Too Noisy in Church -- Spread This Around

[jmcrae]

I try to arrive early enough so that I can check my email on my phone and text message my friends that I am meeting after Mass for breakfast.

Eddie Mac

Why can’t you do that in the car, before you enter the building?

 

[jmcrae]

I find this sad. I was away from the Church from 1984-2004 ish. In those twenty years everything changed. I would have never visited with my neighbors before Mass, and now I feel kind of snobbish if I want to genuflect, and pop down the kneeler to pray before Mass. It’s pretty awkward to be kneeling on the kneeler with my head right between two other folks’ conversation, because they are carrying on as if I’m not there.

What should I do???

Shift over? Seriously, I have no idea. I have been in the same situation, and have been known to dangle my Rosary between them - it doesn’t faze them even a bit.

I do have the habit, left over from my Protestant upbringing, of greeting my pew-mates with a friendly smile and “Hello” when they first come in, because it seems rude to ignore someone who is sitting right beside you, but I don’t get into long conversations with them, usually.

 

[Monica4316]

I find this sad. I was away from the Church from 1984-2004 ish. In those twenty years everything changed. I would have never visited with my neighbors before Mass, and now I feel kind of snobbish if I want to genuflect, and pop down the kneeler to pray before Mass. It’s pretty awkward to be kneeling on the kneeler with my head right between two other folks’ conversation, because they are carrying on as if I’m not there.

What should I do???

Hi, I sort of have the same problem
just try to find a place that is more quiet, and pray anyways. It might make a good example to others to see you genuflect etc

 

[Monica4316]

I don’t mind little children or babies at church, even when they’re loud… if I’m trying to pray before Mass and all the little kids are chatting or babies crying, it doesn’t really distract me.

What does distract me though is when the adults chat before Mass, especially in loud voices. At my parish, these people usually come right before the Mass starts, but still…

Also, it just makes me sad to see how other girls and young women dress. I’m 23, btw. I try to wear a skirt or black pants, if I can’t find a skirt… but soo many wear jeans and these really tight tops, or miniskirts, or shorts. I’m glad they’re coming to Mass, but in many cases it looks like their family just forced them to come it just depresses me.

the most reverent parish I’ve ever been to was the Oratory where they hold weekly Latin Mass. Almost everyone prayed on their kneelers before Mass, everyone were dressed appropriately, and many women even wore head coverings. Even the children were quiet. You could tell it was special, and not just a weekend gathering. After Mass, more than half the people stayed behind to pray, and many quietly came up to the side altars/shrines to light candles. If I lived near that church I’d go there all the time lol.

 

[Eddie_Mac]

Why can’t you do that in the car, before you enter the building?

My comments were in jest. Maybe I ought to use more smileys.

I never bring my phone into the church. Neither does my wife.

We are there to participate in the representation of Calvary.

Caught you hook, line, and sinker!

Eddie Mac

 

[jmcrae]

Caught you hook, line, and sinker!

Eddie Mac

 

[libbybeth]

I find this sad. I was away from the Church from 1984-2004 ish. In those twenty years everything changed. I would have never visited with my neighbors before Mass, and now I feel kind of snobbish if I want to genuflect, and pop down the kneeler to pray before Mass.
What should I do???

We go to Church to pray, to praise God, and to follow his commands “do this in remembrance of me”. Therefore, we are there for Christ, not for other people. The first form of focus is to genuflect. Please don’t feel snobbish - other people’s attitudes to god are their own affair. You should not allow their disrespect to cause you to feel awkward about doing what you know to be right. Incidentally, if we all really believe that Jesus is present in the tabernacle, then perhaps we should prostrate ourselves on the floor, and not just genuflect. Keep up the good work, and remember that it will take some time to change attitudes and behaviour if so many people regard disrespect for God as normal. Also, isn’t it God we come to talk to - so carry on popping down on the kneeler. In my church, most people do this both before and at the end of Mass. good luck!

 

[gez722]

Before Mass, talk to God. During Mass, let God talk to you. After Mass, talk to your neighbor.

