Traditional Catholic's approach on Natural Family Planning

[Paradox2080]

Hello all, I’m a new member here but have been a regular reader of this forum for some time.

My wife and I got married about 12months ago and six weeks ago became parents of our first child. It’s not until you experience the full birth of a child you can appreciate what a miracle every birth is.

Question: My wife and i know at least one couple who have had 12 children in their 13 year marriage (ultra traditional Catholics); we feel that spacing our children at least 18months apart would be appropriate given our circumstances and that’s where natural family planning comes in.

We have received contradicting information from a number of priests in regards to natural family planning, some are traditional SSPX priests and others are NO priests. I just wanted to pick some of your brains for thoughts on this matter.

Cheers-

 

[Jacafamala]

Hello all, I’m a new member here but have been a regular reader of this forum for some time.

My wife and I got married about 12months ago and six weeks ago became parents of our first child. It’s not until you experience the full birth of a child you can appreciate what a miracle every birth is.

Question: My wife and i know at least one couple who have had 12 children in their 13 year marriage (ultra traditional Catholics); we feel that spacing our children at least 18months apart would be appropriate given our circumstances and that’s where natural family planning comes in.

We have received contradicting information from a number of priests in regards to natural family planning, some are traditional SSPX priests and others are NO priests. I just wanted to pick some of your brains for thoughts on this matter.

Cheers-

I love kids–love 'em.

My husband and I have five kids, spaced pretty far apart in age. The oldest is 14, the youngest is 2. I think we’ve always been as generous as we could be. We’ve used NFP to space them apart.

 

[universalindult]

I wrote the following several years ago when my wife and I used to teach NFP (I think the bulimia/contraception comparison came from Scott Hahn originally.)

We don’t teach any more. I could never get over the impression that the NFP industry teaches values-free NFP/ NFP as Catholic contraception and that the majority of Catholics we taught NFP often did not have “grave reasons.”

We teach there are 4 main reasons for having recourse to NFP.

1–Physical/ mental health—a pregnancy could kill you or so physically impair you as to prevent your fulfillment of your duties in your state in life—NOT because of a widening waste line or drooping skin! Or psychological health, i.e., mom would literally have a nervous breakdown if she became pregnant—not because she just couldn’t stand being home with the little kids all day without the personal fulfillment of her professional job.

2–Financial constraints—your child will starve if you have another. Wanting a bigger house or designer SUV just does not cut it!

3–work on the mission fields by one or both spouses that would preclude having children temporarily

4–active persecution or war—i.e., you or your child likely to die by coercive abortion, in concentration camp, in acts of war, etc.

Clearly we say these reasons must be SERIOUS, not trivial. Only the couple and their confessor can truly decide what truly constitutes grave reason.

We’ve had couples sit through my talk on this subject and literally say, "Gee, we thought we were being good Catholics just for deciding to use NFP. Now we realize we don’t even have grounds for recourse to NFP," then tell us a month or two later they’re pregnant.

NFP vs Contraception

Spacing children may be a desirable goal that does not violate God’s laws in certain serious situations such as those outlined above. But the means of achieving the goal differ. One is intrinsically evil (abortion, abortifacient contraception, barrier methods, sterilization) while one is morally neutral (Natural Family Planning.)

In one, an act is performed (sex) but its natural outcome is artificially foiled. In the other, no act is performed (simple abstinence during fertile times) so there IS no act, therefore the practice is morally neutral. It is then the intention of using NFP that constitutes its relative moral licitness or illicitness.

If NFP is used in a selfish manner, it too can be sinful. If it is used only in grave circumstances, it is not sinful.

The difference is real.

Dieting (decreasing caloric intake, the act of NOT eating) is a moral and responsible means of losing weight to maintain the body’s health.

Bulimia (the ACT of eating, them vomiting) is rightly called an eating DISORDER. An ACT is performed (eating in this case) and its natural outcome (nutrition) is foiled by expelling the food from the body.

Likewise contraception is a disorder. An ACT is performed (sex) and its natural outcome (procreation) is foiled by expelling the sperm or egg or both (abortifacient contraceptives) from the body.

Contraception is to NFP what Bulimia is to dieting. But just as dieting can be misused (anorexia) so too can NFP be misused in a sinful manner.

