Vasectomy question - help

[Crusaderbear]

Your questions are far too heavy to be handled by anyone on this forum. I know that is not the anwer you’re looking for, but this truly isn’t a question that 99.9999% of users on this board are equipped to advise on, and the few priests and trained apologists/spiritual counselors here cannot help you anonymously. I can’t stress that enough for a situation as serious as this.

You need to seek pastoral guidance from a priest. You may be directed to a deacon or spiritual counselor for some of your concerns.

AGREE 110% talk to your pastor, maybe even a bishop.

Praying you can work it out!

 

[joeybaggz]

the situation is nuanced - its not ridiculous - its my life… Perhaps the first respondents are correct. This can’t be answered but by a priest…

You’ve found your answer Pete. Now follow through on it and God Bless! Will say a prayer for you.

Shalom

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

AGREE 110% talk to your pastor, maybe even a bishop.

Praying you can work it out!

A bishop!? lol!
A pastor is someone who should understand and know his flock. Including personal intimate issues. And even that is hard to do! A bishop is far removed from that type of one on one spiritual direction! It’s sad but true. I can’t imagine mentioning this to a bishop unless heterodox immoral advice is given by a priest. Which, sadly, is possible.

I have an in with our bishop. He is baptizing our newest addition. His schedule is FULL until august. And that’s just for a baptism!

I suppose one could write or email and get a response, but how helpful would that be. A bishop is a prince of the Church and the advice here can NEVER be to get the vasectomy. The op needs a priest not to “give pastoral permission” for this but for serious counseling and education. That is not a Bishop’s scope. He ordains people for that…

 

[Gertabelle]

I don’t know what to say to you. My life hasn’t been as cut and dry as that.

I don’t want to defy God. I’m not a bad person, and neither is she. I’m trying to work out my salvation.

No one’s life is cut and dry as all that. Be at peace.

There are people on CAF who are simply more interested in being “right” and showing off what they perceive is their unmatched wisdom, insight, and knowledge of all things Catholic, than they are in actually helping others. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this during this time of asking for help.

Talk to a priest, and know that there are many people who are reading this, not posting, but are praying for you and your family.

I’ll be praying too.

 

[pianistclare]

This jumped out at me as well:

If a woman posted on here how her husband was going to force her to mutilate herself, sin, and jeopardize her soul to hell, and she felt as if she had no choice we would almost all identify her as abused and controlled and we would advise talking to a priest, a counselor, and perhaps the authorities. Even more so if after posts about the problem she told us how he was a really nice guy who just doesn’t understand and is misunderstood but she looooooves hiiiiim…

I agree here, even though I know you think it’s mean.
If this were a woman posting, we’d all be up in arms.
Couple that with your “I just can’t” comment, and it’s VERY concerning.

I can’t reconcile that a woman would think it’s ok for her husband to risk eternal life to make hers easier. That’s more than just postpartum depression. It’s a mental crisis absolutely, but it’s also a spiritual crisis. A very serious one.

I worry for you and the new baby.

A couple may avoid for serious reasons. It appears you have serious reasons.
You know you can’t get a vasectomy.
You should also know that you can’t sin, and just keep confessing it.

See the priest in the morning.
I wish you well, and will say a prayer for you. Don’t do anything rash.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

No one’s life is cut and dry as all that. Be at peace.

There are people on CAF who are simply more interested in being “right” and showing off what they perceive is their unmatched wisdom, insight, and knowledge of all things Catholic, than they are in actually helping others. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this during this time of asking for help.

Talk to a priest, and know that there are many people who are reading this, not posting, but are praying for you and your family.

I’ll be praying too.

Question: Can a Catholic get a vasectomy?

 

[FishyPete]

I agree 100%. Your love for your family, wife and the teachings of the Church shine through your post and you should speak to a priest.

May God bless you during this time of difficulty.

Mary.

Thank you for your kind words.

 

[FishyPete]

My question was if I would be forgiven.

I know it is wrong.

I will seek guidance.

I came seeking some answers, but it would seem I presented myself and my wife as terrible people. that was not my intention. We are sinners, but we are trying to work out our salvation.

I ask that people include me in a quick prayer.

 

[pensmama87]

My question was if I would be forgiven.

I know it is wrong.

I will seek guidance.

I came seeking some answers, but it would seem I presented myself and my wife as terrible people. that was not my intention. We are sinners, but we are trying to work out our salvation.

I ask that people include me in a quick prayer.

Needing help does not make you terrible people. I’m glad you will seek guidance. I am praying for you.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

My question was if I would be forgiven.

I know it is wrong.

I will seek guidance.

I came seeking some answers, but it would seem I presented myself and my wife as terrible people. that was not my intention. We are sinners, but we are trying to work out our salvation.

I ask that people include me in a quick prayer.