While I like the general idea, I’d like to add the words “outside of the church” to the end of this message. My family and I like to offer our thanksgiving to Jesus after Mass and there are often very loud conversations that take place all around us. It gets very distracting and is hard to concentrate. I’m all for people socializing, but I really wish they would step outside of the church first!

God Bless,
Gary

 

[Gardenman]

I honestly don’t see why people are so “surprised” by the noise in church before, during or after Mass. All of this (in my opinion) is the result of the casual atmosphere that has evolved from the New Mass in general.

We went from complete reverence, sacred music, appropriate attire, genuflecting, kneeling for communion (from a PRIEST) and respect for the REAL PRESENCE to
this casual, OVERDONE atmosphere where pretty much everything is tolerated.

I find the following to be extremely telling:

There is a church one city over from where I live which offers the TLM every week at the same time. Behavior before, during and after the Mass (as well as peoples dress) is completely the OPPOSITE from that at the regular masses at the SAME church.

At the TLM, women and girls cover their heads. People are QUIET when they enter, while Mass is going on, and when they exit. I have never seen people in shorts or jeans or t-shirts etc. at this Mass. People genuflect. NO announcement has to be made regarding cell phones. You can hear a pin drop before Mass and no one is pew hopping and socializing. No one is running around in the sanctuary fiddling with sheet music, microphones, guitars, chairs, etc. etc. ad nauseum. Soft organ music is played and it is beautiful. There are NO pre-mass DISTRACTIONS. People can actually PRAY without being bothered by others’ socializing. Children are quiet and well behaved. No one is tuning a piano or their guitar, or playing with the sound system to see if it works.

20 minutes later, when the NO is about to begin it’s a whole different atmosphere. Different as night and day…and NOT for the better.

 

[ChristinaM]

I also have noticed that the more reverent the Mass, whether EF or OF, the more well-behaved the children will tend to be. Parents who love reverent liturgy seem to take the time to instill a sense of proper behavior in their children. I love babies and toddlers and I expect them to cry - but it is sad to see big kids running around with no discipline.

And I rarely, if ever, see a large family with excessively unruly children. The parents of many children seem to know the value of discipline. I remember a family with six children - five boys! - at our last parish. My husband and I were always amazed at how preternaturally quiet and well behaved they were. One time, the second youngest boy, about five or six years old, began to fuss and squirm, and we observed his father leaning over and whispering in his ear. The boy immediately quieted himself. I imagine Dad made it very clear what the consequences were if he kept acting up in Mass!

I do realize the plural of “anecdote” is not “data” - just sharing my experience here.

 

[BernadetteM]

In my parish we have one EF Mass and the others are OF. We have many families with from 5 to one who just had her 15th child. The children are all quiet (of course sometimes the babies do cry). The children as young as two genuflect before going into the pew.

There is no noise before Mass or after Mass. People are very polite when they need to pass you in the pew to be seated.

There is great reverence show at all times while in church. Before Mass people will go up and light candles and sometimes pray at the communion rail. Also there are lines going to confession before each Mass.

It is wonderful to be able to pray in silence before the Blessed Sacrament or say a rosary before Mass begins.

I think that the attitude of the congregation comes from the direction of the Pastor and how he instructs the people. We have visitors and when they see the reverence at our church they just naturally follow what everyone else does.

Yours in the Hearts of Jesus and Mary

Bernadette

 

[Halos1n2Horns]

well I agree with you all for dress code on sundays, but not during the week days especially if the church don’t have air conditioners as in the northern part of usa. Where there really not needed. I may put on some capri’s and a t-shirt depending on the weather, unless holy day of obligation during weekday. Its only a half hour long mass and our priest’s tell us to dress according to the weather. So I guess you would say, it depends on your priest’s preference for day masses .But on sundays it should always be dress coded . I am usually in dresses for sunday masses, unless its winter and then I wear slacks and sweater or pant suits.

I am usually in a hurry to get to mass too, I have a specially challenged young adult that comes in from rehab about 4-4:15 PM mass is at 5 pm tues - fridays. Yes I could get dressed in a hurry, but i am usually at the church doing volunteering work ( like cleaning it ) and don’t always have time to change clothes.