 

[SallyC]

My husband and I have been married for eight years and are expecting #5. All of them are born 21-24 months apart from eachother and this spacing is almost exclusively from breastfeeding. Except for one summer when I contracted West Nile, we haven’t used NFP to space the children. We had been using it for about 4 months at that time (I was 9-12 months postpartum) when I started to pray really seriously and I actually had a dream where Jesus told me things would be okay. So, we decided to leave it up to God again and had a baby 9 months later, plus, the worst symptoms of West Nile faded away!

Twelve children in thirteen years may seem like a lot to you now but with each child it gets easier. There are so many people who think we are insane for having our children “so close together”. As long as you and your wife are truly loving and caring for each other, and you turn to God, you will be fine.

We also teach nfp & have taught over 175 couples. We have thought a lot about the moral use of NFP. We practice what we preach in that we say that we really don’t see a reason to postpone, and we tell the couples that daily prayer as a couple is essential.

As far as the papal encyclicals on the subject, I believe the Pius X members are against any use of nfp for any reason, however I think they accept “virtuous continence” which Pius XI mentions in Casti Connubi, reiterating the Bible (excerpt):

not through virtuous continence (which Christian law permits in
matrimony when both parties consent) but by frustrating the marriage act.

My take on this is that if both spouses understand and agree to virtuous continence, the practice of abstinence may be morally acceptable.

*1 Corinthians 7:5
Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.
*

Gotta go!
I’ll say a prayer for your family!

 

[Paradox2080]

Some good reading there, thanks guys.

At the end of the day if we were to use natural family planning it would only be for a maximum of 18months. My wife and i just want to make sure we go about it the right way and not in any sinful way.

We have already been told that breastfeeding works, but some other’s report mixed results??

 

[Paradox2080]

My husband and I have been married for eight years and are expecting #5. All of them are born 21-24 months apart from eachother and this spacing is almost exclusively from breastfeeding. Except for one summer when I contracted West Nile, we haven’t used NFP to space the children. We had been using it for about 4 months at that time (I was 9-12 months postpartum) when I started to pray really seriously and I actually had a dream where Jesus told me things would be okay. So, we decided to leave it up to God again and had a baby 9 months later, plus, the worst symptoms of West Nile faded away!

Twelve children in thirteen years may seem like a lot to you now but with each child it gets easier. There are so many people who think we are insane for having our children “so close together”. As long as you and your wife are truly loving and caring for each other, and you turn to God, you will be fine.

We also teach nfp & have taught over 175 couples. We have thought a lot about the moral use of NFP. We practice what we preach in that we say that we really don’t see a reason to postpone, and we tell the couples that daily prayer as a couple is essential.

As far as the papal encyclicals on the subject, I believe the Pius X members are against any use of nfp for any reason, however I think they accept “virtuous continence” which Pius XI mentions in Casti Connubi, reiterating the Bible (excerpt):

not through virtuous continence (which Christian law permits in
matrimony when both parties consent) but by frustrating the marriage act.

My take on this is that if both spouses understand and agree to virtuous continence, the practice of abstinence may be morally acceptable.

*1 Corinthians 7:5
Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.
*

Gotta go!
I’ll say a prayer for your family!

Thanks for the prayers Sally…

 

[Red_Meg]

Gotta get dinner on, so I’ll be brief.

We’ve had eight kids in fifteen years of marriage. Couldn’t be happier.

Exclusive breastfeeding doesn’t stop everybody’s cycle-- I living proof of that running around downstairs right now.

We’ve used NFP at times to postpone the next baby. None life-threatening, but health-related-- needed surgery once, needed to recover from damaging deliveries, needed to lose quite a bit of weight.

At one point it looked like we were gonna have to stop having kids indefinitely because we were bursting at the seams of our little house. (A bigger house isn’t always a vain, materialistic desire-- we were expecting #6, living in a three-bedroom 1200 sf house. We were flat out of room, even with bunk beds.) Thankfully God came through with a bigger house, in our price range, and with a shorter commute. Go God!!!

All these decisions must be made with much careful thought and prayer.

---

The best way I’ve found to think about it is this: the two ends of the balance scale in this matter are generosity (always wanting to say yes to more) and prudence (clear-eyed assessment of things-- not foolishly over-optimistic, not glumly pessimistic.) Normally whenever I keep turning those two virutes over and over again in my prayer, it becomes pretty clear what “mode” we should be in-- actively trying, postponing or just chillin’.

Dinner (and eight kiddies) call.

