C
cmujake
Guest
Thank you unworthy and Mariam for the kind words. I pray that my wife would act and feel the same.
- Status
T
Teakafrog
Guest
Oh, Jake, I’m so sorry. 
Please still give it a shot though. God can bring good out of it. Like I’ve told you, I just went to get my ex to shut up about it. I had no intention of ‘doing’ anything there, just showing up. But God worked in my heart anyway. It is possible. I’ll keep praying for you!! 
Please still give it a shot though. God can bring good out of it. Like I’ve told you, I just went to get my ex to shut up about it. I had no intention of ‘doing’ anything there, just showing up. But God worked in my heart anyway. It is possible. I’ll keep praying for you!!
M
mariam1976
Guest
Jake, the very fact that she decided to come with you means that somewhere in her heart she is still undecided… I am telling this to you as a woman… if she had made up her mind completely, she would not be coming to retrouvaille with you… so with that going on in her mind, i am sure that God will be able to work wonders… so just hang in there till this weekend…
and i am sure in some corner of her heart, she knows about you and what you are doing … so that will definitely help this weekend…
God bless … and will be praying for you…
M
mariam1976
Guest
and remember Jake, no matter what happens this weekend, you will have peace in knowing that you gave it every chance you could… that is helping me a lot these days as I know that I did not allow anything to get in my way of trying to get the marriage back together… i kept my pride, hurt, everything aside to try to get him back and now i have just let go and am allowing God to take care of the rest as I have done everything that I could… in the days to come, that peace will help a lot… believe me…
P
pilot
Guest
Oh Jake, you are in my prayers and I agree with what others have said, you don’t know for sure she was seeing an another man in the city. You have so many here praying for you and your wife and this weekend. Whatever happens at least you did your best to keep the marriage intact. Have faith and trust and lean on Our Blessed Mother. You are going on a First Saturday so call upon her for help and ask her to pray for your wife as a mother and as a wife to be all the Lord wants her to be in this world. You can also ask her to pray for you as well as St. Joseph.
Your in my prayers man. Hang in there and go with an open heart. I know you will give 100% and that is all you can do.
Your in my prayers man. Hang in there and go with an open heart. I know you will give 100% and that is all you can do.
N
nana3
Guest
Jake, I will pray another Rosary for your marriage. As the date gets closer, maybe the devil will try to prevent you both from going. Keep vigil and keep praying. I would pray as others have said to Our Lady and St. Joseph, but I would like to add that Our Lady’s mother, St. Anne, is a great Patron Saint of Couples.
I have a special place for St. Anne. I have met a woman who lives in Canada and claims to get visits from St. Anne. She has medical records of many of her illnesses, especially paralysis, that St. Anne cured through her intercession. She is under the Bishop in Quebec and he approves of her messages which have never gone astray from Catholic Teachings. My husband and I have had miracles through what this woman has told us and St. Anne herself has blessed us with her presence in two of the visits with this woman. Anyway, whether you believe this woman or not, she does tell us that St. Anne is the saint to turn to for couples. She has helped our marriage. I would also ask her for her powerful intercession. How could Jesus refuse two very important women in his life, His Mother and Grandmother. I call her my Grandmama St. Anne. By the way, the prophecy that she has given to my husband and I have come true. I doubted many times before it actually came to pass.
Praying for a miracle of the heart for both you and your wife.
I have a special place for St. Anne. I have met a woman who lives in Canada and claims to get visits from St. Anne. She has medical records of many of her illnesses, especially paralysis, that St. Anne cured through her intercession. She is under the Bishop in Quebec and he approves of her messages which have never gone astray from Catholic Teachings. My husband and I have had miracles through what this woman has told us and St. Anne herself has blessed us with her presence in two of the visits with this woman. Anyway, whether you believe this woman or not, she does tell us that St. Anne is the saint to turn to for couples. She has helped our marriage. I would also ask her for her powerful intercession. How could Jesus refuse two very important women in his life, His Mother and Grandmother. I call her my Grandmama St. Anne. By the way, the prophecy that she has given to my husband and I have come true. I doubted many times before it actually came to pass.
Praying for a miracle of the heart for both you and your wife.
C
cmujake
Guest
Thank you to all of you who have posted and written me words of encouragement and insight. You all know who you are are 
Your encouragement and insight has gotten me through some tough times recently. God Bless You for going out of your way to help a stranger.
As my wife and I get close to our Retrouvaille weekend (December 1-3), I ask that you continue to pray for our marriage. We especially need your prayers during the weekend.
I will do the same for all of yours.
Jake
Your encouragement and insight has gotten me through some tough times recently. God Bless You for going out of your way to help a stranger.