Our Church is old ready to fall apart lol, but were merging, so we don’t have a vestible for chatting they do it mostly ( except the elderly god bless them) speak lowly before mass. but after mass they forget there are people trying to pray, Its so disturbing to hear them, but what can you do about it? at the present we don’t have a priest, so they seem to do what they want to? i just about gave up on this church ( not as quitting the catholic church) just on this parish , there is no quiet time for pray b4 masses or after. maybe i see if our secretary will put that in our bulletin also thanks for the information.

My opinion Halos

 

[ML561]

Grace and Peace be with all of you. Noise in church is not something new. My parents, who are Methodists, have noticed this for some time, people chatting loudly before the service and even during it. In their church years ago, an announcement was regularly made in the bulletin saying this: “We speak to God before the service, God speaks to us after the service, we speak to each other after the service.” This rule used to be followed when I was growing up as a Methodist. My parents continue to attend church but are increasingly irritated by unruly children and adults treating the service as if it were a social hour. Their pastors do not seem inclined to remedy this situation. (Methodists have bishops who send pastors out much as we do in the Catholic church, but I’m not sure their bishops pay as much attention to what is going on.) This situation has irritated my parents so much that they sometimes stay home from church because the dignity of the service has been lost. This is sad.

One of the reasons I became Catholic was because of the dignity of the Mass. I had been attending Methodist youth groups faithfully until I reached high school, but in the 1970’s a bizarre trend came about, fueled by new pastors who thought that young people could be reached, not by traditional teachings, but by rock music, beanbag chairs, “rap sessions”,
and instead of pictures of Jesus, posters with lyrics by the latest pop star. I could not deal with that and explained to my parents that I just could not come to church any more if that was the way it was going to be. I started going to Mass with a friend, and although it took four years for me to complete instructions, I knew it was right. (It took some time for my parents to accept my conversion, but they did.)

I am aware that there are some churches in which they believe that the louder the shouting, and the more falling in the aisles there is, the more the Holy Spirit is present.

It is upsetting when I attend Catholic churches in which that kind of attitude prevails, when Holy Communion seems like a cocktail party and the sign of peace is turned into a social event that can last for ten or fifteen minutes.

 

[Appleby]

Shift over? Seriously, I have no idea. I have been in the same situation, and have been known to dangle my Rosary between them - it doesn’t faze them even a bit. :shrug.

I would speak to them directly, looking them right in the face. Would you mind ceasing your chatter so I can pray? It is no use trying to be polite to people like them. They do not know from polite. Or you could say, Pardon me, my father is dying and I would really appreciate your silence so I could pray for him. If they are older they may cease. If they are young, they will probably tell you to move to another pew, as they GOTTARIGHT to continue their conversation about The Bachelorette. I have actually had some of these brats tell me that they do not appreciate being talked to like that. I respond by saying I do not appreciate their treating church as if it is Starbucks.

We are constantly told that we must bow down to Generation Yne Millenials because They Are Different/Special. I refuse to do so. They need to learn how to behave properly before they grow up to be President and bunny-hug the Queen (God bless her) and shame their country.

 

[Pat_the_elder]

I would speak to them directly, looking them right in the face. Would you mind ceasing your chatter so I can pray? It is no use trying to be polite to people like them. They do not know from polite. Or you could say, Pardon me, my father is dying and I would really appreciate your silence so I could pray for him.

Or instead of trying to outdo them in the rudeness contest you could offer up your agitation and anger to God and pray for them. Look - I know that some people seem to be noisy but walk a mile in their shoes before jumping in. As far as dress code is concerned, my old man often said when passing our local Protestant church on a Sunday. “At least our lot go to pray to God, not attend a fashion show”

Pat

 

[Sarabande]

I also have noticed that the more reverent the Mass, whether EF or OF, the more well-behaved the children will tend to be. Parents who love reverent liturgy seem to take the time to instill a sense of proper behavior in their children. I love babies and toddlers and I expect them to cry - but it is sad to see big kids running around with no discipline.