Best regards,

Margaret

 

[havemercy]

I think everyone would appreciate this article:

Abusing NFP, by Kathleen van Schaijik

Janet Smith’s recent talk at Ave Maria College, “When is it Moral to Practice NFP?” gave a cogent objectivist argument that Natural Family Planning may be licit in a broader range of circumstances than many Catholics think. But, the sympathies of the crowd seemed to be providentialist.(1) Many who were present clearly regard NFP as morally dangerous. One woman scoffed out loud at the absurdity of newly weds imagining they could have serious enough reasons for postponing children. Another person proposed that since most women are fertile for 20 - 25 years, 8 - 10 would appear to be the “default number” of children per family–at least for couples married in their early 20s with no fertility problems. In other words, the fact that so few Catholic families have that many children is a good indication that NFP is being widely abused.

Kathleen van Schaijik (FUS class of '88) is Editor of the Concourse. Her husband, Jules (FUS class of '89) teaches philosophy at Ave Maria College. They have four children.

 

[Sure]

I think everyone would appreciate this article:

Abusing NFP, by Kathleen van Schaijik

Kathleen van Schaijik (FUS class of '88) is Editor of the Concourse. Her husband, Jules (FUS class of '89) teaches philosophy at Ave Maria College. They have four children.

It’s a good article. I think, though, the author misses an important point about NFP, namely that NFP is an exception and not the rule in a marriage. It’s not “natural” in the sense that it attempts to remedy a flaw in the design of Nature due to the fall of Man.

NFP is an option granted to us by the Church for use when there are just reasons to avoid having a baby at a particular time. Ideally, many people would have no use for NFP - their babies would be spaced 2-3 years apart and the parents would be financially and psychologically able to handle a large family. Sadly, that is not always the case. Frequently, breastfeeding does not adequately space babies and many times it is difficult to provide for a large family. In these cases of course, it is prudent to practice NFP. It seems like the author is coming close to saying that NFP is a good thing that OUGHT to be used by everyone for all sorts of reasons. When in reality, it is a good thing that CAN be used for just reasons.

 

[Windmill]

A recent analogy gave me some perspective.

 

[Sure]

A recent analogy gave me some perspective.

That is a great post. Thanks for linking that!

Of course, the analogy isn’t perfect, but I really tire of the people who go on and on about how NFP has “strengthened” our marriage. What they really mean is NOT using artificial contraception has strengthened their marriage. It seems that some people out there seem to think that NFP is actually better than just leaving it in God’s hands.

 

[Windmill]

What they really mean is NOT using artificial contraception has strengthened their marriage. It seems that some people out there seem to think that NFP is actually better than just leaving it in God’s hands.

I like your balancing comment. I don’t mean to say that we must be dower while using NFP, but it is the absence of evil, not the presence of nobility, that makes NFP acceptable.

Another analogy might be spiritual communions. You are right to refrain from receiving Holy Communion if you are not in a state of grace, but you should not glory in the spirituality of such a communion - you should remove the impediments to receiving Our Lord at the altar as is the norm for Christians. It is virtuous to avoid evil (sacrilegeous communions), but neither situation will prevail. Get thyself to the confessional.

 

[Sr_Sally]

I think that you will find that ‘ecological breastfeeding’ as taught by the Couple to Couple league will likely space your children exactly as you want. Breastfeeding (without pacifiers and with nightfeeding) usually limits the return of the mother’s fertility. For me it was over a year.

 

[Sure]

I like your balancing comment. I don’t mean to say that we must be dower while using NFP, but it is the absence of evil, not the presence of nobility, that makes NFP acceptable.

Another analogy might be spiritual communions. You are right to refrain from receiving Holy Communion if you are not in a state of grace, but you should not glory in the spirituality of such a communion - you should remove the impediments to receiving Our Lord at the altar as is the norm for Christians. It is virtuous to avoid evil (sacrilegeous communions), but neither situation will prevail. Get thyself to the confessional.

Good point…I cringe everytime I hear someone talk about how the periods of abstinence are “good” for their marriage. When what would be really good would be renewing the Marriage covenant!

 

[Malcolm_McLean]

I like your balancing comment. I don’t mean to say that we must be dower while using NFP, but it is the absence of evil, not the presence of nobility, that makes NFP acceptable.

But you’ve also got to look at the circumstances.

The soldier who doesn’t throw away his gun when all about him are deserting deserves substantial credit. Even if he doesn’t go beyond his orders to take an opportunity to attack the enemy when it presents itself, preferring the relative safety of his trench.

