Traditionalist & Bisexual; Question for the ladies & be honest!

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StillWandering

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Hey,

So, quick question for Catholic, especially traditionalist Catholic ladies.

I am a traditionalist Catholic guy. I take my faith pretty seriously, I go to TL Mass several times a week, daily rosary and prayer, I observe the usual ceremonies and traditions of the Church (my house is basically a shrine to the saints!). All in all, most people would describe me as a “good Catholic” (though personally, I know I can do way better and I am a wretched sinner).

I’ve been told I have a good personality, and that I’m pretty smart. Most people would describe me as pretty handsome. I’m really fun loving, enjoy socialising and travel, and I’m great with kids. My non-Catholic friends who are girls have said on numerous occasions to me that I’d make a great boyfriend, some have suggested that we get together, some have tried to set relationships up with me. I have always rejected any notion of dating or relationships because I haven’t been in a position to marry yet and I don’t believe in dating unless you can realistically be in a position to marry. Instead, I’ve concentrated my efforts on my job, getting a house, and building my personal finances to a point now where marriage might be an option, if God so wills it. So, this being the case I’ve been thinking about starting dating.

There may be a problem though. I’m bisexual. I repeat, Bisexual, not Gay. I’m very open about it and have been for years. It’s definitely not a phase or a cover transition to my coming out as gay. I’m simply Bisexual. I don’t have a sexual preference for either gender, but speaking honestly about it, yeah, I do have attractions to people of both genders. As far as I’m concerned, it’s no different to being heterosexual and guarding chastity; I just have to work a little harder. I always assumed that any girl who was a Catholic would understand that if you are in a relationship as a Bisexual, you are still as committed to it, that you wouldn’t jump one day into the nearest Gay club to sodomise your way through the place.

I know girls, in general, can sometimes be nervous about dating Bisexual guys. I also know that many Trad Girls can be a bit confused about what it actually means to be Bisexual and it is disconcerting for them to find out the guy they are dating is Bi. I know its not ideal.

The question I would like to know from the Trad Girls is what your thoughts are on dating a regular guy who is openly Bisexual? Would you consider it?
 
It might be a deal breaker for a few, but I would guess many girls would be okay with it. You sound like a great catch, and I bet you will have no problem finding ladies to date (and one to marry 😊) when you are ready.
 
I think it depends. As long as I was convinced it wasn’t a cover for being gay, I’d be ok with it personally.
 
I wouldn’t be so certain that you have to work harder at chastity because you identify as “bisexual”.
 
I wouldn’t have a problem with it as long as they did not act on it. The attraction to men is not really the problem, it’s the act of homosexual sex.
I also would make sure you tell the girl you’re dating early on so you don’t end up wasting each others time if it turns out she wouldn’t be comfortable with it.
 
Thanks a million. Listen, I completely get it, I really do. Thanks for your honesty! A lot of people are like “yeah its no problem, so long as its not my problem”
 
StillWandering said:
The question I would like to know from the Trad Girls is what your thoughts are on dating a regular guy who is openly Bisexual? Would you consider it?
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I personally don’t see anything wrong with it so long as you’re trying to live chastely and do not intend to indulge in it.
 
Ah patience, the virtue I have absolutely no familiarity with!😅
 
Another “already married” here, and yes, a deal breaker for me as well.
 
Also married,for me it’s kind of a new concept still,something I hadn’t heard of until recent years and struggle to understand.
My first thoughts would be,how does he know? Has he dated in the past ,men or women?
Perhaps younger women are more familiar with and could understand bisexuality better?
God bless .
 
I’m probably only a semi-trad, and while I am currently single (widowed) I’m old and not planning to date or marry again. I have known quite a few LGBTQ people, and my concern is that many men who say they are “bisexual” are actually gay, or more gay than straight. They say they are “bi” because they are trying to overcome their gay inclinations, and have managed to work up some attraction for women, but at heart they are gay. I would not want to date that kind.

Other men say they are bi because they are looking for women who are turned on by their bisexuality (there are women who find that attractive) and even looking for women who will be okay with them cheating on the side with men. I would not want to date that kind either.

There are also some who say they are bi because they had a passing interest in men, or a man (might have been their best friend at school when they were 15, might have been a very feminine-looking man or two that they knew when young), but who are now primarily or even entirely focused on dating women. I would maybe date that kind.

“Bi” can mean a lot of things. Having said that, I do know some bi guys who are happily married or partnered with a woman for years, so it is possible.

