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estesbob
Guest
Our God is indeed and awesome God. And i beleive you are an awesome Mom. You and your family are in my prayers.
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moira
Guest
The father of the baby is an irresponsible 18 yr. old. and I learned from my daughter the other night that he has abused her. Tried to choke her with a dog leash, slams her up against the wall. and she let me listen to two threatening phone messages. she is afraid of him and I had no idea. I let her know that she could no way be with this guy. I let her know that she has a home and we will help her. No way am I throwing her out to the wolves.
It becomes a whole new ball game when there is violence involved. I’ve been in that boat myself 25 years ago.
I may not want to be responsible for another child, but right now it’s not about what I want. It’s about the safety of my daughter and her baby. And I will help them.
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Cupofkindness
Guest
Moira:
If there is a history of violence, I would strongly suggest that you consult an attorney as soon as you possibly can. Your daughter needs to see that being in relationship with this sort of man is detrimental to her, the baby and that his actions are criminal. Your daughter needs to record these instances of abuse and press charges in order to be protected by the law right now. Save those recorded messages from the boyfriend. You need to build a case so that this young man does not have any right to freely access his and your daughter’s baby. I know you are under immense pressure, but this needs to be dealt with as soon as possible. Today. A restraining order is should be obtained, given his continued violent threats. If he’s beating up a pregant girl, he must be stopped immediately. Please call a lawyer and build a case to prosecute this man. Does this guy know that she’s pregnant? Another slam against the wall could result in a tragic miscarriage. If there is nothing to stop this troubled young man, it will happen again.
Also, on other threads I’ve seen remarks to the effect that the mother did not state the name of the baby’s father on the birth certificate. The mother did this on purpose, because it creates a stumbling block, both legal and financial, for the father. The burden of proof rests on the father. It becomes his responsibility to go to court to order paternity tests and then he must pay for them. Although this seems less than desirable, it may be the only way your daughter can protect herself and her child from a lifetime of physical and emotional abuse. Most men of the calibar that your daughter is dating do not have the resources or the desire to pursue paternity. Note: your daughter needs to be careful about making claims that the boyfriend is the father should she press criminal charges. She should just say that she’s pregnant for the record, since unborn babies have legal protection in several states under circumstances like your daughter’s situation and this will enhance her case. An attorney will inform you of your daughter’s rights and obligations under the law in your state. I personally don’t believe that your daughter is morally obligated to provide the father’s name on the birth certificate. He is a dangerous man and needs to be kept away from your daughter and your grandchild. But of course he needs your prayers as well.
Your daughter will need lots and lots of prayer, counseling and encouragement to stay strong enough to do these things. God be with your precious family.
If there is a history of violence, I would strongly suggest that you consult an attorney as soon as you possibly can. Your daughter needs to see that being in relationship with this sort of man is detrimental to her, the baby and that his actions are criminal. Your daughter needs to record these instances of abuse and press charges in order to be protected by the law right now. Save those recorded messages from the boyfriend. You need to build a case so that this young man does not have any right to freely access his and your daughter’s baby. I know you are under immense pressure, but this needs to be dealt with as soon as possible. Today. A restraining order is should be obtained, given his continued violent threats. If he’s beating up a pregant girl, he must be stopped immediately. Please call a lawyer and build a case to prosecute this man. Does this guy know that she’s pregnant? Another slam against the wall could result in a tragic miscarriage. If there is nothing to stop this troubled young man, it will happen again.
Also, on other threads I’ve seen remarks to the effect that the mother did not state the name of the baby’s father on the birth certificate. The mother did this on purpose, because it creates a stumbling block, both legal and financial, for the father. The burden of proof rests on the father. It becomes his responsibility to go to court to order paternity tests and then he must pay for them. Although this seems less than desirable, it may be the only way your daughter can protect herself and her child from a lifetime of physical and emotional abuse. Most men of the calibar that your daughter is dating do not have the resources or the desire to pursue paternity. Note: your daughter needs to be careful about making claims that the boyfriend is the father should she press criminal charges. She should just say that she’s pregnant for the record, since unborn babies have legal protection in several states under circumstances like your daughter’s situation and this will enhance her case. An attorney will inform you of your daughter’s rights and obligations under the law in your state. I personally don’t believe that your daughter is morally obligated to provide the father’s name on the birth certificate. He is a dangerous man and needs to be kept away from your daughter and your grandchild. But of course he needs your prayers as well.