As my wife and I get close to our Retrouvaille weekend (December 1-3), I ask that you continue to pray for our marriage. We especially need your prayers during the weekend.
I will do the same for all of yours.
Jake
N
nana3
Guest
Jake, we will pray for you during the weekend. I also wanted to mention that praying and fasting works wonders. Maybe, you can fast tomorrow or even during the weekend. It doesn’t have to be from food. Just a thought.Thank you to all of you who have posted and written me words of encouragement and insight. You all know who you are are
Your encouragement and insight has gotten me through some tough times recently. God Bless You for going out of your way to help a stranger.
As my wife and I get close to our Retrouvaille weekend (December 1-3), I ask that you continue to pray for our marriage. We especially need your prayers during the weekend.
I will do the same for all of yours.
Jake
K
kellyb32
Guest
Jake, I will add your marriage to my prayer list for marriages as well. I know how important it is to continue to pray despite what circumstances are like. If not for prayer and the grace of God many marriages would not be together today (mine included). May God work to bring healing and restoration in your marriage. I hope you have a miraculous weekend.
God bless
Kelly
God bless
Kelly
T
Teakafrog
Guest
Jake,
In case you check in here before you go…know we’re praying for you both!
In case you check in here before you go…know we’re praying for you both!
N
nana3
Guest
Jake, how did the weekend go? Let us know. Your in our prayers.
C
cmujake
Guest
Thank to you all of you for your thoughts, prayers, and words of encouragement the past few weeks during this most difficult time in my marriage.
The weekend wasn’t what I had prayed for in terms of overall results. It
did feel like their was a start, though. It was an incredibly amazing
program. I’ve never been so touched and overcome with emotion in my life.
Just before the end of the day, they told everyone to turn in their nametags
if they would be attending the post sessions in Rockford. I told Heather I
need a minute because I needed to turn in my name tag. She said, “that’s if
you are going to the post sessions in Rockford.” She then gave me her
nametag. She was also looking at the dates and location of the posts from
the handout that we were given.
On the last day, we received a letter from our prayer couple. The letter
basically said,
“we came to Retro and we were one week away from finalizing our divorce,
after being separated for 2.5 years. I left thinking, ‘great ministry, but
not for us’. The journey is difficult. Their is nothing “better” out
there. You two are together for a reason. I felt the need to write to you.
We helped at registration and we also had separate rooms.”
After I had everything together and had finished saying goodbyes, I went
down to the lobby to meet Heather. There was a woman about my age holding
an infant speaking with Heather. I came upon them and the woman said, “hi,
Jake”. I’m sure I had a look of “I’m sorry, I don’t know you” on my face.
She said, “I got up the nerve to say hello to Heather. I’m the one who
wrote you the letter.” I just got a chill when she said that. She had such
a calm, soothing way about her. I didn’t tell her what I had thought of the
letter that she wrote. I was so moved when I read it that tears starting
coming out of my eyes without my control while reading it. Her husband came
over and then she introduced him to me. She also told me that she gave
Heather her phone number if we wanted to talk.
Heather said something very hurtful to me that caused me to be about 15
minutes late for dinner on Saturday night because I was in the chapel crying
and asking God how Heather could say such a thing to me. I described in detail
my feelings on our wedding…scared but optistimistic and overjoyed to be
marrying my best friend and the woman who made me feel complete. She said,
“I feel like scum” and went into the bathroom. She came back out and I
said, “tell me more about that feeling.” She said, “I don’t know if I
really loved you when I married you. I may have done it to please my mother
or you.” I know that isn’t true. We were so much in love. I just
kept asking God, “how could she say such a hurtful thing?” She also kept
reminding me many times over the course of the weekend that her feelings
hadn’t changed and that if we had come her even a year ago, things could
have been different. She doesn’t really seem to believe in the concept of
the decision to Love, Trust, and Forgive. She thinks they are feelings.
She kept saying, “my heart has turned cold to you. I feel no love for you.”
We had a friendly drive home and got along last night. She was very
withdrawn this morning and seemed to have a chip on her shoulder. I had
started her car this morning because it is bitterly cold. She said, “you
didn’t need to start my car.” No thank you said to me. As she was leaving,
I said, “would you like to schedule a time tonight to dialogue.” She got an
angry tone and said, “email and tell me when you want to dialogue with me.”
As she opened the door to leave the house, she said, “We’re not going to the
posts. Well, I’m not going to the posts.” Doesn’t this mean that she is
basically telling me that she still wants a divorce?
I’m going to the 1st post on Sunday and I am going to ask her to continue
dialoguing with me. I am going to the post because I want the support of
those wonderfully kind people. I know it will be heartwrenching and
embarrassing to be there by myself, but I need to go to the post.
