Use NFP: It Doesn't Work

[maryjk]

The OP article is harmful in that it is likely to confirm the nearly universal secular (and even catholic) attitude that NFP is just ‘catholic contraception.’ It isn’t. Not by a long shot. When a couple practices NFP and decides to “go for it” in spite of knowing that it is a potentially fertile time, NFP HAS worked! There are planned babies, unplanned babies and What the Heck Babies. The third of those are, indeed, unique catholic blessings not enjoyed by contraception practitioners. (And I got me one!)

I loved how you put that.
When a couple decides to go for it, that is NFP at work.

When a couple NEVER EVER thinks about going for it during fertile times, you know that they really need/want to avoid.

 

[Bluegoat]

A lot of posters mentioned irritation with the way NFP is promoted as if it is for everybody rather than just an exception for those with a serious reason to avoid pregnancy.

That has some merit, but what such objectors don’t seem to notice is that NFP requires that monthly time of abstinance, which really amounts to a sexual fasting. A funny thing happens when you fast: The ‘still, small voice’ gets louder. You hear God speak to you. NFP isn’t self perpetuating like ABC is. It pushes you back towards reconsidering babies, rather than indulges you in pleasure divorced from its intent. In that sense, NFP DOES WORK when you understand what it is SUPPOSED to do. It is supposed to push you back toward life, is supposed to be a crucible test of your ‘just reason’ to avoid. Many the couple are like me that thought they had a just reason to avoid, but were confronted with our cowardliness during that abstinance time.

The OP article is harmful in that it is likely to confirm the nearly universal secular (and even catholic) attitude that NFP is just ‘catholic contraception.’ It isn’t. Not by a long shot. When a couple practices NFP and decides to “go for it” in spite of knowing that it is a potentially fertile time, NFP HAS worked! There are planned babies, unplanned babies and What the Heck Babies. The third of those are, indeed, unique catholic blessings not enjoyed by contraception practitioners. (And I got me one!)

It seems to me that sexual fasting is something that the Catholic Church should perhaps talk more about. Many people don’t seem to realize that periods of fasting are meant to include sex. THere is an attitude that NFP constantly battles against that married couples have “the right” to have sex whenever they want to. It isn’t really a Christian understanding, but even in Catholic culture it seems to underlie much thought about sex within marriage.

I often think the CC might take a page from the Orthodox on this, and on fasting in general, which they take much more seriously. It’s difficult because our Western culture is not well disposed to denial, and it could turn people off, but I think it is actually an important tool in teaching people to live as Christians within a culture that abhors self-denial of that kind.

 

[Tosk]

Went to a NFP doctor and found out why NFP doesn’t work, or at least why it doesn’t work for us. My wife was diagnosed with PCOS. It wasn’t a very helpful answer but it did at least help with my 'satiable curiosity. The charts never did make any sense to either one of us anyway. From using test strips we determined that we ovulate once or maybe twice a year. The strange thing is, one as far as we can figure out my wife has never ovulated without getting pregnant and two according to the doctor she should be infertile. I can now put NFP out of my mind completely and forget the whole ugly experience.

 

[kage_ar]

Went to a NFP doctor and found out why NFP doesn’t work, or at least why it doesn’t work for us. My wife was diagnosed with PCOS. It wasn’t a very helpful answer but it did at least help with my 'satiable curiosity. The charts never did make any sense to either one of us anyway. From using test strips we determined that we ovulate once or maybe twice a year. The strange thing is, one as far as we can figure out my wife has never ovulated without getting pregnant and two according to the doctor she should be infertile. I can now put NFP out of my mind completely and forget the whole ugly experience.

Women with PCOS use NFP - I know several! Heck, there are women on this board.

 

[Em_in_FL]

Went to a NFP doctor and found out why NFP doesn’t work, or at least why it doesn’t work for us. My wife was diagnosed with PCOS. It wasn’t a very helpful answer but it did at least help with my 'satiable curiosity. The charts never did make any sense to either one of us anyway. From using test strips we determined that we ovulate once or maybe twice a year. The strange thing is, one as far as we can figure out my wife has never ovulated without getting pregnant and two according to the doctor she should be infertile. I can now put NFP out of my mind completely and forget the whole ugly experience.

Agreeing with kage from above… MANY MANY WOMEN WITH PCOS USE NFP SUCCESSFULLY!!!
Actually, from what I’ve heard, most with PCOS tend to find the mucous-only methods a little more applicable to their situation… so maybe consider looking into the Creighton Method!

 

[agapewolf]

I have pcos, the charting helped diagnose it. I started metformin and it fixed everything. Yes, actually fixed the problem, not covered it up.

I really really don’t get how when someone gets a diagnosis, that excuses them, rather then trying to fix the problem so that things work correctly. In any other ways of health, it would be unheard of to just “live” with a diagnoses without trying to fix it.

 

[Tosk]

We are seeing a specialist but there is such a slim chance of having another child there is no reason to worry with NFP anymore.