Your daughter will need lots and lots of prayer, counseling and encouragement to stay strong enough to do these things. God be with your precious family.
K
kage_ar
Guest
My prayers are with you and your daughter and the babe.
J
JMJDevotee
Guest
Oh, Moira, what wonderful news. I know it is just a step but it is a start.
I do have one word of caution, don’t put all of your eggs in this one basket. There may still be stormy days ahead where she feels rebellious and acts out. But remind her how much better things are for her and her child when she acts rationally.
I know you made the comment that you did not want to raise your grandchild and that is ok. If your daughter decides to keep the baby, don’t raise the child for her…but help her…offer to watch the baby while she is working or in class. But don’t change/feed/bathe the baby when your daughter is home, let her take full responsiblity for her child. Here is why I say this. My sister got pregnant her first semester of college and had the baby. My folks took her in and after the baby was born, my parents and our 15 year old sister did all the childcare and I watched her during the day while my sister went to school. My niece, God love her, is spoiled. My parents did that to her as a baby/toddler, my sister does it now to make up for missing her young life. It has ruined my parents and sisters relationship. They did practically everything to help her during this time and then she wound up doing the exact same thing 2 years later and had another daughter.
I am still praying everything works out. Our Lady is watching over all of you.
Pax Vobiscum
I do have one word of caution, don’t put all of your eggs in this one basket. There may still be stormy days ahead where she feels rebellious and acts out. But remind her how much better things are for her and her child when she acts rationally.
I know you made the comment that you did not want to raise your grandchild and that is ok. If your daughter decides to keep the baby, don’t raise the child for her…but help her…offer to watch the baby while she is working or in class. But don’t change/feed/bathe the baby when your daughter is home, let her take full responsiblity for her child. Here is why I say this. My sister got pregnant her first semester of college and had the baby. My folks took her in and after the baby was born, my parents and our 15 year old sister did all the childcare and I watched her during the day while my sister went to school. My niece, God love her, is spoiled. My parents did that to her as a baby/toddler, my sister does it now to make up for missing her young life. It has ruined my parents and sisters relationship. They did practically everything to help her during this time and then she wound up doing the exact same thing 2 years later and had another daughter.
I am still praying everything works out. Our Lady is watching over all of you.
Pax Vobiscum
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moira
Guest
To anyone who remembers this thread or cares, I thought I’d give an update.
My daughter is within two months of delivering her child (we found out it’s a girl) and being counseled by a young woman at Catholic Social Services who is wonderful. I go with her. I have to tell you, after meeting with this woman, I felt like some of the weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Now we have an advocate and don’t feel so alone. I also don’t feel so angry at my daughter. Just sad for her. There’s a baby coming. We’re not supposed to feel sad. But there it is.
Of course there is still the decision of whether to place the baby for adoption or not and that is the hardest decision of all. I think my daughter and I cry on a daily basis about this. It’s a gut wrenching decision and it hurts so bad to watch my daughter go through this. I wish I could do it for her. Please pray for her.
My daughter is within two months of delivering her child (we found out it’s a girl) and being counseled by a young woman at Catholic Social Services who is wonderful. I go with her. I have to tell you, after meeting with this woman, I felt like some of the weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Now we have an advocate and don’t feel so alone. I also don’t feel so angry at my daughter. Just sad for her. There’s a baby coming. We’re not supposed to feel sad. But there it is.
Of course there is still the decision of whether to place the baby for adoption or not and that is the hardest decision of all. I think my daughter and I cry on a daily basis about this. It’s a gut wrenching decision and it hurts so bad to watch my daughter go through this. I wish I could do it for her. Please pray for her.
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lotusblossom
Guest
You will both be in my prayers during these last couple of months. Be assured that she is in the arms of Mary and Christ and no matter what the decision, God will provide and be there always for both of you and the baby.
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maria29
Guest
You will be in my prayers…i was adopted the Catholic Charities (i guess its same as Catholic Social Services) my birth mother was 14 when she got pregnant and 15 when she had me…To this day though i have never met her I love her so much for giving me the chance of life…and I’ve never been angry at her for doing what she felt she needed to do at the time
God bless you and the decisions you face, try praying to St. Anne that is how my adoptive parents found me!