There were so many moving things that were said and happened this weekend and my wife seemed to be relatively unmoved by the whole thing. She kept saying, “I feel bad that I do not feel anything from these stories. My heart has turned cold.”
Please continue to pray for me. She is back to her behavior of expressing her anger toward me, while I am still being kind to her. I kind of get the feeling that she has made up her mind and she is too prideful to let anything change that decision. I am not feeling so good about the future
and I am scared to death.
God Bless all of You.
Jake
The weekend wasn’t what I had prayed for in terms of overall results. It
did feel like their was a start, though. It was an incredibly amazing
program. I’ve never been so touched and overcome with emotion in my life.
Just before the end of the day, they told everyone to turn in their nametags
if they would be attending the post sessions in Rockford. I told Heather I
need a minute because I needed to turn in my name tag. She said, “that’s if
you are going to the post sessions in Rockford.” She then gave me her
nametag. She was also looking at the dates and location of the posts from
the handout that we were given.
On the last day, we received a letter from our prayer couple. The letter
basically said,
“we came to Retro and we were one week away from finalizing our divorce,
after being separated for 2.5 years. I left thinking, ‘great ministry, but
not for us’. The journey is difficult. Their is nothing “better” out
there. You two are together for a reason. I felt the need to write to you.
We helped at registration and we also had separate rooms.”
After I had everything together and had finished saying goodbyes, I went
down to the lobby to meet Heather. There was a woman about my age holding
an infant speaking with Heather. I came upon them and the woman said, “hi,
Jake”. I’m sure I had a look of “I’m sorry, I don’t know you” on my face.
She said, “I got up the nerve to say hello to Heather. I’m the one who
wrote you the letter.” I just got a chill when she said that. She had such
a calm, soothing way about her. I didn’t tell her what I had thought of the
letter that she wrote. I was so moved when I read it that tears starting
coming out of my eyes without my control while reading it. Her husband came
over and then she introduced him to me. She also told me that she gave
Heather her phone number if we wanted to talk.
Heather said something very hurtful to me that caused me to be about 15
minutes late for dinner on Saturday night because I was in the chapel crying
and asking God how Heather could say such a thing to me. I described in detail
my feelings on our wedding…scared but optistimistic and overjoyed to be
marrying my best friend and the woman who made me feel complete. She said,
“I feel like scum” and went into the bathroom. She came back out and I
said, “tell me more about that feeling.” She said, “I don’t know if I
really loved you when I married you. I may have done it to please my mother
or you.” I know that isn’t true. We were so much in love. I just
kept asking God, “how could she say such a hurtful thing?” She also kept
reminding me many times over the course of the weekend that her feelings
hadn’t changed and that if we had come her even a year ago, things could
have been different. She doesn’t really seem to believe in the concept of
the decision to Love, Trust, and Forgive. She thinks they are feelings.
She kept saying, “my heart has turned cold to you. I feel no love for you.”
We had a friendly drive home and got along last night. She was very
withdrawn this morning and seemed to have a chip on her shoulder. I had
started her car this morning because it is bitterly cold. She said, “you
didn’t need to start my car.” No thank you said to me. As she was leaving,
I said, “would you like to schedule a time tonight to dialogue.” She got an
angry tone and said, “email and tell me when you want to dialogue with me.”
As she opened the door to leave the house, she said, “We’re not going to the
posts. Well, I’m not going to the posts.” Doesn’t this mean that she is
basically telling me that she still wants a divorce?
I’m going to the 1st post on Sunday and I am going to ask her to continue
dialoguing with me. I am going to the post because I want the support of
those wonderfully kind people. I know it will be heartwrenching and
embarrassing to be there by myself, but I need to go to the post.
There were so many moving things that were said and happened this weekend and my wife seemed to be relatively unmoved by the whole thing. She kept saying, “I feel bad that I do not feel anything from these stories. My heart has turned cold.”
Please continue to pray for me. She is back to her behavior of expressing her anger toward me, while I am still being kind to her. I kind of get the feeling that she has made up her mind and she is too prideful to let anything change that decision. I am not feeling so good about the future
and I am scared to death.
God Bless all of You.
Jake
M
mariam1976
Guest
Jake,
dont worry about the outcome… just do what needs to be done and leave the rest to god… he will guide you down the right path… like they say god allows free will and that is what is making your wife go down this path…
have a blessed day and leave all the worries to god!!
dont worry about the outcome… just do what needs to be done and leave the rest to god… he will guide you down the right path… like they say god allows free will and that is what is making your wife go down this path…
have a blessed day and leave all the worries to god!!
C
cmujake
Guest
Thank you for the words of encouragement.
