sudden turn around.

So now she is throwing the ball in your court by saying she is drawing the line at contraception. If you want her, she does what she wants in that regard, is the deal you have to agree to.

I am a bit wary of someone that is willing to change her stance in a matter of days about Catholicism to be so accepting as to allow her children to be raised Catholic, and yet so willing to cause you to “be the one sinning.” She would be sinning whether she wants to believe it is or not, by the way. I don’t actually trust what she is saying. I think she is having a change of heart in order to “keep” you.

 

[DebChris]

It bothers me that someone that you have only been going out with for 6 months would come back to you after a few days willing to “compromise” because her parents encouraged her to make it work.

It would also bother me that she is going to worry about you only be a “cultural Catholic” when she was so against Catholicism just a few days ago. You should worry about her sudden turn around.

So now she is throwing the ball in your court by saying she is drawing the line at contraception. If you want her, she does what she wants in that regard, is the deal you have to agree to.

I am a bit wary of someone that is willing to change her stance in a matter of days about Catholicism to be so accepting as to allow her children to be raised Catholic, and yet so willing to cause you to “be the one sinning.” She would be sinning whether she wants to believe it is or not, by the way. I don’t actually trust what she is saying. I think she is having a change of heart in order to “keep” you.

Scripture is also very explicit when it comes to allowing somebody to lead you into sin. You are responsible for your sin regardless of the source. It would take awhile to find the exact OT passage that I have in mind.
This does not negate what I previously wrote. Your first priority should of course be God. Continue to learn as much as you can about your Faith, and don’t be a “Cultural Catholic.” If you haven’t been praying the rosary, then begin to do so. There is nothing more powerful than a man who prays the rosary, especially if you pray a scriptural rosary. The Holy Spirit will guide you.
Pope Francis just told his Swiss Guard to arm themselves with the rosary and the Bible. It only takes 15 minutes a day to read the Bible in a year. The daily Mass cycle covers the Bible in 3 years.
If your continued learning about the Faith leads you in a path away from your current gf, then that is where the Holy Spirit is leading you. Don’t expect to change her stance, but you may have begun the evangelization process that at some future unknown date may have your current gf taking a closer look at the Catholic Church. There is somebody more compatible who is not trying to change you.

 

[QuestLove]

She feels like she would have no say and that her children would be against her. She says there is no point when it comes to denominations because we are all Christian and believe in Christ and bible. I’ve dated Catholic girls who led me away from the faith. Dated, atheist, agnostics, and protestants. She is an amazing person who no doubt would make a wonderful wife and great mother. That’s why it hurts me that God would place such a great girl in my life only to have to make me choose. I told her that once the kids reach age of reason I can’t force them to follow the faith its something they would have to choose. She’s had bad experience with Catholics when she was kid from other kids who would tell her she would go to hell for not being baptize. It doesn’t help that I am not the greatest example of being Catholic as I am still trying to find my way back.

It is good that you guys are discussing this now, before marriage and not after. Even though it hurts you (I am sure it hurts her as well) but at least you both know where each other stands. I guess I see her side as well as yours. I am non-catholic and since I am active in my church I don’t know if I would be ok with not raising my kids according to my belief. But I do see your side as well, it is a tenet of your belief that they be raised catholic. It sounds harsh, but maybe you will have to take a step back especially since you are just finding your way back to your church.

 

[MJJean]

I avoided her for a couple of days to let her cool off. We talked last night and explained to er that I wasn’t here to argue but to talk like adults and be respectful. She talked to a couple of people including her parents. Her parents actually encouraged her to make it work. She told me that she would be willing to raise any possible children as Catholic but that her only fear was that I would only be a “cultural Catholic” and not actually live a Catholic life. She did bring up a stumbling block saying that she can’t accept the teaching on contraception. That she would not go off the pill if we were married because she does not want to have too many kids, nor could she find any basis for it in the bible. She told me that’s something I have to think about because I would be with her knowing that the is on the pill and that in that case I would be the one sinning.

According to the Church you’d be obligated to tell her periodically that you disapprove of contraception on moral grounds, but you’d be able to have relations with her once you’re married without sinning so long as you do NOTHING to help her contracept. No picking up the prescription, or driving her to the appointment for her refill, things like that.

It seems like she is willing to commit to making it work thanks to a talk with her family. This shows that she is willing to listen to and think about the advice of elders. I see this as a good trait to have in a spouse. Even as adults it helps to get the advice of someone older an with more experience and perspective. Besides, didn’t you say her parents were catholic at one time? Perhaps they calmed her fears of the faith.

And I see nothing wrong with her wanting you to raise the future children in your faith so long as you are actually practicing that faith. That’s just good parenting sense. Kids learn far more from example than they do from words. It seems she wants her future children to have a strong faith role model of Christian living. That is actually a good thing.

