Because I’m a rebel on the sense of leaning more traditionally and would like at least a grudging ‘ok fine… You can marry him’ instead of a source of constant conflict that may affect the grandchildren.
What are the odds of this being possible at all?Because I’m a rebel on the sense of leaning more traditionally and would like at least a grudging ‘ok fine… You can marry him’** instead of a source of constant conflict that may affect the grandchildren.**
Not to mention my poor mother.
You are describing a controlling man who abuses you psychologically.Because I’m a rebel on the sense of leaning more traditionally and would like at least a grudging ‘ok fine… You can marry him’ instead of a source of constant conflict that may affect the grandchildren.
Not to mention my poor mother.
:dancing:Uhhhh… No.
Well good luck then…Uhhhh… No.
I’m having an open discussion and asking for other POVs. Not a battle plan… I already got some new and helpful (name removed by moderator)ut. I also think it’s helpful just to lay things out and see how they look on paper, so to speak.
Interesting that you mention ‘image of my father’ - I’m well aware of that trap, and I can see what is good in my father and what is not. (If he wasn’t he, I wouldn’t be the me my PS likes…) And I actually think some of my father’s dislike stems from my PS being a much upgraded version of male provider compared to him…
No one is perfect - we’ll both have to deal with stuff - but I’m not marrying a stand-in for Dad, not on any planet or in any lifetime. :dts:
FWIW - My parents, while liking my spouse-to-be, had issues about the wedding (as they had about my college graduation). They fussed about whether it would be too hot, too much walking, too crowded, too expensive (we paid for it all ourselves), too…whatever. They made many remarks about the planning, the decisions and so forth.I’m not asking for specific advice, like whether I should or shouldn’t date him - because I’m going to anyway - but just looking for some POVs and anecdotes, maybe a discussion of just how important a paternal blessing is to a marriage/relationship…
My mother is supportive and sympathetic and helpful and not enabling… I just wish I could count on my father that way, as well.
In the end, they attended about 1/3rd of the time.
)Since your mom thinks this new fellow is OK, keep looking into whether he might be a good prospect without worrying about whether your father will ever like him. If you find him to be a good man and you marry him as a result, the chances are pretty good that your dad will warm up to him. Your task is to assess him just as carefully regardless of how your father, working on far less information than you have, decides to judge him so early on.You’re pretty much right.
The irony is, I grew up on so many old movies, that world seems pretty real to me, too. I’m not even close to as techie-modern-addicted as most people my age. I’m simply proficient…and he’s not.
My Grandparents house must have been perfect, I had an uncle who stayed at home until 53…and only left because he received the boot…finally
LOLIt can really depend on the particular person, even among siblings in the same family.
I maintain that the ‘stifled’ who then go ‘berserk’ have no actual commitment to the abstinence or understanding of why it is good.And in moving out if you grow up overly confined and hindered you need to approach it with a maximum battle plan if you are not knowledgeable of the world. It can be helpful to have a successful friend etc.
And to ensure that one does not run amuck with new found freedoms. I have seen quite a few overly controlled and sheltered go Berserk.
My fav example was a guy who was a strong Christian (prot) but all around American Boy goody goody. After about a year of experiencing life outside his bubble this “No sex before marriage, no drinking” kind of guy…
Had knocked up a chick and was a borderline alcoholic, drinking a few before work…work where it would be considered highly unacceptable to penalty of laws…
Plan ahead and make sure if you are going to be involved with this guy or anyother, that they are not prone to drag you into such a life of debauchery as when one leaves their family’s nest they sometimes latch on to dangerous things. So if he is like a drug kinda guy etc “then danger Will Robinson danger”
Your earlier description:
“Good job. Owns a house. Stable situation.”
Does not sound like that, but always good to advise all possibilities
To be fair, that second part can be of vastly varying difficulty depending on your resources and the area you live in. Not having a car of her own is going to be a pretty big limitation on the OP in what jobs she can take.
And I consider it a better position to have a part time job with no car expenses, then to get a car and incur all the associated expenses on the chance I’ll get a job that makes it worth it.
Living within your actual means instead of according the means you aspire to attain shows maturity. Education is an investment, but I mean the people who start driving fancy cars as soon as they are accepted into medical school, law school, or some other professional program. If you haven’t earned the money (or secured a steady job that is reasonably certain to get you the money, in the case of investment-type purchases such as buying the house you live in instead of renting), you should not spend the money.