After emailing her this morning with a suggested time for dialoguing, she replied, “ask me later. Right now I don’t even know if I want to continue dialogue.”
Where do I go with that? How do I respond to that? How many times do I allow her to crush me? I’m so tempted right now to just tell her to file for the divorce that she thinks will solve all of her problems.
Jake
After emailing her this morning with a suggested time for dialoguing, she replied, “ask me later. Right now I don’t even know if I want to continue dialogue.”
Where do I go with that? How do I respond to that? How many times do I allow her to crush me? I’m so tempted right now to just tell her to file for the divorce that she thinks will solve all of her problems.
Jake
M
mariam1976
Guest
i would suggest jake… and i dont know if this is right… just back off for a while… maybe others could say if i am right…
let her be for sometime… if you are can wait and fight for this marriage…
DO NOT tell her to file for divorce… if she does do that, you dont want it on your conscience for the rest of your life that you prompted her to…
you go about doing the things that you are doing right now and if she has anything in her heart for you, she will come back…
remember love is like sand… hold it loose and it will be there… squeeze it tight and it will run out…
let her be for sometime… if you are can wait and fight for this marriage…
DO NOT tell her to file for divorce… if she does do that, you dont want it on your conscience for the rest of your life that you prompted her to…
you go about doing the things that you are doing right now and if she has anything in her heart for you, she will come back…
remember love is like sand… hold it loose and it will be there… squeeze it tight and it will run out…
R
Ray_Scheel
Guest
Jake:
There is another resource I’d recommend to you: divorcebusting.com and the related book.
Though mostly secular, it is very much aimed at doing what it takes to keep / restore a marraige in ways that work. I’ve seen a lot of Catholics in the message baords, and the Catholic view on the permanace of marraige is not looked down on at all. The parts of interest to you are the WAW (walk away wife) / MLC (mid-life crisis) sections. divorcebusting.com/a_walkaway_wife.htm
Even though my marraige has almost no chance of reconciliation, I still visit that site looking for clues on what I might be able to do to help my ex decide to really start working on things. My situation is complicated by my ex refusing to pursue treatment for the full extent of pre-existing but hidden mental illness.
There is another resource I’d recommend to you: divorcebusting.com and the related book.
Though mostly secular, it is very much aimed at doing what it takes to keep / restore a marraige in ways that work. I’ve seen a lot of Catholics in the message baords, and the Catholic view on the permanace of marraige is not looked down on at all. The parts of interest to you are the WAW (walk away wife) / MLC (mid-life crisis) sections. divorcebusting.com/a_walkaway_wife.htm
Even though my marraige has almost no chance of reconciliation, I still visit that site looking for clues on what I might be able to do to help my ex decide to really start working on things. My situation is complicated by my ex refusing to pursue treatment for the full extent of pre-existing but hidden mental illness.
C
cmujake
Guest
How do you mean, " just back off for a while… let her be for sometime… "
M
mariam1976
Guest
dont ask her for dialoguing… as obviously she is not ready for it… just keep doing the good things that u r doing already showing her that you are doing ur best to be considerate…
after all jake it takes 2 people to make a relationship work and u r doing ur part… if she doesnt, then it will be on her conscience not urs…
u dont need to be crushed in order to make the marriage work… respect also plays a big part in the marriage… so hold on to your self respect while you go through this…
if she wants the dialoguing now, let her ask for it…
i hope i am not being the devil’s advocate… if anyone on this forum thinks so… please correct me…
after all jake it takes 2 people to make a relationship work and u r doing ur part… if she doesnt, then it will be on her conscience not urs…
u dont need to be crushed in order to make the marriage work… respect also plays a big part in the marriage… so hold on to your self respect while you go through this…
if she wants the dialoguing now, let her ask for it…
i hope i am not being the devil’s advocate… if anyone on this forum thinks so… please correct me…
R
Ray_Scheel
Guest
It means just that - at this phase the spouse considering leaving is often feeling smothered and anything you initiate that interacts with her will be taken as smothering behavior. “Going dark” is another expression I’ve seen used. Find time to do fun things for yourself by yourself and don’t invite her, don’t talk about it much to her without her prompting you - just go / do. Let her be the one to ask to talk to you next. Let her start her own car. Leave her wondering if you are going to have a better time without her that she would without you and realizing through its absencewhat she is going to miss about having you around.
R
Ray_Scheel
Guest
Now, when she’s ready, she’ll ask to start spending time with you, or askign to talk - the proper reaction there is consenting but trying to keep your excitement restrained. Essentially, it is a version of playing “hard to get” where the ball is in her court but you are not waiting / begging for her to play ball with you.
- Status