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Chovy
Guest
My prayers are really with you as you and your daughter discern what is best. As someone who can’t have children, I can’t even imagine what that must feel like and I have total respect for both of you as you make this decision. That child is lucky to have a strong mother and grandmother on its side.
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moira
Guest
Thanks, maria29.
Great idea, especially since my daughter’s name is Anne.
Coincidence? I think not!
I hadn’t thought of praying to St. Anne before, but she was the grandmother of Our Lord. Who better for a grandparent to ask help from?
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moira
Guest
Thank you, too, Chovy. I appreciate your prayers. We sure need them.
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moira
Guest
Well, my daughter’s baby was born on April 16th. Benedict XVI’s birthday. (My son’s birthday is May 18th, John Paul II’s b-day.)
Anyway, all went well except for a little high blood pressure during delivery. The baby is beautiful. (Of course she is and I’d be a rotten Grandma if I didn’t say so!) Her name is Elizabeth Marie. My daughter has decided to raise her herself. We had met an adoptive family because my daughter wanted to be prepared either way. They are a wonderful family and willing to meet us even though they knew that my daughter was on the fence about adoption. They have one adopted daughter and I feel a little sorry for them that we are going to raise this little one ourselves but my husband and I told our DD that we would help if she chose to keep her.
I never thought I’d say this but, I’m glad baby will stay with us.
I don’t think acceptance came for me until I saw her sweet little face.
Anyway, all went well except for a little high blood pressure during delivery. The baby is beautiful. (Of course she is and I’d be a rotten Grandma if I didn’t say so!) Her name is Elizabeth Marie. My daughter has decided to raise her herself. We had met an adoptive family because my daughter wanted to be prepared either way. They are a wonderful family and willing to meet us even though they knew that my daughter was on the fence about adoption. They have one adopted daughter and I feel a little sorry for them that we are going to raise this little one ourselves but my husband and I told our DD that we would help if she chose to keep her.
I never thought I’d say this but, I’m glad baby will stay with us.
I don’t think acceptance came for me until I saw her sweet little face.
L
lizaanne
Guest
Congratulations!!! A new baby is always a happy day! 
I’m very happy for you, and I will keep you and your family in my prayers. God has a way of making all things right and good.
~Liza
I’m very happy for you, and I will keep you and your family in my prayers. God has a way of making all things right and good.
~Liza
R
rayne89
Guest
Congratulations Grandma!! :extrahappy:
My bestfriend’s 17 year old daughter gave birth this month too. Just looking at that precious baby you know God is good. Even when we fail to follow his will he can bring something so precious and beautiful out of it. Enjoy your grand daughter!!!
My bestfriend’s 17 year old daughter gave birth this month too. Just looking at that precious baby you know God is good. Even when we fail to follow his will he can bring something so precious and beautiful out of it.
Enjoy your grand daughter!!!
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mesquite_magic
Guest
It’s interserting to be able to read this thread from beginning to end in one sitting. I love seeing how everything has changed for you and your daughter.
Congratulations on the new grandbaby! She sounds wonderful. Much love to you and your family.
Kim
Congratulations on the new grandbaby! She sounds wonderful. Much love to you and your family.
Kim
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katy
Guest
A new baby is truly a wondrous event, even when things are difficult. Congratulations!
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moira
Guest
Thanks to all!
Yes, she is a different person. Since the first time I took her to a pregnancy counselor at Catholic Charities, I began to see little changes.
About a month after she started counseling she asked me to take her to Confession. On our ride home she asked, “Now what do I have to do to go to Communion?” I said “you just did it”. She’s been going to Mass with the family ever since. Her whole attitude has changed.
God gave me my daughter back through this baby and I am so grateful to Him.
T
tamccrackine
Guest
What a beautiful “story” to have read through tonight. I have read through this thread and experienced old feelings of what you did in the beginning, yet from the sibling perspective of watching my sister be what your daughter was when she was that age. Very rebellious and disrespectful, ungrateful, etc. What a beautiful blessing this has all turned into and how amazing to watch God work out His plan through our struggles.