 

[Zelda_Hice]

Tis post kind of bothered me. It’s as if you really don’t believe that there are any good reasons for couples NOT to have another child - I get the sarcasm, but I don’t want to make assumptions. NFP is the one way that the Church gives the o.k. for putting off children - yes, I agree that every child is a gift, but when I bring a “gift” into this world, I want to make sure that my husband and I can give him/her the best possible life. I want them to know that whatever they desire to do in life they’ll have the ability to do. And I don’t ever want any child to feel that he/she was brought into the world as an “oops” moment. Now if someone has as many resources as needed, the desire and the good health to give birth to 6 or 12 childrento raise a family of 6 or 12 than that’s great and kudos to them, but that is not the majority of people. I think soething else needs to be brought p hereand that is the time in which we are living. People may have needed to have more children 150 or even 1000 years ago - the mortality rates were extremely high. In some areas, a child less than 50/50 chance of making it to her/his 1st birthday. In some places, like the states we have gone in the other direction bit too much.
I agree that love making does have two purposes - but, I know that when we’re able to be open to life, my husband and I are not thinking everytime “oh boy, maybe we’ll make a child” - sometimes love making is just something that (personally), my husband or I want and we could care less about anything but how it feels. And I don’t see anything wrong with that. One thing that I did notice with the poll on here regarding NFP, that the are quite a few people who admit they couldn’t stick to the rules and got pregnant . Plain and siple, there are just times when it’s not the right time for a couple to get pregnant - there are any number of good reasons for this decision and you seem to feel (and correct me if I"m wrong) that there really isn’t any good reason for them to not want to get pregnant. If even the Church says there are good reasons for couples to avoid getting pregnant, than why do you seem t imply that ther ar no good reasons? This is the one avenue that the Church allows couples to use to prevent or encourage becoming pregnant- and even when it’s used perfectly (to avoid pregnancy) , sometimes pregnancy occurs anyway. Do you think this method should be banished by the Church as well? Personally, I know that even if I was healthy enough to have had many, many children, I would have wanted to stop at 3 or 4 because that is all we can afford to have while still giving them everything we feel is necessary for them to have. I am not anti children by any means but I am (personally) against having more than we feel we could handle properly.

God Bless
Ryecroft

Beautifully said. Life is to be cherished – including ensuring that we as parents are capable of providing the best circumstances and quality of life possible for our children. There are plenty of situations in which deliberately bringing a child into the world is not appropriate for a family – it could be health, financial, timing, etc. While we have spirit and love of life to guide and influence us, we also have the God given capability of conscious deliberation and acting responsibly.

Regards,
Zelda

 

[JRPO]

Hi - let me preface to say I’m not asking this to be rude or anything, but what about the artificial contraception did you hate? You mentioned your wife needed it for medical reasons which the Priest was right, for some medical reasons, the artificial contraception is allowed. I’m curious because I hear women mention not liking it sometimes but I rarely come upon a husband who has a problem with ABC. Did your wife have a problem with it to?

God Bless
Rye

My ex wife had thrombosis and continual vomiting put on weight still had hormone problems and ovarian cysts it(the pill) didn’t really solve any problems at all. In the end they took her ovaries out (rotten Doctors) she was never the same person after that.All her mental health problems got worse and now she"s no longer with the kids and me and… well… thats another story.

 

[ryecroft]

My ex wife had thrombosis and continual vomiting put on weight still had hormone problems and ovarian cysts it(the pill) didn’t really solve any problems at all. In the end they took her ovaries out (rotten Doctors) she was never the same person after that.All her mental health problems got worse and now she"s no longer with the kids and me and… well… thats another story.

I thought you meant that when using NFP instead of birth control that there was something well- seeming “spitually” or unknown that made you hate it. As much as I hate to admit I’m wrong, some of these posts have deffinately shown me that no doctors, (including those that are reccomended by the Pope Paul Institute) really want to “go for it” and try to find the root problem for some women (such as myself) who have some serious problems as far as menstration- I’m glad you let me know about what your ex went through, because the last “bright” idea they had (besides just birth control) was to do a meyomectamy which could have resulted in loosing parts of me if all didn’t go correctly. They wanted to see if this would “fix the problem”. I feel very badly for the both of you - something which she had little or no control was made worse by a doctor. I thank God my parents stepped in and told me to try to bear up when I had a period lasting 8 months which I had to have transfusions during. They wanted to go in and do the myomectmy then - which I’ve since found when done with bleeding that is already severe or almost sever can cost a woman her ability to get pregnant. I’m saying a prayer for her and you.
God Bless
Rye
Annie

 

[JRPO]