 

[Sure]

But you’ve also got to look at the circumstances.

The soldier who doesn’t throw away his gun when all about him are deserting deserves substantial credit. Even if he doesn’t go beyond his orders to take an opportunity to attack the enemy when it presents itself, preferring the relative safety of his trench.

Can you explain? I don’t understand what you are getting at.

Thanks!

 

[Windmill]

It is heroic to take up the call to “contraception-less” marriage, and that shouldn’t be minimized in this age of hedonism. However, the fact is, merely living the commandments of the natural law is the bare minimum that is expected of us, and we shouldn’t let our standards of saintliness drop just because the average person out there (Catholic or not) is living a depraved life.

It’s much like patting someone on the back because they didn’t murder anyone today. Yes, that’s true, but what about the call to defend life on the picket lines at Planned Parenthood? There is the avoidance of evil, but what about the striving for virtue and holiness above and beyond the minimum?

 

[Red_Meg]

I think that you will find that ‘ecological breastfeeding’ as taught by the Couple to Couple league will likely space your children exactly as you want. Breastfeeding (without pacifiers and with nightfeeding) usually limits the return of the mother’s fertility. For me it was over a year.

Sr. Sally-- I know ‘ecological breastfeeding’ works for a lot of women. It does not work for everybody, however. Fertility kind of runs along a spectrum-- for some women, even just nursing a few times a day will suppress ovulation, while for others it would pretty much take a freight train to shut things down. I fall more on the “freight train” end of the spectrum.

Then there’s the whole other class of women-- not a small class, either-- for whom the needed level of breastfeeding isn’t possible. I love having an infant in bed with me at night to nurse, but not everybody does. A good number of mothers work outside the home. Etc…

That’s one of the reasons I think it’s always a good idea for spouses to have good training in all the different symptom observations for NFP. If you suddenly realize you really need to postpone the next baby, that isn’t the time to suddenly also realize you haven’t a clue how that works…

Margaret

 

[Windmill]

Our kids are prone to severe, life-threatening food allergies. The allergist instructed my wife to nurse as long as possible. As a result, her fertility typically returns around 22 months post-partum with ecological breastfeeding. It is different for each female, and, I might add, that it takes a lot of cooperation from the father to make it work.

 

[dixieagle]

Hello all, I’m a new member here but have been a regular reader of this forum for some time.

My wife and I got married about 12months ago and six weeks ago became parents of our first child. It’s not until you experience the full birth of a child you can appreciate what a miracle every birth is.

Question: My wife and i know at least one couple who have had 12 children in their 13 year marriage (ultra traditional Catholics); we feel that spacing our children at least 18months apart would be appropriate given our circumstances and that’s where natural family planning comes in.

We have received contradicting information from a number of priests in regards to natural family planning, some are traditional SSPX priests and others are NO priests. I just wanted to pick some of your brains for thoughts on this matter.

Cheers-

Hi, Paradox,

First, congratulations to you and your wife on the birth of your new baby; it is an exciting time in your lives.

I’m a mom of two grown daughters, and used NFP for a long time. I become somewhat alarmed, and not a little annoyed, when I read the ultra-conservative views of some with regard to NFP. Yes, your Catholic marriage must be open to the transmission of life, as you clearly are. Beyond that, it is up to the consciences of you and your wife to prayerfully discern what constitutes “serious” reasons for spacing or postponing pregnancy. I think that being able to provide decently for each child (food, clothing, education, shelter) and make sure that parents are physically and emotionally ready to welcome another child are components of responsible parenthood and acceptable reasons for NFP.

NFP is difficult at times, encourages patience and communication and mutual respect; it is no easy fix. It also works very well when you invest the time and effort into learning the signs, symptoms, charting, etc. “Ecological breastfeeding” is wonderful, and works sometimes for some women, but is no guarantee. The knowledge gained through becoming familiar with NFP methods will be very helpful during breastfeeding, etc., to determine the return of fertility.

You have wonderful Papal encyclicals to help. Pay attention to them and tune out the extremists who try to impose their own self-made rules and restrictions on you. Do not adopt the “NFP is a necessary evil” mindset that some will push. When the Pope (JPII) strongly encourages more research to better help couples practice NFP successfully, you can be quite sure that he does not regard it as such.

Whether your consciences lead you to welcome 2 children or 10, know that you’re on the right path.

God bless!