Is there some reason you need to be “openly bi” if you’re not planning to act on your bisexuality? Do you attend support groups that you would have to explain to your girlfriend? Or is it just a case of you wanting to get this out in the open early on, so you can quickly weed out women for whom it’s a deal breaker?
 
If you intend to exclusively date women, marry a woman and not act on your attraction to men, I’m not sure why you are identifying yourself as “bisexual” and being “open about it”. To what end? What does it mean to be “open about it” if you aren’t wanting to act on it?

It seems you are embracing “bisexual” as who you are rather than something about you. To me this indicates struggle rather than commitment to only acting on the properly ordered sexual desire towards women.
 
I agree with 1ke on this. Why does your sexual desire for men even need to be part of the equation? It’s as if you need to belong to a “group” so you can receive some sort of identity. What’s wrong with being John Doe, nice guy looking for a wife?

This is a big issue for me, the whole “how to welcome the LGBTQ and whatever other letters community to the Church”. How about the same way you welcome any other single person.
 
I am already married, and not exactly a “traditionalist”,
But as for me, from what I know from now, I wouldn’t try to marry someone who identify as a “bisexual”.
If he had already act toward this, I would be very unsecure during sexual relations.
If he had never (but why do he call himself “bisexual”?) I would have fear that he struggle with the desire to do it.
He can say that he is commited, but it is not sure that we will stay our life together.
If we divorced, what would happen? Would he go with men and the children would be around this?

Perhaps, I would have try, if I would have be in love, but not sure that I would have feel secure.
 
Why can’t you say that you’re heterosexual and leave the bisexuality to one side? You’re basically straight but have private temptations to sexual sin. You’re not different to most people in that regard. No need to complicate things.
 
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I also don’t understand, like 1ke and Tis_Bearself said, why do you insist on your bisexuality if you are planning on dating a hetero girl and get married to her and thus be fully committed in a God blessed relationship. Because if you present it in order to keep it there, in the relationship, like an inactive virus in a vaccine that never fully gets killed by the immune system, if I were that girl I would not be interested.
It is like presenting all your past girlfriends, or just women you fell in love with in the past, and say “after we are married, can we keep their pictures in our living room? Because they are so pretty.” What woman would accept this?
 
Just to clarify my post above, as I’ve stated on many past threads, I’m not a fan of having secrets in a relationship (and I myself am the type who might, after dating for a while, ask a man if he ever had a gay attraction or did anything gay, just because it’s part of getting to know a person, for me; one reason I would ask is that I have seen marriages fail when the guy suddenly popped out of the closet). I was not suggesting the OP keep the fact that he is a bit bi hidden away like a dark family secret never to be revealed, but just wondering what “openly bi” meant.

Since this is a deal-breaker for a lot of women, I can see where he’d want to mention it to a potential spouse because if he didn’t mention it and they found out after marriage, it could cause marital upset. My question is simply what he means by being “openly bi” in a situation where he is presumably not looking to cheat on his wife. There’s a difference between a guy who tells you quietly he’s about 40 percent bi, and a guy who is going around telling the world he’s bi, giving public speeches in the church support group on how he overcame his bi-ness, talking about his past to other people on social media etc. Some women can handle their spouse being a bi (or a fetishist or any number of other things) as long as it’s kept private between them or “in the family” but they don’t want to be walking around as the spouse of a person who’s public about these matters.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
“Bi” can mean a lot of things. Having said that, I do know some bi guys who are happily married or partnered with a woman for years, so it is possible.
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That’s me. 🙂

I agree with you that the indication that a man has tried to “work up” an attraction to women is a bit of a red flag.

Another observation here: if a bisexual man admits being attracted to men, and then falls into having sex with a man, people often say that this shows he was “really gay”. It doesn’t show that, though. I think people have a hard time understanding or believing that men exist who genuinely are sexually attracted to both sexes. I find it bizarre, since to me, both sexes are so obviously sexually attractive. But many people think that my experience of the world just doesn’t exist. Perhaps because it confirms their own simplistic understandings of sex?
 
Perhaps the OP may said to a potential wife that he have “attractions” to both sex, instead of being bisexual (because we can understand that he sleeps with both, which is apparently not the case).
But it is important, in my opinion, that a a potential wife know the thruth before any relation starts.

All women are differents, and he just needs one to get married! So, I will not be worry. He have qualities (and able to provide, if we are honest) that will attract a woman.
 
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