I thought you meant that when using NFP instead of birth control that there was something well- seeming “spitually” or unknown that made you hate it. As much as I hate to admit I’m wrong, some of these posts have deffinately shown me that no doctors, (including those that are reccomended by the Pope Paul Institute) really want to “go for it” and try to find the root problem for some women (such as myself) who have some serious problems as far as menstration- I’m glad you let me know about what your ex went through, because the last “bright” idea they had (besides just birth control) was to do a meyomectamy which could have resulted in loosing parts of me if all didn’t go correctly. They wanted to see if this would “fix the problem”. I feel very badly for the both of you - something which she had little or no control was made worse by a doctor. I thank God my parents stepped in and told me to try to bear up when I had a period lasting 8 months which I had to have transfusions during. They wanted to go in and do the myomectmy then - which I’ve since found when done with bleeding that is already severe or almost sever can cost a woman her ability to get pregnant. I’m saying a prayer for her and you.
God Bless
Rye
Annie

Well. Yes’ there was something special and spiritual about using NFP. It’s a different kind of intimacy to the - go for it when you get the urge kind of intimacy that contracepting brings about. I miss the NFP kind of intimacy very much. I miss being a part of that kind of relationship and I miss being a husband. I did get very involved in the charting, testing and examining.

Sorry you have had it tough too
Prayers for you

 

[Stylites]

I was listening to Catholic Answers Live yesterday, and the radio host was answering a question about contraception, and stated its failure rates which increase over time whereas NFP does not.

 

[Tosk]

I was listening to Catholic Answers Live yesterday, and the radio host was answering a question about contraception, and stated its failure rates which increase over time whereas NFP does not.

That is true. I think it is because NFP is such an unforgiving method of birth control that it will really put the fear of sex in you. After practicing NFP for a couple of years people really develop a healthy fear of their spouses’ virility.

 

[kage_ar]

That is true. I think it is because NFP is such an unforgiving method of birth control that it will really put the fear of sex in you. After practicing NFP for a couple of years couples really develop a healthy fear of their spouses’ virility.

If you are in fear of your spouse’s virility, the marriage has huge problems. Seek counseling. God designed the human body to procreate, if we live in fear of God’s design, we have a serious problem.

 

[Tosk]

If you are in fear of your spouse’s virility, the marriage has huge problems. Seek counseling. God designed the human body to procreate, if we live in fear of God’s design, we have a serious peoblem.

How many kids do you have?

 

[kage_ar]

How many kids do you have?

We have one child on earth and another that is trusted to the mercy of God. We used NFP for nearly 2 decades to avoid due to serious health issues (my body is unable to carry another pregnancy, I would have been at best unable to every walk again if I had again attempted to carry a child to term).

You?

 

[ac_claire]

That is true. I think it is because NFP is such an unforgiving method of birth control that it will really put the fear of sex in you. After practicing NFP for a couple of years people really develop a healthy fear of their spouses’ virility.

I’m not sure there is such a think as a healthy fear of sex and virility as regards bearing children. God designed several, multiple, beautiful facets of sex and marriage but the primary purpose of sex and marriage is procreation. Nowadays I frequently see a greater disconnect between sex and marriage and, among married couples, sex and children. It’s easy when people think they can use NFP for whatever reasons they want. (Not saying you are/did, Tosk…I did read the posts about your health concerns.) As I understand Church teaching, marriage, sex and pro-creation are all tied together and you can’t morally have any one of these without having (or in the case of children, accepting; being open to) all three.

 

[Tosk]

I’m not sure there is such a think as a healthy fear of sex and virility as regards bearing children. God designed several, multiple, beautiful facets of sex and marriage but the primary purpose of sex and marriage is procreation. Nowadays I frequently see a greater disconnect between sex and marriage and, among married couples, sex and children. It’s easy when people think they can use NFP for whatever reasons they want. (Not saying you are/did, Tosk…I did read the posts about your health concerns.) As I understand Church teaching, marriage, sex and pro-creation are all tied together and you can’t morally have any one of these without having (or in the case of children, accepting; being open to) all three.

I disagree, having a healthy fear of something makes you more cautious and more concerned about safety. In my case, my virility is something that could possibly kill and I would stupid not to have a healthy fear and respect for it.

 

[Tosk]

We have one child on earth and another that is trusted to the mercy of God. We used NFP for nearly 2 decades to avoid due to serious health issues (my body is unable to carry another pregnancy, I would have been at best unable to every walk again if I had again attempted to carry a child to term).

You?

5 kids. So you had something that could possibly kill you and you still didn’t have a healthy fear of it?

It is very common on this board for people to recommend counseling for just about everything. I have to ask, what kind of magic goes down at counseling?

 

[kage_ar]

5 kids. So you had something that could possibly kill you and you still didn’t have a healthy fear of it?

It is very common on this board for people to recommend counseling for just about everything. I have to ask, what kind of magic goes down at counseling?

Nope. If I was diabetic I would not live in fear of candy either.

God designed me to be fertile on somedays and infertile the rest. He designed a way to tell when those times are. We simply watched the signs.

Many people benefit from counseling, there are sadly people who have had their ideas of love and marriage and relationships formed by the media, secular society or by broken marriages of their parents. They have never learned by example HOW to have a successful marriage, so, they need a professional to assist.