 

[justsomeguy085]

It bothers me that someone that you have only been going out with for 6 months would come back to you after a few days willing to “compromise” because her parents encouraged her to make it work.

It would also bother me that she is going to worry about you only be a “cultural Catholic” when she was so against Catholicism just a few days ago. You should worry about her sudden turn around.

So now she is throwing the ball in your court by saying she is drawing the line at contraception. If you want her, she does what she wants in that regard, is the deal you have to agree to.

I am a bit wary of someone that is willing to change her stance in a matter of days about Catholicism to be so accepting as to allow her children to be raised Catholic, and yet so willing to cause you to “be the one sinning.” She would be sinning whether she wants to believe it is or not, by the way. I don’t actually trust what she is saying. I think she is having a change of heart in order to “keep” you.

She still not really wanting to accept it. She wants to see me first how I live my life and if I am truly willing to be Catholic then she would work with me in allowing raise our kids Catholic. Trust me she isn’t accepting anything from the Church nor does she have any interest in converting, but she said she loves me and wants to see where it goes because apperanlty she’s never felt this way for someone and she has come to admire my firm stance on the matter even though it has become a stumbling block for her.

 

[justsomeguy085]

Scripture is also very explicit when it comes to allowing somebody to lead you into sin. You are responsible for your sin regardless of the source. It would take awhile to find the exact OT passage that I have in mind.
This does not negate what I previously wrote. Your first priority should of course be God. Continue to learn as much as you can about your Faith, and don’t be a “Cultural Catholic.” If you haven’t been praying the rosary, then begin to do so. There is nothing more powerful than a man who prays the rosary, especially if you pray a scriptural rosary. The Holy Spirit will guide you.
**Pope Francis just told his Swiss Guard to arm themselves with the rosary and the Bible. It only takes 15 minutes a day to read the Bible in a year. The daily Mass cycle covers the Bible in 3 years. **
If your continued learning about the Faith leads you in a path away from your current gf, then that is where the Holy Spirit is leading you. Don’t expect to change her stance, but you may have begun the evangelization process that at some future unknown date may have your current gf taking a closer look at the Catholic Church. There is somebody more compatible who is not trying to change you.

It’s interesting you say that since I am a police officer. I haven’t prayed the rosary in a long time but my mom gave me one its a “rugged” thin blue line rosary with st. Michael medallion and Benedict cross. I guess you’re right, it is time to start praying it. Will take it to mass on Sunday and have it blessed.

 

[QuestLove]

She still not really wanting to accept it. She wants to see me first how I live my life and if I am truly willing to be Catholic then she would work with me in allowing raise our kids Catholic. Trust me she isn’t accepting anything from the Church nor does she have any interest in converting, but she said she loves me and wants to see where it goes because apperanlty she’s never felt this way for someone and she has come to admire my firm stance on the matter even though it has become a stumbling block for her.

I would not encourage either of you to compromise your beliefs just so you can be together. People change and the worst thing that can happen in a marriage is for you guys to resent each other. Believe me, even if you get your way and she compromises just to be with you this can lead to resentment further down the road. The reverse is true as well.

 

[Mulligan2]

I would not encourage either of you to compromise your beliefs just so you can be together. People change and the worst thing that can happen in a marriage is for you guys to resent each other. Believe me, even if you get your way and she compromises just to be with you this can lead to resentment further down the road. The reverse is true as well.

Very true. The OP should view this from both perspectives. Do not just focus only on the question "is she right for me?’ The OP should realize that perhaps HE is not right for HER. It would be a disservice on his part if he marries her with the intention of changing her.

 

[Horton]

She still not really wanting to accept it. She wants to see me first how I live my life and if I am truly willing to be Catholic then she would work with me in allowing raise our kids Catholic. Trust me she isn’t accepting anything from the Church nor does she have any interest in converting, but she said she loves me and wants to see where it goes because apperanlty she’s never felt this way for someone and she has come to admire my firm stance on the matter even though it has become a stumbling block for her.

This sounds like a huge manipulation on her part. She doesn’t want the relationship to end so she’ll make some concessions now. As difficult as it may be, it may be time to let this one go. To me it sounds as if she wants to put this issue on a back burner to see “where is goes”. There are people who can and have made a mixed marriage work but both have to be willing to respect the other enough to accept each other’s faith, saints & all.

Your job as a police officer is stressful enough, you wouldn’t need additional stress at home regarding religion.

 

[Irishmom2]

This sounds like a huge manipulation on her part. She doesn’t want the relationship to end so she’ll make some concessions now. As difficult as it may be, it may be time to let this one go. To me it sounds as if she wants to put this issue on a back burner to see “where is goes”. There are people who can and have made a mixed marriage work but both have to be willing to respect the other enough to accept each other’s faith, saints & all.

Your job as a police officer is stressful enough, you wouldn’t need additional stress at home regarding religion.

Yup. This is what I was getting at earlier, but Horton said it better.