Pete. Are you familiar with the sin of presumption?
It can be grave as well.
catholic.com/qa/what-is-the-sin-of-presumption

So here is how it works.
No, you didn’t find some sort of loophole in God’s salvation economy.
We cannot commit a sin, presuming the mercy or forgiveness.
For you to be forgiven for the vasectomy you would need also forgiveness for presumption. For forgiveness of those two things you need remorse. Remorse means you would not do it again, or if you could go back you would do it differently. That would require a change of heart from you.
Now, your real question, if you are consistent with your logic, should be, will your wife be forgiven for her part in this. I mean, that’s the whole reason you are doing it right? To protect her soul. Well, if she pressures you to sin… she may be culpable as well.

Pete. The single biggest job of a spouse is to help the other achieve heaven. That simply is not how your marriage is working. That’s sad. True honor, true laying you life down for your wife like Christ did for the Church (Ephesians 5) is helping her be holy by you sacrificing and being holy. In your logic, Christ sinned, to take our sins away. This is a perverted though probably well intentioned sentiment.

 

[FishyPete]

Pete. Are you familiar with the sin of presumption?
It can be grave as well.
catholic.com/qa/what-is-the-sin-of-presumption

So here is how it works.
No, you didn’t find some sort of loophole in God’s salvation economy.
We cannot commit a sin, presuming the mercy or forgiveness.
For you to be forgiven for the vasectomy you would need also forgiveness for presumption. For forgiveness of those two things you need remorse. Remorse means you would not do it again, or if you could go back you would do it differently. That would require a change of heart from you.
Now, your real question, if you are consistent with your logic, should be, will your wife be forgiven for her part in this. I mean, that’s the whole reason you are doing it right? To protect her soul. Well, if she pressures you to sin… she may be culpable as well.

Pete. The single biggest job of a spouse is to help the other achieve heaven. That simply is not how your marriage is working. That’s sad. True honor, true laying you life down for your wife like Christ did for the Church (Ephesians 5) is helping her be holy by you sacrificing and being holy. In your logic, Christ sinned, to take our sins away. This is a perverted though probably well intentioned sentiment.

You’re intent on the last word so in won’t reply anymore and I’ll give it to you.

But if you read my posts you’d see that I ask about presumption. And no I don’t think my Lord sinned.

I came here with genuine fears and trouble. I never looked for a loophole. I looked for simple answers to perhaps a far too complex issue.

I’ll leave you with this… as Pope Francis has said, in life we must attend to our brothers as if it were a field hospital. That means attentive and loving care on the outskirts, where life is messy. Sometimes we can hurt people with our words, and it’s better to simply offer a prayer if we can’t offer gentle words, soothing words to those in distress.

Thanks to all the others who offered prayers.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

You’re intent on the last word so in won’t reply anymore and I’ll give it to you.

But if you read my posts you’d see that I ask about presumption. And no I don’t think my Lord sinned.

I came here with genuine fears and trouble. I never looked for a loophole. I looked for simple answers to perhaps a far too complex issue.

I’ll leave you with this… as Pope Francis has said, in life we must attend to our brothers as if it were a field hospital. That means attentive and loving care on the outskirts, where life is messy. Sometimes we can hurt people with our words, and it’s better to simply offer a prayer if we can’t offer gentle words, soothing words to those in distress.

Thanks to all the others who offered prayers.

Pete. CAF is not equipped to give you permission to sin and mutilate yourself. You posted a question anonymously on a public forum about an incredibly personal issue. You will recieve a wide variety of responses and opinions.
I’m not a priest. I’m not pastoral.
I will indeed pray for you in a real way. I will pray for your wife. That you may be comforted and guided. That your understanding and trust in God grows. And that he extends His love and Mercy to your hearts! That he prevents you from harming yourself or others.
You may pray for me also!

 

[Rosebud77]

No one’s life is cut and dry as all that. Be at peace.

There are people on CAF who are simply more interested in being “right” and showing off what they perceive is their unmatched wisdom, insight, and knowledge of all things Catholic, than they are in actually helping others. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this during this time of asking for help.

Talk to a priest, and know that there are many people who are reading this, not posting, but are praying for you and your family.

I’ll be praying too.

Amen to this.

 

[pianistclare]

I think, from the beginning of this thread, many have suggested that the OP see a priest.
At issue is the marital relationship, culminating in the suggestion of a vasectomy as an “answer”.

I’m obviously not a priest either, but I can tell you, a vasectomy is never the answer.
I am 100% positive that any priest will same the same thing.
Counseling, prayer, and likely, temporary abstinence is what will be offered in terms of advice. With the mention of Pope Francis, I begin to think this is a “scenario” thread. A thread made to make a point.

I really don’t want to hope that this is a real case, as it is tragic on so many levels.
But I do wonder now…

Posters don’t have to have the last word, but I fear the OP came here to hear what he wanted to hear. As presented, this is a dire situation in need of immediate attention, at the very least for this poor woman’s mental health. Marital health, perhaps spiritual direction. See the priest. Period. But that also means to heed what he will say.
He will not counsel or promote anything sinful. No need to worry about that. Has nothing to do with Pope Francis. Shepherds care for their flock.