And I rarely, if ever, see a large family with excessively unruly children. The parents of many children seem to know the value of discipline. I remember a family with six children - five boys! - at our last parish. My husband and I were always amazed at how preternaturally quiet and well behaved they were. One time, the second youngest boy, about five or six years old, began to fuss and squirm, and we observed his father leaning over and whispering in his ear. The boy immediately quieted himself. I imagine Dad made it very clear what the consequences were if he kept acting up in Mass!

I do realize the plural of “anecdote” is not “data” - just sharing my experience here.

I think you may be right with this. Having been to many different churches for Mass I have noticed the same thing. The more reverent and “quiet” the mass is, the less noisy children (and adults) seem to be. Of course, you will always hear babies and little tots, but that’s expected and usually parents will take them out to hush them and then come back in. When I think about how my grandmother took all six of her children to Mass by herself (my grandfather was Lutheran - they had five rambunctious boys and one tomboy girl) and was able to have them be pretty much quiet and polite during Mass, I can’t see why it can’t be done now.

I think it may be cultural as well. In my mother’s culture, the children are like typical kids, but when it comes time to be somewhere that requires being quiet and still, they are probably some of the best-behaved children I’ve ever seen. The mothers, aunts, grandmothers all have a hand in disciplining the children and they are taught to listen to all of them. It’s quite amazing. My mother was like that with us as well. We grew up mostly around my father’s side of the family, but were taught to be obedient and respectful to our elders and especially when we were in situations that called for us to be more “genteel”. haha! I was a naturally quiet kid, but my sister and brother both had ADD and were pretty rambunctious normally. My sister, especially, was extremely hard to handle. She was a definite handful with a huge mouth - still has one and is proud of it. Once we were at Mass or somewhere that required us to be more quiet and polite, boy, all my mother had to do was give that typical look if it appeared that someone was going to act up, and we’d just settle down immediately.

 

[Appleby]

There is a church one city over from where I live which offers the TLM every week at the same time. Behavior before, during and after the Mass (as well as peoples dress) is completely the OPPOSITE from that at the regular masses at the SAME church.

Same again at my church! The Latin Mass has no hoo-rah going on during the Mass; the children genuflect and they do it properly too, and even in the back area where toddlers (18 months or younger) are supervised by their parent(s) while they toddle about, it is quiet. As soon as the church clears and the English service people begin to come in, so do the cell phones, the loud voices, the running children and the latecomers pushing their way past those trying to participate in the service, without apparently noticing what is going on at all. At least in hockey you have to wait for a whistle!

As for offering it up when in fact ones father IS dying and one WOULD like silence to pray for him, and people around one will not respond to the sight of a distressed person in prayer – phooey. In times like that it is not possible to screen out relentless re-plays of teevee programs and hee-heeing about the fun they had clubbing the night before, when the vision before you is your father on his deathbed in a hospice with the phone call expected any minute. Ditto when it is the first month anniversary of your fathers death and you sit there dripping tears over your Rosary and the same oblivous chitchat goes on and on. It is not a matter of outruding them. It is a matter of pleading with them to have some respect. Why do they think other people come to church? Do they think we are ALL there to find out who shot JR?

 

[Jokoangel]

And I rarely, if ever, see a large family with excessively unruly children. The parents of many children seem to know the value of discipline. I remember a family with six children - five boys! - at our last parish. My husband and I were always amazed at how preternaturally quiet and well behaved they were. One time, the second youngest boy, about five or six years old, began to fuss and squirm, and we observed his father leaning over and whispering in his ear. here.

Christina: I wholeheartedly agree with you. In my child-rearing I had been blessed with 5 children in 6 years plus caring for 2 foster babies. In attending Mass, we always attended together, sitting in the first row (so that the children could see what was going on). I personally feel that they need to be able to see what’s going on because being surrounded by tall people was discouraging. In addition we, too, whispered in their ear excitedly to tell them that “Jesus was coming!” The consequences of misbehaving was: “Jesus would be sad!”

We were very aware that we caused apprehension in our fellow worshippers when we walked in but they, I’m sure, were very surprised.