Your story has a better ending though. My sister will be 34 this year and has never grown up. Got pregnant early on and my mother told her (didn’t ask, nothing) to abort. My sister has had three abortions and is a very big mess. She’s also got two daughters and their relationships are not healthy.
This story has given me hope for your family though and it really sounds like things are moving very well. Good luck with the upcoming sleepless nights, your daughter will be in my prayers as being a teen mom isn’t easy. You have to admit that through it all, she did make a very good decision from the get go in that she didn’t abort the baby. (Don’t know if that was ever a thought for her or not, but she chose the best thing for her baby from the start).
Many blessings and prayers to you, your daughter, your new granddaughter and the rest of your family!!!
Your story has a better ending though. My sister will be 34 this year and has never grown up. Got pregnant early on and my mother told her (didn’t ask, nothing) to abort. My sister has had three abortions and is a very big mess. She’s also got two daughters and their relationships are not healthy.
This story has given me hope for your family though and it really sounds like things are moving very well. Good luck with the upcoming sleepless nights, your daughter will be in my prayers as being a teen mom isn’t easy. You have to admit that through it all, she did make a very good decision from the get go in that she didn’t abort the baby. (Don’t know if that was ever a thought for her or not, but she chose the best thing for her baby from the start).
Many blessings and prayers to you, your daughter, your new granddaughter and the rest of your family!!!
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mommyof4
Guest
Congratulations! A baby is always a blessing.
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mamacita
Guest
Moira,
I just started on here tonight and have read your thread from start to finish. I want you to know that you have done the right thing. I was pregnant at the age of 20 and had the baby at 21. I Was a single mom, the guy left when he found out I was pregnant although we had been dating for quite some time before that. My mom wanted me to think about adoption but I felt like, " I can do this, I am old enough and know the responsibility that goes with it." Not to mention I had a lot of practice since I had 6 youger siblings I helped with before this. Sure enough, by the grace of God I did it all myself, no child support, nothing from him. Left his name off of the birth certificate to make it more difficult for him to come back into mine or the baby’s life. Now, my wonderful son is 8 almost 9 years old, very intelligent, handsome boy has straight A’s every quarter and is about to receive his first Holy Communion. I am so very proud of him. I have always remained close to the Catholic faith through all of this and I give my credit for my strength and determination to all the prayers I said during those tough times. I met a wonderful man when I was 24 and married him. And the rest is history, we are expecting baby number 4 now!! I could not be happier about my decision to keep him my ds. So to you and your daughter, it can all be great in the end. It will take a lot of work on her part to be a single mom but she will look back hopefully and see that it is all worth it! Sorry to ramble, I just wanted to share how things went when I was a single mom, living with my parents, to let you know that it will all be great as time does heal. If she needs any advice feel free to email me. God Bless you, your daughter and that beautiful new baby girl!!
I just started on here tonight and have read your thread from start to finish. I want you to know that you have done the right thing. I was pregnant at the age of 20 and had the baby at 21. I Was a single mom, the guy left when he found out I was pregnant although we had been dating for quite some time before that. My mom wanted me to think about adoption but I felt like, " I can do this, I am old enough and know the responsibility that goes with it." Not to mention I had a lot of practice since I had 6 youger siblings I helped with before this. Sure enough, by the grace of God I did it all myself, no child support, nothing from him. Left his name off of the birth certificate to make it more difficult for him to come back into mine or the baby’s life. Now, my wonderful son is 8 almost 9 years old, very intelligent, handsome boy has straight A’s every quarter and is about to receive his first Holy Communion. I am so very proud of him. I have always remained close to the Catholic faith through all of this and I give my credit for my strength and determination to all the prayers I said during those tough times. I met a wonderful man when I was 24 and married him. And the rest is history, we are expecting baby number 4 now!! I could not be happier about my decision to keep him my ds. So to you and your daughter, it can all be great in the end. It will take a lot of work on her part to be a single mom but she will look back hopefully and see that it is all worth it! Sorry to ramble, I just wanted to share how things went when I was a single mom, living with my parents, to let you know that it will all be great as time does heal. If she needs any advice feel free to email me. God Bless you, your daughter and that beautiful new baby girl!!
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