At any rate, prayers offered for this couple.

 

[Vonsalza]

**who am i: **A devout Catholic who tries to live his faith moment by moment. I am 45 years old, I am married and I have 3 children (15, 13, and a newborn)

The issue: My wife has demanded that I get a vasectomy. My wife has multiple health issues that would make another pregnancy dangerous to her life. She has diabetes. She has mental health issues involving post partum stress disorder. She has anger and emotional issues and she has severe pre and post menstrual syndrome. Her menstrual cycles swing wildly and can be as irregular and off by weeks at a time. Natural family planning has never been an option.

**The bottom line: **Without a vasectomy my marriage and family will be destroyed. This is not hyperbole on my part. I walk a tightrope keeping my family together as I love my wife and children more than my life. But like a wild animal, I am caught without options (due to what I have listed above).

**My questions: I know a vasectomy is wrong. I know it is a mortal sin. I would go without sex for the rest of my life if need be, but I know my wife will not accept this.

1. Will I be forgiven for mutilating my body like this even though I know it is wrong and against God going in.
2. And will I be forgiven even though my only hope is in hoping in the mercy of confession, In other words, I am assuming/presuming that I will be forgiven - I know this, and I know this is a sin too. Will I be forgiven for this as well?**

I desire to be with God, but will this doom me to hell? I loose sleep over this, but I am being squeezed into a noose that I cannot escape without destroying my family.

I desire to be with God. Am I lost to the furnace with this decision? I am desperate and cornered.

Help…

See someone with a related PhD in the matter and someone that wears the priest’s collar.

Avoid internet forums populated by idealogues like myself.

Yours is an incredibly difficult path that I can relate to. You have my prayers. Be at peace.

 

[Wesrock]

My question was if I would be forgiven.

I know it is wrong.

I will seek guidance.

I came seeking some answers, but it would seem I presented myself and my wife as terrible people. that was not my intention. We are sinners, but we are trying to work out our salvation.

I ask that people include me in a quick prayer.

Will do.

I don’t think you are terrible people, by the way. I just think it’s an extremely pastorally delicate situation that is not well served on this board. And it’s a very trying and difficult situation to be in. You’ll get an odd mix of opinions, harsh answers, etc…

I mean, I think I know the answer, and I think others here know, too. But it’s the counseling on that answer, and the gravity of everything, that I don’t think can be provided here that made me recommend a priest so strongly.

 

[FishyPete]

Update:

Last night my wife and I had a brief but frank discussion about this. We opened up some dialogue which is really good.

We then prayed together, and asked for guidance.

It was a positive thing that led us away from this rash decision.

I wanted to let everyone know because I believe prayers assisted with this (If anyone prayed).

 

[FishyPete]

I think, from the beginning of this thread, many have suggested that the OP see a priest.
At issue is the marital relationship, culminating in the suggestion of a vasectomy as an “answer”.

I’m obviously not a priest either, but I can tell you, a vasectomy is never the answer.
I am 100% positive that any priest will same the same thing.
Counseling, prayer, and likely, temporary abstinence is what will be offered in terms of advice. With the mention of Pope Francis, I begin to think this is a “scenario” thread. A thread made to make a point.

I really don’t want to hope that this is a real case, as it is tragic on so many levels.
But I do wonder now…

Posters don’t have to have the last word, but I fear the OP came here to hear what he wanted to hear. As presented, this is a dire situation in need of immediate attention, at the very least for this poor woman’s mental health. Marital health, perhaps spiritual direction. See the priest. Period. But that also means to heed what he will say.
He will not counsel or promote anything sinful. No need to worry about that. Has nothing to do with Pope Francis. Shepherds care for their flock.

At any rate, prayers offered for this couple.

I didn’t come hear to hear what I wanted to hear, and I am not presenting a scenario. I am real and so is my situation.

In any event last night was positive, and I plan to build on that positivity.

We agreed as a couple to pray every night for guidance, and agreed to not make this decision right now, and to get help when as the time progresses.

I mentioned Pope Francis because I felt I was dealt with like some kind of monster, or my wife was a monster.

I guess the internet was not the place for this question.

Maybe I was just reaching out for prayers. Maybe the Holy Spirit led me this way.

I don’t know…

 

[Wesrock]

I didn’t come hear to hear what I wanted to hear, and I am not presenting a scenario. I am real and so is my situation.

In any event last night was positive, and I plan to build on that positivity.

We agreed as a couple to pray every night for guidance, and agreed to not make this decision right now, and to get help when as the time progresses.

I mentioned Pope Francis because I felt I was dealt with like some kind of monster, or my wife was a monster.

I guess the internet was not the place for this question.

Maybe I was just reaching out for prayers. Maybe the Holy Spirit led me this way.

I don’t know…

May God bless your family, and may the light and love of Christ shine bright within it.

 

[FishyPete]

May God bless your family, and may the light and love of Christ shine bright within it.

Thank you! I appreciate that.